Guy texts about kissing me...before date.

[Dottieflanogon]

I can see how that would make you feel uncomfortable but I wouldn't read too much into his texts,this could of have been worse .Besides you've already met him and he asked you on proper date and not just hanging out at his place. Many people end up kissing on first if they have insane chemistry .Try meeting a guy for the first time then he approaches you about sex before knowing anything about you.

 

Just trust your intuition. If you have doubts then give it more time

[IAmFCA]

It totally is a game and if you're not skilled at reading the body language of strangers you will lose every time at the game. Playing the game is more important than compatibility. It's odd that those were aren't skilled at reading the body language of strangers are lumped in with children.

It is over if he guesses wrong and failing at the game over and over can be worse than being punched in the nose.

 

Understanding non verbal cues is a key aspect of communication in all contexts, dating included. It is communication, not a game.

[IAmFCA]

One of the best lovers of my life waited 6 dates for a kiss, and I kissed him first. If a person is uncomfortable reading non verbal cues, then ask or invest more time. Either approach can lead to success.

 

It's just not that big a deal? Do you want to kiss me but aren't sure? Then ask me nicely. I'll smile a little bit of a giggle to have been asked but I'll also think it's sweet. So what. If I like kissing you then I'll be glad you asked.

[missmarple]

It depends on the wording. Maybe he was trying to be playful, maybe he wanted to make sure it's a date and you don't see him as a friend or something. I would go on the date and see how he behaves.

[HLnoelle]

I'd say it's odd first because he's in your class. What if things don't workout or you aren't interested beyond the first date? Do people not think before they do this stuff? It puts you in an uncomfortable situation, and I find that to be disrespectful. That alone would turn me off. If you had met him online I would say that's pretty typical. If you have developed a connection in class talking, and outside of class maybe this is fine. But if not, I find it to be weird. And personally I would avoid.

[IAmFCA]

Want to get rejected instantly over 99 percent of the time? Ask her permission to miss.

 

Not in my world.

[IAmFCA]

Uncomfortable like what, touching her inappropriately? Now not following the rules of the game is enough to make her uncomfortable.

 

Guy, a hostile attitude will eliminate more opportunity than will a misread of non verbal cues. Yikes.

[mhowe]

Wrong. The fairer gender flocks to dangerous abusive men all the time.

 

Perhaps those men could read body language?

[Wafils]

Ughhhh... I just feel so put off by the text. I mean, we don't really know each other AT ALL. It's just so presumptuous and boundary pushing and it makes me feel kind of weird. Why not, you know, go on the date, and see how the vibe reads and act accordingly? Now I feel awkward whereas before I was a little excited and nervous and ready to go with the flow. I don't know if it was a joke but it is just bad taste. I am considering cancelling...but how should I go about that? What does everyone think? Thanks for all your responses

[mhowe]

How do you cancel a date? You call him and say you have changed your mind and are not interested in meeting him.

[Wafils]

Mmkay.. Well I was looking for some verbiage. So thanks! Should I mention that the text was what put me off? Or just leave it at I changed my mind?

[LoveSoDeep]

It depends on the wording. Maybe he was trying to be playful, maybe he wanted to make sure it's a date and you don't see him as a friend or something. I would go on the date and see how he behaves.

 

I agree with this. Could be that he;s been on many dates and never gets more than a friendship out if it and he wants you to know that is not his goal. Now he could have chose a better way to get that accross but if you think it's odd I would say 'I don't usually kiss on the first date, but thanks for the warning!"

[dave_1966]

He was being dumb, if I were you I'd have replied 'you want to kiss me? Even with my herpes? Cute, can't wait' and seen how he progressed from there....

[mhowe]

Mmkay.. Well I was looking for some verbiage. So thanks! Should I mention that the text was what put me off? Or just leave it at I changed my mind?

 

I am not sure that it is your job to teach him how to date others...perhaps that works with others. Simply focus on your lack of further interest. Unless you want to have a conversation about it. In which case, why not do it in person?

[Wafils]

He was being dumb, if I were you I'd have replied 'you want to kiss me? Even with my herpes? Cute, can't wait' and seen how he progressed from there....

 

LOL this really cracked me up, so thanks !! Now next time I know just what to say

[Wafils]

I am not sure that it is your job to teach him how to date others...perhaps that works with others. Simply focus on your lack of further interest. Unless you want to have a conversation about it. In which case, why not do it in person?

 

Very true. I just can't imagine any woman responding to that very positively, in the context it of coming from someone you barely know. Maybe some people get down like that, but it's kind of risky that it will be appreciated rather than seen as presumptuous or even worse. I won't mention it to him, but it's just poor form in general.

[mhowe]

There was a poster on here this month who was called over to a car by a guy who gave her a prewritten phone number. And she saw nothing wrong with it...in fact, several people did not. She actually texted him.

 

To each their own.

[Patrick974]

Personally I would rather be pleasantly surprised by a kiss than talk about it before. How romantic that sounds... If the date goes really well go ahead and kiss, or on second or third date. Talking about it pretty much screw all the fun of discovering the person little by little.

[browneyedgirl36]

Ughhhh... I just feel so put off by the text. I mean, we don't really know each other AT ALL. It's just so presumptuous and boundary pushing and it makes me feel kind of weird. Why not, you know, go on the date, and see how the vibe reads and act accordingly? Now I feel awkward whereas before I was a little excited and nervous and ready to go with the flow. I don't know if it was a joke but it is just bad taste. I am considering cancelling...but how should I go about that? What does everyone think? Thanks for all your responses

 

If you feel uncomfortable, that's enough reason to cancel. Just text and tell him it's not going to work after all, and that you wish him the best.

[IAmFCA]

If you want to call off the date, you call him up and be straightforward. You say, I have decided against going on a date with you. I'm sorry to change directions on you, but better now than later.

 

If there is any room for changing your mind, you say, The text with the kissing comment kind of hit me funny, enough that it made me question going on a date. Maybe you were joking? In text it is hard to tell, and I like you so it's worth talking about. To me it felt presumptuous.

[superfan]

I'm curious OP as to how it was worded because for me that would be important in determining how I felt about it. Did he just say it apropos of nothing or was it part of some kind of banter?

 

I personally feel that the guy likely had decent enough intentions. We are in a world unfortunately where many women don't feel safe or comfortable when they go out with a man and men are not sure how to express romantic interest without crossing a line. I for one, ALWAYS feel better if a guy asks "can I kiss you"? because that shows he is being respectful of the fact that I might not want him to, and giving me the opportunity to say no rather than just "going for it".

 

Men aren't mind readers and can't be expected to be able to skillfully read every verbal cue. I can't tell you how many awkward advances I have been on the other end of. He maybe should have waited and said it verbally, rather than putting it in text form, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt in that if it was indeed asking (and not saying "I'm going to kiss you be forewarned") he was probably just trying to be respectful

 

Again, I would have to know the exact wording to be sure.

 

If you are put off by it and don't want to go on the date, just be honest and say that your most recent communications have left you somewhat uncomfortable and you would rather not go out on a date with him. Be polite, but firm.

 

If you still want to give him a chance, but aren't sure about getting physical, then reply to that portion of it by just saying "I'm not comfortable getting physical just yet" and see what he says.

 

Good luck.

[Andrina]

It's your decision, of course, but some people are socially awkward, but basically good people. Shortly after I'd started dating my future husband, he was waiting in my driveway after I got home from work and said he was surprising me. I explained to him that sometimes I go to a friend's house after work, and that I wanted him to call me in the future. He said something else that I can't remember, but then I told him it was common courtesy to call me and see if it was okay. He never did that again, and I later found out that basically his older sister raised him as his mother worked two jobs and his mother married 3 times and he had no stable father figure. He's a great person, but I've had to teach him some social skills that he was lacking, but I thought he was worth it. You teach people how to treat you. The good ones will improve to stay in your life, and the bad ones stay true to who they are and can be kicked to the curb.

[Sportster2005]

I agree with much of this.

 

I think what is missing is the idea of seeking clarification. What we know is:

1. A man said something through text.

2. Texts are horrible conveying meaning and intent.

3. Unsurprising the OP is unsure of the meaning.

4. Until clarification is sought it will remain a mystery.

 

It might be awkward, it will also lead to instant understanding. Then once you have an understanding you are in a better position to make an informed decision.

 

This story can end potentially two ways.

Her - I got this creepy text from a guy and bolted. Men are so creepy.

Him - This woman I thought was cool just bolted out of the blue for no reason. Women are so flaky.

Or,

Her - I can't believe you sent me that silly text before I met you. What were you thinking?

Him - I was so excited and nervous to meet you. I'm glad you didn't bolt or we wouldn't be celebrating our 35 year anniversary today.

 

You'll never know. Dating is sometimes awkward. We're vulnerable and unsure. We spends our money and takes our chances.

[IAmFCA]

Sportster, you nailed it.

 

So much about dating would be easier if we either (1) chose not to react to it, or (2) brought it up directly. Living under a microscope is very difficult, unless we give up worrying about what we look like. This fellow may have tossed off a line that was funny to him, because no way would he kiss you yet, or because he wants to kiss you and wans you to know he keeps thinking about it, in a good way, or because he is a total creep. Presumably, you have a vibe about him already from your initial interaction, and he was trusting that vibe enough to speak fluidly. Its up to you if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[musicman777]

I think this is weird someone would ask about that, especially before a date. Kissing and hugging should come naturally. There are definitely times where early dates invite awkward physical encounters. That is normal. But to TEXT about it, asking permission to do certain things beforehand, ugh! I wouldn't even date this guy lol.