Has He Changed his Tune?

[Naomi99]

Next time get angry when he contacts you without waiting to find out whether he wants a relationship from you or not. People don't always deserve 5th or 6th chances.

 

"Next time"????? Pshaw.

 

In hindsight, yes, I wanted to see him again blah blah blah, but now it's clear the whole experience really has nothing to do with if he wants a relationship or not. It has to do with with is character and why I accept someone like that and how stronger boundaries are needed with some people. He's a f-ing A-hole. I never would have seem the extent of it had things not played out the way they did.

[mhowe]

but now it's clear the whole experience really has nothing to do with if he wants a relationship or not.

 

Well, actually ---- it does. He NEVER wanted a relationship, and you were willing to subject yourself to the non-relationship and his behavior until you weren't.

[Naomi99]

The lizard is trying the "friend" approach to get you back to his bed. Before it worked. Now hopefully it won't.

This man has no respect, nor basic compassion to your aching heart. He is cold, calculating and manipulative user.

 

Please, give him the "crickets chirp" response. Loooads of it. Protect your dignity and sanity, Lady N!

 

Thank you, Lady E.

 

He is not getting a response and he can sit there forever wondering what that means.

[Naomi99]

I'm not even hurt about not wanting romantic relationship.

 

I'm highly offended that he thinks I'm dumb to accept a friend who on so many levels does not meet the definition of friend.

 

I understand he may have behaved certain ways to keep me at a distance so I wouldn't fall in love, but then be honest with your feelings so you don't look like a douche later on.

[mhowe]

I'm not even hurt about not wanting romantic relationship.

 

I'm highly offended that he thinks I'm dumb to accept a friend who on so many levels does not meet the definition of friend.

 

But Naomi --- HE hasn't changed. Not one iota.

Your post title: Has he changed his tune? He is a one hit wonder....he doesn't have a playlist.

 

What has changed is your perception of his behavior.

[annie24]

Me: You said you weren't going to contact me, so I'm confused why you're reaching out. Have you changed your mind about what you want?

 

His response: I know I did, but I was really sad about it, and felt like I needed to at least say hello, and let you know that I care about you, and I think you're a fantastic person.

I don't want a romantic relationship, but that does not mean that I don't have these strong emotions regarding you.

 

If you feel like you still don't want me to be a friend in your life I will understand, but, and this is key... I really do make a good friend, and so do you. Having people who care about you is something I don't take for granted.

 

(then he said something really personal and funny and closed with that.)

 

i would block him because he's offering you NOTHING. I've had guys like this time waster too. They have nothing to offer you but they don't want you to move on either. Just block him so you're no longer antagonized.

[Naomi99]

Are you kidding me? Block him and miss the chance to potentially see him squirming, sending other reach-out emails as I continue to remain silent? Not for the world!!

 

Anyways don't you guys want to know if he sends another one?

[mhowe]

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

 

Don't YOU want to let go of this and move forward?

[East4]

But Naomi --- HE hasn't changed. Not one iota.

Your post title: Has he changed his tune? He is a one hit wonder....he doesn't have a playlist.

 

What has changed is your perception of his behavior.

 

Something has changed - Doc's mind games have hit new higher levels. This is what has changed, and it is cruel. He knows that Naomi wants a relationship. He knows that he doesn't want one. He is aware that his dubious first message will give her false hope. And this is what he counted on. That she will bite the bait and being too hopeful and afraid to ask squarely about his relationship intention. Too bad for him, Naomi, did stand up for herself and addressed the relationship question. His plan failed, but it wouldn't be excluded for him to stoop as low as contacting Naomi with a promise for relationship and then go back to his old ways. After a few months of sleeping with her, he would just say "sorry, I tried the relationship but I simply cannot do it." This is why it is pointless to reply to any future contact from him. His relationship intention won't change, only his level of manipulation would change to a higher degree.

[Naomi99]

He is aware that his dubious first message will give her false hope. And this is what he counted on.

 

EXCACTLY!!!

 

If he intended a friendship, he would have led with "Look, I know I said I wouldn't contact you but this has been eating at me. I really care about you and I appreciate everything you've done for me when I was at my lowest point. I don't want a romantic relationship with you but I value what you've brought into my life and don't want to lose that."

 

Something like that.

 

He would NOT have led with "I think about you all the time and you're incredible." That is romantic, in my opinion.

 

 

Man, that makes me angry.

[annie24]

It's fine to be angry. Time to just block him and move on from this stupid situation. Don't engage him in games.

[lostandhurt]

Are you kidding me? Block him and miss the chance to potentially see him squirming, sending other reach-out emails as I continue to remain silent? Not for the world!!

 

Anyways don't you guys want to know if he sends another one?

 

Not really, he is the dead end past. I would like to see you spend some time single, figure out what kind of guy you really want in your life and especially what kind of relationship you want for your life. Then start dating again and hopefully meet that someone special. That way when you meet another lizard you can dump him after 2 or 3 dates and not get sucked into something like last time.

 

Lost

[East4]

Naomi, just curious, what is this guy's star sign? What is yours? If I may ask.

[Naomi99]

East4….check your PM

[lostandhurt]

Is there a Lizard constellation?

[mhowe]

Is there a Lizard constellation?

 

I believe there is ---- in the Chinese calendar!

[reinventmyself]

OK. .There's a part of me that is glad to see that she is angry. Anger is a powerful motivator for change.

 

At the same time I scratching my head over the intense reaction she had to this response.

Not matter what she says, (which changes moment to moment) I know she was hoping for more. . but let's say a 90% of her was sure she wouldn't get it and 10% was holding out, I would think the response would have been alittle different. But then again, I am not her.

 

It think the response it's still a great indicator of how invested she really was in the outcome, despite everything that has been said. (by her as well as others)

 

I hope there's a valuable lesson in all of this.

Because she herself is able to say one thing and do another.

It's a little bit of double standard to point fingers at the Dr for doing the same thing.

 

I had to come back and add that I think the Dr has been consistent the entire time. Naomi on the other hand has not.

[reinventmyself]

Are you kidding me? Block him and miss the chance to potentially see him squirming, sending other reach-out emails as I continue to remain silent? Not for the world!!

 

Anyways don't you guys want to know if he sends another one?

 

No. . not really.

Because it means you are still engaging him and still attached.

 

I'd rather read an update on you that you have moved on and closed the door to this drama. Spent sometime grounding yourself and ultimately finding a better suited partner.

That I would like to read.

[East4]

In the Chinese there's the Snake ... there's the Pig too

But let's leave the innocent animals in peace.

[missmarple]

His response didn't surprise me at all. What surprises me is that you're still reluctant to block him.

 

You have to close that door and keep it closed if you want to move forward, you know.

[Naomi99]

Yes It would have been nice to see him, but all visions of that disappeared when it became apparent in his second email he is manipulative and challenging my intellect which is a huge insult to me. Huge.

 

He's solidifying that he's only contacting me to get what HE wants out of things, and he doesn't even respect my wishes to leave me alone (as he said he would) since i were clear what i wanted.

 

Then he's trying to manipulate me into thinking he's contacting almost as a favor to me because I need people in my life who care about me.

 

It's him getting everything he wants and me getting nothjbg what I want. And then him spinning it as if he is doing me a service!

 

And to top it off, he is a horrible friend! I understand he did things during the relationship to keep me at a distance but then be honest about it so you don't look like a douchebag later.

 

I am insulted.

[Naomi99]

Plus the fact his initial message was "I think about you all the time and you're incredible!" Why lead with that?? To mislead! Mentioning my birthday restaurant. Yeah. Reminiscing to hook me in.

[mhowe]

That's why it is helpful to clarify a response.

 

In college, my bf and I had a huge fight. He came back to the house and said "I'm sorry".

Since he had never said that before, I was flabbergast.

 

And then I gave it a second thought and asked "what are you sorry for".

 

Turns out he was sorry I was mad at him, not that he acted like an a$$.

 

 

When in doubt, ask a follow up question. Saves a lot of heartache.

[annie24]

Plus the fact his initial message was "I think about you all the time and you're incredible!" Why lead with that?? To mislead! Mentioning my birthday restaurant. Yeah. Reminiscing to hook me in.

 

Ok, but he's not adding, "I think about you all the time and I want you to be my girlfriend." So what then? I mean, his words really say nothing because there are no intentions or future directions there.

[Naomi99]

Gimme a break. He was throwing out bait.