How much does a guy's body affect his attractiveness?

[adamff73642]

I've found there are generally 2 types of guys that do well to attract women. There's the really good looking ones who women are just naturally attracted to (there are a few guys like this at my workplace)... and then there's those who might not be all that good looking, but they'll be confident and good at chatting them up, making them laugh etc.

 

Unfortunately I don't really fall into either of those categories.

 

I'm a decent looking guy, but not enough so to have women chasing me like they do with other guys I know. My confidence has improved a lot over the years nonetheless, and I am a very sociable and outgoing guy who is generally liked by most people (no trouble making friends at all).

 

Anyway, I've been hitting the gym pretty hard over the last 6 months and have made some pretty good progress. I've had quite a few people commenting saying I have a good physique. It's still at the point where some people take a while to notice, or don't notice at all. But give it another 6 months and I imagine I'll be at the point where it's pretty obvious to people that I'm a gym go-er and look after myself.

 

I'm just wondering, how much does this affect a guy's (physical) attractiveness to women? Is this the kind of thing that could actually get more women coming to *me* like they do with other guys I know? I imagine if it was going to benefit me anywhere, it would most likely be in nightclubs but it would be ideal if it were in everyday life (e.g. in the workplace)

 

PS: I don't plan to be a huge meathead freak that women are scared of or anything

[Batya33]

For me, that factors into the guy's health/fitness - I am into health/fitness, never been overweight, so I always wanted a guy who felt the same way and walked the walk. My husband recently started exercising again and changing some bad eating habits (we are 49) and I am very proud of him for doing so. I am noticing some changes but my main "turn on" is him choosing to make those changes.

 

I wasn't as focused on physical features when it came to attraction/chemistry. I had a few dealbreakers but those mostly had to do with how choices of dress/haircut reflected on the person's values.

 

Some women are far more focused on physical features and might be motivated by having someone who looks a certain way as sort of a "trophy" feeling -I felt that way to some extent in my teens/20s.

 

Good luck and good for you for making these changes! I wouldn't generalize much about "types" and what types of people go for.

[Ms Darcy]

The bottom line is every woman is different. If you are attracted to a certain type of woman (let's say a thinner and athletic type) then it stands to reason they would probably be attracted to an athletic or not overweight type of guy.

 

You sort of sound like you want to be the kind of guy that women chase (e.g. Tim Tebow or something). I don't think that's realistic, so I would encourage you to also practice communicating to women.

[adamff73642]

thanks for the advice!

 

You sort of sound like you want to be the kind of guy that women chase (e.g. Tim Tebow or something). I don't think that's realistic, so I would encourage you to also practice communicating to women.

 

I have worked on practicing my communication with women and have done a tonne of reading online and have learnt a fair bit. But putting it into practice can be hard due to the lack of opportunities I get. I feel if I could make myself more physically attractive in the first place (that's not to say I'm ugly or anything) then I'd like to think I would get more of these opportunities to then let my personality shine a bit... that's just my theory anyway.

 

I've found that in a lot of situations it's the attractive guys that women want to talk to (like in clubs or parties) and it's like it barely matters what the guys even come out with... whereas when I've tried talking to them it's like they simply aren't even remotely interested from the outset (unless its the really desperate girls)

[DoF]

You are a guy, no woman is coming to you (well maybe) but in general, even those attractive guys have to chase and do hard work to get women.

 

What are you looking for? I suggest you don't go looking for it at a night club (unless you want just sex).

[Ms Darcy]

thanks for the advice!

 

 

 

I have worked on practicing my communication with women and have done a tonne of reading online and have learnt a fair bit. But putting it into practice can be hard due to the lack of opportunities I get. I feel if I could make myself more physically attractive in the first place (that's not to say I'm ugly or anything) then I'd like to think I would get more of these opportunities to then let my personality shine a bit... that's just my theory anyway.

 

I've found that in a lot of situations it's the attractive guys that women want to talk to (like in clubs or parties) and it's like it barely matters what the guys even come out with... whereas when I've tried talking to them it's like they simply aren't even remotely interested from the outset (unless its the really desperate girls)

 

Well, I think what you are basically saying is that if you feel more physically attractive you will feel more confident in approaching women. And that's a fair perspective.

[missmarple]

It depends on the woman. Personally, I couldn't care less about a guy's body. I've fallen for skinny guys, fat guys, good-looking guys, average-looking guys and even an ugly guy.It's always been more about personality than looks for me.

 

If, however, changing your body helps you being more confident, it could certainly affect how women view you.

[John John]

Aside from height (which is a pre-requisite for the majority of women, even if all the ladies on ENA claim they don't care/actually truly don't care about it), women have extremely highly varied tastes that many men can benefit from. Men need to realize that body type (outside of height) really doesn't make or break you when it comes to women.

[FlashEng1]

6 months?!? SIXXXXXX MONTHS!?? Geeze man what are you working on?!?!? 90 days MAX should grant very noticeable results when it comes to "hitting it hard" at the gym. Pickup Insanity, follow P90x, or hire a personal trainer and rework your routine if you're at an unnoticeable place. I do see that a lot, so many people doing the workouts wrong and their results peaking because the lack of knowledge in changing up routine, or simply knowing the techniques behind the routines out there. At the very least, situps, pushups, burpees, and cardio(running) will get you everything. Prison/Spartan style!

 

 

Now getting to the point, it becomes more than just "looking fit." The problem with the meathead comparison, isn't because "Oh he looks like a juiced up gym rat with no brain," rather, he seems like he ONLY goes to the gym and nothing else... THAT is the bad thing.

 

In other words, what will attract a woman physically won't be because your muscles protrude through your white tshirt, showing you could lift her up with one arm... But the combination of you living a [clearly] healthy lifestyle in which you can (in theory) physically take care of yourself and her. But you aren't just fit.. you dress yourself in clothes that compliment your assets, and hide your "faults." This doesn't require a 6 weeks course on fashion, rather an acknowledgement in what you can do differently to make you look better. Buying what fits.

 

Combine that with the ability to hold a conversation, and great physique (strong posture, welcoming appearance), and intelligence... and they flock.... MY GOD do they flock!! (and of course every woman is different!!)

 

But to get there... takes baby steps.. baby steps with blinders... as you should NEVER compare yourself to another man. Some will get the girls, some won't. Who cares why, you work on yourself and continue reading books of improvement and keep practicing. It all ultimately makes up the package that you are. Will it benefit you anywhere? A resounding YES! At work, with coworkers (male and female) holding conversations with you much longer, wanting to be around you; to the barista smiling at you differently and telling you about her day during your lunch break, to the smiles and looks you get walking between locations; to your social club/group reacting differently when you're out having drinks or having fun together; to the nightclubs and bars, when your conversation with the bartender is interrupted by the cute girl at the other end who's been looking at you since you first walked in..

 

Do those things happen? Absolutely, and quite a bit... but you can't just stop at the gym... or the bank account... or the bed.... or the pickuplines/talk... it's the all-around package that attracts. Women sense it...well.

[IAmFCA]

Aside from height (which is a pre-requisite for the majority of women, even if all the ladies on ENA claim they don't care/actually truly don't care about it), women have extremely highly varied tastes that many men can benefit from. Men need to realize that body type (outside of height) really doesn't make or break you when it comes to women.

 

Yes.

 

And re height, 5'8" seems to be the magic number, based on one man's experience as recently reported in New York Times.

 

Re body type... I used to.not care. Now I do. I've become picky about whoever gets me. He can be shorter than average but not shorter than I - I am already shorter than.average for women. But for me, he can not be smaller than I. I tried this with a man who looks like a.model. Incredibly piercing blue eyes, chiseled face, cut body, arms, etc. But somehow, smaller than I am. Small frame I guess. I would have adjusted, but I probably also would have lost 20 pounds. It was weird to feel bigger than I am, by comparison. So he needs to have broad shoulders, no paunch, narrow hips. Abs are not necessary. Its superficial, unfair, whatever it is. It's what gets me.

[John John]

Yes.

 

And re height, 5'8" seems to be the magic number, based on one man's experience as recently reported in New York Times.

 

Re body type... I used to.not care. Now I do. I've become picky about whoever gets me. He can be shorter than average but not shorter than I - I am already shorter than.average for women. But for me, he can not be smaller than I. I tried this with a man who looks like a.model. Incredibly piercing blue eyes, chiseled face, cut body, arms, etc. But somehow, smaller than I am. Small frame I guess. I would have adjusted, but I probably also would have lost 20 pounds. It was weird to feel bigger than I am, by comparison. So he needs to have broad shoulders, no paunch, narrow hips. Abs are not necessary. Its superficial, unfair, whatever it is. It's what gets me.

 

Of course. Each and every one of us is perfectly entitled to our preferences. We like what we like, man or woman. But women in general (except for height, which is usually a pre-requisite - conversation just doesn't begin if you're below her height cutoff) are more forgiving on body types than men are. Men are rougher with a woman's figure (although I know several very heavy women who've always had boyfriends, some of whom are conventionally fit and in shape).

 

Well, I'm 5'8"...in NYC, I'd say the magic number (where a man is mostly "safe" from being dismissed on height alone, unless dealing with the 6ft+ height queens) is more like 5'10". In NYC, it's just too easy for women to filter based on height. The average woman is 5'4/5'5', so let's add heels, the average woman is 5'9", and still wants someone taller than her heel height.

 

Oh and let's not forget...women also hate men with height complexes. I know insecurity is a turn off (which is understandable!) but aren't we putting the cart before the horse much? I mean...whatever. I know I'm supposed to not care, and I guess that's on me.

 

Once my Match profile runs out in April, my new approach is going to be eHarmony and adjust the preferences to seek non-NYC/non-NJ women. Dating will be a lot less frequent, but quality over quantity.

[DancingFool]

OP, if you line up 10 different women and ask them to look at a guy and evaluate just his physical appearance, you will get 10 different opinions that cover the whole range from "omg he is a 10" to "ugh...yuck he is a 0". My point is that every individual woman has her tastes and preferences. So if you are looking to please all women and be some kind of a super stud....you are setting up yourself for failure. There are hundreds of women right near where you live that would rank you a 10 right now, as is. But they won't thrown themselves at you.

 

Confidence comes from being happy with who you are, flaws and all. That sends out a positive vibe and energy that other people pick up on. It works like a magnet. So, if working out and feeling fit makes you feel good about yourself and brings out that positive vibe, great. However, if you get trapped in the "I did this to get these results, how come women aren't throwing themselves at me....now I'm all angry and bitter...." it will do the opposite and send people running away from you. Also, if you get into seeking perfection, I got this going but now I need to get more perfect, etc. If you turn into the guy who can't walk past a mirror without flexing and looking at himself....well....that won't help you much with the ladies either. So make sure that you have your eye on the right goal.

 

As for practicing socializing, you are surrounded with opportunities. At work, at the grocery store, at the gym, walking on the street, pretty much everywhere you go. What attracts is not cheesy lines, but the capacity to engage and make other people, all kinds of people feel good around you. A simple, but honest compliment, opening a door to someone struggling with hands full of packages, etc. When women see you treat people around you well and spread calm, positive energy in little ways, they will be drawn to you.

[j.man]

Look, there's no getting around it.

 

Line up a bunch 1s to 10s with all other things considered equal and the vast majority of women will prefer the more attractive men. Same concept is men towards women. Physical fitness and attractiveness will put you a step ahead. It also, you know, makes you healthier. It's a win-win and I hope you keep it up regardless of whether or not you find women chasing you as a result.

[Realitynut]

Years ago, my sister went out a few times with this amazingly good looking guy...but quit cuz he was dumber than a rock. (and couldn't kiss)

 

So, me being 6 years older, I thought maybe I could teach him a thing or two! We went to a park...where there were goats. The goats were grazing away...and he said, 'the goats must be eating something in that grass!" I looked at him in disbelief, and said..."they're EATING the grass". We then went to his parents house, where he lived. The were very rich....as far as I was concerned. His mom was a blonde air-head, and all the time she talked, he watched and listened in rapture.

 

ugh. And he couldn't kiss.

 

Ended it REAL soon.

 

Guy I'm with now...or he's ending it with me...whatever.

 

5'8" 230 lbs. Bald. But a GREAT sense of humor...when he's not being an A$$!

 

He had asked me out on the dating sites...many times. I kept saying no. (Fat/Looks) even tho I loved his profile...and POF had him as my #1 pick...out of #65.

 

But when I met him in real life....he grew on me.

 

So yeah...dating sites sucks.

And so do dumb men who can't kiss.

[TMifune]

Of course. Each and every one of us is perfectly entitled to our preferences. We like what we like, man or woman.

 

But what we dance around, both male and female, is that often those preferences are just flat-out shallow. We couch it in terms that try to make us look "better" but usually that's a thin veneer.

 

And Ironically we eschew the things like, oh I don't know, character, compassion, kindness, loyalty, honesty, openness, and willingness to give as though they're just 'defaults'. Oh, everyone should be those things, you don't get points for being those things....you get points for having dark hair and green eyes and a five o'clock shadow or some other shallow bs. Well, here's a newsflash....some people are aholes. Some people are pretty aholes, some people are ugly aholes, but there are a ton of people in this world that seem to be sorely lacking on the qualities I list above.....and yet we take those traits for granted and long for someone with superficial qualities that meet our "preferences"?

 

Talk about your first-world problems.

[John John]

But what we dance around, both male and female, is that often those preferences are just flat-out shallow. We couch it in terms that try to make us look "better" but usually that's a thin veneer.

 

And Ironically we eschew the things like, oh I don't know, character, compassion, kindness, loyalty, honesty, openness, and willingness to give as though they're just 'defaults'. Oh, everyone should be those things, you don't get points for being those things....you get points for having dark hair and green eyes and a five o'clock shadow or some other shallow bs. Well, here's a newsflash....some people are aholes. Some people are pretty aholes, some people are ugly aholes, but there are a ton of people in this world that seem to be sorely lacking on the qualities I list above.....and yet we take those traits for granted and long for someone with superficial qualities that meet our "preferences"?

 

Talk about your first-world problems.

 

 

You're right, but it is what it is. People are attracted to what they're attracted to, and every man and every woman is perfectly entitled to have whatever shallow preferences they may have.

 

I think when people are shallow to the point of ONLY focusing on the physical and outright refusing to even entertain the notion of dating someone who doesn't fit a certain "mold," that's when it's sort of wrong. But even then, people can have whatever priorities they want. I just mean where say, a woman might have 10 dealbreakers, and she refuses to ever budge on any of those 10 dealbreakers. But...if she's able to get those perfect men, then all the more power to her!

 

I mean, Lord knows I have my physical preferences. Attraction is a sharp knife and it cuts both ways. And it's often not fair. Actually, life's not fair.

[thejigsup]

The only body type I don't like is skinny. Anything else is fine as long as two criteria are met: 1. Tall. Must be 6' or taller. 2. Intelligent. Very intelligent. I am intelligent and I hate talking down to a guy. It annoys me. If a guy is a physicist or mathematician it is even better.

[Realitynut]

I never, ever would have accepted a date with the guy I have been seeing for the last 3 years, from a dating site. How do I know? He asked me. Numerous times. I ignored him...because of his looks.

 

In real life...and getting to KNOW him....ummm...he grew on me.

 

Course...I'm HOT...so he was attracted to ME!

 

edit. lol...I guess i'm repeating myself.

IT bares repeating.

 

Men seem to NEED that physical attraction first. Women need the Mental connection first.

 

Said with tongue in cheek...so no tomatoes...I guess men are more shallow!!!!

[Batya33]

But what we dance around, both male and female, is that often those preferences are just flat-out shallow. We couch it in terms that try to make us look "better" but usually that's a thin veneer.

 

And Ironically we eschew the things like, oh I don't know, character, compassion, kindness, loyalty, honesty, openness, and willingness to give as though they're just 'defaults'. Oh, everyone should be those things, you don't get points for being those things....you get points for having dark hair and green eyes and a five o'clock shadow or some other shallow bs. Well, here's a newsflash....some people are aholes. Some people are pretty aholes, some people are ugly aholes, but there are a ton of people in this world that seem to be sorely lacking on the qualities I list above.....and yet we take those traits for granted and long for someone with superficial qualities that meet our "preferences"?

 

Talk about your first-world problems.

 

I never danced around preferring certain physical features. Of course it is a shallow part of dating. Part of attraction is based on physical features, with rare exception. So?

[Realitynut]

There was not ONE redeeming physical feature that caused me to have attraction for my bf. Ok...his arms were nice looking. He had bowed skinny legs...missing back teeth (when he started dating after me...he got new ones..lol) skin tags on his eyes....BIG POT BELLY....He has nice ears....ummm...I'm thinking.

 

What attracted me...like I said...was his humor. And the fact he thought I was funny...and pretty...and he LIKED me. And we liked the same stuff.

 

I was very emotionally attached. But not physically...until he kissed me. So I guess that means I was sexually attracted. So. Emotionally attached. Sexually attracted. Mentally attached/attracted.

 

Physically? After 3 years.....still a nope.

[John John]

Men seem to NEED that physical attraction first. Women need the Mental connection first.

 

I think you're right. I think that women are actually more similar to men in this way than they used to be (they need initial attraction to for the conversation to even begin), but yeah...with men, if ain't there, it ain't ever going to be.

 

I've always said the attraction formulas are like this:

 

A Guy's Attraction Level for a Girl = Looks * (Personality + Interests + Values + Education + Career...). So...if looks are a zero, then that's where it stops. But remember, one guy's 2 is another guy's 10...this is pretty subjective.

 

A Woman's Attraction Level for a Guy = Looks/Height + Money/Status/Career + Education + Interests + Values

 

With men, as long as we're attracted to you and you're not a b*tch and we can see ourselves with you for the long term (you're fun to be with and we can introduce you to our mothers), you're mostly golden.

 

So men can "fail" in one area and usually make up for it...but with women, it's more complicated in that certain factors are weighed more heavily. It's a lot more complicated for women, especially on a case by case basis. My formula may be wrong. Maybe it's more of a mathematical approximation

[Realitynut]

 

A Woman's Attraction Level for a Guy = Looks/Height + Money/Status/Career + Education + Interests + Values

 

 

Ok...my short, fat, bald guy...who basically lived in a semi shack...and never took me out on a 'date'....for 2 years...just dumped me for good today. So feeling down.

 

sooooo...gotta remark on the above quote.

 

My attraction level for a guy= Interests+ looks (smiles and eyes) Never look at his height...unless he says he's 5'4". HUMOR...!. Never, ever looked at his Money?status/Career Or education.

 

The ex who just dumped me...dropped out of high school at 16...and then continue in a alternative school. Didn't like to be told what to 'do'. Also left home at 16 for the same reasons.

 

I've decided the last 2 guys I dated were tight asses. They made enough money (for me) they just didn't want to spend any of it on me!!! I met a guy last week. We went for a walk. He was 10 years younger than me....and just got out of a divorce last week that was mutual.

 

Unfortunately, he had a beat up old car....a raggy coat....said he liked to fish. And mentioned drinking with his buddies. I messaged him first, because I liked his friendly face.

 

We walked for an hour. He liked my dog. I just didn't feel any connection.

 

All I could think of is....another guy that would never take me out of a 'date'...or could afford to travel anywhere.

 

So I guess money is important. But at 60 years old...I would like it if a guy took me out for bread pudding if I asked. (my ex said NOPE) But yet he takes his gdaughter out to eat every night. ugh

 

I'm looking for someone with my same interests....oh and humor. You never mentioned that. That goes with the mental connection. You gotta get my sense of humor.....and me his. That is what the ex said about us. That we 'got' each other. And the best sex ever.

 

So why did he dump me? Commitment phobe. Pretty much admitted it. Been married 3 times. ugh

[John John]

Ok...my short, fat, bald guy...who basically lived in a semi shack...and never took me out on a 'date'....for 2 years...just dumped me for good today. So feeling down.

 

sooooo...gotta remark on the above quote.

 

My attraction level for a guy= Interests+ looks (smiles and eyes) Never look at his height...unless he says he's 5'4". HUMOR...!. Never, ever looked at his Money?status/Career Or education.

 

The ex who just dumped me...dropped out of high school at 16...and then continue in a alternative school. Didn't like to be told what to 'do'. Also left home at 16 for the same reasons.

 

I've decided the last 2 guys I dated were tight asses. They made enough money (for me) they just didn't want to spend any of it on me!!! I met a guy last week. We went for a walk. He was 10 years younger than me....and just got out of a divorce last week that was mutual.

 

Unfortunately, he had a beat up old car....a raggy coat....said he liked to fish. And mentioned drinking with his buddies. I messaged him first, because I liked his friendly face.

 

We walked for an hour. He liked my dog. I just didn't feel any connection.

 

All I could think of is....another guy that would never take me out of a 'date'...or could afford to travel anywhere.

 

So I guess money is important. But at 60 years old...I would like it if a guy took me out for bread pudding if I asked. (my ex said NOPE) But yet he takes his gdaughter out to eat every night. ugh

 

I'm looking for someone with my same interests....oh and humor. You never mentioned that. That goes with the mental connection. You gotta get my sense of humor.....and me his. That is what the ex said about us. That we 'got' each other. And the best sex ever.

 

So why did he dump me? Commitment phobe. Pretty much admitted it. Been married 3 times. ugh

 

 

Aww...I'm really sorry to hear that, Realitynut. That sucks. You know you've got a bunch of friends on here if you need to vent to us

 

Also...you are right...I TOTALY forgot humor in the female attraction equation. That's a biggie. I know women love sense of humor in guys.

 

That's why...whenever I'm on a first date...if a girl isn't laughing at me and my jokes...I usually know it's not gonna be a match (unless she's really shy and needs time to open up).

[Sportster2005]

I think it's safe to say, fitter people do better in dating. It's not just looks. Fitter people tend to be more confident. Healthy body, healthy mind.

 

I've done better after losing weight and taking up marathon running and other physical pursuits. Women still don't chase me, but I do O.K. If they are chasing me they're doing a lousy job. Or I'm dense. The jury is still out on that.

[IAmFCA]

I think it's safe to say, fitter people do better in dating. It's not just looks. Fitter people tend to be more confident. Healthy body, healthy mind.

 

I've done better after losing weight and taking up marathon running and other physical pursuits. Women still don't chase me, but I do O.K. If they are chasing me they're doing a lousy job. Or I'm dense. The jury is still out on that.

 

Agree completely. Prospects improved with loss of 10 or 15 pounds. I don't pursue men on line who look overweight. I just don't. On line is for getting what I want, and I need to screen based on something else there'd be too many people to think about. Looks matter to me more now than ever. I feel like, why. I'm single probably because I'm an AND dater- I want looks and brains and character. I'm okay with that.