What would you do?LTR Moving in question

[Batya33]

I understand that and typically go more towards that thought -- but he said to me "Please look at this in a positive light - we would see more of each other, we wouldn't have to wonder if we can get together that day/night, you don't have to pack a bag anymore which you hate" I'm so torn...

 

Short term convenience is great. But a huge risk of sacrificing your long term goals and going against your core standards and values.

[KantSleep]

Interestingly enough my boyfriend is marriage minded and I am more on the live together page - at least initially. And yes, it is to make sure we can live together and are reasonably compatible. So call it a trial run, if you would like. I don't see anything wrong with it. But, everyone is different. In your case, due to your age (late thirties) you many want to skip the trial run, or make it a short one - if you want kids. Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

Interestingly, why can't he talk about engagement/marriage instead of this hard sell about convenience for him? Really you want marriage and he's taking about not having to pack a bag?

he said to me "Please look at this in a positive light - we would see more of each other, we wouldn't have to wonder if we can get together that day/night, you don't have to pack a bag anymore which you hate"

[JaggerJim]

Don't give away your baby!!!! (your cat).

[kuteknish]

Don't give away your baby!!!! (your cat).

 

we discussed it again and the cat would come with me.

[kuteknish]

Interestingly, why can't he talk about engagement/marriage instead of this hard sell about convenience for him? Really you want marriage and he's taking about not having to pack a bag?

 

he does talk engagement/marriage as well. he knows it's convenient, but convenient for both of us. We had a BIG discussion today again too..

[notalady]

he does talk engagement/marriage as well. he knows it's convenient, but convenient for both of us. We had a BIG discussion today again too..

 

It's not convenient for you if you want marriage and kids within a relatively set timeframe. I still can't wrap my head around the concept of moving in for convenience.

 

If you both agreed that we see a future together, and will live together for 6 months, if all goes well we will get engaged, that to me is a compromise for both of you.

 

If it's just you moving in with no set time frame for engagement and marriage, I don't see it as a compromise, I see it as you giving up on your original goals and boundaries.

[tattoobunnie]

I know countless of people that was told they would get engaged after moving in, and just never did. And this includes myself, which is the breakup that nearly destroyed me and brought me here.

 

Living together does not prove or show if you would be committed to each other through thick and thin, sick and poor, healthy and great, and to be faithful and respectful. Marriage is a choice. It's not let's see how we do first by cohabitating.

 

I think you really need to stick to your guns about getting married.

[Lester]

Thanks Batya - I'm just starting to feel that if I don't move in, our relationship will continue to stay the same.

 

The root of avoidance and procrastination is fear. The larger the perceived decision the more you'll see the crowd thin and defer.

 

Marriage is a major decision. (And everybody knows it!)

Avoidance by substitution will fail, and waste years of your life.

 

Face your fear today. Tell him you want to get married, have kids and buy a house together.

Tell him you love him, but don't want to waste his time if that's not what he wants.

 

He may bolt, but don't panic. Give him time to think.

 

btw, I've had to train top executives in business who had the same problem. When it comes to hard decisions, don't think you're alone!

 

The rewards of courage are great!

[Batya33]

Move in without an engagement plan only if your focus in convenience without expecting any progression towards a marital commitment.

[kuteknish]

I clearly have a decision to make