Still work with my ex. Does my current girlfriend need to know that?

[Krankor]

Last year I dated a woman who I work with. I was 39 and she was 48 at the time. I thought we had a good relationship going but last June she basically flaked out on me and decided she wasn't "feeling it" anymore. I was very hurt and disappointed.

 

Since then I've slowly gotten over her and have now pretty much forgiven her. I won't say there's no residual bitterness, but she was always kind, helpful, and respectful to me while we were together. I doubt she intended to hurt me. She liked me, she was attracted to me, (we'd actually had a sexual fling 3 years prior that she initiated) but in the end just found that deeper connection was missing. Now when I'm around her I don't feel much of anything.

 

I met my current girlfriend late November of last year. She's 34 and things have been great so far.

 

Maybe a month ago for some stupid reason I mentioned how my previous girlfriend was 48. She seemed rather weirded out by it and afterward for a while would make joking comments about me with "old ladies." I'd thought she'd moved past it but yesterday I mentioned how my mattress was getting worn out and needed to be replaced and she made some comment about me wearing it out with "the 50-year-old." I posted about this before and the consensus seems to be that there's a little jealousy/insecurity about me having been with someone older.

 

What she doesn't know is that I still work with her, and I don't know if I should tell her.

 

I'm leaning toward just letting that sleeping dog lie. She has nothing to fear from this woman and I don't see the point in potentially making her feel insecure over nothing. However, I don't want to keep secrets from her and if she ever were to find out somehow I don't want her to think I was hiding something.

[Wiseman2]

When she does find out, expect it to hit the fan.

[Krankor]

When she does find out, expect it to hit the fan.

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm afraid of...

[Ms Darcy]

When she does find out, expect it to hit the fan.

 

Exactly what I thought too.

[RainyCoast]

omg that she can't stop herself from making these frustrated comments about the old lady still would worry me more at this point honestly. how does she not wear herself out.

 

as for does she need to know, no, she doesn't need to. if it were me i would have said it at the start simply because i just know that if to me working with her wasn't a big deal, i'd blurt it out later at some point without thinking. i would want to avoid looking like i was hiding something that isn't even there. and then if she gave me a hard time, like i suppose yours would, i'd tell her to take it or leave it. she's so frustrated it's annoying just to read.

 

seriously next time she brings up the betty white thing i'd just tell her she is the only one who isn't over her and she needs to choose whether she'll be spending all this emotional energy on me or an ex of mine. and that I didn't leave her in the past so that she can keep dragging her into the present. and that maybe she should date her. and that this is the last i've heard of it, period.

[angrythoughts]

You'd better tell her. If she finds out you're gonna be in big trouble.

[Krankor]

omg that she can't stop herself from making these frustrated comments about the old lady still would worry me more at this point honestly. how does she not wear herself out.

 

as for does she need to know, no, she doesn't need to. if it were me i would have said it at the start simply because i just know that if to me working with her wasn't a big deal, i'd blurt it out later at some point without thinking. i would want to avoid looking like i was hiding something that isn't even there. and then if she gave me a hard time, like i suppose yours would, i'd tell her to take it or leave it. she's so frustrated it's annoying just to read.

 

seriously next time she brings up the betty white thing i'd just tell her she is the only one who isn't over her and she needs to choose whether she'll be spending all this emotional energy on me or an ex of mine. and that I didn't leave her in the past so that she can keep dragging her into the present. and that maybe she should date her. and that this is the last i've heard of it, period.

RainyCoast, I should point out that those comments are always made in a teasing, flirting way. However it's hard to tell if it's just a fact she finds amusing so she uses it to banter with me or if there's some underlying insecurity behind her remarks.

[Dahl]

When she does find out, expect it to hit the fan.

 

Not only is Wiseman almost maddeningly always correct, in my experience, but he is dead fast in those consistently correct assessments - it's like posting alongside a quickdraw artist!

 

But yes, tell her or, you know.. Duck.

[phoebeava]

The longer you leave it to tell her, the worse it's going to be.

[boltnrun]

She keeps bringing it up because she's jealous and insecure. Something about the older lady makes her nervous. Maybe she believes you prefer older women and that you will eventually leave her for a senior citizen or something.

 

Yeah, you need to tell her. Because if she finds out from someone other than you, WW III will erupt. She'll want to know why you hid that from her.

[ChrisKelms]

Definitely tell her. Keeping secrets like that only festers and makes you less available. The isht may hit the fan but she'll likely come around -- and if she can't that's her issue and not you.