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How often do you and your gf/bf fight?


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Had my most heated argument with my girlfriend about a week ago. No screaming or real bickering, though. We took our space and came together a couple days later and resolved it. That has happened twice in the over two years we've been together. We obviously disagree more often than that, but I wouldn't consider the disagreements "fights" in any context. "Argument" even sounds too harsh a word.

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Disagreements sure, they happen. In almost 6 years not a lot of them though. We're on the same page most of the time.


Screaming matches or heated arguments where we don't talk to each other for a while, never.


I had that in my previous relationship. It isn't healthy and I swore never again.

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I'm in four different long term relationship with their own dynamics when it comes to disagreement. With my two longest, live-in partners (10 years with one, 9 years with the other, living together for 6 years) I have the most disagreements. Our disagreements happen more often when we are all stressed and it tends to come and go in waves. At best we will go months without anything I would call an argument (to me that means a disagreement that is heated and has emotions behind it) but more often we have disagreements like that probably once a week. Our relationship is complicated and we do therapy and actively work on healing some of the past hurts we have, so we sit down and make time to listen to the hard things about each other... but that also means we are talking about the hard scary stuff and that can lead to raised emotions. Sometimes voices are raised but we work very hard not to TRY and hurt each other. It's been a long road (the attempt to hurt when scared and upset was a really bad habit one of my partners had/has) but we mostly manage it.


My other partners I don't live with, don't share finances with and don't plan the details of our future with... and I don't know if that is why we don't fight... but we don't. I've had one really painful period of time with my long distance partner of five years but I don't know if that was even a disagreement. It was just a deeply hard situation. We've never raised our voices at each other. He is long distance so the fact that we only see each other every month or so might have something to do with that. We are always on vacation when we are together... and that takes a lot of the everyday stress out of things.


I think it's normal to have disagreements with your partner... the trick is finding out how to do it with respect, love, compromise, actual communication and compassion.


If people are screaming at each other something isn't working right. That doesn't mean your relationship is un-fixable... it just means you are both going to want to work on it... and you need to want to work on it because if you just let it happen it will kill your compassion for each other and fill your relationship with built up hurts and bitterness.

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With each fight we come up with solutions to be rid of the problem. As the problems are decreasing. .so is the number of fights. So to answer the question.. we only fight when there are problems. As time goes on its becoming less and less. Its normal to have small fights. No violence or emotional abuse though.. that is a no no. I would be worried if a couple never had fights..its natural to.

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About 8 months in and no arguments yet, not even disagreements, maybe sometimes different opinions but nothing major and that's never caused actual disagreement. I'm going to go out on a limb and say we'll never be having screaming rows, I'd be seriously concerned if we do. But I'm sure there will be disagreements in future and we'll talk about it like grown ups if and when that happens.

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Both bickering and screaming rows. And what do you consider to be normal?


A rare bicker isn't ideal, but if it can be turned into a fair negotiation, then, okay. But a 'screaming row'? Uhm.... no. If someone was raised in a household where that was common, I'd expect that they would breed that out of themselves in time after mingling enough in society to learn that people won't put up with that. If not, then it's not my job to 'teach' him beyond making my own exit. Permanently.


If someone doesn't have his stuff together well enough to have learned how to negotiate for what he wants, then he can be someone else's problem--not mine.

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