tobiasbeecher Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Hi. I would appreciate some perspective and advice on my current situation, if anyone are so kind. First, some background story: I have been talking A LOT over the Internet with a girl, and we have both gotten really interested in eachother. It's been 2 months since we starting talking a lot to eachother (met her 4 months ago). We both just broke the barrier, and said "i love you" to eachother (the relationship kind of "love"), words she takes VERY seriously. I am moving closer to her this saturday, and we already plan to meet asap. Now here comes the big issue. She is in a relationship, lasting 1 year now. However they rarely speak together anymore (both saying at their separate computers), and apparently havn't had sex for months, neither does she say she can say the "i love you" words to him. She decided that she will wait until we meet before making any decisions regarding the relationship, which i completely understand. We usually stay up all night, until her boyfriend leaves for work, before we go to sleep, and dirty-talk / send pictures for sexual arousal. However a couple days ago, she fell asleep without locking her phone, and her boyfriend read our latest chat (which was very sexual). He started crying, and apologizing to her. Now he has asked for a new chance, and he has started spending a lot more time with her. Now this is making me crazy, although she is honest with me, and tells me for example "im sry, i have to go. He wants to watch a movie with me, miss you She has a really hard time letting ppl go, and hurting people she cares about. Now she has started going to bed 1-2 hrs before her boyfriend leaves for work. I'm not sure why, but i assume she doesn't want him to worry about the sex stuff. I feel more left out, but at the same time she still says she loves me, and we still spend a lot of time together at night time when he goes to bed etc. I'm just really uncertain how to deal with this situation, i really do love her, and i can't stand the thought of losing her. One last thing i just have to add. Today we watched a movie, and i told her "this is totally you in 10 yrs". She responded with "Just wait, if we are still together then, you will probably be creeped the hell out". She quickly said "uhm, nvm. Dont think about what i just wrote. I didnt think". I wasn't sure what to respond to this, i love the thought. Is this a good thing, or just a simple writing mistake? Sorry for the messy and long story, but i appreciate you reading through this. If you have any advice, perspective, or anything on what i should do in this situation. Please share them. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 she is not speaking to him because she is distracted by another man - YOU. So stop interfering and being her escape/fantasy. Tell her that while she is in a relationship, you can't have your late chats anymore. Its disrespectful to her boyfriend and she needs to work things out with him. WOuld you want to date a woman who had no trouble cheating on her boyfriend? She is getting what she is not getting from him with you so that is why she won't leave him. But there are things he provides for her relationship wise and that is the reason she won't leave him. She has the best of both worlds. So have respect for yourself and end this flirtation. If someday she is single and you feel she is trustworthy, that's different, but I would think a woman who chats with another man like she does with you is NOT. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Is there a specific question you would like to ask? Link to comment
1Love1 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Aww, I feel sorry for her boyfriend. He takes the guilt upon himself and tries to be better for her. Meanwhile, she's still lying to him and betraying him every chance she gets. All you're doing is enabling her and giving her an extra ego boost. She seems very self absorbed and you're contributing to her betraying a man. Do neither of you feel guilty at all for what you are doing? Is infatuation really worth kicking a man down? Have some morals and Try telling her to let her bf go so he can find someone worth his time. If she doesn't then at least be the one to let her go. One of you has to be a decent person and do the right thing, even though you sound like you deserve each other Link to comment
Tayla92 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 You can't lose her if you never had her to begin with. I suggest you find a girl that's actually single. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I always find these situations a lose/lose for you. Ignoring the details, shes being dishonest and cheating on her boyfriend. Either she goes back to him after shes done using you, or best case, she choses you but now youre dating a girl you know first hand cant be trusted. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Stop seeing her. Cut her out of your life. No contact. Its the only way Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 You are getting a preview as to how she treats her partners. She is a cheat, pure and simple. If she loved you, she would have ended the relationship. Period. But you are a stranger!!!! I highly doubt they are not having sex, and she is using you for ego. As you have not even met, you do not know if a single word is true. Once again, she is a cheat, and I'm certain she will do the same to you. I also think it's awful, as you are pursing someone in a relationship. What goes around, comes around. I feel sorry for the bf. You're both selfish and deceitful. Link to comment
relevart Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 In love with girl, she has a boyfriend. Need advice Find a girl whose not attached. Leave this one alone. I know first hand that if you meet someone who is dating and they leave him for you, there is about a 99.95% chance that she will leave you the same way someday. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 We both just broke the barrier, and said "i love you" to eachother (the relationship kind of "love"), words she takes VERY seriously. How sure are you about that? Because from where I sit it doesn't sound like those words really mean all that much to her. If she really, really loved you she'd leave to be with you. Also, if she takes those words so seriously she probably wouldn't be telling them to two different guys. Link to comment
tobiasbeecher Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 How sure are you about that? Because from where I sit it doesn't sound like those words really mean all that much to her. If she really, really loved you she'd leave to be with you. Also, if she takes those words so seriously she probably wouldn't be telling them to two different guys. She doesn't say this to her bf. And it's the "leave to be with you" part i am struggling with, since we havn't met, and she tells me she will decide after we meet. This is understandable. She has a bad self-image (been bullied through childhood), and i think she might say this only because she is afraid i won't want her anymore when i see her IRL. (she tells me she looks ugly IRL, so on). I shouldve maybe added this to my post, as she is quite similar to me in that she is shy, bad self-image, avoids conflicts, doesnt like hurting ppl so on. Thanks for a lot of good response, got me thinking. But i am still madly in love with this person, and find her had to let go. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 She doesn't say this to her bf. I have some beautiful land in the Florida Everglades I could sell you. Dirt cheap too. It's absolutely not swamp land, I promise. Also, I've got a great deal going on Bridges...buy one get two free! Can't beat it. Let me know if you're interested. Link to comment
relevart Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Keep in mind a few very important facts. Everything you know about her relationship with her boyfriend -- like if they have sex, if she tells him she loves him -- is coming from her mouth. By the very nature of what she is doing with you, she has to lie to him. Therefore, the obvious question is: if she can freely lie to him, why in the world do you think she won't lie to you? Link to comment
relevart Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 ...as she is quite similar to me in that she is shy, bad self-image, avoids conflicts, doesnt like hurting ppl so on. What do you think she's doing to her boyfriend right now? I think you have built this girl up in your own mind to be something that she's not, maybe even something that she can't be. You only know her through online chatting and as deep and intense as it might be, it's not real life. And she apparently does not handle real life very well with how she's treating her boyfriend. If you're shy and not very sociable, there's a very good chance you're settling for this girl just because she's there and is easy to talk to. I suspect you're setting yourself for a major heartache. Link to comment
Vastaux Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I didn't read your post. You didn't need to write that wall of text. Do not get involved with someone who is in a relationship with someone else. That's beyond ty. If she loves you and wants you and not him then she breaks up with him first. Either way 1 of you is going to end up hurt and do you really want a cheat for a girlfriend? She cheats on this guy and she will cheat on you too. Link to comment
LC8328 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 You understand that she wants to meet you first before deciding whether or not to stay with her BF? This is not logical. The fact that you think it is, worries me. If she has to meet you first before deciding if she wants to stay in a relationship that doesn't involve you, then she is basically admitting to using you, as well as her current BF. She is dressing up her lies with some truth, so that you may be in awe of how incredibly 'honest' she is. I cannot believe you are naive enough to believe she doesn't tell her boyfriend she loves him, or that they're not intimate. I'm sorry this happened to you, but please just cut your losses and move on. Link to comment
tobiasbeecher Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 She lives with her bf, had no work and lives on the littlr she gets from her parents. So i understand that she is unsecure, as she may be afraid. She has been in some bad relationships which left her with trust issues as well. Link to comment
Vastaux Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Are you willing to save her then? Lets say she does fall for you when you meet and wants to make a go of it... She will have to tell her current bf eventually and then she will be chucked out faster than she can send a text telling you she's done it. So what would happen then? You need to be sure it's what you want 100% aswell as once it's done she will be your "problem". I feel sorry for the boyfriend, the very fact this conversation is even happening about his girlfriend is crazy to me. I mean if you meet and you don't hit it off is she just going to stay with him? After all this she's just gonna live a lie? As I say, you need to be 100% sure you want this aswell as once it's done, if you change your mind in the near future it won't only be yours and her lives that are up the crapper. Link to comment
tobiasbeecher Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 We met up twice now, great time ♡ she decided she will break up with her bf, however she says she isnt rdy for a formal relationship yet, as we only met twice. This is fair right? Either way i am rly happy right now ♡ thanks for a lot of feedback, regardless of the opinions. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Congratulations. You inserted yourself into someone else's relationship and succeeded in breaking it up. We'll meet on here again in the future when she finds someone else that she's soooo in love with. Link to comment
vellocet Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 tobias, its real simple. Don't be THAT guy. Find someone unattached. Otherwise there are 2 things that will happen. 1) you will be the jerk that horned in on someone elses relationship and 2) you will get a girl that doesn't have any problem doing her bf dirty if you are successful. THEN you'll end up having someone that will better deal you later Link to comment
appies Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 She doesn't sound very nice. Your relationship is built on a lie- enjoy it while it lasts. Link to comment
relevart Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 We met up twice now, great time ♡ she decided she will break up with her bf, however she says she isnt rdy for a formal relationship yet, as we only met twice. This is fair right? Either way i am rly happy right now ♡ thanks for a lot of feedback, regardless of the opinions. SMH... I bet she hasn't actually broken up with her boyfriend yet either. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I'm not even sure why the OP started this thread...big waste of time. Link to comment
vellocet Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 We met up twice now, great time ♡ she decided she will break up with her bf, however she says she isnt rdy for a formal relationship yet, as we only met twice. This is fair right? Either way i am rly happy right now ♡ thanks for a lot of feedback, regardless of the opinions. Didn't see this. Ok, disregard what I said earlier. You now ARE that guy. Good luck looking over your shoulder. Link to comment
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