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Met this girl on OKCupid today and she turned me off after the 1st conversation

sd95

By sd95
in Dating Advice

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sd95 Explorer

sd95

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We chatted on the site and exchanged numbers and then talked on the phone for a hour. Then we ended the conversation because I was about to eat and then she calls back 4 hours later? She also sent two texts before she called back and I decided not to meet her face to face because she comes off as needy and it scares me

 

Has this happened to anyone else before meeting face to face? I thought everyone had someone type of hobby or life and didn't need to chat with someone 5 times a day.

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milly007 Mentor

milly007

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I'm scared to meet her lol

 

I think it's important to keep an open mind when it comes to online dating, and people shouldn't be too quick to judge and assume that someone isn't compatible without giving them a fair shake. However, keeping this in mind, we do have to listen to our gut.

 

If a guy did this to me, I doubt I'd be willing to meet up with him. In fact, I think I'd literally be too scared to meet this person face-to-face because I'd be questioning whether they understand boundaries.

 

I do feel bad for this girl though, mainly because it is too much too soon and she may not even have a clue. I hope she realizes this soon and someone steers her in the right direction.

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Sportster2005 Mentor

Sportster2005

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We chatted on the site and exchanged numbers and then talked on the phone for a hour. Then we ended the conversation because I was about to eat and then she calls back 4 hours later? She also sent two texts before she called back and I decided not to meet her face to face because she comes off as needy and it scares me

 

Has this happened to anyone else before meeting face to face? I thought everyone had someone type of hobby or life and didn't need to chat with someone 5 times a day.

 

She may be needy, but your characterization that she doesn't have a life is mean spirited. If you don't like her, don't talk to her. There's no need to hurl insults.

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Person1001 Collaborator

Person1001

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We chatted on the site and exchanged numbers and then talked on the phone for a hour. Then we ended the conversation because I was about to eat and then she calls back 4 hours later? She also sent two texts before she called back and I decided not to meet her face to face because she comes off as needy and it scares me

 

Has this happened to anyone else before meeting face to face? I thought everyone had someone type of hobby or life and didn't need to chat with someone 5 times a day.

 

If you feel hesitation, don't meet up w/her, this would turn me off as well. I met a guy on the bus and gave him my number. That weekend I had a test to study for and I made the situation clear to him that I would not be free that weekend to talk. He called and texted me. Against my better judgement I went on the date and he was a total creep, he wanted me to be his gf right away. She is obviously desperate, I would want to talk to the guy, but a phone call would have sufficed. Don't go on the date.

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sd95 Explorer

sd95

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She may be needy, but your characterization that she doesn't have a life is mean spirited. If you don't like her, don't talk to her. There's no need to hurl insults.

 

It wasn't really a insult I just thought everyone had some type of hobby or tv show they like when they are alone.

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Matt3939 Enthusiast

Matt3939

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OLD= (an avg guys view) send out 50 greetings to woman + someone responds + exchange a couple emails thru site + get number talk on phone + ask to meet up.

 

That's how it usually goes. I'd be a bit concerned if they started calling me before I met them after the first phone call. Unless it's over a week and for some reason couldn't get together.

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sd95 Explorer

sd95

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OLD= (an avg guys view) send out 50 greetings to woman + someone responds + exchange a couple emails thru site + get number talk on phone + ask to meet up.

 

That's how it usually goes. I'd be a bit concerned if they started calling me before I met them after the first phone call. Unless it's over a week and for some reason couldn't get together.

 

I wasn't ready to set up the date because she lives 40 mins away so that would take some planning on my part. I was probably going to get the train on a sunday morning since I was off next monday but I don't know about that now

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trojan Contributor

trojan

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Maybe she is just showing enthusiasm?

I only met one actual person on OKCupid so far. Im in my 50 and so was she. We met online (OKC) and then started messaging almost continually. I thought Ide met my soulmate. We sent each other messages like 3 or 4 times a day. We had online long conversations, sometimes chatting for an hour or more. I (we) thought Ide finally found the 'right' woman. This went on for a month. Our whole lives revolved around each other.

Then I flew down and met her. Within 15 miniuts we both realized this was a total bomb. We stayed in contact for like another 2 days. She still wanted to be Facebook friends, but I didnt see the point, and so unfriended her. I couldnt stand her anyway, not even for 15 miniuts. She had a very screechy voice on top of everything.

I dont know the point of this story, but that is what happened to me on OK cupid.

Other people have much different experiences, marriage, etc.

Like I said, maybe your friend is just showing enthusiasm.

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limichelle Mentor

limichelle

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She may not be realizing she is coming across this way. I think she is excited and is calling because she wants to talk and hear your voice. I don't think she should be blown off.

 

Also just because she called a lot more doesn't say she doesn't have other interests.

 

I think you are judging her to quick.

 

Lisa

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sd95 Explorer

sd95

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She may not be realizing she is coming across this way. I think she is excited and is calling because she wants to talk and hear your voice. I don't think she should be blown off.

 

Also just because she called a lot more doesn't say she doesn't have other interests.

 

I think you are judging her to quick.

 

Lisa

 

 

But the frightening thought i had was what if we had a nice 1st date? Then what would she be doing if she is acting like this after a nice phone conversation?

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trojan Contributor

trojan

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But the frightening thought i had was what if we had a nice 1st date? Then what would she be doing if she is acting like this after a nice phone conversation?

 

Yea, what if you do have a nice first date?

Thats what is supposed to happen.

just go and figure all of your 'what if's' afterward.

What if its actually a transvestite? What if she just got out of prison? You are worrying too much because she is getting in touch with you. worry less. Enjoy the ride.

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musicman777 Collaborator

musicman777

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So a girl gave you attention and showed interest so you want to head for the hills? I do agree; the frequency is a bit overwhelming in her calling and things. But did this really bother you that much?... One thing I am learning the hard way is not to make assumptions about people in the dating game, good or bad. Sure, this may sound like weird behavior, but maybe she's just really into you, or inexperienced. You'd be surprised how many people (especially women) are completely and utterly inexperienced in dating in general, even really great looking ones sometimes. They don't know boundaries/rules/etiquette to dating whatsoever.

 

I don't think it would have killed you to meet her for a cup of coffee or something. BUT... as others said, you gotta listen to your gut, too. There is a fine line between someone that's a charming but inexperienced girl and someone who is a clingy lunatic.

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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I don't get why so many people are saying "give it a chance". You're clearly extremely turned off...I don't see the point since you don't even seem "on the fence" about it and your gut is screaming. Maybe you don't want to be with someone who calls a lot and texts a lot. Hey, that's okay. Different strokes for different folks.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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I recently unmatched a guy I met on tinder who wrote to me three times in a row without waiting for my reply. The third time he wrote while I was in the middle of a phone interview which made the phone buzz. Now I know he couldn't have known that I was in an interview but I was so turned off I just unmatched with him.

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Lostinlove31 Contributor

Lostinlove31

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I met someone on Tinder and chatted. Exchanged numbers and she wouldn't stop texting me until 3am the next day. Matched on tinfer around 750am the day before. And she was calling me babe ans telling me how she was gping to change me.

 

Then it got to snap chat and she took so many pics of herself. It was creepy and annoying. I didn't bother meeting her either because i was like what's there to talk about and all. She seemed very clingy.

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