Is he a liar? Or am i wrong?

[Wiseman2]

You are wasting your life away with this guy. What is your course study? What career goals do you have?

i am not a fan of weed and it also makes my heart race and fast and scares me. I am really not a drug addict. I just gained a lot of weight cause i keep eating and laying in bed all day.

[RainyCoast]

I cannot believe that Germany would not have options.

premium healthcare.

also OP, sounds like the first therapist was as perplexed with how you understand things as we were. it takes many sessions to see progress. you can also get paranoid thoughts from pot that last for many weeks after you actually smoked.

[Hollyj]

 

 

/

 

Germany leads Europe in mental health. I don't know the system, but I cannot imagine there are not free programs available. I'm sure it is much better than The States.

[pippy longstocking]

6 pages .....how did I miss 6 pages .......* walks off , rolls marley

[Hollyj]

6 pages .....how did I miss 6 pages .......* walks off , rolls marley

 

Were you getting high?

[evad1]

I know thanks for the advice. Its easy to tell my story on here but usually i am socially very shy because of my depression..i really cant seem to make friends because i always just feel dead inside and i also get anxietty when i am without my boyfriend in public. I will sign up to a danceclass and try to be more social tho, you are right i need to get out more. Its so much harder to actually do then say it. No i am against drugs. I always get very nauseous when i try to drink alcohol and i smoke with him like twice a month only because he thinks its fun when i am also high... but i am not a fan of weed and it also makes my heart race and fast and scares me. I am really not a drug addict. I just gained a lot of weight cause i keep eating and laying in bed all day.

 

You should join a ocd/rocd forum. I found one on online where people can relate to exactly what you're going through. Obviously therapy is the best option but sometimes it's not always the most convenient.

[maraneedshelp]

Ok good to know. Well i dont have a good healthcare plan I did find a good institution nearby that i am planning on going to now. I have tried free ones but i dont feel comfortable there. I guess i can try again to look for more options but its hard to find a therapist that gets you. Not every person will fit to a certain therapist. I keep trying, thanks. I guess i will tell my bf that he has to move out. If he quits the drugs and becomes a more loving person than i will give him another shot, if not i am sure i will be better without him then. I do feel like i am wasting my life with him right now. I study environmental- Bioressourcenmanagement and want to join a company to work with nature and help the planet or animals. But i also want to be a dancer and on tv as a host. I just feel like my social anxiety is in the way. But i do have plans with my life. I just desperately want love and a boyfriend. I am scared to be single. Beside the drugs and my mental health, my bf and me were super good together. We have the same goals and views in life, we have the same personality (when he is off the drugs) , he is so sweet when it comes to my regular ocd (germs, certain routines) . We just get each other. He comes from a good family. I am scared i will never find a boyfriend again who is accepting of me and my ocd. I do think Rocd and stuff is treatable but the general ocd about germs and certain stuff i have since i was little, i dont think that will ever just go away and many people thinks its weird and my bf is so supporting and nice about it.

[evad1]

You should join a ocd/rocd forum. I found one on online where people can relate to exactly what you're going through. Obviously therapy is the best option but sometimes it's not always the most convenient.

 

It's not completely hopeless.

[pippy longstocking]

Were you getting high?

 

Holls I can't believe you said that ..

 

 

yes I was darling

[maraneedshelp]

Thanks for helping !! So nice to get so much advice here i will go to that ocd forum then 👌

[Hollyj]

Holls I can't believe you said that ..

 

 

yes I was darling

 

I knew it!!!

[nutbrownhare]

Thanks for helping !! So nice to get so much advice here i will go to that ocd forum then 👌

 

Good luck with all this!

[evad1]

Thanks for helping !! So nice to get so much advice here i will go to that ocd forum then

 

Good luck and keep growing. Having OCD is a huge obstacle but you'll figure it out.

[Lisa C]

Both of you are too immature for marriage. "Trust" is the core of marriage. Neither of you have it. And I would feel totally disgusted with a guy telling friends how "hot" a girl was after sleeping with her no matter who it was and going through your phone too? Doesn't sound like a lifetime partner. Get consueling fast or you're going to have a life of heartbreak and misery. You put too much importance on what is not important. You need to value yourself more than a "body" because I can assure you it won't last forever. Then what?

[maraneedshelp]

Yes we are not planning to marry any time soon. But here is another issue i am having. I thought i post it on here as well since you guys already know what kind of history my boyfriend and i are having. I havent had my period in 40 days and we are scared that i am pregnant. It is a possibility. He says that if i ever get pregnant in the next years, he wants me to abort. He says once i am pregnant that i still have an 'option' : to abort or keep it. If i decide to keep it against his will then i also have to take care of it on my own. I told him that i dont have an option. As soon as i al pegnant, i am pregnant. I will be growing a baby inside of me and wouldnt want to kill it. But he said if i make the decision to keep it then i have to pay all myself and raise it on my own. Now because of this, every month i fear i am pregnant because i know he would want to just leave. I am hoping just 'stress&depression' cause my period to delay but 40 days? Usually i am never this late. I still hope its just the stress but it makes me upset to know IF an accident would ever happen that he would EXPECT me to get an abortion.

[boltnrun]

Have you taken a pregnancy test?

[maraneedshelp]

Yes around 5 days ago and it said negative but i feel nauseous and dont have cramps so i am pretty scared. I will wait two more days to do a second test. Just hope its the depression. But he just keeps telling me that i look pregnant and that he wants me to abort if i am. Maybe i am just worrying too much. I'll keep you updated but that would be the worst thing that could happen right now.

[evad1]

Yes around 5 days ago and it said negative but i feel nauseous and dont have cramps so i am pretty scared. I will wait two more days to do a second test. Just hope its the depression. But he just keeps telling me that i look pregnant and that he wants me to abort if i am. Maybe i am just worrying too much. I'll keep you updated but that would be the worst thing that could happen right now.

 

I am really sorry to hear. Yes keep us up to date. Worse thing that can happen being left a lone pregnant. I really hope you'll be okay.

[Mari]

I am starting therapy because i am aware that i put a lot of drama into the relationship. I even think i should break up with him even tho i love him because my rocd hurts us both. I havent been jealous or wanted to go through his phone again (he also goes through my phone, its not just me).

 

But i need to know why right after the first time he had sex with anna he immediately told his friends about it. ''I just slept with this chick who has a banging body'' he wrote. But after he had sex with me, he told no one. Why?

 

There could be several reasons why he would do that. Maybe Anna was the hottest he'd ever had but she was average, so telling his buddies about it wouldn't mean they would go after her. Maybe telling them about you would mean that they would go after you. Maybe he doesn't see you as an object as he did Anna and he doesn't want to share his sex life with the other guys. Maybe he doesn't care about his friends anymore because he has you and doesn't care what they think.

 

What you're doing right now is applying reasoning behind something that doesn't necessarily have any. Let's say your boyfriend bought a cheeseburger instead of a pizza, both stores were side by side. Does that mean he hates the pizza place? Does that mean that the hot girl at the pizza place was someone he wanted to avoid seeing because he was with you? Or does that mean that the hotter girl at the burger place was someone he wanted to see? You could keep analyzing and trying to figure out it when all it could be was that he had gas from too much milk so chose a burger. Same here, he thinks you're the hottest and you are. But now you're analyzing what he's done in the past and are comparing hotness to how he will react with you now with the assumption that the hotter the girl gets the more he is supposed to rave about her to her friends. This assumption isn't necessarily true, maybe you're so hot that his buddies will ask how the heck he ended up with you. Maybe then you'll wonder if you should be with him and break up because you're OCD? Maybe he keeps his mouth shut and keeps you.

 

I hope this helps you.

[Annia]

Not to be rude but if I were you I'd just end the relationship and get therapy because you're obviously too insecure and too much in need of constant reassuring to even have a relationship at this point. You need to deal with your low self esteem asap. It's not healthy for you neither for him. If you don't deal with this problem you have sooner or later he'll have enough of your drama and insecurity and probably end it and you also won't be able to have an healthy loving relationship. He will also be scared of being genuine and himself fearing you'll make a huge drama out of not being told 24/7 you're the best ever or not compliment you all the time. So put your priority on therapy and working in yourself and not in "why he didn't brag you're the best ever to his friends". I know it's easier said than done, but please think about this. Meditation is also usually helpful in dealing with stress and anxiety and putting things in perspective.

 

Besides, what makes compliments special is when they're not constantly thrown at you and are saved for especial occasions or genuine intimate moments. If I had a guy telling me 24/7 how wonderful and best ever I am I'd be a little put off by it. However if he SHOWS me every time how much he respects me and his love for me, it is worth much more than words. And also, a relationship is not a competition. No one is better or worse than you, just different and different relationships have different meanings and worth depending on the time you are at your life and how you are at that moment, so stop the competition. Who cares if his exes were great or not? What matters is that he's with you and cares for you and to be enduring all this drama out of nothing and having not walked away yet it's probably because he must really like you.

 

Good luck.

[Annia]

No i live in a small town in germany. I will ask around again but there really are not too many options, most good ones are expensive. Therapy is not that big like in america.

 

Well i broke up with him saying i cannot deal with this toxic relationship anymore. My rocd is killing me and him being a drug addict..always wanting to be alone just makes me more depressed. But we live together and are so used to each other that its hard to stop acting like a couple. He also keeps asking for sex...he desperately wants to at least be f*buddys. Its hard decline sex when i want him. He has made no effort to show he cares or loves me lately. I have asked for a love letter our whole realtionship and still havent gotten one. There is no romance and yes maybe its my own fault with what i am putting him through but i just think its very weird that he hasnt cried once or anything. He doesnt even seem bothered that i broke up. I am staying at someone elses house right now but i know if i see him again we both will just want to snuggle because we need love/attention. So its like i 'kinda ' broke up because i secretly dont want to loose him. I just want him to stop locking himself up&smoking weed. I want him to put some effort into the relationship.

 

I know i know, i need to change myself first and get myself together and only then i can be better and he will try harder with me. I get that. But cant i go to therapy and try to fix myself WHILE in a relationship with him? I really dont want to loose him. He also said that if i ever sleep with another guy, that he will never take me back. And i think if he slept with another girl it would hurt me very much as well. I am scared if we completely break up now that we will never be togetjer in the future. I know that a man has sexual needs and i dont wanna just take sex away from him and expect him to be faithful for however long it takes me to be healed?

 

Sorry, I didn't read this and the rest. He also has issues and is toxic for you. He doesn't seem to be a supporting boyfriend and being a drug addict it's awful to you, even if you already didn't have all your problems. If he's a drug addict you have no business staying with him and should break up with him for good for your own good. Maybe in your country you can get free support or even a shelter or help with getting a new accommodation. Also even if you keep living with him after breaking up, which I think it's very unhealthy, you shouldn't have sex with him after you breakup. If you breakup, it means you stop everything including sex. Are you German or just studying there?

 

I think they may have affordable organizations there where you can get support. Since you have no friends or relatives to help you, you need a support group. I think one of the first priorities should be moving out from there and make you sure you can be financially independent without him. Then you need professional help. I'm sure if you look for it you'll find something affordable. The next step is to heal and only get back to having a relationship when you feel ready and have moved further in your healing and also when you have other people in your life, goals and activities besides the relationship.

 

Good luck and hold on.

[Salty]

I don't think you should be seeking help on a forum, you are looking for validation for your none exist self esteem when in reality you need a psychiatrist and behavior therapist. Men will find other women attractive- yes even your boyfriend. He will look at and fantasize about other women. Do what you can to be able to handle that.

[maraneedshelp]

Why would you say that? Not all men are pigs fantasiesing about different woman other than their gf/wife. Ofcourse i know there are other attractive woman in this world but every woman wants to find a guy who thinks she is the most gorgeous in his eyes. You shouldnt be commenting on my post when you have nothing good to say. Why make it worse for me? I know that therapy will be best for me but you do not know what i went through in my life and someone who has no one to turn to and is deperate, wants at least people to listen online. A forum in my situation is not the worst idea but thanks for your negative comment 👎 Please dont ever give a person with Pure-O or Rocd even more negative thoughts that will repeat in their brain..

[evad1]

I don't think you should be seeking help on a forum, you are looking for validation for your none exist self esteem when in reality you need a psychiatrist and behavior therapist. Men will find other women attractive- yes even your boyfriend. He will look at and fantasize about other women. Do what you can to be able to handle that.

 

And your name is salty lol. She has ROCD that is something completely different. Most of us here can't understand where she is coming from give her a break. To be fair I had maybe like two or three guy friends who didn't really want to spend time looking at every attractive woman either.

[Salty]

And your name is salty lol. She has ROCD that is something completely different. Most of us here can't understand where she is coming from give her a break. To be fair I had maybe like two or three guy friends who didn't really want to spend time looking at every attractive woman either.

 

Casually looking at another woman and a thought crossing your mind is different from spending a lot of time thinking about it. In the long run when you learn to take it in stride and not let it defeat you, you find your relationships are less destructive. Yes I did pick the name Salty because I tend to not be the softest woman. As a bisexual woman I can really understand the moment of weakness you feel for an instant when you behold a beautiful woman, it's not as scary as many women tend to think it is when they think of their men doing it.