Worried about how we are going to survive once we take our Family Leave

[Cheetarah]

Well no, technically we have 4 months. Once I am off work, my income drops to half because of mat leave. We also have a ton of stuff to buy (as this is our first child) and nobody to really help us so we have to do it all on our own. The student loan in and of itself is a huge financial burden as I am paying almost $500/month right now. Putting money on credit cards would really only make the problem much much worse.

 

I know we have to find some other way of making money, but the job market here is not great and we don't have much time. *sigh*.

 

Regarding buying the baby things...There are only a couple things I bought new...A car seat and mattress(my aunt purchased the crib). I don't know what ton of stuff you need. Clothing? Not tons...They go through that so fast it makes me weep inside at the thought of people buying brand new items when they are tight on money. The baby will probably be out of newborn size within weeks. 3 month clothing, maybe 2 months...generally speaking.

 

I didn't have any qualms purchasing used clothing, I still do it for my son. It's harder to find it in huge lots because at his age, they're actually grossing it all up and wearing it out. But when I do happen to come accross stuff in good shape, I pounce on it. I have a big 5T wardrobe for him that I probably only paid 25 dollars total for, and he's not going to be in it for probably about a year. I put it in storage bin on the porch.

 

What do you need? Bouncy seat, swing? Pack n Play? I bought my bouncy new at a garage sale for 80% off the price, for example. Diapers? Are you doing disposables or cloth? If there's one thing I'm pretty awesome at, it's finding deals. When cash was really tight I also made things homemade(wipes, for example).

 

Are you hesitant about purchasing used things?

[Heather Dawn]

At the risk of sounding heartless, this sounds like one of those "good problems."

 

"How am I going to survive a year of paid leave??"

 

You can definitely do it.

 

First of all, in the US, women can get a forbearance on their student loans during maternity leave. Generally speaking, Canada is a lot more progressive economically speaking so I can't imagine there not being a similar option for you. I'd research the option. You'd still accrue interest but it'd be a big help in the meantime.

 

I'd start putting tutoring ads out on Craigslist now. Can you get additional part time work now while you're still physically able? Even if it's just for a month or two at McDonalds or Walmart for minimum wage, it sounds like it'd be worth it.

 

Unlike many of the posters here, I live in the US, where 1) only the woman is guaranteed leave and 2) it's only guaranteed for 12 weeks AND 3) there's absolutely no guarantee of any pay. We manage here. I promise you'll be able to as well.

 

Agreed.

 

I have a co-worker who is having her first child in March. In order to take maternity leave and not lose eight weeks of pay, she had to plan ahead and purchase short-term disability when she knew she was going to be trying to get pregnant.

[Heather Dawn]

Regarding buying the baby things...There are only a couple things I bought new...A car seat and mattress(my aunt purchased the crib). I don't know what ton of stuff you need. Clothing? Not tons...They go through that so fast it makes me weep inside at the thought of people buying brand new items when they are tight on money. The baby will probably be out of newborn size within weeks. 3 month clothing, maybe 2 months...generally speaking.

 

I didn't have any qualms purchasing used clothing, I still do it for my son. It's harder to find it in huge lots because at his age, they're actually grossing it all up and wearing it out. But when I do happen to come accross stuff in good shape, I pounce on it. I have a big 5T wardrobe for him that I probably only paid 25 dollars total for, and he's not going to be in it for probably about a year. I put it in storage bin on the porch.

 

What do you need? Bouncy seat, swing? Pack n Play? I bought my bouncy new at a garage sale for 80% off the price, for example. Diapers? Are you doing disposables or cloth? If there's one thing I'm pretty awesome at, it's finding deals. When cash was really tight I also made things homemade(wipes, for example).

 

Are you hesitant about purchasing used things?

 

 

So true. The only thing I wouldn't consider buying used, even if money were an issue, is a car seat. But thrift stores and yard sales are awesome places to find things that are in great shape and much cheaper.

[Cheetarah]

So true. The only thing I wouldn't consider buying used, even if money were an issue, is a car seat. But thrift stores and yard sales are awesome places to find things that are in great shape and much cheaper.

 

Totally agree. For me, it was also the mattress. And there are some very good prices on convertible car seats, which are going to last you quite awhile. If you go that route I would consider splurging a little bit. I bought an infant seat first because he was born in the winter, and all I had to do was pop the seat out and carry him in the house, undisturbed. Then when he grew out of it, probably around 7 months or so I bought a nice convertible that weight limits are about 7lbs higher than the standard ones(because my kid is big). He's going to be in it for quite awhile.

[Heather Dawn]

Totally agree. For me, it was also the mattress. And there are some very good prices on convertible car seats, which are going to last you quite awhile. If you go that route I would consider splurging a little bit. I bought an infant seat first because he was born in the winter, and all I had to do was pop the seat out and carry him in the house, undisturbed. Then when he grew out of it, probably around 7 months or so I bought a nice convertible that weight limits are about 7lbs higher than the standard ones(because my kid is big). He's going to be in it for quite awhile.

 

Yeah, you're right about the mattress - I'd never buy a used mattress, period, for a crib or for a bed! Blech.

[Seraphim]

I would purchase items regarding safety , new. Like someone said , car seats , crib and mattress . Do not buy scads of newborn stuff as Cheet said they are out of it in literally 3 weeks. They don't need tons and tons of stuff. That comes later. My best friend when I was a kid when she was a newborn slept in a dresser drawer her mom placed on the floor . She's perfectly fine . I promise you don't need scads of stuff but I totally get the urge to want that for your baby .

[superfan]

Even if he works at Walmart stocking shelves or McDonald's or who cares wherever... You are going to need that second income. Pride really sometimes really goes out the window when you have a little person that is 100% reliant on you.

 

Oh we have no pride lol....but hours that we can work are limited with two full time jobs already and the job market in the city we live in is pretty terrible. When my husband first came here from the UK it took him 8 months to find the job he has now - and he was looking for ANYTHING....Wal Mart, Timmys, McDonalds, etc. Nobody was hiring. He's going to try but it will be tough to find something that will work around his full time job.

[superfan]

You're a teacher - why not try to be a tutor during your mat leave? You could do it in your own home.

 

It's definitely something to consider. I was thinking that or maybe selling Avon or something. Just worried about the difficulty of trying to feed/stay awake during those first few months and work at the same time.

[Heather Dawn]

It's definitely something to consider. I was thinking that or maybe selling Avon or something. Just worried about the difficulty of trying to feed/stay awake during those first few months and work at the same time.

 

I think tutoring will be more lucrative and steady. But, in addition, you could also start doing those (albeit, extremely annoying) online product parties that everyone I know has on Facebook all the time. Scentsy, Origami Owl, 3D Lashes (or whatever it's called), etc. If you work hard at it, you'll probably make a few bucks.

[superfan]

At the risk of sounding heartless, this sounds like one of those "good problems."

 

"How am I going to survive a year of paid leave??"

 

You can definitely do it.

 

Oh I know that this is definitely a "first world problem" in that sense. Still doesn't mean I have any money

 

First of all, in the US, women can get a forbearance on their student loans during maternity leave. Generally speaking, Canada is a lot more progressive economically speaking so I can't imagine there not being a similar option for you. I'd research the option. You'd still accrue interest but it'd be a big help in the meantime.

 

With OSAP if you don't pay, you default. The only way to get any kind of "mercy" is to apply for repayment assistance. Unfortunately they only give you so many years of that and then you HAVE to pay. I have already been on repayment assistance for almost 10 years. My income hasn't changed, and yet the amount they have been asking from me has slowly been going up. I MIGHT get lucky when I am on EI and apply again but it is not likely.

 

I'd start putting tutoring ads out on Craigslist now. Can you get additional part time work now while you're still physically able? Even if it's just for a month or two at McDonalds or Walmart for minimum wage, it sounds like it'd be worth it.

 

Unlike many of the posters here, I live in the US, where 1) only the woman is guaranteed leave and 2) it's only guaranteed for 12 weeks AND 3) there's absolutely no guarantee of any pay. We manage here. I promise you'll be able to as well.

 

We are definitely looking into trying to find something to work around our hours, but the city we live in is pretty bad for unemployment. No guarantees. And I know that the situation is better than in other places, but if we were living in the US, this baby would not exist at all. There would be NO way we could afford it. Period.

[superfan]

Regarding buying the baby things...There are only a couple things I bought new...A car seat and mattress(my aunt purchased the crib). I don't know what ton of stuff you need. Clothing? Not tons...They go through that so fast it makes me weep inside at the thought of people buying brand new items when they are tight on money. The baby will probably be out of newborn size within weeks. 3 month clothing, maybe 2 months...generally speaking.

 

I didn't have any qualms purchasing used clothing, I still do it for my son. It's harder to find it in huge lots because at his age, they're actually grossing it all up and wearing it out. But when I do happen to come accross stuff in good shape, I pounce on it. I have a big 5T wardrobe for him that I probably only paid 25 dollars total for, and he's not going to be in it for probably about a year. I put it in storage bin on the porch.

 

What do you need? Bouncy seat, swing? Pack n Play? I bought my bouncy new at a garage sale for 80% off the price, for example. Diapers? Are you doing disposables or cloth? If there's one thing I'm pretty awesome at, it's finding deals. When cash was really tight I also made things homemade(wipes, for example).

 

Are you hesitant about purchasing used things?

 

We need everything. Crib, car seat, stroller, playpen, mattress, clothing, diapers, bottles, high chair, a dresser, etc. etc. Yes we are already buying some used clothes from Value Village and other second hand stores, but even the used stuff is still making a huge dent in our monthly pay especially with all our other bills and my student loans. We have nobody to help us so nobody to lend us/give us stuff really. It's just all adding up.

[superfan]

I think tutoring will be more lucrative and steady. But, in addition, you could also start doing those (albeit, extremely annoying) online product parties that everyone I know has on Facebook all the time. Scentsy, Origami Owl, 3D Lashes (or whatever it's called), etc. If you work hard at it, you'll probably make a few bucks.

 

The problem with tutoring is that it would only be lucrative in the first 4 months of the baby's life (Feb-June). Nobody needs tutors during the summer (I have tried) and those will be the most intensive months with feeding/napping, etc.

[Heather Dawn]

The problem with tutoring is that it would only be lucrative in the first 4 months of the baby's life (Feb-June). Nobody needs tutors during the summer (I have tried) and those will be the most intensive months with feeding/napping, etc.

 

Damn, didn't realize that.

[itsallgrand]

We'd throw you a baby shower. Damn. But since we aren't there, I have volunteered at community centers for a long time and they will help you if you go. Go to the nearest community center or Friendship Center (they are all over Canada, and every city has a Friendship center, and it doesn't matter what your ethnicity is, they will help you!!). It would at least help as far as receiving some stuff for the baby, and maybe they will also be able to hook you up with programs as well (I'm not sure what the programs are in your province as I don't live there, but we have a tonne for expecting mothers, everything from monthly food subsidies to subsidized day care and helping with rides). Churches too are a great place of support; and many will help regardless if you are part of the church or not.

 

I don't know what your living situation is but maybe you could save some money there? By either moving, or even looking into low income housing? I know you probably won't like that idea, but I'm just shooting out ideas here. It can make a big difference since rent, I know, is not cheap. If you own a home, well, sometimes you can get financially help on top of the rest if you are low income.

 

It is going to be okay. You will figure it out. Congrats on your pregnancy. How exciting is it?! I'm excited for you.

[Batya33]

We need everything. Crib, car seat, stroller, playpen, mattress, clothing, diapers, bottles, high chair, a dresser, etc. etc. Yes we are already buying some used clothes from Value Village and other second hand stores, but even the used stuff is still making a huge dent in our monthly pay especially with all our other bills and my student loans. We have nobody to help us so nobody to lend us/give us stuff really. It's just all adding up.

 

Completely agree that the safety items should be new -especially crib and car seat (and snap -n-go for the first "carriage"). Get a lot of free swaddling/burp cloths from the hospital. I remember returning a gift of a $50 onesie (those little tops with the snaps) and buying my mother some towels lol. I still don't overbuy clothes -he is 6 -they outgrow so fast and we got lots of hand me downs. Also our high chair was a hand me down but we didn't use it till he was over a year.

 

Oh and please forget things like "wipe warmers" and we did not have a changing table -we used the changing pad and changed him on the floor or on a bed as long as I had a hand on him (or someone did).

[WithLove]

We need everything. Crib, car seat, stroller, playpen, mattress, clothing, diapers, bottles, high chair, a dresser, etc. etc. Yes we are already buying some used clothes from Value Village and other second hand stores, but even the used stuff is still making a huge dent in our monthly pay especially with all our other bills and my student loans. We have nobody to help us so nobody to lend us/give us stuff really. It's just all adding up.

 

To be honest, a lot of that stuff you won't need right away, anyway. I worked at a baby department store for 2 years and you wouldn't believe all the stuff people put on their baby registries that aren't needed. Baby is gonna be sleeping with you or in a bassinet or similar for the first few months, so a crib isn't necessary right away. Neither is a high chair - since Baby won't even be sitting up unassisted until around 4-6 months. You can pick up a dresser at any time. Playpen, Play yard, Gym - all these things aren't needed for months.

 

Car seat and stroller should be the first things you buy, because you can't leave the hospital without them (at least the car seat). A bouncer (possibly one that vibrates, but those are a bit controversial) might be a good idea, because they are good at calming Baby when you need to use your hands, but these are a luxury item although they do have cheap ones. Essentials like bottles, bathing items, laundry detergent that is safe for Baby, diapers and diaper products, etc are also things you need right away. Safety items to protect your home are necessary but not right away, since Baby isn't mobile yet.

 

Yes, do purchase things like the mattress and baby bathtub brand new. Here in the US, it's illegal to sell a used one anyway; that's why you can never return one without the protector on it still fully sealed. Bathtub buy new for things like mold and mildew that you don't know haven't been cleaned properly.

 

If you have any other questions, just ask. There are a lot of moms out here that can give you a lot of better advice than I can, but I did work at one of the top baby stores in the US and I am proud to say I learned a lot about child care there.

[Cheetarah]

I had a changing table, it was a really cool foldable meshy type thing could fold and store(awesome for small spaces), I got it on clearance and had coupons, I think I paid 8 dollars for it - Anyhow, I hardly ever used it. Only to lay him on it to air out diaper rashes so we didn't get the bed all full of pee or anything else. The bed was and still is the changing place.

 

Dressers? You know those plastic rollaway things people use for keeping craft supplies? It's all the room you need for clothing in the first 6 months and maybe more. I had one with 2 large drawers and 4 smaller ones.

 

If you really can't afford the crib, maybe people do buy pack and plays for sleep. You can probably keep a baby in there for sleep about a year.

 

You don't need a high chair for awhile.

 

If you can't afford a travel system, just get the infant car seat. It's light enough to lug your baby around in it.

 

You don't need to buy Dreft or expensive detergents marketed towards babies. Free and clear detergents are fine(I prefer them, personally).

 

Are you cloth diapering or disposable?

[superfan]

We'd throw you a baby shower. Damn. But since we aren't there, I have volunteered at community centers for a long time and they will help you if you go. Go to the nearest community center or Friendship Center (they are all over Canada, and every city has a Friendship center, and it doesn't matter what your ethnicity is, they will help you!!). It would at least help as far as receiving some stuff for the baby, and maybe they will also be able to hook you up with programs as well (I'm not sure what the programs are in your province as I don't live there, but we have a tonne for expecting mothers, everything from monthly food subsidies to subsidized day care and helping with rides). Churches too are a great place of support; and many will help regardless if you are part of the church or not.

 

I am lucky in that we won a 6 week pre natal class from a place called Mommy Connections - normally this class costs $65. So we are hoping that we will make connections through that. We also have a free pre natal class through our local health unit.

 

I don't know what your living situation is but maybe you could save some money there? By either moving, or even looking into low income housing? I know you probably won't like that idea, but I'm just shooting out ideas here. It can make a big difference since rent, I know, is not cheap. If you own a home, well, sometimes you can get financially help on top of the rest if you are low income.

 

It is going to be okay. You will figure it out. Congrats on your pregnancy. How exciting is it?! I'm excited for you.

 

We make JUST enough to not qualify for geared to income housing but to be honest I am not interested in moving into any of those areas. In the city I live in there have been over 10 stabbings in the areas of low income housing and 6 homicides. We live in a nicer area and even we have experienced a home invasion, so I don't want to put our safety at risk. We live in a fairly cheap apartment as it is....$850 inclusive for a two bedroom.

 

We ARE excited, just feeling like all the stuff we need money for is piling up. I realize this is probably par for the course and we will figure it out, but it is stressful nontheless.

[itsallgrand]

That's great about the pre natal class!!

Hey, I totally understand about the low income housing and not wanting it. Was just throwing out ideas.

That is a good value on your apartment anyways and if it's in a good neighborhood, wow! Glad you have your housing situation taken care of and that is not something you have to worry about.

 

I know I'm bias because of my experience with community centers but seriously, they can be a goldmine of resources and support. Just something to think about if you need or want to widen your support network on the ground.

[superfan]

To be honest, a lot of that stuff you won't need right away, anyway. I worked at a baby department store for 2 years and you wouldn't believe all the stuff people put on their baby registries that aren't needed. Baby is gonna be sleeping with you or in a bassinet or similar for the first few months, so a crib isn't necessary right away. Neither is a high chair - since Baby won't even be sitting up unassisted until around 4-6 months. You can pick up a dresser at any time. Playpen, Play yard, Gym - all these things aren't needed for months.

 

The baby definitely will not be sleeping in the bed with us. We either need a crib/bassinet/cradle, etc. I know that a lot of the other stuff we don't need right away but we want to get it as soon as possible because our income will be cut in half soon and we are worried about how we will afford those items when we no longer have two full paycheques.

 

Car seat and stroller should be the first things you buy, because you can't leave the hospital without them (at least the car seat). A bouncer (possibly one that vibrates, but those are a bit controversial) might be a good idea, because they are good at calming Baby when you need to use your hands, but these are a luxury item although they do have cheap ones. Essentials like bottles, bathing items, laundry detergent that is safe for Baby, diapers and diaper products, etc are also things you need right away. Safety items to protect your home are necessary but not right away, since Baby isn't mobile yet.

 

Yes, do purchase things like the mattress and baby bathtub brand new. Here in the US, it's illegal to sell a used one anyway; that's why you can never return one without the protector on it still fully sealed. Bathtub buy new for things like mold and mildew that you don't know haven't been cleaned properly.

 

If you have any other questions, just ask. There are a lot of moms out here that can give you a lot of better advice than I can, but I did work at one of the top baby stores in the US and I am proud to say I learned a lot about child care there.

 

Yeah we definitely need the carseat/stroller right away and those are EXPENSIVE. We can really only afford to buy one of these items per paycheque, so we are having to stagger what we buy. Thanks for some of the tips though they are extremely helpful!

[Seraphim]

Awww honey , new babies don't need too much. Lots of loves and cuddles , diapers and eating. Take it from an old mom, " stuff" is overrated . But that said we were in a rough spot panicking when I was pregnant with my son . Not much different than you are now. My son is living thriving and 18 and at college now ( a whole new set of expenses ) and we all still alive and well.

 

You will be just fine . Take heart.

[superfan]

Are you cloth diapering or disposable?

 

Disposable. I wouldn't know the first thing about cloth diapers and it seems really intimidating.

[superfan]

Awww honey , new babies don't need too much. Lots of loves and cuddles , diapers and eating. Take it from an old mom, " stuff" is overrated . But that said we were in a rough spot panicking when I was pregnant with my son . Not much different than you are now. My son is living thriving and 18 and at college now ( a whole new set of expenses ) and we all still alive and well.

 

You will be just fine . Take heart.

 

lol thanks. I feel better today than I did yesterday. Still panicking a bit, but other people do it on less so there has to be a way. Thanks!

[Seraphim]

Don't forget you will also get the child tax credit and the universal child tax credit so a few extra hundred a month.

 

Also start an RESP for your child right away even $50 a month saved goes a long way for their education.

[Batya33]

I wanted to add that you will do this because you are focused on both the practicalities and being a great parent (and your husband too!) and obviously you have everything else you need -big heart, big brain - and yes you need some $ in addition to love and smarts but you're totally on the right track.

 

As an aside- I don't have migraines but a friend of mine who does just tried this procedure called something like radiography ablation - just passing it along in case it is helpful.