Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

[Jibralta]

That's ok!

 

The DNA test doesn't identify anyone who hasn't taken the test and made their results public.

 

I thought for sure that if I found anyone, it would be her. But she didn't show up as a match. Either she hasn't taken the test, or she made her results private.

[reinventmyself]

If it helps at all, my friend with the great outcome? She contacted the brother and it took him a year to tell his father.

He shared it with some siblings and it just marinated for some time before it all worked out. Dad had some health issues and they didn't think the timing was right.

 

I don't need to tell you how huge of a incident this can be. Just plant the seed and let it grow for a little bit.

[Jibralta]

Thanks :) :)

[Jibralta]

I found friendships easier in adulthood after I grasped that childhood days of auto-adopting 'best' friends who become our 'everything' are gone, or at best, rare. As kids we were blank slates and could homogenize well with almost anyone, while as adults we've solidified into our personalities and won't be everyone's cup of tea. So adults form different kinds and degrees and styles of friendship to meet different needs.

 

I think that's true, and that part of the struggle that I had with outgrowing people was that I didn't realize that was something that could happen. And when I started becoming less malleable and more set in my ways, I didn't know what was going on. I wanted things to stay the way that they always were, yet when I was in those situations I wasn't content. I remember this as almost a line in my psyche, and it's why I believe it when I hear that people don't fully mature until they're in their mid-to late 20s. For me, it was very uncomfortable at the time, but in the long run I traded anxiety for peace of mind.

 

Sure, it IS anxiety provoking to try to be liked, and the more unique we are or become, the more anxiety we may feel about trying to fit where we don't. This is where the story of the Ugly Duckling being a swan can teach us to relax into ourselves. Well, easier said than done--but it's pretty obvious what that fairy tale intended. I'd often refer to it in my own inner self talk to quell anxiety. "Oh, just embrace your inner swan and get over this..."

 

Life is tough when you're surrounded by ducklings, even while this is true for everyone. We just tend to single ourselves out when we struggle, and lumping everyone else together as being part of the same flock doesn't help, either.

 

I meant to post a response to this exchange, but forgot. The conversation has since moved on, and rather than detract from it, I'll just post my response here. Because I think it's an important distinction.

 

Those friends were my friends for a long time, and they accepted me as I was. Something just changed and there was no going back. I think maybe we just calcified in different directions. Now that I have more perspective, I understand that my idea of friendship at that time was unrealistic. Even now, I couldn't say exactly what friendship is. I have different friendships with different people. They fade and grow stronger. There are some friendships that are like bright stars, even at a distance.

 

As for The Ugly Duckling, I love that story and I do very much embrace my Inner Swan!! :)

[Jibralta]

Last Wednesday, I ran into my boss in the hallway at work. He told me that he put in for my raise and was now just waiting. I didn't ask if he put in for the whole amount I am asking for. I just thanked him.

 

Yesterday, he told me that he put in for my change in title (which I also asked for). He put in for a level higher than what I asked. That's good.

 

Today, he told me that he put in for the entire raise amount. He doesn't know if I'll get it, though. Still, it's nice to know that he was willing to ask. Makes me feel good about asking for more if I move on!!

 

Of course, he could just be totally lying to me!! I don't think so, though. I've worked for him for four years. He's not a bullsh*tter. He also enjoys negotiation, so hopefully he'll push a little for me.

[Jibralta]

I emailed a possible first cousin from the Ancestry site. I think she is from my bio-mom's site of the family. I assumed she was related to my bio-dad's side. But I looked at her profile yesterday and realized bio-dad and bio-sibs are not among our common relatives. So, we'll see if she responds. Her name looks friendly.

 

There are literally thousands of people that I am related to on that site. Some are matched to me with extremely high confidence, others with lesser and lesser confidence levels.

 

The ancestry DNA test is pretty vague in terms of nationality. It basically just gives you an average within a range for each ethnicity. For example, it says that I am 44% British, but my range is 11%-77%. So I could be 11% British or 77% British, or anything in between. Not exactly a finely tuned instrument.

 

Another thing, it says I am 8% Irish and 8% Iberian Peninsula (Spain, Portugal). Somehow, I've heard of an Irish-Iberian connection in history, so I googled it. I read in a couple places that Irish and Iberian DNA is closely related. So that makes me wonder if I could actually be 16% of one or the other. Meaning instead of ancestors from both Spain and Ireland, maybe my ancestors came from only Spain or only Ireland.

 

The Ancestry DNA thing is interesting, but really not very informative. I am going to take the 23andMe test, next. It's supposed to be a lot more detailed. Like, it will give me a genetic health risk report, wellness reports, and trait reports. For example, it will tell me if I carry the unibrow gene. I don't think I carry the unibrow gene because you can hardly see the hair on my arms and legs. But there may have been a hairy one back there in my gene pool.

 

I'm just sending my DNA all over the place.

[Jibralta]

My boyfriend got mad at me and went to sleep.

 

Sometimes when he gets upset about something, he says extreme things. Like today, he was angry about something at work and said, "I'm just going to quit my job."

 

Most of the time, I let this stuff roll off my back because it's just his way of venting. But this one issue at work keeps coming up again and again and it's actually pissing me off for both of us.

 

PLUS, I don't like hearing things like "I'm going to quit my job." I get that you're stressed out, but do you have to jump off a cliff? It really puts me on edge when he says things like that, because if he quits his job over something stupid like what happened at work, I have to reassess this relationship.

 

I'm committed to him. I don't want to uncommit myself. But I don't want to be chained to a dead weight that quits his job over nothing, either. The kamikaze thing really stresses me out. Stop threatening my happy home over this sh*t and solve the problem.

 

So now I feel bad, and so does he. He must have been tired, though because he went to sleep at like 630. Maybe he was so on-edge because he was tired.

[dias]

I emailed a possible first cousin from the Ancestry site. I think she is from my bio-mom's site of the family. I assumed she was related to my bio-dad's side. But I looked at her profile yesterday and realized bio-dad and bio-sibs are not among our common relatives. So, we'll see if she responds. Her name looks friendly.

 

There are literally thousands of people that I am related to on that site. Some are matched to me with extremely high confidence, others with lesser and lesser confidence levels.

 

The ancestry DNA test is pretty vague in terms of nationality. It basically just gives you an average within a range for each ethnicity. For example, it says that I am 44% British, but my range is 11%-77%. So I could be 11% British or 77% British, or anything in between. Not exactly a finely tuned instrument.

 

Another thing, it says I am 8% Irish and 8% Iberian Peninsula (Spain, Portugal). Somehow, I've heard of an Irish-Iberian connection in history, so I googled it. I read in a couple places that Irish and Iberian DNA is closely related. So that makes me wonder if I could actually be 16% of one or the other. Meaning instead of ancestors from both Spain and Ireland, maybe my ancestors came from only Spain or only Ireland.

 

The Ancestry DNA thing is interesting, but really not very informative. I am going to take the 23andMe test, next. It's supposed to be a lot more detailed. Like, it will give me a genetic health risk report, wellness reports, and trait reports. For example, it will tell me if I carry the unibrow gene. I don't think I carry the unibrow gene because you can hardly see the hair on my arms and legs. But there may have been a hairy one back there in my gene pool.

 

I'm just sending my DNA all over the place.

Have you ever heard the term "Black Irish". It refers to the Irish who have dark hair. Pierce Brosnan is an example. It is believed that they are descendants of the mix between Irish and Spanish who settled in Ireland in the 15th and 16th century.

 

https://www.irishcentral.com/roots/history/who-were-the-black-irish-92376439-237784721

 

This theory hasn't been proved though.

[Jibralta]

Thanks for the link. I've heard about Black Irish, and saw some of the same information in my recent searches. There are a lot of theories about Black Irish. Some theories involve a shipwreck of a Spanish ship, some involve Spanish settlers, some involve Norse settlers, and some involve only famine and disease.

 

A boyfriend of mine, actually one of the most significant relationships I've been involved in, had the coloring that you describe: black hair and blue eyes. He might be termed "Black Irish" by some. I don't have black hair though. I was born with fine, blonde hair and very dark eyes. As I got older, my hair got darker, but it still has the same fine, blonde texture.

[Jibralta]

When I was in graduate school, I stayed with friends who lived pretty close to the school. They were really awesome to me, and I was always careful to be a good house guest.

 

The curriculum was very demanding, and I usually came home in the middle of the night, slept a couple of hours, and then drove back into school. On one such late night, I returned to their house, starving. I knew that my friend's wife had cooked a meatloaf and I was really looking forward to a nice slice. When I opened the refrigerator door, the plate of meatloaf came flying out. The plate hit the floor and shattered. The meatloaf hit the floor, too. It was a whole meatloaf; they hadn't even cut into it yet. I was devastated.

 

I didn't want to throw a whole meatloaf in the garbage. First, it seemed like a huge waste. Second, I was ravenous! Third, I felt like I should at least give my friends the option of eating it. A note explaining how the meatloaf hit the floor, and apologizing for the broken plate would suffice. If they wanted to throw the meatloaf out, let them. I was eating a piece of it.

 

I picked up the meatloaf. It had little pieces of broken plate stuck to it. I picked out the pieces of ceramic and ran the meatloaf under water, scrubbing the surface lightly to remove any dirt. After drying the meatloaf with a paper towel, I put it on a fresh plate. I cut a slice for myself, and shoved the remaining meatloaf back into the packed refrigerator. I cleaned up the broken plate from the floor, and then turned my attention to my slice of meatloaf.

 

After I ate my slice of meatloaf, I had a pang of concern over the remaining meatloaf in the refrigerator. Had I placed it well enough so that it would not shoot out again when someone opened the door? There was a ton of stuff in that refrigerator, potentially bearing on the meatloaf. What if my friends opened the refrigerator and the plate fell out again? I didn't want that to happen. So, I opened the door to check the stability of the meatloaf placement.

 

Once again, the plate of meatloaf launched from the refrigerator and shattered on the floor. Once again, I picked up the meatloaf, removed the shards of ceramic from it, scrubbed it under the sink, and dried it with another paper towel. I placed the meatloaf on a third plate and put it back in the fridge. I cleaned the broken plate off of the floor. I opened the door to check the stability of the meatloaf placement, and the meatloaf shot out AGAIN, plate shattering on the floor. Again.

 

For the third time, I picked up the meatloaf, removed the shards of ceramic from it, scrubbed it under the sink, and dried it. I placed the meatloaf on a fourth plate and put it back in the fridge. I cleaned up the third broken plate from the floor. Then I went to bed without checking the stability of the meatloaf in the fridge. Eff a bunch of people who can't clean out their refrigerator! lol.

 

So, a couple of days later, a friend of mine and studio-mate was attempting to build a shelf for his desk. As soon as he got all of his stuff on the shelf, it collapsed with a huge crash. I saw/heard the whole thing go down, and I laughed. The way it happened was really funny. I don't know if he felt the same way at first, but then I told him about the incident with the meatloaf and we both died laughing. Not long after that, the two of us and a third friend went to a Subway for lunch. We told our third friend the stories about the meatloaf and the shelf, and pretty soon the three of us were hysterically laughing at our table. I've never laughed so hard in my life. The three of us were totally decimated by laughter. We just fell apart. It was great.

 

That's one of my favorite memories.

[Jibralta]

When I get mad, I shake. I forgot about that.

 

Today, I got really mad at a meeting. Just prior to this meeting, I discovered that we were thrown under the bus by the project owner (the company that we represent on this project!!) and the general contractor. I expected it from the GC, because that's what they do. To be honest, I even expected it from the owner's project manager because he almost can't help it. But I became furious when the owner's project manager disclaimed all knowledge of something that I knew he had knowledge of.

 

I didn't explode in a rage or anything. Far from it. But my hands started to shake furiously, so badly that I actually found it difficult to type. To make matters worse, the owner of the contracting company came in right after this happened and took the seat next to me. So I had to rest my hands on my laptop to minimize the shaking. But he probably saw.

 

After about 45 min to an hour, my shaking had all but ceased. But boy, what an inconvenient tell!

[Jibralta]

A couple of weeks ago, a guy at work asked me to go to lunch for some career advice.

 

Did that make sense?

 

He wanted career advice, and he asked me to provide it. He's young, just a year or two out of college. Nice, idealistic sort of guy. For the purposes of this story, I'm going to call him Mike. When Mike first started working for our company, his seat was next to mine and we talked. He knew a little of my back story, how I'd switched careers, etc.

 

Eventually, Mike moved his seat. But when he started to have questions about his own career, he remembered that I'd had some career adventures and thought I might be a good resource. So, he sent me the message about lunch. I responded, "Sure, I'm around the rest of the week." But he never got back to me that week, and before I knew it, a couple more weeks passed without any mention of Mike's career. During this time, I wondered what was going on, if he'd resolved his issue, etc. But I never got around to asking.

 

This morning, I was walking into the building with my boss, and we met up with Mike. Instead of joining us, Mike walked ahead of us. That made me wonder if everything was ok with him. So, later in the day, I went to his desk and said, "hey, you sent me a message a couple weeks ago about career advice..." He smiled and nodded and said, "Yeah, I ended up talking with Boss 1 and Boss 2, and I told them what was going on. They helped me work it out." I walked back to my desk feeling mostly reassured that everything was ok with him. Regardless, I'm glad I followed up. It was actually weighing on me a little.

[Jibralta]

My boyfriend's mom gave us an amaryllis bulb for Christmas. It came with a glass vase and some stones to place on the bottom. We filled the vase with an inch of water, and placed the bulb on top of the stones so that a couple of the roots were just dipping it to the water. After about a week, one of the shoots started to grow. It shot up 32" in 21 days and now has four beautiful flowers blooming. I was thinking of naming it Audrey II, but for some reason the name Otis keeps coming to mind.

[Jibralta]

I don't like writing about this because it makes me SO MAD. But it's on my mind, so here goes.

 

The IT department at my job SUCKS. They're HORRIBLE. They can't troubleshoot a problem worth a damn. I got a new computer last year, and one of the programs that they transferred didn't work. The IT guy said, "You have to buy another license." I was like, "I already have a license, why would I pay for another one?" I actually had to instruct this guy to use the license from my old computer.

 

There are like, infinity examples of this nonsense. It would be funny if it wasn't my life.

 

A little over a year ago, the company got all new printers. They were going to use this new accounting software to monitor everyone's printing. The system never worked, and people were having all sorts of problems with the new printers, which are sh*t. The IT manager for our office was completely useless. Rather than handle the situation himself, he thought that each individual person in the office should contact the printer company with their complaint. Thanks for nothing, dude. Yeah, he still works there, too.

 

I've had zillions of printing problems since they installed the new machines and have endured countless IT disappointments as they consistently fail to effectively address the issues. One problem that I've been having is that some of the images in large documents don't print for me. It happens with different printers, and different images fail to print each time. I am not the only person who has this issue. I have been caught in the following cycle of stupidity for about a year:

 

IT: So, you're having trouble printing?

Me: Yes.

IT: What is the problem?

Me: Some of the images in large documents don't print for me.

IT: Have you tried printing to different printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Does the problem happen with other printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is it always the same images?

Me: No.

IT: Can you print the document to two different printers, just as a test.

Me: Fine.

>

Me: Both printers failed to print images. Different images failed to print for each printer.

IT: Have you reinstalled the drivers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is anyone else having this issue?

Me: Yes.

IT: Ok. Let me look into this and get back to you.

>

IT: Hi. Are you still having trouble printing?

Me: Yes.

IT: Have you tried printing to different printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Does the problem happen with other printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is it always the same images?

Me: No.

IT: Can you print the document to two different printers, just as a test.

Me: Fine.

>

Me: Both printers failed to print images. Different images failed to print for each printer.

IT: Have you reinstalled the drivers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is anyone else having this issue?

Me: Yes.

IT: Ok. Let me look into this and get back to you.

>

IT: Hi. Are you still having trouble printing?

Me: Yes.

IT: Have you tried printing to different printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Does the problem happen with other printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is it always the same images?

Me: No.

IT: Can you print the document to two different printers, just as a test.

Me: Fine.

>

Me: Both printers failed to print images. Different images failed to print for each printer.

IT: Have you reinstalled the drivers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is anyone else having this issue?

Me: Yes.

IT: Ok. Let me look into this and get back to you.

>

IT: Hi. Are you still having trouble printing?

Me: Yes.

IT: Have you tried printing to different printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Does the problem happen with other printers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is it always the same images?

Me: No.

IT: Can you print the document to two different printers, just as a test.

Me: Fine.

>

Me: Both printers failed to print images. Different images failed to print for each printer.

IT: Have you reinstalled the drivers?

Me: Yes.

IT: Is anyone else having this issue?

Me: Yes.

IT: Ok. Let me look into this and get back to you....

 

It's horrible. They do nothing and think the problem is going to disappear.

[reinventmyself]

OMG. Winner!

I thought our IT department was bad.

 

What makes it frustrating for me because seeing I am in operations, there is a lot of crossover with our IT department.

I've lost count how many times a project goes off the rails because they bumble something or just plain don't do it.

 

In turn I am not able to do my job and I often look like an idiot.

 

I have long since given up with the `team' mentality. Now I just point fingers :) and distance myself from them as much as

I can so others can see where exactly the failure happened. At some point I just got tired of taking the hits.

[Jibralta]

In turn I am not able to do my job and I often look like an idiot.

 

Yep. Same here. My company sucks. I used to try to downplay it, but now I just freely tell anyone who will listen.

 

Still haven't heard back about my raise since the second time my boss updated me. It doesn't look like I posted about that. It was about 2 weeks ago, and he just told me who he sent the request to, and that he put in for the whole amount that I asked for. Whether I get it is another story. I've kind of been avoiding talking to him about it since then. I'm scared.

[SherrySher]

Grrrr, hope you hear soon. I am still crossing my fingers for you. It's hard to do stuff with crossed fingers all day long. ;)

[Jibralta]

Today was a snowy day.

 

It started during the morning commute. By the time I got close to my office, the snow was falling in big, thick flakes and a thin layer was forming over everything. As I was making one of the last turns, I noticed a man on a side street struggling with a giant unicycle.

 

Yes, a giant unicycle.

 

The wheel had to be four feet tall. He was trying to mount the unicycle and it was rolling away the way a coin rolls around. He'd just got up to the seat when the wheel started to turn inward and teeter over. He sprung from the unicycle and ran a few steps to regain his balance while the unicycle rotated its way to the ground.

 

And then he was out of view. I thought, "Now that's an @sshole."

 

Seriously, you break out your unicycle on the snowiest day of the year? It's fine if you want to commit suicide, but do you have to make someone else into a killer?

[Jibralta]

Grrrr, hope you hear soon. I am still crossing my fingers for you. It's hard to do stuff with crossed fingers all day long. ;)

 

:) :) Thank you :)))

[SherrySher]

And then he was out of view. I thought, "Now that's an @sshole."

 

Hahahaha,,,god that made me laugh right out loud. Thanks for that, much needed! :)

[Jibralta]

PS. From the picture you posted my guess about the 28% Western European is that it's either German or Dutch. You don't seem like French!

 

I just saw this now!

 

A guy that I work with thought that I was probably German. He is from Romania. I really wouldn't know a German person from a Dutch person or a French person, to be honest.

[dias]

I just saw this now!

 

A guy that I work with thought that I was probably German. He is from Romania. I really wouldn't know a German person from a Dutch person or a French person, to be honest.

:) Yeah, somebody has to meet a lot of people from many nations to be able to recognize them. Sometimes you can't. Sometimes I can't recognize if someone is Spanish or Italian or Greek.

 

German and Dutch can look the same because they are both germanic races. Speaking as an outsider always, in terms of appearance Dutch are much taller, have wider shoulders, more blonde, and their skin color is similar to the Scandinavians' skin color. You will find many Dutch in Sweden. Germans are not that tall, a bit more pale, and have more "petit" build-compared to Dutch. These are generalizations since the features of German people vary. I assume, like in every nation, that Germans of the North have some differences from the Germans in the South etc etc.

 

In my opinion, Dutch and Danish girls (talking about the mean of the population here) are the barbie prototype.

 

In terms of culture and way of thinking they differ a bit of course but here you need an insider to tell you the disparities haha. But they are both very family oriented nations which is something I like.

 

French, well, French are another category hahaha. I have only met Swiss-French so I can't tell you much.

 

One reason I said German or Dutch is because of your personality-way of thinking (based on what you have written here of course) and your skin color. Every nation has some certain way of thinking/doing things and I recognized some of these traits in you. It's always guessing nonetheless.

[Jibralta]

I agree. Certain nationalities have a very distinct way of thinking. German stands out to me in particular because of their engineering. But Scandinavian people have a very concise, pragmatic disposition as well.

 

Most Russian people that I know are terribly pushy and I love locking horns with them. Love it. So, I used to wonder if I was Russian. But now I know that I'm definitely not Russian. Maybe it's the Irish in me. My boss is Irish and he used to fight every day after school. He and his friend would walk to a corner, drop their book bags, and start swinging. I did the same thing!! I fought in school, in recess. After school, in my neighborhood. Just sparring. I loved it.

 

My mom and my sister are like peas in a pod when it comes to thoughts and opinions, and I am usually sitting there like, "How the hell did you come up with that?" An excellent example of this different mindset happened on this board. There was a situation where a bride-to-be gave a friend the option of bringing a guest. None of the other single guests would be permitted to bring someone. I thought this was a nice gesture on the part of the bride, but others thought the bride was being thoughtless and rude. My mom and my sister would have definitely thought it was thoughtless and rude. They very are tuned into certain social conventions that I view as pointless, and you wouldn't believe how much stress it has caused me with these two! They think the rest of the world thinks exactly like they do.

[dias]

I agree. Certain nationalities have a very distinct way of thinking. German stands out to me in particular because of their engineering. But Scandinavian people have a very concise, pragmatic disposition as well.

 

Most Russian people that I know are terribly pushy and I love locking horns with them. Love it. So, I used to wonder if I was Russian. But now I know that I'm definitely not Russian. Maybe it's the Irish in me. My boss is Irish and he used to fight every day after school. He and his friend would walk to a corner, drop their book bags, and start swinging. I did the same thing!! I fought in school, in recess. After school, in my neighborhood. Just sparring. I loved it.

 

Tough girl :)

[thealchemist]

I'm eastern European predominately. Very Slavic.

 

My entire family and extended are extremely aggressive and violent. It is rooted in something genetic for us. I can simply tell by how they all interact.

 

I am a lot different in my aggression that them. They are all hot iron whereas I am the only one in my family that is cold iron.

 

But my family events as a child consisted of all the boys in my generation being told to go outside and beat the ever living sh*t out of each other.

 

Me being the youngest in the generation with my oldest male cousin being 8 years my senior.

 

My dad apparently was a tough kid (he was also the youngest) and they tried to get my "aggression" harnessed.