Husband is alcoholic

[Mandy143]

Hi I'm in need of advice badly. I feel so alone and so depress i have no one to talk to. I've been married to my husband for 3 year, we have a 2 year old son. Since we got married my husband decided we live with his parents for a year until we had enough money saved up to get a house of our own. My husband has a drinking problem and its getting only worse. He has no money saved up. He's been fired a few times from his job because he would be so hung over he kept missing work. He doesn't give me no money. Whatever he gets paid he spends on drinking. Basically living paycheque to paycheque. He doesn't have to pay his parents rent or buy groceries. The only thing he buys is his son diaper and formula. I tried talking to him about his drinking a few times but he says he says he not doing anything wrong. His parents even talked to him and offered to put him in rehab but he said he was going to change. Nothing has changed its just gotten worse. Our marriage is suffering very bad. He doesn't talk to me because i don't agree with what he's doing. I feel like I'm married to a stranger. He doesn't spend no time with his son, whatever free time he has, he's out drinking with his friends. This is usually 3 times a week. After work he goes and drink and doesn't come home until 6 in the morning, then he sleeps all day not going into work. A couple days ago my mother in law got into a argument with me because they don't like the tone i use when i discipline my son. They feel that he's still a baby and doesn't need discipline. For example she lets him play with the fridge, microwave, light switches and when he doesn't get his way he throws a tantram because she allows him to do these things. So i told her to leave him to cry he cannot get his way all the time. She went behind my back and did the same thing. When i went and ask her why she letting him do things he's not supposed to. She yelled at me and asked me if its a problem that she's playing with him how I don't want her spending time with her. I told her that is not true, I'm trying to discipline my son and you keep letting him get his way every time. My father in law heard and he came and start yelling at me. Telling me he doesn't like the tone i use when I'm disciplining my son. He is still a baby, he doesn't understand. My son is two by the way and starts school next year. He doesn't go to a babysitter where he gets discipline there. I don't work because I'm home taking care of him. I don't spank him or am i aggressive with him. When he does something wrong i just raise my voice and tell him no and i explain to him he shouldn't be doing what he's doing. Now I feel so confused and frustrated because my in laws thinks its appropriate to tell me how i should discipline my son. While all of this is happening there son is sleeping upstairs hung over from drinking all night. I am not happy at all in this marriage. My husband has no future or nothing to offer me or my son. And now my in laws wants to tell me what to do. There is so much tension in this house, I am so depressed, my husband doesn't take me anywhere, sometimes I'm home for 3 month without even leaving the house. I don't drive so i always have to depend on someone to take me to the store. A part of me wants to leave this marriage because it is not going anywhere. I don't hardly have money or anywhere to go. I only have a uncle living 30 minutes away. My mother in law keeps telling me he’s going to change one day don't worry because my father in law used to do the same thing. I feel like I'm going crazy i don't know what to do. Is it best to leave him or should I stay for the sake of my son.

[Wiseman2]

Move back home to any family you have. Get out of there and file for a divorce. Then apply for social services. Food stamps medical care for you and your child and help with housing, child care and employment. Your son is in a horrible environment and you need to protect yourself and your son from alcoholism and the chaotic depressing environment that it causes.

[Capricorn3]

Move back home to any family you have. Get out of there and file for a divorce. Then apply for social services. Food stamps medical care for you and your child and help with housing, child care and employment. Your son is in a horrible environment and you need to protect yourself and your son from alcoholism and the chaotic depressing environment that it causes.

 

I second this post in its entirety. Nothing else to add.

[nutbrownhare]

Agreed with the other two posters; you may also find this forum helpful: [url="

[Annia]

Is it best to leave him or should I stay for the sake of my son.

 

For the sake of your son you should leave and follow the above posters' advice.

[melancholy123]

I agree, you need to get yourself and your child out of there. Dont make excuses for any of the negative behaviour going on in that house. Alcoholics make terrible husbands and fathers, your husband is no different.

 

I would not be surprised if the local children's aid would say it's child abuse for a kid to live in such a poor environment.

[Hollyj]

Get out of this crazy house!!!! This is not a safe environment, for your baby or you!

 

Your husband is a bum, and things will only get worse! Leave and file for divorce!!!!!!

[catfeeder]

Step 1: move to somewhere safe.

Step 2: meet with a lawyer or legal aid.

Step 3: attend AlaNon meetings as you consider the advice from your lawyer and make good choices for moving yourself FORward.

[simplyskin44]

Hi I'm in need of advice badly. I feel so alone and so depress i have no one to talk to. I've been married to my husband for 3 year, we have a 2 year old son. Since we got married my husband decided we live with his parents for a year until we had enough money saved up to get a house of our own. My husband has a drinking problem and its getting only worse. He has no money saved up. He's been fired a few times from his job because he would be so hung over he kept missing work. He doesn't give me no money. Whatever he gets paid he spends on drinking. Basically living paycheque to paycheque. He doesn't have to pay his parents rent or buy groceries. The only thing he buys is his son diaper and formula. I tried talking to him about his drinking a few times but he says he says he not doing anything wrong. His parents even talked to him and offered to put him in rehab but he said he was going to change. Nothing has changed its just gotten worse. Our marriage is suffering very bad. He doesn't talk to me because i don't agree with what he's doing. I feel like I'm married to a stranger. He doesn't spend no time with his son, whatever free time he has, he's out drinking with his friends. This is usually 3 times a week. After work he goes and drink and doesn't come home until 6 in the morning, then he sleeps all day not going into work. A couple days ago my mother in law got into a argument with me because they don't like the tone i use when i discipline my son. They feel that he's still a baby and doesn't need discipline. For example she lets him play with the fridge, microwave, light switches and when he doesn't get his way he throws a tantram because she allows him to do these things. So i told her to leave him to cry he cannot get his way all the time. She went behind my back and did the same thing. When i went and ask her why she letting him do things he's not supposed to. She yelled at me and asked me if its a problem that she's playing with him how I don't want her spending time with her. I told her that is not true, I'm trying to discipline my son and you keep letting him get his way every time. My father in law heard and he came and start yelling at me. Telling me he doesn't like the tone i use when I'm disciplining my son. He is still a baby, he doesn't understand. My son is two by the way and starts school next year. He doesn't go to a babysitter where he gets discipline there. I don't work because I'm home taking care of him. I don't spank him or am i aggressive with him. When he does something wrong i just raise my voice and tell him no and i explain to him he shouldn't be doing what he's doing. Now I feel so confused and frustrated because my in laws thinks its appropriate to tell me how i should discipline my son. While all of this is happening there son is sleeping upstairs hung over from drinking all night. I am not happy at all in this marriage. My husband has no future or nothing to offer me or my son. And now my in laws wants to tell me what to do. There is so much tension in this house, I am so depressed, my husband doesn't take me anywhere, sometimes I'm home for 3 month without even leaving the house. I don't drive so i always have to depend on someone to take me to the store. A part of me wants to leave this marriage because it is not going anywhere. I don't hardly have money or anywhere to go. I only have a uncle living 30 minutes away. My mother in law keeps telling me he’s going to change one day don't worry because my father in law used to do the same thing. I feel like I'm going crazy i don't know what to do. Is it best to leave him or should I stay for the sake of my son.

 

I am truly sorry for you and your situation.

I am going to give you some strong advice that you will probably not want to hear. I feel I can give you this advice because I am the mother of 4 children and the wife of a recovering (5 year sober alcoholic). Here it goes.

Your situation will not improve things are going to get much worse for you and eventually your son. Your desperation and depression will only increase with the time spent in this situation and your husbands increase in drinking. The fact that you are reaching out for help is a bright light follow it. First get a job so you will have sone money of your own. Any job just so you can get out of that house and gain some independence. Let your in laws watch the baby let them do what they want for now don't argue with them or your husband. Your goal is to save money quietly so you can have the ability mentally and financially to leave this situation if 1: you suddenly need to because your drunken husband turns physically abusive or 2: you finally get sick of being mentally abused and ignored. You cannot change your husband or your in laws . You are the only one who can change this situation and make it better for you and your baby. You can wait it out for the next 15-20 years and hope and pray or you can take action and restart your life. Don't waste your youth young lady you will not get it back. If I could live life over I would have left 20 years ago and not looked back

Good luck to you I truly hope this resonates with you and you make the right decision