Got myself in a bit of a predicament last night...

[Asb682]

Ok so last night went to happy hour after work with a bunch of co-workers. I had a couple of drinks and was feeling good (as I usually do at these happy hours) and when this happens, I tend to get a bit flirty and so do most of the other people I work with, so it's kind of big joke and we all know it's harmless.

 

Anyway one of the guys who was I getting a bit flirty with might've gotten the wrong impression, and now I feel like Monday will be bit awkward. The couple of times I passed by him, I kept touching his arm saying I like this (meaning his muscles), but I meant in a light hearted manner, since he's considered the "hunk" of the office (and practically every single woman I work with wants him). Well the second time I did that to him he grabbed my waist and whispered in my ear "and I like this". I just smiled and walked away, but he kept coming over me to me and telling me how he always though I didn't like him because when he tries to talk to me at work I'm not that friendly to him (which he's probably right, but I treat everybody that way at work, I mostly keep to myself). Anyway he was there with some friend and when he was getting ready to leave he said goodbye to me he again grabbed me and whispered in my ear "I would love to give you my number" and I just kind of brushed it off and smiled at him. Anyway, I can't help but feel like Monday morning will be super awkward when I see him.

 

Also let me just say, he's a nice guy but I have no interest in him whatsoever. So it's not like I'm welcoming these advances, but I also feel like I got myself into this mess and I don't want to be rude to him. I get the feeling he might've had a bit of a crush on me and I kind of gave him the wrong signals last night.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you should stop drinking at all with coworkers. Problem solved.

[RainyCoast]

if monday turns out weird just tell him "damn i really did that? jeezus i was hammered. sorry, it won't happen again."

 

then don't get wasted at happy hours any more. one, it's just cheap, two, if he thinks you're good stuff he'll be prying on your drunken self because he's already convinced that, when uninhibited, "you like that" and will keep trying.

[j.man]

This ain't a 90s sitcom. Having a reputation as the office flirt isn't your coworkers laughing with you.

[Asb682]

Let me just be clear I had two drinks, I wasn't drunk. I may have let loose a bit, and again my coworkers and I joke around with these kind of innocent flirtations all the time. He's just not really part of the group I joke around with, so that's where I went wrong. But I was by no means drunk.

[Asb682]

This ain't a 90s sitcom. Having a reputation as the office flirt isn't your coworkers laughing with you.

 

I'm not the office flirt, we all do a bit of innocent flirting at our happy hours. Believe me, not even worried about getting a reputation like that. If anything my reputation is the quiet serious girl.

[ThatwasThen]

I get the feeling he might've had a bit of a crush on me and I kind of gave him the wrong signals last night.

I get the feeling he thought you were a sure thing. I also get the feeling that if you tell him that you're not interested and you were just being a femjerk he will get the hint and then want nothing to do with you either. It'll be all good at the ole water cooler once again. O.o

 

Can I be so bold as to let you know that what you did is considered sexual harassment? Had he done it to you first and he was some ugly dude, what would you have done?

 

I'm not sure if you would be one of those that would report him if he's ugly but not if he's cute but I think the double standard that some women think it's okay give unsolicited touch and innuendo but if a guy does it (especially not a hot one) it's a whole different ball game.

[FlashEng1]

Ok so last night went to happy hour after work with a bunch of co-workers. I had a couple of drinks and was feeling good (as I usually do at these happy hours) and when this happens, I tend to get a bit flirty and so do most of the other people I work with, so it's kind of big joke and we all know it's harmless.

 

Anyway one of the guys who was I getting a bit flirty with might've gotten the wrong impression, and now I feel like Monday will be bit awkward. The couple of times I passed by him, I kept touching his arm saying I like this (meaning his muscles), but I meant in a light hearted manner, since he's considered the "hunk" of the office (and practically every single woman I work with wants him). Well the second time I did that to him he grabbed my waist and whispered in my ear "and I like this". I just smiled and walked away, but he kept coming over me to me and telling me how he always though I didn't like him because when he tries to talk to me at work I'm not that friendly to him (which he's probably right, but I treat everybody that way at work, I mostly keep to myself). Anyway he was there with some friend and when he was getting ready to leave he said goodbye to me he again grabbed me and whispered in my ear "I would love to give you my number" and I just kind of brushed it off and smiled at him. Anyway, I can't help but feel like Monday morning will be super awkward when I see him.

 

Also let me just say, he's a nice guy but I have no interest in him whatsoever. So it's not like I'm welcoming these advances, but I also feel like I got myself into this mess and I don't want to be rude to him. I get the feeling he might've had a bit of a crush on me and I kind of gave him the wrong signals last night.

 

It's nice you truly believe it's all in jest, and entirely harmless... the reality: It's not. It's Open Season for "Oops." Every male worker knows this. Especially the "hunks" of the companies.

 

Monday morning will be super awkward if you allow it to be that way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being 100% with another adult, and treating the situation like an adult. When you see him, immediately go up to him and let me know of your mistake, and how you don't want anything to be weird between the two of you. You made a mistake getting drunk and flirty, but want to keep things professional at the workplace, and whatever happened that day, stays back at that day.

 

As well, be honest with yourself. You were welcoming the advances. That's the vibe he got, and that's the exact same vibe I would have gotten. If you're continuously grabbing me and complementing on my physique, I would presume you're interested, and make my move... probably the same way he did when it comes to a co-worker. He chose you out of the other's that probably would have been all over him already. Speak up when Monday comes, and follow thru with your words by not having another one of those flirty nights... otherwise guranteed one of your posts will eventually turn into what do you do next after mistakenly sleeping with a coworker.

[Asb682]

I get the feeling he thought you were a sure thing. I also get the feeling that if you tell him that you're not interested and you were just being a femjerk he will get the hint and then want nothing to do with you either. It'll be all good at the ole water cooler once again. O.o

 

Can I be so bold as to let you know that what you did is considered sexual harassment? Had he done it to you first and he was some ugly dude, what would you have done?

 

I'm not sure if you would be one of those that would report him if he's ugly but not if he's cute but I think the double standard that some women think it's okay give unsolicited touch and innuendo but if a guy does it (especially not a hot one) it's a whole different ball game.

 

I get hit on all the time at work and outside of work by both good looking and not so good looking guys (including my current boss). Believe me if I were to file a complaint or lawsuit everytime I'd have a fortune!

 

I didn't sexually harass him in the work place, I made my comment at a restaurant. And by your logic 90% of men in bars would get arrested for doing to women what I did to him.

[Asb682]

It's nice you truly believe it's all in jest, and entirely harmless... the reality: It's not. It's Open Season for "Oops." Every male worker knows this. Especially the "hunks" of the companies.

 

Monday morning will be super awkward if you allow it to be that way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being 100% with another adult, and treating the situation like an adult. When you see him, immediately go up to him and let me know of your mistake, and how you don't want anything to be weird between the two of you. You made a mistake getting drunk and flirty, but want to keep things professional at the workplace, and whatever happened that day, stays back at that day.

 

As well, be honest with yourself. You were welcoming the advances. That's the vibe he got, and that's the exact same vibe I would have gotten. If you're continuously grabbing me and complementing on my physique, I would presume you're interested, and make my move... probably the same way he did when it comes to a co-worker. He chose you out of the other's that probably would have been all over him already. Speak up when Monday comes, and follow thru with your words by not having another one of those flirty nights... otherwise guranteed one of your posts will eventually turn into what do you do next after mistakenly sleeping with a coworker.

 

Thanks for the sound advice. I'll definitely try to smooth things over with him Monday.

[ThatwasThen]

I get hit on all the time at work and outside of work by both good looking and not so good looking guys (including my current boss). Believe me if I were to file a complaint or lawsuit everytime I'd have a fortune!

 

I didn't sexually harass him in the work place, I made my comment at a restaurant. And by your logic 90% of men in bars would get arrested for doing to women what I did to him.

My point? You were asking for what he retaliated with and IF you had done it in the work place, it would be sexual harassment. My bad for not specifying. I will say that you should be careful because one day you may do that to someone who you have 100% zero interest in and they wont take no for an answer.

 

Anyway: Flash explained it well. Let us know how he receives your "take-back"

[catfeeder]

I would develop a convenient case of amnesia and just be as kind to the guy as I would be to anyone else in the office. No freezing him out, but nothing beyond professional warmth, either.

 

From there I'd skip the happy hours with coworkers and keep my social life out of the office. I'd be a great team worker and enjoy my job, but my days of mixing coworkers into my private life would be over with a good lesson learned before I get burned.

 

If hunky guy doesn't take the hint and back off, I'd use his first overstep as my opportunity to apologize for being flirty, and I hope he can forgive that so we can work well together going forward.

 

And that's it--not a single word about it beyond that. I'd just go back to my professional self but with good reason to be kind instead of cold to this guy.

 

Head high, we all live and learn.

[ajiuo]

This ain't a 90s sitcom. Having a reputation as the office flirt isn't your coworkers laughing with you.

 

Haha.. When I read the OP I was thinking that it sounded like something from a 90's sitcom.

[Sportster2005]

So it's not like I'm welcoming these advances,

 

It what alternate universe is continually touching a man's arm and saying "I like this" not considered making an advance? Seems like your feigning ignorance and don't want to take ownership here. Regardless, keep your hands off of your co-workers. Get loose around your friends, not your office mates.

[Asb682]

It what alternate universe is continually touching a man's arm and saying "I like this" not considered making an advance? Seems like your feigning ignorance and don't want to take ownership here. Regardless, keep your hands off of your co-workers. Get loose around your friends, not your office mates.

 

Ok I meant it more like I didn't intend for him to make an advance on me. I agree, I was wrong for grabbing his arm and saying what I said. The thing is I've seen other woman at work do the very same thing it to him, without him saying that kind of stuff to them, so I really didn't expect that kind of reaction. Of course if I did that sort of a thing to stranger (which I would never do), then I'd expect that sort of reaction.

[ThatwasThen]

Ok I meant it more like I didn't intend for him to make an advance on me. I agree, I was wrong for grabbing his arm and saying what I said. The thing is I've seen other woman at work do the very same thing it to him, without him saying that kind of stuff to them, so I really didn't expect that kind of reaction. Of course if I did that sort of a thing to stranger (which I would never do), then I'd expect that sort of reaction.

You didn't shut him down the first time he responded to your boldness so what really did you expect?

[Silverbirch]

I would develop a convenient case of amnesia and just be as kind to the guy as I would be to anyone else in the office. No freezing him out, but nothing beyond professional warmth, either.

 

From there I'd skip the happy hours with coworkers and keep my social life out of the office. I'd be a great team worker and enjoy my job, but my days of mixing coworkers into my private life would be over with a good lesson learned before I get burned.

 

If hunky guy doesn't take the hint and back off, I'd use his first overstep as my opportunity to apologize for being flirty, and I hope he can forgive that so we can work well together going forward.

 

And that's it--not a single word about it beyond that. I'd just go back to my professional self but with good reason to be kind instead of cold to this guy.

 

Head high, we all live and learn.

 

This is the best advice. Sorry, whether it's like a sitcom or not, gave me a giggle and I don't even drink!

[Asb682]

You didn't shut him down the first time he responded to your boldness so what really did you expect?

 

Because to be honest I wasn't sure if he was joking around with me as well until the end of the night when he told me he wanted to give me his number. I grabbed his arm twice in the beginning of the night and after he grabbed my waist I didn't touch him anymore, nor did I flirt with him. He kept coming over to me and I was trying to be polite.

[ThatwasThen]

Because to be honest I wasn't sure if he was joking around with me as well until the end of the night when he told me he wanted to give me his number. I grabbed his arm twice in the beginning of the night and after he grabbed my waist I didn't touch him anymore, nor did I flirt with him. He kept coming over to me and I was trying to be polite.

I think it's clear that you are not experienced in being taken up on your flirting. As a lesson, next time don't flirt with anyone that you're not intending on starting something up with. It will keep you safe from having to do any backtracking.

 

Good luck with your talk with him. Let us know how it goes.... if he is even still going to try and pursue. For all you know, he's just going to carry on like nothing happened????

[Sportster2005]

Ok I meant it more like I didn't intend for him to make an advance on me. I agree, I was wrong for grabbing his arm and saying what I said. The thing is I've seen other woman at work do the very same thing it to him, without him saying that kind of stuff to them, so I really didn't expect that kind of reaction. Of course if I did that sort of a thing to stranger (which I would never do), then I'd expect that sort of reaction.

 

What's done is done. You didn't expect the consequence of your behavior. Live and learn. Hope things get resolved peacefully.

[Asb682]

I think it's clear that you are not experienced in being taken up on your flirting. As a lesson, next time don't flirt with anyone that you're not intending on starting something up with. It will keep you safe from having to do any backtracking.

 

Good luck with your talk with him. Let us know how it goes.... if he is even still going to try and pursue. For all you know, he's just going to carry on like nothing happened????

 

No I think the issue is more that I never have to approach guys, because they always approach me first. So it's not that I'm not experienced in having a guy take me up in my flirting, it's more that guys initially flirt with me and I just respond.

 

But yea hopefully he'll act like nothing happened, and then that'll save of us both from an awkward situation.

[ThatwasThen]

No I think the issue is more that I never have to approach guys, because they always approach me first. So it's not that I'm not experienced in having a guy take me up in my flirting, it's more that guys initially flirt with me and I just respond.

Which is exactly you not being experienced with men taking you up on your flirting. Why bother flirting with him if you are 100% not interested? What do You get out of it.. Is it the attention? Regardless... It certainly opens you up to feel this awkwardness and puts you in this very situation you're now looking for advise on how to get out of.

 

But yea hopefully he'll act like nothing happened, and then that'll save of us both from an awkward situation.

Well, it will save you from yet another awkward situation, anyway. You've already encountered awkwardness when he responded to your implied invitation wherein you "didn't know how to respond" when it wasn't your intention for him to accept your impliedness... so you just "smiled." (which in itself is yet another implication that you are open to it). Mixed signals so I don't think he had a crush on you, he was just responding to someone who seemed to have a crush on him.

[Asb682]

Which is exactly you not being experienced with men taking you up on your flirting. Why bother flirting with him if you are 100% not interested? What do You get out of it.. Is it the attention? Regardless... It certainly opens you up to feel this awkwardness and puts you in this very situation you're now looking for advise on how to get out of.

 

Well, it will save you from yet another awkward situation, anyway. You've already encountered awkwardness when he responded to your implied invitation wherein you "didn't know how to respond" when it wasn't your intention for him to accept your impliedness... so you just "smiled." (which in itself is yet another implication that you are open to it). Mixed signals so I don't think he had a crush on you, he was just responding to someone who seemed to have a crush on him.

 

Ok...it does seem as though you are going a bit out your way to insist he has zero interest in me (which I could care less about), and isn't even the point of my post. I just wanted advice on how to alleviate the awkwardness.

 

It seems your are more bent on putting me down and telling me everything I did wrong rather than actually giving some solid advice on how to proceed without any snide remarks (from calling me a femjerk to assuming I'm an inexperienced flirt). I've admitted that I shouldn't have flirted with him, yet you seem to not be letting that part go.

 

I'm all for giving an unfiltered opinion, but yours seem more like woman bashing rather than anything else. To be honest, up until I looked at your profile I thought you were some woman hating guy with an axe to grind.

 

I apologize if I misinterpreted your posts, but that's just my unfiltered opinion.

[ThatwasThen]

Ok...it does seem as though you are going a bit out your way to insist he has zero interest in me (which I could care less about), and isn't even the point of my post. I just wanted advice on how to alleviate the awkwardness.

 

It seems your are more bent on putting me down and telling me everything I did wrong rather than actually giving some solid advice on how to proceed without any snide remarks (from calling me a femjerk to assuming I'm an inexperienced flirt). I've admitted that I shouldn't have flirted with him, yet you seem to not be letting that part go.

 

I'm all for giving an unfiltered opinion, but yours seem more like woman bashing rather than anything else. To be honest, up until I looked at your profile I thought you were some woman hating guy with an axe to grind.

 

I apologize if I misinterpreted your posts, but that's just my unfiltered opinion.

Well I'm not a woman or a man basher per se and nor have I been bashing you. However: I do tend to persist a tad when I can see that the point I'm trying to make is not being gotten. You kept defending yourself and telling us about the guys you attract and even though you say you know you did wrong, you don't seem to really believe that nor are you apparently open to being advised about the behaviour. My bad if I read your repeated comments about men and how you can attract them without having to flirt as anything other then you just sayin.

 

You never did answer why you felt a desire to exercise your feminine wiles on someone that you proclaim to have 100% zero interest in so I'm still curious as to your motive. However, no need to reply if you aren't sussed to.

[Ms Darcy]

You never did answer why you felt a desire to exercise your feminine wiles on someone that you proclaim to have 100% zero interest in so I'm still curious as to your motive.

 

I agree. It's a good question. As a woman it's a little off-putting to see other women act unprofessionally, and in a way that is just plain unkind to men who may be interested, with colleagues without any seeming desire to change that behavior in the future.

 

The easiest way to rectify this situation is to ensure you aren't repeating it.