Is he a liar? Or am i wrong?

[maraneedshelp]

Ok thanks for the advice. I guess i could tell myself he respected me and didnt feel the need to boost his ego. But then when he respected me so much, why did he tell his bestfriend DURING our third date that he is having the worst date ever. I think thats so rude he tells his bestfriend he is having a bad date with me unless its true. But both him and me recall it as one of the best/fun dates ever and even had sex after the date. I asked him why he bashed the dates with me and he said he only wrote that to make his bestfriend feel better. Because she was having terrible tindee dates at the time. Do you think thats just a white-lie or could he have actually liked the date with me?

[maraneedshelp]

Yes i know i need to go to therapy. I am planning on going. Saving up money for it. Its just that i dont have real friends at the moment and its nice to hear opinions from different people. Its nice to hear what 'normal' people think vs. me and it just opens my eyes a little bit.

[Hollyj]

Ok thanks for the advice. I guess i could tell myself he respected me and didnt feel the need to boost his ego. But then when he respected me so much, why did he tell his bestfriend DURING our third date that he is having the worst date ever. I think thats so rude he tells his bestfriend he is having a bad date with me unless its true. But both him and me recall it as one of the best/fun dates ever and even had sex after the date. I asked him why he bashed the dates with me and he said he only wrote that to make his bestfriend feel better. Because she was having terrible tindee dates at the time. Do you think thats just a white-lie or could he have actually liked the date with me?

 

Good grief!!! Let this GO! It has been a year! ENOUGH!

 

What country do you live in? Isn't there some sort of free counseling services?

[maraneedshelp]

I just dont want to be with a guy where i know he bashed me on all our first dates. Unless you guys tell me its okay for him to do that to make his bestfriend feel better. I dont want to be bashed behind my back. Is it normal to be upset about it? I clearly dont know whats normal.

[Hollyj]

Stop trying to sabotage things!

[Hollyj]

I just dont want to be with a guy where i know he bashed me on all our first dates. Unless you guys tell me its okay for him to do that to make his bestfriend feel better. I dont want to be bashed behind my back. Is it normal to be upset about it? I clearly dont know whats normal.

 

It was a year ago!!!! Forget about it!

[maraneedshelp]

A small country in europe. No we dont have that. There are services for woman who get abused and stuff or family issues. But they cant really help a mental illl person. I have tried it once and they at all couldnt help.

[Hollyj]

A small country in europe. No we dont have that. There are services for woman who get abused and stuff or family issues. But they cant really help a mental illl person. I have tried it once and they at all couldnt help.

 

I'm sorry, to hear that.

 

Do you work?

[maraneedshelp]

So it doesnt matter when it was a year ago? But doesnt it show how fake his personality is or at least what kind of person it is? If you find out that you got cheated on, it also doesnt matter how long it was ago.

[maraneedshelp]

Yes but i have very little income because i am a university student and cant work too much. So i have to save up money first for therapy but i will start going again now. I want a normal life and a normal relationship without all these worries. I hope they can give me some medication... Thanks for everyones advice!

[Hollyj]

I really don't know how many ways or times I can answer that it doesn't mater. It seems like you are determined to focus on creating drama in your relationship, which will result in it ending.

 

I would say that most people would not care and let this go, as it is not important. I look at how people treat me in a consistent manner.

 

Good luck!

[Hollyj]

So it doesnt matter when it was a year ago? But doesnt it show how fake his personality is or at least what kind of person it is? If you find out that you got cheated on, it also doesnt matter how long it was ago.

 

Of course cheating would matter. The other thing you are referring to is nothing to be concerned over.

 

If someone cheated on me, the relationship would be over.

[Hollyj]

Maranee, I do not tolerate lying, disrespect or cheating.

[RainyCoast]

A small country in europe.

psychotherapy is free through a gp's referral. not to mention psychiatric reevaluations, follow ups and a potential change in medication are all available through gp referrals.

[Capricorn3]

Yes but i have very little income because i am a university student

As far as I am aware, most universities have counselors. Sounds like you're making excuses and part of you enjoys the drama?

[RainyCoast]

yeah pretty close. if there isn't a uni psychologist, european unis will usually have their own healthcare service, and students are assigned a gp there, so that they don't need to make the trip home every time they need their doctor. all psychotherapy is covered by insurance. support groups are dirt cheap with the student id card.

As far as I am aware, most universities have counselors. Sounds like you're making excuses and part of you enjoys the drama?

[maraneedshelp]

I have tried free therapy and the woman was telling me all i am saying sounds too crazy and she didnt get it. I could look into my university still but as far as i am concerned they arent trained for mental illness, only like if you have a problem witj your family or abuse. I really dont enjoy the drama. Its making me explode. I am really depressed and have no energy to do anything. All day and night thoughts are just repeating and killind me inside. This drama is not fun at all. I just want professional help and thats what i save up for. I have already found a nice institution and look forward to it. But meanwhile negative thoughts are just taking the last bit off my energy and your advice was really helpful.

[RainyCoast]

be patient until you get to someone who is skilled in treating rocd. are you on meds? a gp is allowed to up the dosage or prescribe new psychiatric meds when it is needed, and then they will issue a referral for a psychiatrist to make sure the meds are the best ones for you, or if not, that you are prescribed new ones.

 

i am guessing SE europe, from the first name in your screen name. if so, you can get lots of treatment just by seeing your gp. don't be dismissed easily.

[Hollyj]

Have you seen a gp regarding your condition?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you just live with him because you need someone, but you don't love him. What do you mean you sorta broke up?

when i met this guy i really wanted to be close to him because i have no one else. I wanted to love him but i dont know if i acutally do. I like when he snuggles me and makes me feel loved for a few moments but i am not truly happy. If he moves out then i could afford to stay in this appartment but its in a bad area and i am scared to live here alone. I kind of broke up with him but he doesnt try to fix us or get me back. I have tried therapy but i am scared to talk to a stranger.

[maraneedshelp]

No i live in a small town in germany. I will ask around again but there really are not too many options, most good ones are expensive. Therapy is not that big like in america.

 

Well i broke up with him saying i cannot deal with this toxic relationship anymore. My rocd is killing me and him being a drug addict..always wanting to be alone just makes me more depressed. But we live together and are so used to each other that its hard to stop acting like a couple. He also keeps asking for sex...he desperately wants to at least be f*buddys. Its hard decline sex when i want him. He has made no effort to show he cares or loves me lately. I have asked for a love letter our whole realtionship and still havent gotten one. There is no romance and yes maybe its my own fault with what i am putting him through but i just think its very weird that he hasnt cried once or anything. He doesnt even seem bothered that i broke up. I am staying at someone elses house right now but i know if i see him again we both will just want to snuggle because we need love/attention. So its like i 'kinda ' broke up because i secretly dont want to loose him. I just want him to stop locking himself up&smoking weed. I want him to put some effort into the relationship.

 

I know i know, i need to change myself first and get myself together and only then i can be better and he will try harder with me. I get that. But cant i go to therapy and try to fix myself WHILE in a relationship with him? I really dont want to loose him. He also said that if i ever sleep with another guy, that he will never take me back. And i think if he slept with another girl it would hurt me very much as well. I am scared if we completely break up now that we will never be togetjer in the future. I know that a man has sexual needs and i dont wanna just take sex away from him and expect him to be faithful for however long it takes me to be healed?

[nutbrownhare]

him being a drug addict...

 

Oh sweetie... this alone makes all your other worries an irrelevance. You can't possibly have an intimate, loving relationship with an addict; the drugs will always be more important to him than you are. He probably has no reaction to your breakup because he's stoned.

 

You really need to be looking after yourself right now. You can't change another person. There is also a 12-step program for the friends and families of addicts and alcoholics - it would also help you address your emotional issues - and it may be available in your country. And it's free. Check out Alanon.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are afraid of the outside ghetto and being alone but the ghetto inside is worse and lonelier. Are you also using drugs? It's unusual to stick around drug addicts unless you use drugs too.

him being a drug addict..always wanting to be alone just makes me more depressed. But we live together and are so used to each other that its hard to stop acting like a couple.

[Hollyj]

No i live in a small town in germany. I will ask around again but there really are not too many options, most good ones are expensive. Therapy is not that big like in america.

 

Well i broke up with him saying i cannot deal with this toxic relationship anymore. My rocd is killing me and him being a drug addict..always wanting to be alone just makes me more depressed. But we live together and are so used to each other that its hard to stop acting like a couple. He also keeps asking for sex...he desperately wants to at least be f*buddys. Its hard decline sex when i want him. He has made no effort to show he cares or loves me lately. I have asked for a love letter our whole realtionship and still havent gotten one. There is no romance and yes maybe its my own fault with what i am putting him through but i just think its very weird that he hasnt cried once or anything. He doesnt even seem bothered that i broke up. I am staying at someone elses house right now but i know if i see him again we both will just want to snuggle because we need love/attention. So its like i 'kinda ' broke up because i secretly dont want to loose him. I just want him to stop locking himself up&smoking weed. I want him to put some effort into the relationship.

 

I know i know, i need to change myself first and get myself together and only then i can be better and he will try harder with me. I get that. But cant i go to therapy and try to fix myself WHILE in a relationship with him? I really dont want to loose him. He also said that if i ever sleep with another guy, that he will never take me back. And i think if he slept with another girl it would hurt me very much as well. I am scared if we completely break up now that we will never be togetjer in the future. I know that a man has sexual needs and i dont wanna just take sex away from him and expect him to be faithful for however long it takes me to be healed?

 

I cannot believe that Germany would not have options. They seem to be very generous when it comes to the needy. I think you should do a better search, as to what is available, even if it includes going to a neighboring town.

 

Have you spoken to your doctor?

 

I change my position. If he is addicted to drugs and shown you no affection, you need to end things. This is not a healthy relationship for you!!!!!

[maraneedshelp]

I know thanks for the advice. Its easy to tell my story on here but usually i am socially very shy because of my depression..i really cant seem to make friends because i always just feel dead inside and i also get anxietty when i am without my boyfriend in public. I will sign up to a danceclass and try to be more social tho, you are right i need to get out more. Its so much harder to actually do then say it. No i am against drugs. I always get very nauseous when i try to drink alcohol and i smoke with him like twice a month only because he thinks its fun when i am also high... but i am not a fan of weed and it also makes my heart race and fast and scares me. I am really not a drug addict. I just gained a lot of weight cause i keep eating and laying in bed all day.