MMM25 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I have been pursued by an individual for months online and he is only 19. At first I was like there is no way in hell I can do this. Our families know one another and they have much love and mutual respect for one another. This is another reason I knew this could never work. I find him very attractive and he feels the same about me. At first we kept it as just friends someone to talk to. Going through some rough times in life due to relationships and he loosing his mother at a young age we found comfort in one another. This brings me to now. One night he convinced me into meeting him and now we see each other nearly every night. But its done out of hiding and sneaking around. He wants to make it public and he has declared his love for me and I believe I have falling for him as well. I just can't hurt our families over this I don't think they would understand. Now he has changed and things are not as they use to be. I find myself now wishing I had made another decision. I think I should spare us both and just move forward with my life. Link to comment
greta96 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I think I should spare us both and just move forward with my life. Yes, this would be a very good idea. What can you possibly have in common with a kid? He could easily be your son! Don't waste your time and his. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 How has he changed things? Did he think of this as more of bf/gf rather than trysts? What other decision do you think you should have made? Is he still in the picture?we see each other nearly every night.He wants to make it public. things are not as they use to be. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 It sounds as if he got attached, and being young, thought he was falling in love and wanted to go public. she declined. His feelings changed. OR...his feelings changed because it was the 'honeymoon' period of infatuation....and then when the bloom is gone, things just fade away... Link to comment
Andrina Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 The decision-making skills part of his brain won't be fully formed until he is about 25. He has an excuse for a poor decision. You don't. Being intelligent about choosing a romantic partner takes a lot more than having chemistry with someone. Being in a similar life stage as someone is a better risk for your heart. If you're lonely and seeking a partner, try meetups.com for singles in your age group. Good luck. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 he was unstabile and looking fo affection after his mother's death. people mistake heightened emotional needs for love sometimes, especially young ones. he probably saw it for what it was and is trying to bring it to a close. i would find playing surogate to a bereaved young boy disturbing. i would also seriously think about why i was attracted to youth, fragility, neediness, inexperience and emotional dependence in a "partner". were you on the short end of a power imbalance in your past relationships? you also mention meeting him when you were going through hard times due to relationships. i'd be wise to heal from whatever happened before you attempt new relationships. this mutual distress isn't providing either of you with healthy experience supportive of recovery, nor does it bode well for your future connections with people. is there a reason you were meeting folks online, like isolation, anxiety etc, or was it simply internet's convenience? Link to comment
MMM25 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 He is still in the picture but now he tries to play with my emotions because I don't want to come out. He post him out with other girls...I'm not gonna lie it hurts me and I'm too old for little kid games. Link to comment
Pixels Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 The decision-making skills part of his brain won't be fully formed until he is about 25. He has an excuse for a poor decision. You don't. Being intelligent about choosing a romantic partner takes a lot more than having chemistry with someone. Being in a similar life stage as someone is a better risk for your heart. If you're lonely and seeking a partner, try meetups.com for singles in your age group. Good luck. That's total bullsh*t... The frontal lobe mostly develops by 20, and it's not common behaviour for 20-25 year olds to develop emotional connections with 40+ year olds. This kid has a problem... F**k diagnosis, f**k public opinion, f**k everything that convinces you otherwise... This isn't normal behaviour, and there are other factors either directly or indirectly involved. I don't doubt that he's a nice guy, but he's definitely not developing normally if this is the type of relationship he considers "healthy". Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 He is still in the picture but now he tries to play with my emotions because I don't want to come out. He post him out with other girls...I'm not gonna lie it hurts me and I'm too old for little kid games. well. he is a kid. they're not very emotionally mature, are they. i agree, he's not the best choice for you. Link to comment
MMM25 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 I was actually on facebook and because we have mutual friends and family I accepted his friend request. I do believe my past has me not making the best of decisions here Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 we have mutual friends and family careful with your correspondence. if he gets nasty...it might go public. they'll find excuses for him. you though...don't want enraged family on your back. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I would let him down gently. You know that its not right, since you are here stating that you are sneaking. The age gap is too great, as well as the attachment he has to you. His feelings have turned romantic towards you rather than as a mentor situation. He is still in the picture but now he tries to play with my emotions because I don't want to come out. He post him out with other girls...I'm not gonna lie it hurts me and I'm too old for little kid games. Just block him on social media. He is not an adult male appropriate for you to have a relationship with - he is not an equal. Link to comment
greta96 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 He is still in the picture but now he tries to play with my emotions because I don't want to come out. He post him out with other girls...I'm not gonna lie it hurts me and I'm too old for little kid games. But he IS a kid, and yes you are too old for little kids games *and* little kids! You can't possibly expect him to give you the same relationship experience a man 20+ years older would, how could he? You are letting your own personal issues cloud your judgement, but you need to be careful because you're dancing on a minefield.... Plus, he is probably telling all his friends about you and they make fun of you. You need to give yourself a serious shake, and start dealing with your issues in a mature way, not by relying on a child who is not even remotely on the same page as you. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Perhaps he also want's to give the impression that you two aren't 'an item'?He is still in the picture but now he tries to play with my emotions because I don't want to come out. He post him out with other girls. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I'm 39, and can't begin to imagine what I would have in common with a 17yo - so, at 41, what are you doing with a 19yo?? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 So you are having sex with an attractive 19 yr old guy almost daily. Do you really think he is thinking the same way you are? I was 19 once and I was not thinking with my big head at that age that is for sure!!! He isn't In Love with you, he may be In Lust with you but not love. I am sure you enjoy having a young guy in your bed but the fact that you do not want to make it public means you are ashamed of what you are doing. If you have to lie and hide it then how true can it be. Chalk this up to a mistake in judgment and end the relationship. OR If you just want to keep having sex with him tell him if he keeps messing with your emotions and bugging you to bring the relationship out in the open you will not have sex with him any longer. Trust me he will tow the line if you do. Lost Link to comment
MMM25 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Thank you so much for your response. I do think this is lust. I have developed some real feelings for him and it hurts but I gotta keep it moving. Link to comment
MMM25 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 I thought about that too....OMG I would just die if that happened. Link to comment
Itchy Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I think that's a bit of an age gap too far, but then I am a 27 year old man attracted to a 19 year old woman, so I am no position to be casting stones. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 I was actually on facebook and because we have mutual friends and family I accepted his friend request. I do believe my past has me not making the best of decisions here Maybe it's time to address your "past" before this ends badly, and it will. I would begin by looking at this realistically, while avoiding the state of denial entering the picture. Link to comment
MMM25 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Unfortunately my decision-making skills apparently never developed. Link to comment
MMM25 Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 Even grown men my age are not emotionally mature. Link to comment
Clinton Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Even grown men my age are not emotionally mature. Really???? Must be one heck of a strange town. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Heh heh Clinton. You haven't been on the thread where the guy is liable to be lynched if he breaks up with teh dysfunctional GF. Link to comment
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