I can't seem to get over her...

[JustinPonders]

I'm gonna try to be short and sweet and leave out all the details. Sorry if i fail at this.

 

My ex-girl and I were pretty volatile, mentally. I'm very expressive and temperamental and she's smart but also very ditsy and unaware of her actions. But we did have a major attraction for one another and there were many things I did love about her and she about me but we were pretty bad on a genuinely healthy relationship level.

 

Needless to say in the 6-7 months we were seeing each other it all eventually came crashing down when she did a bone-headed move which I reacted in a highly volatile way, basically telling her to f-off from my life, through text.

 

1 week passed of NC but I eventually caved in because I really began to miss her. I wanted to talk to her so bad about everything that went down the week prior.

 

Basically I called to apologize.

 

BIG MISTAKE.

 

She took my apology and basically told ME to off and never contact her again. Keep in mind up to that moment, just before the break-up, she really liked me a lot. I knew it on a gut level. Obviously I'm not perfect but she still accepted my flaws and I hers, to a point.

 

I was confident me telling her off was gonna have her crawling on all fours back to me. But that sure as heck didn't happen. In-fact, the opposite.

 

Me texting to apologize was the single biggest relationship mistake I EVER made in my 41 years of life. It gave her so much confidence and upper-hand that I lost almost all control of myself. I was so ashamed of what I had stooped down too that I was literally beside myself. I called her like 4x and text her a dozen times but all I got from her, basically, was for me to f-off. I couldn't believe it.

 

My world was literally crumbling down on me and I just couldn't believe the spot I was in.

 

Up to that moment I always felt a sense of confidence with her but when she tossed me aside like I was some dirty old rag it was so painful that I literally fell in depression. Another week passed of NC and I was invited to her sister's house for a party, the house which my ex was staying in. Having talked to her sister she told me my ex was okay with me showing up and I was hoping it would give me the last opportunity to work things out with her.

 

Another mistake. Things went wrong again. She avoided me like the plague almost disgusted that I was even there. I could feel the tension because most there knew of our breakup. My brothers and sister were there too because they're all friends with my ex's sister.

 

I was so embarrassed.

 

Towards the end of the night I finally had the courage to try to flag her down just before her walking upstairs to her room but she just walked passed me like I was a ghost.

 

Well, the confirmation was evident. She wanted nothing to do with me and so I gave up altogether and left in bitter frustration. I was so dam depressed.

 

Well, I went big time into NC and it's been a just over a month now but I can't seem to get over her. I keep reliving the moment of over and over again like a dam tape recorder on automatic rewind. It doesn't stop. I think about all the good times together. The great sex. The cute things she used to say that made me laugh and then following that is just a load of sadness that surrounds me. I've met a couple girls since but I can't seem to stop thinking about my ex. It's like the way it all ended was so abrupt and the way I pathetically begged her back has been bothering me so badly that I literally have been losing sleep.

 

I just feel so much in a week position, so vulnerable, pathetic, embarrassed, ashamed.

 

I mean I'm usually a pretty cool dude. I'm not a socially awkward person. I make good conversation and I'm pretty outgoing. I'm not a bad looking dude. I'm physically in good shape. I'm good in the sack, well endowed, funny but the whole ending to our relationship is effecting me so badly that I can't seem to get over her.

 

It's like all I really want from her now is just to talk to her and make her understand why I said the things I said that initially pissed her off, not because I want to get back with her but I guess to justify my actions so she could understand my situation and put everything to bed. This would actually help me to finally move on with a clear head.

 

Basically, I want CLOSURE but she WON'T give it to me because she simply ignores me and that's the thing that's driving me A-WALL. The ignoring, like we're school kids for something.

 

I HATE THIS!!!

 

Why are women like this? How could someone just cut another person off just like that like they were a piece of trash? I gave her a chance, a very short time before the break-up, when she passed the line with me on something that I had warned her about not to do but I STILL gave her a chance to redeem herself, and yet I passed the line with her and she didn't pay the same respect to me. At least hear someone out before calling it off. Let them express themselves. Every person has a motive for their action, good or bad but at least hear them out. Give them a chance to talk. Maybe, just maybe you'll understand their frustration and things could be worked out before calling it completely quits. At least that's what I believe. But in her case she's so dam closed-minded she just doesn't believe in that and that's what's driving me more crazy.

 

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is I'm not over her and I want to so badly just talk to her but I don't and will not contact her because I did my best to reach out to her on couple occasions but she obviously slapped my hand not wanting anything to do with me. All I want at this point is closure and she's not giving it to me and I don't know what to do. Any advice would help. Btw, I've left out a lot but obviously I can't put it in cause then it'll end up being a dam book so this is most of it in a nut-shell.

 

Thank you for reading this long-ass post

[Clinton]

Sooooo, you dumped her by text(really gutsy move) and are surprised she told you to go stick a sock in it.

No surprise there my man.

 

And she owes you nothing. It's over. Done. Finito. The fat lady has sung. Time to move on.

 

Only you can give yourself closure. No on else can do it for you.

[Wiseman2]

In what universe? was confident me telling her off was gonna have her crawling on all fours back to me.

[reinventmyself]

Why are women like this?

First off, `women' aren't like this. People don't liked to get railed at and dumped by text and told to f' off. Not anyone with self respect.

 

You admit your relationship was volatile. Your story is a testimony to that. Why would anyone willingly agree to return to something volatile?

 

Having said that you feel you made a mistake by apologizing. What were your intentions? Were you sincerely regretful or did you do so to relieve your own discomfort and I get a sense that feel entitled to something in return.

That is not what apologies are for. It's an effort to right a wrong. She owes you nothing in return. Not if you were sincerely remorseful.

 

You feel humiliated?

Well, don't. You had the courage to reach out and try to repair things with her. That is a brave thing to do.

But it didn't have the outcome you hoped for.

Like Clinton stated already. The closure you need so badly comes from within.

[Hollyj]

In what universe?

 

Yes. I loved that comment, too.

 

OP, I suggest you get therapy. Immediately! You sound like you have some serious anger, control and abuse issues. She was right to get away from you. You sound mean and scary!!!

[Hollyj]

" I gave her a chance, a very short time before the break-up, when she passed the line with me on something that I had warned her about not to do but I STILL gave her a chance to redeem herself" Control freak speak! Get over your big ego!

 

People can only put up with so much. Leave her alone.

[RainyCoast]

lol. you told her to eff out of your life point blank and now you're complaining why people don't give exs a chance to hear them out before calling it quits and lack of closure. when you tell someone they're out of your life you took away the chance for anything more to be said or heard, and you created the ultimate closure.

 

wimmin!! why are they like this!!?

 

leave it before she gets a restraining order.

 

seriously, name calling, "warning" (intimidating), turbulently coming and going, "i hate you -don't leave me" is a pattern that doesn't happen without there being some serious mental restructuring to do.

[No1]

Her boobs must of been huge...

You want what you cant have and you dont want what you do have. Your Ego is hurt because things didnt turn out as you thought they were going to happen. If you have ever read any other posts here you will see that if the girl posted about her break up with you. The most common response to her post would be 'No Contact' Dont answer, dont show reaction and dont respond.

You let her go, she is not coming back.

[JustinPonders]

You guys are right. I have issues. I didn't appreciate her, while with her and now that I don't have her I've realized what I've lost. I made a huge mistake. But I still genuinely love her and so badly want to make things right but I guess I'm not redeemable. And for those saying I'm abusive and scary, trust me, I'm so not. I'm just very verbal and that's my downfall. I just need to keep shut and talk with a clear head. I'm very passionate about my feelings. Anyways, please don't get me wrong guys, I'm not as bad as I painted myself to be, honestly. I just feel deep down inside that I love her and deserve a chance, that's all. Anyways, I do appreciate all your advice. I really learned a lot from this. Thank you and much blessings!

[lostlove76]

I can't even count the number of threads I've read written by guys who didn't appreciate what they had while they had it, and now that it's gone, they're wanting it back and full of regrets. It seems to be a man thing. I don't know that I've read anything written by women who have done such. So my question is WHYYYY do men do this?!?!?!? On the one hand, I'm glad that you at least realize it after the fact and become willing to do what it takes to be a better man. But on the other hand, it's depressing that it has to reach this point for you to wake up.

 

Anyways. I'll offer you a woman's perspective as someone who has been taken for granted. I don't know the exact specifics of what occurred, so take what I say with that in mind. You ask why women completely cut someone off like that. For me, I've done it out of self-protection, and also in the hopes that you will realize what you've lost and make some necessary changes. Sorry to generalize between sexes here, but this is how I (and maybe a lot of other women) see things. We know that men have a way of sweet-talking us back and then quickly going back to the same hurtful behaviors as before. It's hard to trust that a guy is sincere and will actually improve in the way he treats us. So we block him out for our own protection. I apologize once again for generalizing, but I have done this, I know other women who have done it, and I know that a woman's friends will always advise that she do this (block the guy out, don't give him another chance to hurt you). So that's quite possibly where her mind is at. She may feel like you don't really care and that you just want what you can't have.

[JustinPonders]

@lostlove76 I thank you for your insight. I really hope you're right and I hope, hope, hope she gives me another chance. I'm giving her and myself all the NC at this point. This break-up really woke me up and even though I'm 41 I've not been in many relationships because I rarely met a person I was genuinely interested in. Not trying to make excuses at all but I'm not fully battle tested so I made some easily avoidable mistakes. I guess now I've learned to appreciate and respect what I have for the future. It just sucks it came at a cost cause I really do miss her and wish I can kiss and hug her again. Anyways, thanks once again for your insight!

[reinventmyself]

And for those saying I'm abusive and scary, trust me, I'm so not. I'm just very verbal and that's my downfall. I just need to keep shut and talk with a clear head. I'm very passionate about my feelings..

 

Sorry, I can't let this one pass.

You are aware that people who fancy themselves as very verbal and passionate can be verbally abusive, right?

[JustinPonders]

And for those saying I'm abusive and scary, trust me, I'm so not. I'm just very verbal and that's my downfall. I just need to keep shut and talk with a clear head. I'm very passionate about my feelings..

 

Sorry, I can't let this one pass.

You are aware that people who fancy themselves as very verbal and passionate can be verbally abusive, right?

 

I guess so.

[lostlove76]

@lostlove76 I thank you for your insight. I really hope you're right and I hope, hope, hope she gives me another chance. I'm giving her and myself all the NC at this point. This break-up really woke me up and even though I'm 41 I've not been in many relationships because I rarely met a person I was genuinely interested in. Not trying to make excuses at all but I'm not fully battle tested so I made some easily avoidable mistakes. I guess now I've learned to appreciate and respect what I have for the future. It just sucks it came at a cost cause I really do miss her and wish I can kiss and hug her again. Anyways, thanks once again for your insight!

 

You're welcome! You don't sound like a bad guy to me. Let this experience make you an even better man, and strive to do better in the next relationship (whether it's with someone else, or a reconcilliation with this one).

 

Also, I wanted to comment on this:

Me texting to apologize was the single biggest relationship mistake I EVER made in my 41 years of life. It gave her so much confidence and upper-hand that I lost almost all control of myself. I was so ashamed of what I had stooped down too that I was literally beside myself. I called her like 4x and text her a dozen times but all I got from her, basically, was for me to f-off. I couldn't believe it.

No need to feel ashamed. I know that feeling very well - it's easy to feel that way when you make yourself vulnerable and get shot down. But I agree with what reinventmyself said here about intentions:

Having said that you feel you made a mistake by apologizing. What were your intentions? Were you sincerely regretful or did you do so to relieve your own discomfort and I get a sense that feel entitled to something in return.

That is not what apologies are for. It's an effort to right a wrong. She owes you nothing in return. Not if you were sincerely remorseful.

 

You feel humiliated?

Well, don't. You had the courage to reach out and try to repair things with her. That is a brave thing to do.

But it didn't have the outcome you hoped for.

As long as you were sincere, then you should feel good about apologizing. It was the right and mature thing to do. Don't get caught up in the ego blow of having it rejected. Again, I know it's easy to focus on that, but try not to. Be content that you reached out and made an attempt.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Hollyj]

I don't understand why you needed to comment on the size of your package and sexual expertise.

 

When will some men understand that we want love, respect, kindness and integrity in our partners!

[Hollyj]

And for those saying I'm abusive and scary, trust me, I'm so not. I'm just very verbal and that's my downfall. I just need to keep shut and talk with a clear head. I'm very passionate about my feelings..

 

Sorry, I can't let this one pass.

You are aware that people who fancy themselves as very verbal and passionate can be verbally abusive, right?

 

Yes. "Passionate" equals explosive. This is emotional abuse.

 

The comment about her "crawling back," was disturbing.

 

I strongly suggest counselling for anger and control issues. There are some big problems, here.

[dave_1966]

After reading this thread I'm absolutely intrigued as to what this woman did that resulted in her getting dumped by text?

OP, can you inform us how the incident unfolded?