Guy texts about kissing me...before date.

[Wafils]

I accepted a date for this weekend with a nice guy whom I don't know very well, but overall have a good vibe from. However a strange (?) text from him has given me pause. He wrote something to the effect that he may try to kiss me...I don't know, this seems kind of forward, no? Or is this normal, I haven't been on a date in ages lol. We are late 20's. Met in class so we haven't talked a lot but like I said I haven't seen any flags, but this is a bit...odd?

[Batya33]

I think it is odd but since he's not talking about sex or sexting I would go on the date in a public place and kiss him only if you feel like it. If he pressures you in any way, then no second date.

[mhowe]

Yes, it is odd. It would appear he is unclear on the dating process.

 

Text him back "Thanks for the warning. I may say "no".

[WithLove]

The guy I'm currently seeing asked me if he could hug me before our first date. Maybe he's just trying to see what your boundaries are?

[mhowe]

The guy I'm currently seeing asked me if he could hug me before our first date. Maybe he's just trying to see what your boundaries are?

 

Did he ask in person --- as in "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" hello. Or did he text you that he wanted a hug? Big difference.

 

My opinion --- hugging has become Wayyyyyyy to prevalent among people who haven't met.

[WithLove]

Did he ask in person --- as in "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" hello. Or did he text you that he wanted a hug? Big difference.

 

My opinion --- hugging has become Wayyyyyyy to prevalent among people who haven't met.

 

We had made a discovery that we mutually liked something that is sort of rare, and he must've felt really good about it, because he said something like "That's so cool that we like the same thing! Can I please hug you when I see you?"

 

I think if he had said "I'm going to hug you!" before actually doing it, it may have felt stranger. Asking if he could hug me, though, didn't really put up any flags.

[Andrina]

I think it's a red flag. Of course a guy imagines what he wants to happen, but to voice it may show you that he's only into the physical part and doesn't really want to get to know you. I'd probably still go on the date. Don't let him start doing physical things before you're ready. Never meet in each others homes until you're ready to have sex, as willpower may lose out when chemistry is strong. If you want to see if a guy is a player or not, try to hold out on having sex for a while, such as not until after the 8th date or a few months. A player won't have the patience to wait around. A guy who has a long term relationship as a goal will have patience and want to get to know the real you.

[Rosti87]

OP,

 

It is an awkward question within the context of your situation. I would go on the date, but be a bit more observant to see if other strange behaviour is involved. It could be an innocent but awkward question or it could be the tip of the iceberg of a strange one.

[Sportster2005]

I accepted a date for this weekend with a nice guy whom I don't know very well, but overall have a good vibe from. However a strange (?) text from him has given me pause. He wrote something to the effect that he may try to kiss me...I don't know, this seems kind of forward, no? Or is this normal, I haven't been on a date in ages lol. We are late 20's. Met in class so we haven't talked a lot but like I said I haven't seen any flags, but this is a bit...odd?

 

It might be one of those texts he regretted as soon as he sent it. Could be date jitters. Trying to mix it up a bit maybe. Dating is sometimes "try and see what works". I do find it odd, but without knowing the context or motivation it's hard to really tell what's going on.

 

I love mhowe's suggestion for a reply. Playful and leaves the door open.

[DoF]

odd and a red flag

 

Proceed with caution, and make sure to use the dog filter! No intimacy for couple of months!!!! Keep your mind clear and don't get blinded. He might just be after one thing, it's up to YOU to find out!

[TMifune]

odd and a red flag

 

Proceed with caution, and make sure to use the dog filter! No intimacy for couple of months!!!! Keep your mind clear and don't get blinded. He might just be after one thing, it's up to YOU to find out!

 

Meh. Yellow Flag. And that's pretty much teh default anyway right....Proceed with caution?

 

The guy has to do something to make sure there's sexual tension or she's going to view him as "just a friend".

[pippy longstocking]

Where you both getting flirty with each other over text and he is saying it in a "really fancy you so much I wont be able to resist " way ..

 

I suppose its better then him texting with " I might try to put my c@ck in your mouth"

 

[WithLove]

 

I suppose its better then him texting with " I might try to put my c@ck in your mouth"

 

 

Spat out my tea

[TMifune]

I suppose its better then him texting with " I might try to put my c@ck in your mouth"

 

 

lol! I guess that depends on what you're into!

[IAmFCA]

I could see how this text was meant as playful, a way of expressing enthusiasm. Like If you're lucky I might even try to kiss you said in a teasing, joking sort of way.

 

A lot depends on context and tone. Guessing at those, I would (1) ignore it altogether, or (2) joke back. "Lol, the last fellow who kissed me ended up with 3Rd degree burns. If i let you proceed, proceed with caution!" That might be wildly inappropriate but threw it out there to get the ball rolling for you.

[Sportster2005]

I could see how this text was meant as playful, a way of expressing enthusiasm. Like If you're lucky I might even try to kiss you said in a teasing, joking sort of way.

 

A lot depends on context and tone. Guessing at those, I would (1) ignore it altogether, or (2) joke back. "Lol, the last fellow who kissed me ended up with 3Rd degree burns. If i let you proceed, proceed with caution!" That might be wildly inappropriate but threw it out there to get the ball rolling for you.

 

I think people can't go wrong speaking more in real life, less texting. Texting just loses intent, tone and sometimes entire meaning. Maybe if he said this halfway through the date with a mischievous grin and a twinkle in his eye. She may not be interested but his intent would come accross more flirty and playful. Not odd.

[Sportster2005]

Unclear how the dating game is played since it is all a game. He is required to guess whether she wants a kiss. If he guesses wrong by not kissing her when she is ready or trying to kiss when she is not, it's over. If he cheats by asking her beforehand it's over. You are encouraging this silly game.

 

He or she is not required to do anything. There are no rules, but there are conventions. Conventions that may or may not be followed. Game gets thrown around in different contexts when it comes to dating. Playing a deliberate game of deception or manipulation is not the same as using the term 'dating game'. And you better believe it is a game. It always has been, and it always will be.

 

Most would agree the first kiss is an important part of the dating game. How and when that happens would create a smorgasbord of opinion. Most women I suspect want the man to figure out the kiss. The game would become devoid of excitement if we tried to eliminate all risk and mystery.

 

I think it's a bit harsh to conclude "it's over" because the first kiss gets flubbed. It might even make for an endearing story some day.

 

OP what have you decided?

[TMifune]

No better at all. He's history before the date has even started. What he did by announcing he might kiss or if he had asked for permission to kiss is the worst thing he could have done in the dating game.

 

Nah, he did fine. He got her thinking about what it would be like to kiss him without really putting any pressure on her. It builds the anticipation. She's either going to be waiting for him to try because she wants it or nervous that he might try because she's not sure she does. Either way in terms of the "game" he's better off than if she's ambivalent about the whole thing.

[BigKK]

Where you both getting flirty with each other over text and he is saying it in a "really fancy you so much I wont be able to resist " way ..

 

I suppose its better then him texting with " I might try to put my c@ck in your mouth"

 

 

haha, actually I was thinking the same thing. He didn't start off OVERLY sexual like he might bend you over the coffee table. He said he might kiss you...odd, but oh well, go for it.

 

I think the youngins are relying WAY too much on texting...so perhaps that's his way to increase the sexual tension as TMi says...or you know...He could of just tried to kiss you in person *gasp* instead of texting you about it.

 

I'm still with pippy, this could of been worse, and girls still go out with guys that open up with sexting.

 

 

 

Lastly, maybe YOU opened up the flirting door for this?

[mhowe]

Unclear how the dating game is played since it is all a game. He is required to guess whether she wants a kiss. If he guesses wrong by not kissing her when she is ready or trying to kiss when she is not, it's over. If he cheats by asking her beforehand it's over. You are encouraging this silly game.

 

It is a process, not a game. He isn't required to "guess" anything. Whether he kisses her or not on the first date doesn't make it over. "Cheating" by asking her before hand should only be used in elementary school, where no prior knowledge may result in a punch in the nose.

 

With adults, one reads interest, body language, etc. to determine if a kiss is appropriate and desired.

[mhowe]

It isn't a game. It's a process.

 

If you aren't skilled at reading body language, it would be a good idea to learn because it comes into play in many aspects of your life, not just dating.

 

If you think that dating is a game, then THAT is why you are losing. Compatibility has everything to do with attraction.

 

Deef038 ---- how old are you? Because it isn't about "guessing". It's about reading and reacting and being yourself.

[mhowe]

Conventions are guidelines.

 

And a good looking millionaire with a heart of gold --- only exists in movies. And would SOOOOO get the girl.

[mhowe]

It isn't a skill people are born with. It is a learned skill.

 

I've never met a man that wasn't very good at it.

[leseine7]

I accepted a date for this weekend with a nice guy whom I don't know very well, but overall have a good vibe from. However a strange (?) text from him has given me pause. He wrote something to the effect that he may try to kiss me...I don't know, this seems kind of forward, no? Or is this normal, I haven't been on a date in ages lol. We are late 20's. Met in class so we haven't talked a lot but like I said I haven't seen any flags, but this is a bit...odd?

 

I wouldn't react too strongly to this - he's clearly into you, and you have met before so it isn't like he's a complete stranger. And many people do kiss on a first date. It's a little over-eager of him perhaps, but I just think he likes ya. Don't overthink, and trust your gut if you get any other "Huh?" moments.

[Sportster2005]

These so called conventions are games. Flubbing the first kiss virtually guarantees it's over. You're totally right. Women want the man to figure out the first kiss. If a man is not adept at that, he could be a good looking millionaire with a heart of gold and fail the game.

 

Whatever, agree to disagree.