Space

[Jono94]

Hello everyone, I wonder if anybody can help.

 

I've been in a happy relationship for a few months now- I am well aware that this is not a long time at all. However, the time we have spent with eachother has been unbeatable. She's a busy woman. She works long days, and also has two horses she has to take care of, so she's often tired. We have spent possibly too much time together and all of a sudden, she's come to me and said she needs space and time to think, and to sort herself out. She's coming over later to speak to me face to face rather than texting.

 

Well, I'm distraught, I don't mind telling you. I will give her all of the space she needs; I'm so not ready to let the relationship disappear entirely. I'll more than happily let her get on and do her own thing. I just don't want this to be the end.

 

Anybody got any advice they could offer?

 

Thank you all in advance x

[DoF]

Yea, there is no such a thing as a pause or a break in a relationship. So if she needs space tell her that the relationship is over.

 

Last thing you want is a partner that will go off as things in life happen. That's actually the opposite of what relationship is all about. Relationships are suppose to make dips and low end of life/roller coaster smoother and better as 2 people support each other......not to run away from each other and rug sweep (which is a bad sign/trait).

 

And of course chances are high that she has someone on her radar and is probably playing the field.

 

So I would just make it clear to her that if she wants space/time, that's fine but relationship is over.

 

Once that's done, be sure to take time to heal/recover. Stay in no contact (block/ignore her) and give it good month or 2 before you start dating again.

 

DO NOT wait for her or be the fall guy she crawl backs to while her other flings don't work out....or whatever she is dealing with.

 

She can also be stringing you along, basically, wanting all the benefits of a relationship (friendship, companionship etc) WITHOUT any commitment......not cool. Make it clear that there is no contact/friendship or anything if she decides to break things off.

 

It can also be that she simply wants to end the relationship but doesn't want to hurt your feelings and is just trying to be nice....which is another reason to just end it.

 

You do NOT want a person that is not interested in your......be prepared for all of this and to end it.

 

Besides, you do not want a lady that over works herself and has horses/animals to look after. That leaves very little time for LIFE and RELATIONSHIP. Both of which take HARD WORK AND TIME!!!

 

Be nice, pleasant, don't get upset/defensive/offensive during your meeting with her. Just smile and know exactly what your plan is (whatever you decide to do). Keep the conversation mature/positive and keep EMOTION/FEELINGS out of it (those will only prevent you from thinking clearly and making smart decisions).

 

Good luck

[Man with Dog]

I don't recommend these breaks. Hopefully, someone will come and say they had one and everything worked. Someone who is happy in a relationship does not need a break. I'm afraid if you accept this break there is a good chance she will cheat on you but "it is not cheating because we were on a break"!

 

Here's my take:

 

 

[Clinton]

A break is a breakup. I've never seen anyone reconnect after.

 

But if you actually want to treat it as a pause to reassess there has to be ground rules. IE no dating anyone else during the pause in the relationship.

[Andrina]

If someone needed a break from me like I was some toxic substance, I'd tell them to take all the time they needed, in fact, forever. When you are compatible with someone and all of your major needs match, then it will be a better chance that a lifetime partnership will happen. You have to understand that she might be a person who only likes a guy around a couple of times a month, and so that's the type of guy she belongs with. Maybe you like to be with your woman about 3 times a week, and so when you meet a woman on the same page, then your chances to work as a couple is far higher.

 

I know how frustrating it is to meet someone who is sexy, fun, and has it all except is lacking in similar priorities and/or relationship goals. I've been there. I learned the secret is to cut them loose so you can find a more compatible match. Take care.

[Sportster2005]

Space is almost always a nice way of saying it's over. Expect the worse and prepare to move on.

[TMifune]

When a girl says "I need space, I'd like to take a break from our relationship"

 

Your response should always be something to the effect of: "Well, I've been happy with how things have been going, but that's okay, there's this girl I'd love to ask out anyway".

 

And then leave.....unless you're at your own place....in which case you ask her to leave.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately "space" is often a "soft" break-up.

I've been in a happy relationship for a few months now.We have spent possibly too much time together. she's come to me and said she needs space.

[DoF]

When a girl says "I need space, I'd like to take a break from our relationship"

 

Your response should always be something to the effect of: "Well, I've been happy with how things have been going, but that's okay, there's this girl I'd love to ask out anyway".

 

And then leave.....unless you're at your own place....in which case you ask her to leave.

 

I wouldn't say that........no need for it, keep it to yourself.

[TMifune]

I wouldn't say that........no need for it, keep it to yourself.

 

Some "breaks" are soft breakups. Some are actually tests. How you handle that test determines whether she goes and nails the new guy at work, or whether there's a chance she'll come back. Letting her know that you have options and that you're not going sit in your room crying over her, changes the landscape. She's less likely to actually take the break, and more likely to come back quickly if she does when you appear unphased.

 

That said, you're probably right. I think even if it is an unconscious test, any woman who pulls that on me can GTFO.

[notalady]

Taking space is often code for I want to break up. You're still in the honey moon period and she's already needing space? I don't see this working out.

 

My advice? Whenever someone suggest "a break", I would tell them I don't do breaks (which I see as a way of keeping me in limbo while they have all the space they want to make up their mind, knowing that I'll be here waiting when they decide, and I simply refuse to be placed in that position), so we can break up for good. When she makes up her mind (or less busy) she can contact you again, if you're still single and interested, you can date then. Let her know loud and clear that you respect her choice but you won't be sitting here waiting.

[DancingFool]

I would tell her very firmly and clearly that there are no breaks or time outs in a relationship. You are either in the relationship or you are broken up.

If she needs more "me" time, then that something to address and work out within the relationship, not as a break but as compromise on how much time you two spend together. However, if she is insisting on a break, then politely wish her well, tell her that you are treating that as things are over and of course that you value the time you've spent together and your friendship with her. You will be moving on and dating other people, but that she is welcome to return and check in to see if you are single and interested once she has sorted herself out. You may be, you may not be. To be seen. After that, go NC. No talking, no e-mailing, no meeting up and yes, carry on with your life and meeting others. Once a break up has happened, they loose the privilege of your company.

 

The harsh truth is that when it's that early on and the other person is already feeling suffocated, aka needs space, you are not compatible and it doesn't matter how great things are from your perspective. They are far from great from their perspective. In short, prepare to walk away with dignity rather than turning into a begging mess that she'll loose all respect for.

[Liraele]

Geez, doom and gloom.

 

I'd like to hear back from you once you have the face-to-face talk. Make sure you listen to what she has to say, and be careful not to put words in her mouth. Be honest about how you're feeling (that you think things are/were going well, that you enjoy your time with her, that you like her, etc.), but try to do it without putting pressure on her. Try not to jump to any conclusions before you guys have had your talk. Stressing about it isn't going to change what's to come, so try to just relax.

 

Sometimes needing space is a soft breakup, people are right. Sometimes it's just a person needing a breather and a chance to get some solo time and get their head on straight. Some people (me, for example) need a lot of space. The start of a relationship often doesn't allow for that (new honeymoon phase/getting to know each other), and later requires some boundary-setting, difficult conversations that set more realistic expectations.

[missmarple]

We have spent possibly too much time together

 

How much is 'too much'?

[SoulTaker]

Taking space is often code for I want to break up. You're still in the honey moon period and she's already needing space? I don't see this working out.

 

My advice? Whenever someone suggest "a break", I would tell them I don't do breaks (which I see as a way of keeping me in limbo while they have all the space they want to make up their mind, knowing that I'll be here waiting when they decide, and I simply refuse to be placed in that position), so we can break up for good. When she makes up her mind (or less busy) she can contact you again, if you're still single and interested, you can date then. Let her know loud and clear that you respect her choice but you won't be sitting here waiting.

 

I agree. It's not a matter of if there will be a break-up, but on how to handle the break-up. Op, it needs to be handled in a position of strength, and not weakness (which would be in trying to keep her to stay).

 

You want to leave the door open in the future in case she does only need "space", but also let her know that you won't be waiting for her. Something along the lines of "I respect the fact that you have to do what's best for you. But, I'll also have to do what's best for me." If she asks what that means, the answer is that you'll continue dating, and you might, or might not be "available" in the future.