jobelle Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 There might be a similar thread already, but anyway. How often do you and your SO fight? Both bickering and screaming rows. And what do you consider to be normal? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 disagreements are normal in any relationship. It how you handle them that matters. `screaming rows'. . .never. .ever Link to comment
j.man Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Had my most heated argument with my girlfriend about a week ago. No screaming or real bickering, though. We took our space and came together a couple days later and resolved it. That has happened twice in the over two years we've been together. We obviously disagree more often than that, but I wouldn't consider the disagreements "fights" in any context. "Argument" even sounds too harsh a word. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Haven't had a fight yet (8 month in). Even talked to my therapist because I started to get worried, lol. She help me realize that he and I don't fight because we are both reasonable people who listen and more often than not think about making the other persons life easier. Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Disagreements sure, they happen. In almost 6 years not a lot of them though. We're on the same page most of the time. Screaming matches or heated arguments where we don't talk to each other for a while, never. I had that in my previous relationship. It isn't healthy and I swore never again. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Minor disagreements yes, they happen. Actual arguments? I dunno maybe twice a year. We have been married a long time so we know what causes arguments. Link to comment
rosephase Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I'm in four different long term relationship with their own dynamics when it comes to disagreement. With my two longest, live-in partners (10 years with one, 9 years with the other, living together for 6 years) I have the most disagreements. Our disagreements happen more often when we are all stressed and it tends to come and go in waves. At best we will go months without anything I would call an argument (to me that means a disagreement that is heated and has emotions behind it) but more often we have disagreements like that probably once a week. Our relationship is complicated and we do therapy and actively work on healing some of the past hurts we have, so we sit down and make time to listen to the hard things about each other... but that also means we are talking about the hard scary stuff and that can lead to raised emotions. Sometimes voices are raised but we work very hard not to TRY and hurt each other. It's been a long road (the attempt to hurt when scared and upset was a really bad habit one of my partners had/has) but we mostly manage it. My other partners I don't live with, don't share finances with and don't plan the details of our future with... and I don't know if that is why we don't fight... but we don't. I've had one really painful period of time with my long distance partner of five years but I don't know if that was even a disagreement. It was just a deeply hard situation. We've never raised our voices at each other. He is long distance so the fact that we only see each other every month or so might have something to do with that. We are always on vacation when we are together... and that takes a lot of the everyday stress out of things. I think it's normal to have disagreements with your partner... the trick is finding out how to do it with respect, love, compromise, actual communication and compassion. If people are screaming at each other something isn't working right. That doesn't mean your relationship is un-fixable... it just means you are both going to want to work on it... and you need to want to work on it because if you just let it happen it will kill your compassion for each other and fill your relationship with built up hurts and bitterness. Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 One can have discussions, arguments, disagreements etc., but once it becomes fighting, for me it is time to leave. I never understood the fighting thing in relationships. Link to comment
Tranquillo Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 With each fight we come up with solutions to be rid of the problem. As the problems are decreasing. .so is the number of fights. So to answer the question.. we only fight when there are problems. As time goes on its becoming less and less. Its normal to have small fights. No violence or emotional abuse though.. that is a no no. I would be worried if a couple never had fights..its natural to. Link to comment
Tranquillo Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Ps - I like the make up part after fights. Link to comment
notalady Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 About 8 months in and no arguments yet, not even disagreements, maybe sometimes different opinions but nothing major and that's never caused actual disagreement. I'm going to go out on a limb and say we'll never be having screaming rows, I'd be seriously concerned if we do. But I'm sure there will be disagreements in future and we'll talk about it like grown ups if and when that happens. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 My last relationship? 3 heated arguments in 11 years. Disagreements? Once a year or so. We were spookily alike and agreed on almost everything. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I can't ever remember us fighting. Disagreements, definitely. I would consider that normal in any relationship. Bickering and screaming rows? Never. I don't think either of us would put up with that and (for me), I don't view screaming rows as being normal for any relationship. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Both bickering and screaming rows. And what do you consider to be normal? A rare bicker isn't ideal, but if it can be turned into a fair negotiation, then, okay. But a 'screaming row'? Uhm.... no. If someone was raised in a household where that was common, I'd expect that they would breed that out of themselves in time after mingling enough in society to learn that people won't put up with that. If not, then it's not my job to 'teach' him beyond making my own exit. Permanently. If someone doesn't have his stuff together well enough to have learned how to negotiate for what he wants, then he can be someone else's problem--not mine. Link to comment
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