Texting etiquette, I'm lost

[Coily]

Been a while since I've had a shot at dating. Still very early on, and well she likes to text good morning and good night, however texting is something which I don't do except under duress.

 

So here is my question, from my end what is too much and what is too little? I plan on telling her my limitations on texting, any good way to broach that?

 

Seems kind of silly, but this is something I've never dealt with before.

[Matt3939]

I guess as long as your still in contact some other way just tell her?

[j.man]

I've always been the one who texts less... way less. Very rarely has it been an issue. I'm a roll out of bed 15 minutes before I have to leave for work kinda guy, so if they text me good morning, they probably won't hear back from me until I'm off work. And even then, I keep my phone perpetually on silent, so I wouldn't be aware enough to respond timely even if I wanted to be. I've never really minded a simple text goodnight as I'm plugging it into the charger before bed. Basically, on a good day and with a woman I'm very interested in, I'll text 2 - 3 times at the most and like 5 words a pop. I don't think it's really worth discussing unless she brings it up, and just let them know you're not big into it.

 

Big thing is not sucking at showing you're interested with you're actually with them. If you're going to be the type who's quiet between dates, then you gotta make the dates count.

[justshine1]

I just dated a guy like this.

 

 

And I'm pretty sure things ended because of it. I am independent. I know I don't need a man for anything. And he's also independent. But he took it to a hole nother level.

 

I'm used to good morning and good nigh texts i like to talk to my person daily. And see them about 2x a week if possible. But what's even more important to me I've realized is phone calls. Being able to call and chat with my guy abut anything and everything. If I can't feel comfortable doing that without thinking I may be freaking him out or what not. Than it's not a good sign.

 

He was more so.....text you once a week to see if your alive...never have phone calls and hang out once a week maybe. Well that's what he was used to. With me he tried texting daily. But I could sense he wasn't much into that.

 

In the end our dating styles didn't work well together.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Better to stand your ground, clearly state your case, and risk losing someone, rather than complying to behaviour that will lead to resentment and frustration later.

 

The texts taper off after a few months anyway.

[Betterwithout]

You should definitely let her know you aren't much of a texter. Tell her you text very rarely, so "please don't be offended if I don't get back to you right away/for a while/ever".

Let her know you prefer a real conversation or real in person time instead.

[StrawberryCake]

It's definitely important.

Talk to her about it.

[Wiseman2]

2x a day isn't bad. Just tell her straight up "I'm not much of a texter".

well she likes to text good morning and good night. I plan on telling her my limitations on texting, any good way to broach that?

[justshine1]

Exactly.

 

Tell her when u meet her so she's not thinking your disinterested.

 

I assumed this of my guy because i had no idea he was like that until he said it a month into dating ....which made me wonder why he didn't state it from the beginning. He said with all other girls he would tell them how he was from the start and they would run from it. But with me he took a different approach because he wanted a chance. Hmm lol well it didn't work

[Coily]

Great! Thanks all, good to know I'm not completely a throw back.

[RainyCoast]

let us know how it goes coily, i hate texting with a passion and would feel clumsy if i had to explain it too.

[Liraele]

Also something to keep in mind: If you start out texting a lot (say, at her request) then dwindle off because it's not "you" - she'll read more into it than is probably warranted. As with anything, set realistic expectation from the beginning and you're pretty well set.

[Coily]

Well an impasse has been reached, texting is reduced but calls are off the table with no explanation. Emails are the got to at the moment, with my irregular travel schedule.

 

Thinking this may have to be the red flag swatting me in my face. She has mentioned a few times being cautious with people from a deep seated trust issue (implied being cheated on and then stalked from the context). BUT that isn't a good enough excuse for bad communication on communication styles in my opinion. Though I do intend to continue pursuing her for the time being, if for no other reason curiosity. (AKA I'm kinda dumb right now.)

[JaggerJim]

Well I'd forget the "Good Morning" texts, just cull that out straight away. I'm more of the "text when I feel like it" kind of guy.

 

Just text when you feel like it. She'll get the hint.

[RainyCoast]

she doesn't do calls? why?? wth??

 

oh. and that load of bull. i have trust issues i've been cheated on and now i'll transfer the punishment to you because you don't do "ily princess *insert emoticon*" texts and instead prefer to talk like an adult (which is so suspicious).

 

honestly ppl i don't know how you do this. i'm not eager to date again. reading about the stupid stuff on the dating scene...i think...i would just tell them all to beat it.

[Coily]

So "fun" update, well I find it amusing.

 

The texting reached a semi regular schedule, about 3 times a week of varying lengths of conversations. I finally pushed for a short 10 minute phone call last weekend, and she just went quiet. Haha!!! I am mildly mad at myself for letting things go this long, but honestly I was bored and liked the attention/ well perception of it. Luckily I wasn't all that invested in this situation, but still lesson learned.

[RainyCoast]

so, wait, are you no longer dating?

 

i'm not that surprised she went silent on the phone. texting seems like a filler to me ( when done all the time rather than "can you pick up milk" for example), and not essential communication. i do think the longer one accepts this as relationship communucation, the more time they're wasting. and ppl who seem to insist on it i suspect have a bunch of conscious or unconscious reasons to opt for a semblance of a relationship over an actual one.

 

what were the texts like? any substance? and the dates?

 

i don't think i would bother. 16 isn't the age i want to relive.

[Coily]

That would be correct as to the termination of this "relationship", unless she comes up with a break though in her communication style.

 

The sparse dates were fun and spontaneous, all four of them. I really enjoyed the time, but they seemed like a side stage to her. The texts could be rather full of information, I was hampered by the phone I have (I have an older phone for work needs, hard to do certain tests on smart phones).

 

Over all I would say she is really a nice and fun lady to be around, but I knew the communication styles were incompatible for anything long term.