Seraphim Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Soon you will be free! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Well the tumor won't disappear, it's not a tumor removal surgery, this is for the TN.....an MVD surgery. I'm scared and nervous but first austria! So I'll put it out of my mind till i get back, hopefully...... It is scary...... Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 Got back from austria which was great! I could really put it out of my mind and enjoy. Literally 5 minutes after i got in the door i got a message from R asking if his roses still looked good hahaha as if he knew i got back that second. Sadly they did not survive me going away, couldn't give them love lol Got him a small gift from austria! And now 3 more days......pffff Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 For those following this and having missed my recent thread. The surgery was supposed to be today but yesterday the hospital called while i was packing my bag. They had a shortage in beds and had to cancel a few surgeries, including mine.... I was crushed. But maybe it's for the best cause i do have a slight cold which they were aware of, and now that gets a chance to heal first. No idea when they will call me in now..... Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Sending healing thoughts your way sara. they will reschedule as soon as there is room. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 All the best Sara. Saying a prayer for you and sending positive light. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Forgot to update here. I called the hospital Tuesday and they said the soonest possible opening may be next Friday, but that is uncertain because a surgery is in the books then, just not a definite one yet. The next day may be the following Thursday. My doctor only performs surgery on Thursday and every other Friday..... The reason the surgery didn't happen is because of a big accident in the city and they needed the operating rooms. Bad luck for me! But now at least i know something, i know it wasn't last week and the start of this coming week, and i know that if they don't call on Wednesday it won't be the coming week. They call the day before you have to come in so you'll have time for the last things you want to do. And all this has given me a lot more peace of mind because i was going crazy not knowing anything, so how to plan the groceries and the laundry and all that. And i took my phone with me everywhere so i wouldn't miss the call That was hard. Now at least i have some info.....and i know they would only be calling on a Tuesday or Wednesday since he only operates on Thursday or a Friday...... My brother of course came from Sweden for nothing and they feel really bad about that. He doesn't think he can come the next time since tickets are really expensive last minute but he will try..... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Very soon it will be done Sara! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Yeah but time is going so incredibly slow at the moment.....and I've been dreading this for months now and the extra wait is very hard on me. Otherwise i would have come home Tuesday and i would be healing now and instead there's still this dread.... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 It is a horrible waiting game darling , that is a fact ...try not to focus too much on the ..it would all be done by now , cos it isn't ..... I know it is ok sat here me saying all this .. I do the same , you know I do ...but still , you have a lot of strength and you have been on a very ermmm interesting journey ... so everytime your thoughts start to wander back to the ..* it would be done * snap your mind away and re say ...It will be done soon . Hope R is keeping you company and making you smile Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Love you! Yeah i know this obsessing isn't doing me good but i can't help it, i chose that date for a reason and it's hard that it didn't happen when someone else with the same surgery the next day did get it..... But there must be a reason for it, i do believe that, my cold is almost over so there's that...... R is sweet sweet!!! Very sweet, he'll come again soon he said, probably after the surgery and then i need to tell him you know what because you know why.......okay that's vague look but you'll get it..... Miss you a lot on messenger, hope all is well and i know what tomorrow is so know that I'm thinking about you sweetie! Xxxx always! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Sorry i mixed up the dates and now see that it's today! I always have the 6th in my mind...I'm sorry, I'm thinking about you!! Go enjoy your marley and go to the rainbows and meet the unicorns! Love ya!! Xxx Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 aww bless you sara darling ....I don't care that you got the dates mixed up , I just feel privileged that I am in your thoughts yes I do have to sort my msg problem out ..there are quite a lot of unread mails now stacking up and I feel awful ... the only way I can describe is , in private I seem to not be able to absorb what I an reading , and once I have read , I then go blank ..like if you see a thread on here , read it and have absolutely nothing to say ..mind just shut down ......it is very odd . Yet out in threads I can find it easier to chat ...dunno .. Yes going back to the op , there was some reason ..so be it ..just a shame for you and your family ...there was a lot of emotion and harsh planning and then your bruv traveling , it has been intense .....to then be told no ..there is certainly no wonder you have had all these emotions bless you . haah yes I understand about R ... my favorite story unfolding Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 do you have a new date surgery yet sara or are you still on hold? hope your cold is saying it's goodbye and sending hugs! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 You know les, for some reason you have me in tears now...... I totally get what you're saying about mind going blank and not able to absorb what you're reading which is why i stopped writing cause i thought i was adding to your burden and seeing as you disabled both facebooks i was sure about that. Bless you, sort it out in your mind, i know this is always a difficult period for you so i know you'll be back like the terminator lol Maybe I'll send you an email since i do have some R updates.....oh it goes so slowly but it still goes forward each time! Gotta get him out of that shell! Slowly but steadily haha That's my favourite project! And yes dates mixed up or not, you're always on my mind! Always.....and in my shower hahaha!! I'll send you a mail! Catch up..... Maybe get some update on the hobbit hole..... Yeah the postponing was rough on all of us, everything was planned out with who was coming which day and everything at home was planned and finished. Now i also had to postpone my help in the house, what's that called even in English? Woman who comes clean here? Provided by my city?.....God even the simplest words come hard to me. I can't find words in Dutch and in English.....I'm now stupid in 2 languages!! Lol Xxxxxx love! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Hiya rainy, no I'm on hold, think i explained it on the previous page, so in short they'll call me the day before i have to come in.....this week could be that they'll call on Wednesday, if not it'll be the week after..... Cold is pretty much gone, i kicked it's a$$!! The antibiotics and codeine and vitc overdose worked! Though antibiotics gave me bad bad diarrhea every day! So frankly I'm glad i wasn't in the hospital then! Sorry nurses! Lol Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Just read your red flag list again pippy, and all the additions, R has 0! A few of them i cannot know yet but as far as i learned now he has zei! Woohoo lol See i needed your list 13 years ago! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Oohhh suddenly my weekend gets exciting.....R just messaged and asked if i would like it if he comes over tonight....just like that, he took that initiative! I'm in shock hahaha and have to tidy up the place and shower en out some clothes on lol am in my jammies watching TV, but suddenly I'm busy.....and nervous! Hands shaking palms sweating......pfffff deep sigh!!! And it's Saturday so he doesn't have to get up early tomorrow and maybe we'll stay later than he did before.....ai I'm nervous!!! Lol Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Ooooooooo Sara! Excited. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Yeah me too!! Did not see that coming today lol Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Huge sigh! If i wasn't in love with him already i definitely would be now! We had such a good talk and he told me so much of why he is the way he is and a lot of it is exactly the same as i am so we really understand each other well and he told me he wants to come often and he feels safe with me and he trusts me and can talk to me because he feels he is in a trusted environment and is at ease with me, he usually can't speak to people and look them in the eye and with me he can, and I'm the same! We're both terribly introverted, but we can really talk about anything when we're together. I even told him something about myself that i don't and can't really talk about, he was so sweet about it, he had tears in his eyes, that meant so much to me! And it meant a lot to him that i told him. We're getting closer and closer! Sigh he is so sweet! And he attempts touching me more! Lol I'm in tears at the moment......I'm just so happy in spite of everything! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 That is so very sweet Sara! Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 Yes it really was! It goes slowly but he is coming out of his shell and basically so am i. When we're together it's just us, no TV, no distractions, we're just talking for hours and really getting to know each other first and i think that's important to both of us since we're both very hurt by our exes. And we're even more alike than i thought! Things he told me that i didn't even assume about him, and it's exactly like me! So weird! Plus i can talk to him, really talk, i never could with my ex and it's hard for me to really have a deep conversation but with him it's easy.... And he came driving through the snow! When he hates slippery roads and has to drive for 30 minutes to get here. Lol. I'm in love, can you tell? Lol Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 I've been in tears al day hahaha and playing music, haven't really been able to listen to music since the whole tumor thing but now i wanted to hear all kinds of sappy love songs hahaha We've been messaging today as well, he messaged me first thing in the morning and told me all about his day and i told him about mine and we've stayed in touch. This is so completely new for me because my ex never did that.... And it means a lot...... Okay and now I'm gonna be real brave here as well and tell you guys the secret thing i told R last night.... And I'm doing that with very shaky hands trust me! This is not easy for me to get out but here goes.... I have no hair and need to wear a wig...since age 11 my hair fell out and came back again and so on, but from age 25 in 1997 everything is gone... This is extremely hard for me and i don't tell many people but I'm getting better at it..... This makes the whole tumor thing extremely hard as well because i keep having to take my wig off and show people and this is very difficult for me. Also makes the surgery even harder because afterwardsi can't have it on because of where the scar is. So this gives me even more stress than it would be for anyone else. There i said it. This is also very hard in relationships and why i always kept men at a distance. My ex is the only one aside from my parents who has seen me without. But i wanted to tell R and i did last night, he basically has the same issue so he really understood and he had tears in his eyes when i told him and kept thanking me later for trusting him with that. And he said he trusts me too and feels safe here in my house....huge deal for me! This was a huge step and it's why I'm very emotional today...... There i said it and now I'll post it and it's out there....... Link to comment
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