Do or Don't

[sarstan]

My husband and I, after 2 short years of marriage, separated. We never divorced.

 

We had our ups and downs, just like anyone else. He has a drinking a problem that i was well aware of when we married.

Things were going well. They weren't perfect, but we were making it.

Then, after days of not speaking to each other, i found out he was trying out online dating sites. Talking to multiple women. Now, for days before I found this out, I almost knew that a separation was inevitable. I wasn't happy. He wasn't happy. He was drinking non stop at this point. So, we agreed that it was better that I leave.

I moved in with my parents.

 

This is where it gets a little confusing.

Although we were separated, we still occasionally saw each other. We went out to eat, we slept together and we talked on and off but remained separated. Here it is, a year and 4 months later, we are contemplating working things out.

BUT. I have met this new gentleman. Who, just like my husband, has his imperfections. He is amazing to me. Showers me with love and affection, something my husband failed to do in the 5 years i've known him.

 

I know this sounds shallow of me. Self absorbed, even. I'm well aware. But, I am so confused. I don't know what decision to make. I know that I love a part of my husband. Regardless to how much I USED to love him, let's face it, a lot of things were said and done that changed the way we both felt about each other. He says he is now willing to change and he has seen the damage he's done. He's sorry for everything.

On the other hand, I have this gentleman that i've grown attached to, as well as him for me.

 

Any suggestions?

[j.man]

The issue here is you've divorced him in every way except where it matters. Get it finalized and be done with it.

[happyfrank]

Once you finally get over ex. I'm sure the new guy will not be happy if you told him you were still hooking up with ex husband.

 

Give yourself sometime and start dating again.

 

Pick neither.

[Wiseman2]

Get divorced. You've been there done that and can't fix or change the drinking or womanizing. Hopefully your new guy doesn't have addictions.

[RainyCoast]

take a break and enjoy your own company for a while.

[Lester]

"...we slept together..."

- It's either you are working on it, or you're not.

 

Close intimacy without actions steps to reconcile or divorce (acknowledge), will confuse you even more.

Stop avoiding the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room.

 

PS, It is what it is. But that's okay!

[SooSad33]

I am so confused

- Exactly....so, with knowing this.. do YOU think it's a good idea to go gettin involved... again??

 

How about backing off the EX, with whom you admitted " never made you happy"... and deal with YOU for a while?

 

Work on accepting your marriage is over.. work on healing from that experience... Get yourself Better.

 

And STOP messing around with your Ex's emotions... not right to continue to 'use each other' this way... respectfully back off.. and let him go now. Dont drag this on any longer.

In 5 years of feeling unloved/appreciated.. it takes until NOW to have the guy be 'willing to change'? Whatever...

 

As for the new one? I have a good feeling, he'd be a 'rebound' for you. Which won't last, as you aren't mentally or emotionally 'ready' to move on whole heartedly at this time.

 

Always, think of YOU first... or you're going to continue to get messed up.

[Snny]

You should not be seeing or dating any guy until your divorce is finalized. You know better and are not being fair to both men here.

[HeartGoesOn]

Does this new guy know that you're still married?

[sarstan]

Absolutely. He is completely aware of everything. As far as actual physically interacting with my ex, it's been over a half a year. I cut off ties of any physical interactions awhile ago.

This new guy has been married and has been through the same thing that I am going through. He has no problem telling me when he isn't unhappy with a situation.

[sarstan]

Thank you to everyone that has commented on this. I know I don't sound like a good person to some of you, but you guys have all remained respectful and I really appreciate it!