Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 My husband dated a girl 4 years ago whom he often compares me unfavorably to. She belongs to the same organization as we do so we cannot avoid seeing her. She dresses very sexy. Last week he was talking to her and 2 other people at this organization. As they were leaving the meeting place he was turning to talk to someone else... while she was passing.... he quickly flicked his finger down in a small half moon on her arm as she passed.... on the only part of her arm that was exposed, upper arm/shoulder (due to type of shirt she was wearing) Maybe 3 inches of a flick but it was a deliberate unnecessary touch. It was very quick and I am sure no-one else saw it cause they were not looking at him. The only way I saw it was on a video recording which I had access to but now my husband probably changed the password after I showed him it. I told him he didn't need to touch her that way. Am I being unreasonable ? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 He doesn't need to flirt with exgfs, it's disrespectful to you. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Video? Out of respect for you and your marriage he should steer clear of this woman and he should certainly not be comparing you to her. I doubt he would like it of you brought up the other men you had sex with before him and compared his penis size to theirs. Time to sit down calmly and explain that his behavior is disrespectful to you and the marriage. Lost Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 If your husband is always comparing you unfavourably to somebody he used to date cut him loose. You deserve someone who loves you for you . Link to comment
Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 He said he was probably going to tell her that her outfit was inappropriate with her shoulders exposed but she didn't turn around after he touched her Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Your husband needs to mind his own business, not her outfits. said he was probably going to tell her that her outfit was inappropriate with her shoulders exposed but she didn't turn around after he touched her Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 He said he was probably going to tell her that her outfit was inappropriate with her shoulders exposed but she didn't turn around after he touched her of course. lol. he just wanted her to cover up. what unfavorable comparisons are we talking about? Link to comment
j.man Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Yes. You're unreasonable. Scary as well. I'm speechless that you'd run video surveillance for a flick. And what kind of comparisons are we talking about? Regardless, I hope the guy doesn't have any pet bunnies. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 My husband dated a girl 4 years ago whom he often compares me unfavorably to. Unreasonable for accessing surveilance? Yes. Unreasonable for putting up iwht him flirting with exes and putting you down in comparison to them? Not even slightly. Though I wonder why you'd stay with somoene who was doing that. Link to comment
Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 I am staying in the hope that things will change. He says I don't think, I am dumb, etc..... I don't believe in divorce. We were skyping often before. I had problems with my microphone for months initially and couldn't hear anything from his side. I managed to fix it but didn't tell him. So i think the first time I put the microphone on, he's on the phone with a friend. I believes he hung up. Then she calls and he's talking to her. I ask him who he's talking to while he's taking to her by typing and he types the friend's name. When he found out I heard it all he said the friend he named was on his 2nd line at the same time. So to me that's 's not honest so I have a hard time trusting Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Being compared to an ex is never flattering and not a good practice, so he shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be making physical contact with someone either. But.... You are displaying some top tier creepiness with the video surveillance though. Please tell me you don't have a GPS tracking device on his car too? I get it if you've lost trust in a sig other before....trust is really hard to rebuild after it's been broken by someone in the current or in the past, but you need to always give them the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. If happiness isn't there, don't waste anymore time. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Well, if he is calling you stupid, ask him why he married you? Makes him something special doesn't it. Nah, he isn't worth it. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I am staying in the hope that things will change. He says I don't think, I am dumb, etc..... I don't believe in divorce. It won't change. He has no reason to change. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 It really isn't about her or whatever video revealed this touch, etc. It's about a decaying marriage with verbal abuse contempt disrespect and trust problems. You need marriage counselling. Or go to counselling yourself. Read up on being called dumb or unfavorably compared to others: ] He says I don't think, I am dumb, etc..... I don't believe in divorce. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 And it doesn't matter if he believes in divorce or not you can get divorced without his agreement . If he doesn't believe in divorce maybe he should keep his eyeballs and his hands to himself . Link to comment
Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 He doesn't believe in counselling if this doesn't change I will have to leave. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Do you? Go yourself and learn about toxic vs healthy marriages. Why would he change? You are sticking around and tolerating it.He doesn't believe in counselling if this doesn't change I will have to leave. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 I would tell him you believe in healthy relationships and leave . Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 He said he was probably going to tell her that her outfit was inappropriate with her shoulders exposed but she didn't turn around after he touched her ^ Well, obviously that excuse required a bit more research than the run of the mill classics that are still around. Link to comment
Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 He says I am the one who is paranoia Link to comment
Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Being compared to an ex is never flattering and not a good practice, so he shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be making physical contact with someone either. But.... You are displaying some top tier creepiness with the video surveillance though. Please tell me you don't have a GPS tracking device on his car too? I get it if you've lost trust in a sig other before....trust is really hard to rebuild after it's been broken by someone in the current or in the past, but you need to always give them the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. If happiness isn't there, don't waste anymore time. No no GPS. I had access to the surveillance videos. Not anymore. He at one point was able to tell me what I was searching on my Google searches, I think through our anti-virus or something. I am not using the Internet for this now but my mobile phone. Link to comment
Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Do you think he might have been trying to catch her attention to speak to her when she was leaving ...cause she was talking to someone and her face was turned from him? Mind you, she didn't turn to face him after he touched her and it wasn't like a poke to get her attention. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 holy cow. this was actual surveillance footage? i thought ppl were being a little hard on you, i figured it was a video forwarded to everyone who attended the event... yikes. if you go to these lengths, might you not be better off single? or with some counseling to get these obsessive behaviors under control? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Hope and time will not change any of this. Only action on your part. How many more years are you willing to waste on this guy? Lost Link to comment
Simplyonlyme Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 I had access on my phone to this video footage. He has shown himself untrustworthy before with her. Since I had access I decided to take a look. Link to comment
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