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Sister asked me to be her egg donor.

Moontiger

By Moontiger
in Parenting and Families

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itsallgrand Grand Master

itsallgrand

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Moon, I'm happy you are feeling support. I'm going to check to see how the email goes.

 

Vic, I actually appreciate getting more of a view into the experience. Not many women I know talk about it openly. Knowledge is power. It's comforting in a way to me to hear honest real experience.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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Moon, I'm happy you are feeling support. I'm going to check to see how the email goes.

 

Vic, I actually appreciate getting more of a view into the experience. Not many women I know talk about it openly. Knowledge is power. It's comforting in a way to me to hear honest real experience.

Me too. I had no one to talk to. It was hard. My grandmothers would never have talked about it and really my mom neither. And my experience was vastly different than hers. I did mine naturally , my mom did it all hormonally replaced.

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Moontiger Community Regular

Moontiger

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LOL, so my boyfriend (who is very sweet and nice but often to logical for his own good) just told me I should point out how old she would be when the kid turns 18. I told him that's like going up to a badger and poking it in the eye with a stick.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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LOL, so my boyfriend (who is very sweet and nice but often to logical for his own good) just told me I should point out how old she would be when the kid turns 18. I told him that's like going up to a badger and poking it in the eye with a stick.

 

Yup . I don't suggest that route.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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Likely she will make passive aggressive comments the next time I see her.

 

So what? Family gatherings are the perfect place for pulling off a 'stupid and cheerful' act. It's like Teflon, and it's the most practical study of human psychology I've ever learned, coined by Joy Browne, a radio psychologist.

 

The term 'stupid' simply means that you feign a density that never sees, much less acknowledges, any insult hidden within any address aimed at you. Period. It demo's no trouble rolling along with the flow, especially changing subjects and keeping busy with productive things like prepping food, serving food and drinks, cleaning up 'around' the family or friends and otherwise dodging the radar of anyone's agenda.

 

Your sister deserves love and consideration, but not the right to inflict emotional blackmail over any failure to cater to her ideals through self destructive means.

 

In my book, the very suggestion that I should eggshell walk through my lack of willingness to subject myself to an experiment where the best possible outcome would be pain and suffering and an upbringing of my offspring that I wouldn't wish for sis's existing children, much less my own, is something I'd have zero problem shutting down--kindly, but for good.

 

Anyone who'd be messed up enough to taunt me about that would earn my silent sympathy, but nothing else. Especially not the satisfaction of having such taunts acknowledged beyond a stupid stare and cheerful change of subject.

 

Head high, and don't sweat this. It's ludicrous beyond any need for acceptance of manufactured consequences.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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I expect she is probably hurt but just remember she's probably at the most hormonal time in her life other then you know pregnancy. She is just not thinking straight. She may send a hurtful response but just remember you have ownership of your body and it is not happening.

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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I'm glad she wasn't aggressive or argumentative with you. She'll huff and puff for a while but she'll probably get over it, maybe once she finds someone else to give up eggs for her. She needs a reality check. No one is "owed" anyone else's eggs and sperm, no matter the relation. I hope her kids have a better understanding of bodily autonomy than she does.

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LadyRayne Newbie

LadyRayne

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I am the recipient of an egg donor. I know what a precious gift this is. Sometimes the relationship is too close for it to be comfortable.

 

If you feel as though you would look upon the child as giving away your own then of course this would be the wrong path to go down. Some egg donors see it as just a gift with a genetic link and they are special people who can do this but its not for everyone.

 

If you are worried more about the procedures and legalities then educate yourself. But your sister will understand if you explain to her that you are not comfortable and just try to be supportive in other ways. Depending on what country you are in and the laws there people here often join Facebook groups for this particular issue or advertise in mummy groups or parent magazines. If she is in Australia I know of an amazing group that can help.

 

I myself am very close to my sister but would not have ever asked her as I knew it just would not work for us.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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Well, thank goodness sister doesn't know about ENA. I got a second email from her. It's very professionally worded but basically if I ever tell anyone she ask me to do this I'll be on her sh** list for life.

 

Wow, that's unbelievable. Such entitlement it boggles the mind.

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