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Hi everyone,

I'm new here but I'd like to have some helpful insight from other perspective.

The guy is my potential love interest. We have known each other since December. We've recently started keeping in touch on more regular basis. At first, he was very reserved and private but when the time went by he started showing me different sides of his character (not all the polite and proper like to a colleague). We started chatting through Facebook and different apps. At first it was my who initiated the contacts when I needed some information or help from him. We haven't seen each other for a while (we live close by but in different towns). Surprisingly, he started to initiate some conversations and chit chats. But what we talk about are his future plans( he asks me for advice) what he would like to change in himself (personality) or that there is a thin line that he is too much under pressure and he needs mental support. My friends are saying he is into me but well I am not so sure. He's not invited me to hang out or join him in his activities. I have an impression that he is using me/ writing to me only when he is stressed or needs support and I am kinda of buoy in stressful situation and I should make myself stop from liking him further. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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I think that until he asks you for a date you shouldn't assume that he's interest. I think at this time he sees you as a friend who is friendly enough but distanced enough for him to vent about his problems.

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I too think you might be this buoy of which you imagine, but you never know. Do you have much face to face communication, or is it simply online? You could always ask if he wants to grab a face to face coffee/drink/go for a walk and see how chemistry is. He may not have many social skills, so he might be hoping to connect via your helping him or listening to him.

 

Ask him and see.

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After four months of knowing someone, and already having met up a time or two, if he was really into you, he would be setting up dates with you at least once or twice a week. In the past, when I really liked a guy and he seemed interested but wouldn't ask me out, I made the effort. It never once panned out. I figured out that he liked the ego boost of interacting with me because he knew I had a crush on him, but he just wasn't that into me.

 

If it's a bf you want, pour more emotional and physical energy into that goal, and less on a dead end. Expand on the places you meet guys. Join meetups.com. Join a co-ed sports team or a go to a gym. Do volunteer work where men are in the majority. Good luck.

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He's a coworker so don't get involved in his personal life or be a therapist outside of work. Distance yourself from these conversations and end it with..we'll talk at work, etc.

 

Don't date coworkers or view them as 'potential love interests'. The workplace is not a singles bar. All his communication seems friendly and a bit clingy/needy/neurotic but not romantic, flirty or interested in any way.

 

Get on some dating apps with a nice profile and recent pics and start talking to single, available men who you don't work with.

a colleague. we talk about are his future plans what he would like to change in himself (personality) or that there is a thin line that he is too much under pressure and he needs mental support.
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Yep, you're his buoy in the friend zone. If he's not asking you out on dates and shows no interest in doing so, then he is not relationship material and likely never will be. And he has no interest in you romantically. And being thought of with "affection" as in friendship, does not generate "attraction," which is a very different thing.

Start limiting your time and conversations with him and focus on finding men who will ask you out on dates, real ones, and not just want a chat buddy. You're the virtual reality therapist/pen pal he doesn't have to do anything to get.

 

The next time he contacts you try talking about yourself and your own interests instead of just listening to his. Do that a time or two and I'm betting he'll pull away, since it sounds like it's all about him and he likely just wants an audience. At best this is a friendship, but it sounds like kind of a one-sided one. Contacting you a bunch does not signal interest, it signals he's lonely and wants someone to talk to about himself and his issues.

 

Plus coworkers are a disaster waiting to happen in terms of romantic interest. I did it twice and got seriously burned both times. Don't do it if you want to keep your job and not have to watch him hook up with other people under your nose all dang day where you cannot just never see him again if things go south. Also stop confiding in him if you don't want the entire office to know your business, because that can come back to bite you in the you know what.

 

Work should be work, and not bleed into your personal life either through dating or friendships.

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It's easy to get sucked in by people like that, who are sort of emotional vampires. They are very charming, it's very flattering when you feel they trust you enough to want to voice their problems to you. But if that's all they ever want from you, then yeah it's a problem. And they will drain you dry then turn on you faster than your worst enemy sometimes.

 

I know, because I used to be the worst at attracting this type of person and it took some time to draw boundaries and stop playing audience member/therapist without pay. So not to beat yourself up over it, but just recognize there's a difference between even a friendship that is give and take, and getting maneuvered into a position where it's always about them, but they won't even hang out with you. It's something most of us learn through life experience. It's cool to talk with your coworkers about the ball game or weather, but listening to them cry about their personal life? Nope, not even.

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