Confused if girl is flirting or over-friendly, need advice

[musicman777]

Hello all, normally I am the one giving advice on here but the tables have turned! I'll try to keep this short. I'm a guy 25, and I can't tell if this girl is flirting or over friendly. There is a cafe I have been going to about 6~ months or so now, I got there about everyday, usually with a close family member of mine.... Well at this cafe, there is a regular girl that works there and over the past several months she has become VERY "chatty". Myself and my family member both feel that she is becoming somewhat flirty towards me. It's kind of hard to explain it, but she always seems to engage in conversation, and she took an interest in my personal life/career complimenting my work on more than one occasion.

I've had more than one girlfriend in the past, and this girl, the way she smiles, waves, and she makes a lot of direct eye contact with me, again I have a family member that often goes with me and also notices this so I am not alone. Here is the crappy and confusing part about this; Several weeks ago I overheard her talking with someone one day, it sounded like a conversation about a boyfriend and I heard her say "I'm still with the same guy" or something. I didn't catch all of the details or anything. She also does not have a Facebook or anything i can find to confirm this...

 

After that day though it continues, she still seems "flirty". One day she talked to me again and went into extreme detail about my work, she noticed something very particular about it. She also talks a lot about stuff coming up in her life, like her "birthday" was recent... I'm very confused. I hate to say it, but I developed a small crush on her, because I thought she was flirting and then I found out she may have a boyfriend. I tried to push her away for a bit and completely ignored her one day but then she keeps talking to me.

I've been thinking of doing the following, and my family member agrees with my thoughts on this. The fact of the matter is I am a curious, single guy. I have not been directly rejected by this girl. I was thinking of bringing up a friendly but very obvious conversation with her personal life and bring up her relationship status. I want to see what she says and how she reacts and go from there...

 

Any thoughts/opinions on this subject? I've been visiting places like this for years and I never seen any girl get so personal like this one. It's very likely she is just over-friendly, over-talkative, looking for a tip even. Maybe she's just a big tease and likes jacking with guys. I don't have enough intel on this girl or her intentions yet. But my family member and I, we feel she just acts interested "beyond the call of duty" let's just say. My biggest fear in all of this is I will get angry/upset and act like a jerk forever if she turns me away. I have issues I have to admit. I have been hurt and rejected by a lot of women and I would hate for this all just be another great big joke on my feelings. Obviously I got some kind of baggage, I'm on these forums!

[dave_1966]

Take a look at Corey Wayne on YouTube.

[musicman777]

Take a look at Corey Wayne on YouTube.

 

Ugh, I looked and NOT a fan of that kind of stuff. Looks like he is just trying to sell books and make money off guys that can't get any tail. To humor you, I watched two of his video relating to flirting and women that "already have a boyfriend", it doesn't really sound like my particular situation. And I don't really like his attitude towards "getting laid". I'm not trying to get laid, I genuinely was interested in this person. I don't really know if that's even true or any hard facts, that's why I want to bring it up one of these days.

[Andrina]

It's not fun to be rejected, but one survives. It's better to try and fail instead of letting a great opportunity slip by. I would ask her what she likes to do for fun when she's not working. See if she gets excited and keeps eye contact with you. If she doesn't mention a bf, ask her if she'd like to do whatever you think a good first date would be. If she says she can't because she has a bf, smile and say something positive like, "He's a lucky guy." If she looks away and seems uncomfortable when you ask what she likes to do during her time off, don't press. Let us know how it goes.

[mhowe]

If you heard she was still with the same guy you know the answer. She isn't jacking you around or teasing. She is simply an outgoing waitress and you and your family member are reading way too much into it. I frequent 2 coffee shops...the girls all k ow my name and talk to me about what is happening in my life. And I am a woman.

 

Its called "knowing your regulars".

[Sarah691607309662]

She definitely makes all the signs of liking you. Now, liking is not necessarily the same as attraction.

 

I like many guys. When I like, I love seeing them, I feel I am welcomed because normally when I like a guy, it is mutual. But again, it has nothing to do (for me) with attraction. I guess, I also have issues. When I like a guy like a mate in joking, having fun, etc, I would engage in open, happy chat which I do not overthink and do not afraid of making sloppy mistakes. I am not afraid of being misinterpreted as coming on him, because I know that it is not so.

 

When I am attracted...I observe first. I look at the guy a lot in order to figure out if I have any chance with him, and if he notices me. After this period, I would try to place myself in his eye-sight and make him notice me. If I see that he pays attention to me, I would continue placing myself in his eye-sight. Hoping he will chat me up. Or make a some other sort of a move. If he does not make a move and for some reason I still think he is interested (if he stares at me a lot), I would chat him up myself to see whether it helps to open communication. If the guy accepts it, then we would have conversations. If a guy acts happy to see me, I would feel encouraged and be happy around him. At this stage, I would want to compliment him and will become interested in his work, habits, etc.

 

What I am trying to say - if she is attracted to you, she has to be nervous about your reactions and that should be visible if you pay attention. If she just likes you, she would care less and assume by default that you like her the same way she likes you.

 

My best advice is to ask her out without thinking of it as a date. She works in this cafe. Ask her does she think there is a cafe which is competing with the one she works in. Ask why. Make jokes. Make this conversation funny. And then say as if it was a spontaneous idea - "You know what?? I have a great idea! Let's go together to his cafe during weekend! You always make my time happy here, I want to invite you to sit with me at the table and chat!" I give you 90% she will accept this. But if she does, do not get too encouraged, because it still falls into "being friendly" category. MY advice - do NOT ask her about her status. Too early and too obvious. If she is in dying r/s with a man and interested in you, what she would have to say? Yeah, I am in r/s but it should not matter? No, do not ask this question. If she is interested, she will indicate it somehow herself on her time schedule.

[musicman777]

Hey everyone,

Man I wrote up a reply and then this freaking site signed me out and now I have to start over! Here is the latest update. I seen the girl again today and decided to communicate with her over this to get more details. She talked as usual and eventually I asked her about her birthday. Her face lit up and she thanked me for remembering, and she told me she went out for dinner and things. I then asked her "who took you out for your birthday?" and she replied that her boyfriend took her out. She went into detail and actually complained about the experience, saying he didn't pay for the dinner or anything and she had to treat herself to it basically.

 

Although I'm sure I got her thinking, I think that is the end of this story unfortunately. She is taken and I am not going to pursue someone who has a boyfriend (at least not in this case). I'm not sure why she comes off so flirty and I'm not going to chase or pursue it. I don't know how deep it is and I do not know her that well. She also has some baggage which I do not like, including some small but noticeable tattoos and she is a smoker which I hugely despise and almost completely turned me off from her in the beginning. Psychically speaking, she's also a bit lacking the cleavage area for me (hey I'm guy and I like certain physical qualities!). Ultimately though, she was cute and I liked her for her bright personality.

 

I am not really sad or upset as much as I am disappointed. She's still kind of young (around 19-20 I believe), I got at least 5 years on her. Her boyfriend, I know I don't know the guy personally but he sounds like a broke loser. She would be extremely lucky to have me and that is that. I have a career, I am nearly done with college, I am in good shape, I have a lot of talents and interests that a women would appreciate. I've treated women very well in the past on their birthdays and beyond. I'm not going to get hung up on someone like her.

 

That is life. I'm not going to avoid the place or speaking to her, but yea. That is that. At this stage in my life, I've kind of already accepted that I am never going to find anyone so it doesn't make a difference. Life has been better when I bury my feelings and desires to meet someone and I should have kept it that way in this case.

[Sarah691607309662]

Hey, you do sound upset.

 

It is hard to tell from your post did you really dislike her or you are trying to dislike her now when you know there is dysfunctional bf. I respect very much your stance of not getting involved with someone who has a bf.

 

 

I have some thoughts though. You are already involved with her somewhat. You go to this cafe, you talk to her, you are attracted to her. If you REALLY do not want to be involved with her, you have to stop going to this cafe and stop seeing her at all. No contact. This is the only measure if you really want to leave this story behind. Otherwise it will continue. You might not invite her to the date, but by going there, sitting and talking to her - you are on a date with her without calling it so. Next thing you know - she appears sad and sits at your table and confesses that she broke up with bf. And then you get involved as a friend already. Unless you are 100% sure that your feelings to her as of true friendship that will endure her future singlehood, I strongly recommend you to stop going to this cafe. Because she will break up with her bf - it is just a matter of time.

 

Having said all that, I must say that in my country the scenario would have played differently. In my country people get stopped in their pursuit if the person is married with kids (even that does not stop many), but if the person is single, bf or not - it would not discouraged anyone. On the contrary, if a young girls does not have a bf - that is usually a red flag, meaning that something must be wrong with her...if nobody wants her or if she has huge communication issues. A man in your situation would continue going to cafe, talking to the girl, flirting with her without inviting her for a while anywhere. Then he would invite her to some benign outing which would not sound like a date. By all that he would grow attraction. A girl would know that he is hitting on her and if she sticks around and supports all that, it is a true sign that she is attracted as well. Eventually a girl breaks up with her bf and announces that she is free to pursue. And for some reason there is no rebound thing. But that is in my country. IN USA it is very different and since this story is happening in USA, I strongly recommend you to stop going to cafeteria in order to avoid what I just described in the paragraph above.

[musicman777]

Hello Sarah69,

Thanks for your insightful reply, I wanted to respond. You are correct that I was upset, and I still am today a little. It's no fun hearing someone you like has a boyfriend/girlfriend. Also, you are correct I am picking on her negative aspects because she has a boyfriend now, and part of that kind of ties into the next part I wanted to get into...

Regarding your last paragraph about the United States, well, it's similar here. Unless people are married or engaged, usually they are fair game for romantic interest, boyfriend or no boyfriend. The problem here is that, I do not see that girl this often. We maybe only talk for a couple minutes a day when I got to this coffee shop, and that's only when she is working (like today she wasn't there). I never stay at this place because it's usually on the go visits during dinner time. Also, I do not know her situation that well or know her that well personally. I don't know how serious she is with this guy or other aspects of her personal life. I also do not know as others here said if she is just over-friendly and not interested.

 

Regarding her current status... if I knew this girl better and personally outside of this shop, and I knew she didn't have any other "baggage" attached, and I thought the guy she was with was a total loser (which it kind of sounds like he is already), I would probably make a bold move to date her and push the boyfriend out of the picture. The problem is, there are a lot of "ifs" in that statement. I don't know that much about her, I am going off of a hunch that she was even interested in me. Also, I wanted to tell you... the "family member" I visit with. I didn't want to say this before but it's actually my mother! I go out with my mother a lot to this place. I know I'm a grown man now but I spent time with my mother still and go places. She is the one that also felt this girl was flirty besides me. And regarding getting anymore involved with this girl, she seems to think she isn't that special and I don't know that much about her to try to get more involved. She was kind of picking on her negative aspects as well, probably to make me feel better and forget about her.

 

I don't want my mother to speak or make decisions for me, and she doesn't try to do that, but I have to agree with her. It seems like I would be going through a lot of hassle and things to try to win over a girl that may not even be worth it. Regarding the coffee shop, I see absolutely NO reason why I cannot go to this place anymore. I have not gotten in some huge fight or anything with this girl.

She did not "break up" with me or technically reject me, I only asked who took her out for her birthday and I didn't say anything negative about it. Here is what I think is worth doing at this point. I'm not going to take some deep interest or make her the center of my life. But I don't think it would hurt to keep communicating with her. Because she may have been interested and she's so chatty, she would probably run her mouth about it if their relationship goes weary...

[Sarah691607309662]

Musicman, you make a lot of sense to me.

 

Regarding "ifs". It is a nature of life. We live, we explore and sometimes "ifs" stop being "ifs" and become facts that we learn. I can not say anything about this girl because I do not know her. But she seems to be someone who trusts people. It is very unusual for a girl to start flirting with a guy who sits with his mother. It takes a very open heart to do that. To me it is very attractive. Also, it makes sense that her bf is a loser as you say. Usually those types are especially attracted to the open heart people with bright personality. They get their energy from them. The girl is obviously very giving on energy level. Tattoos also can be explain by her desire to explore, to bond, to find where she belongs to. She is obviously not scared to try new things. By the way I am not into tattoos but I knew very good people who had them.

 

Having said all that, it is also a possibility that this girl can be way too accepting and lack assertion in her life, which could be a big turn off. If I were you, I would explore that, trying to figure out whether she is assertive.

[Sportster2005]

Ask her out on a date if you're interested.

 

You'll have to get the rejection issue under control. Usually at the core of rejection issues is taking it personal. People can't help how they feel about you. It has nothing to do with you. So stop taking it personal. It's allowed to sting a bit. But you're not allowed to be a jerk about it. It doesn't help you, or the person that rejected you. Next time try to remember. It's not about you. They just don't like you. They can't help it.

[musicman777]

Okay, thanks for the latest replies. I have not seen the girl lately but I will be going back there this week on a daily basis as usual and should see her again.

 

I have thought about this quite a bit and I have decided that the next time I am there, I am going to work it into a conversation to ask her on a date. :scramble: I can't believe I'm doing this, probably in front of my mother as well who usually goes with me. I have a clever way to go about doing this that won't be embarrassing or won't "put on her on spot" during work in front of her coworkers. It's just going to take the right time/opportunity to do this. let me add in, I don't typically try to "steal" peoples girlfriends or anything, but in this case, I think she is interested in me and I don't think that her current guy is treating her right. I'm sorry, but even if your broke and jobless, I would cut grass or scoop dog crap for someone if I had to to take my girl out for her birthday. It's only once a year, he sounds like a loser to me and they aren't engaged/married or anything, she is fair game.

 

If it doesn't work out, well I'm sure I will be upset and probably squawk about it on here afterwards, but I am not satisfied or happy with myself if I don't try. I'll let you all know how it turns out when I do it.

[Sarah691607309662]

Now this is a spirit!

 

Musicman, do you know how many times my heart was broken? And still I would not change a thing in my past! All r/s end one way or another. People get married and lose initial passion for each other. With some partners whom we never marry, we have butterflies till the end of r/s and we remember them like that...

 

It is all experience. We all make mistakes. But what could be more wonderful than a new r/s, getting to know each other, being happy because there is this special person? I think she will accept your invitation. Please keep in touch!

[JustWishing]

I loooove how Sarah thinks. I couldn't have put this any better.

 

I wanted to ad, that you should never judge a book by it's cover. Until you get to know her better, you can not know who she really is. Those little things like tattoos, something she does or says, don't necessarily matter. She might just be incredibly nervous in front of you, unsure about what to say or not to say or to say the wrong thing. And trust me, woman do this even though they seem to be outgoing.. Been there and done that.

[musicman777]

Hey,

Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately she wasn't working last night for me to make the move, so I will have to try again tomorrow. JustWishing, thanks for your response as well. Regarding your response, at this point there are too many unknowns to understand her personally as well as her odd behavior when she already has a boyfriend. I'm going off a BIG hunch based off minor evidence that she doesn't love this guy and may want something more. Hopefully it's not a super serious relationship where she is living with the guy or anything, because that will be the end of it, and that scenario could be a reality unfortunately.

 

I wanted to add in... the reason I become "judgmental" (besides having a bitter past with girls that had tattoos and/or smoking habits) is because I don't want to get too used to the idea or thoughts of being with this girl and then she turns me away. I should note, the reason I am pursuing this as well, besides thinking she liked me originally... well, there is just something about her! As being a man, and as that life saying, like they say "you know when you found the right one". I am by no means a religious/spiritual person that much. I am agnostic computer scientist as a matter of fact. But I really feel a "presence" with her and I like looking into her eyes when she looks at me. I feel a connection to this girl, like she isn't just another joke but someone special. I can't explain it, it feels stupid what I am doing but I feel like I have to do this. I don't like to focus on that kind of stuff though because if it doesn't work out... maybe I am just delusional or confused but I want to get to the bottom of it.

 

I have this planned out and was already going to execute it if she was there. I will have to play the waiting game until I see her next. It's very difficult, I only get to talk a couple minutes if that, and there can't be a line of customers or anything because I'm not going to hold them up over chatting to this girl.

 

The bottom line, I need to let her know I am interested in a date and see what happens. I also have to make it come off in a way where I am not trying to be a jerk, ruining her relationship or anything, that I am just genuinely interested and if she was looking for something more. We'll see what happens.

[Sarah691607309662]

Musicman, I know exactly what you are saying about this connection. This is very true and it does worth pursuit. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

 

This kind of a thing you describe does not happen that often actually...at least not for me. I felt it about 2 -3 times in my life. And I had many-many more r/s than that! I am married to a man with whom I did not have this connection.... It is a good marriage, but I can not kept wondering once in a while how that would be if I married someone with this connection. Unfortunately I felt this connection with men who were unavailable. I met first one when I was already married and I did have an affair with him. It was a very intense, emotional time and I felt amazing. needless to say it ended as all affairs do. Even if I would not be married at that time, I doubt I would go serious with this man to the point of marriage because he was way out of my league as they say. I was graduating from the top University and he was a bus driver. Funny, huh? Many intelligent young fellows from University were fancying me, but I had this connection with a bus driver. He looked in my eyes and that was it. It happened 22 years ago.

 

The second time I felt the same...is now. Three years ago I started a new job. I am in my second marriage. And there is this man who works at the same place. he is married with kids. I am in a different place in my life. I would not have an affair anymore. But I looked in his eyes and there it was. It does not happen immediately but I think some little seed of this feeling is planted the very first moment eyes meet. Why him? Is it famous "unavailable man" syndrome? But I met hoards of unavailable men in my life, why these two? They have nothing similar between them.... except for horoscope sign but it could not be that! A bus driver with dark hair and well-educated man with blond hair? Anyways... I carry my second "connection" the best I can. This is why I would encourage anyone to explore it, because if only I had a chance to explore it, I would do it in a heartbeat.

[JustWishing]

It's very difficult, I only get to talk a couple minutes if that, and there can't be a line of customers or anything because I'm not going to hold them up over chatting to this girl.

 

Oh look we are in the same boat. LOL Your thread: coffee shop and a girl you would love to know better, my thread: grocery store and a guy I would love to know better. LOL Just thought I throw this one in.

 

As for her relationship....I think she likes you and mentioned the dinner gone bad on purpose for you to know that her relationship is not going very well. Think about it. There is no reason for her to go into details like that unless she is trying to tell you something and I am sure she doesn't tell everyone about her personal life. We woman have the tendency to hint things to guys. Guys are more direct and like things spelled out.

[musicman777]

Hello everyone who is following my post. I have a new update for tonight. I went back to the coffee place last night as usual and the girl was working and I carried out my plan. This was now or never, I had to get the point accross I was interested in a date because this was dragging on for too long and I wanted to know if she had any kind of interest in me.

So I went in (mom went with me as usual, in fact she didn't go through the drive through because she knows I was scheming something) and she started talking as normal about random personal stuff as usual in the beginning. And then my entry point for this conversation, I brought up her birthday events. I said "I'm sorry about your birthday experience you told me about, that guy didn't pay for your dinner what's up with that?" I used this to get her talking about the guy and she said she still had fun that day and stuff and said thanks for asking. Then I asked her if it was serious, so which she replied "sort of, we've been dating a while". I'm sorry but "sort of" didn't sound that serious to me. She then kind of went into talking about dating and stuff and to be honest I can't remember everything she said but she was talking faster like she was nervous and knew I was going somewhere with this conversation...

 

And then the fun part. I asked her explicitly "how would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" in front of my mother, her coworker, and there was a police officer in line randomly behind me for coffee. She got really nervous (in a good way...). And then I told her I wasn't trying to screw up her relationship or anything. At this point, I am a grown man, body builder, black belt karate guy, but I all of a sudden got EXTREMELY nervous in front of this girl, shaking as a matter of fact, I could feel my whole body shaking. It's already a difficult situation and it's even more difficult with other people around and the short time allotment I get to have these conversations...

Because I was so nervous, I really don't remember all her exact words or how it all happened cause it was kind of fast. BUT... the end result. She seemed extremely open to dating me and did NOT turn me away, and if it weren't for her current boyfriend status I think she probably would have said "yes" on the spot. I think she kind of wanted to say yes, and I did put her on the spot out of the blue. I was able to regain my composer and to wrap this up, I gave her one of my business cards and told her to text me about it. She took me card and said "I will if it doesn't work out" or something with the current guy. This part actually went really "smooth", I'm a grizzled business man with that kind of stuff and it sounded good.

 

So yes, at this stage I think it is safe to say she is (very) interested in me, and she would be willing to date me if it weren't for her current status. Her overall behavior/body language after I asked her out, it wasn't a "ew I wouldn't date you" reaction, it seemed more like an "omg this hot guy asked me out" reaction (I consider myself pretty good looking, fit, full head of hair, I even almost got into modeling once). My mother even noticed she was mixing up the orders for the cop in line behind us and stuff. And I've asked out other girls (unintentionally) who have had boyfriends before and I have gotten immediately turned around/rejected, this was NOT the case, she seemed very open to the idea.

She is a very nice girl and I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt her current boyfriend or make some decision like that on the spot (which is a good thing I don't think I would want her if she was easy to go from one guy to the next). My business card I gave her, I would bet you all any money she immediately went looking at my work site and Facebook and stuff when she got off work. She's probably going to tell her friends/family and think about it more. Time will tell how the proceeding events follow at this point. But I'm definitely not letting up now and I think the is situation looks promising... I just can't believe I actually got this far!

[Sarah691607309662]

BRAVO!!! I admire your courage, strength and straight forwardness! You handled situation MUCH BETTER then I could have imagined!!!! The fact that you were trembling in front of her is remarkable and precious. This was a moment of your spiritual growth! I LOVE those moments when we come into unknown and experience this flow of emotion, which pushes us out of the comfort zone!

 

She is definitely interested. I am sure she will get back to you. Now your cafe visits can be even more fun because now both of you know that you like each other!!!!! I can not wait to hear what will happen next!

[JustWishing]

Yay congrats! Now the ball is in her court. Can't wait to see what she will do. Hopefully she will call you soon. The fact that you did this with your mom around speaks for itself in a good way. Love the fact she messed up the order after you. LOL You make her nervous and this is always a good sign. Crossing my fingers and keep us updated.

[musicman777]

Thanks everyone. I have not heard from her that soon and I'm not 100% sure if she will contact me while dating this other guy. I don't know yet, we'll see what happens. I'm sure she got some good time to really think about it more and time will tell what goes down. I think the hardest part is over which was asking her out.

 

For me this will only be satisfactory when I get to go on a couple dates with her so I can get to know her better and if she is worth it, and then if she is take this other guy out of the equation by showing her how much better I am. I'm trying extremely hard not to get my hopes too high because last night was a big milestone but there is still more to do. I will keep you all posted.

[Sarah691607309662]

Just be aware that pity can be stronger than love. If she feel pity for this man and on top of it she feels insecure that she deserves to be happy....she will drag on with this guy. The most difficult type of men to break up with are those who evoke pity. It might seem to you that your rival is not strong. He is MUCH stronger than you think. There is a good reason why she did not break up with him yet, though obviously she is longing for something better.

[musicman777]

Hello everyone,

Sarah thanks for the response. I totally agree on the guy although that is very speculative there are a lot of scumbags out there that will manipulate a girl to death. I have a family member who married someone like that, I don't think he is a horrible person but I do think he "brainwashed" this person in many ways. I sincerely hope that is not the case with this girl.

Anyway, I went back to the coffee shop just an hour ago as usual I always go around that time in the evening. Unfortunately she was not working today to talk to her again. But I've been thinking about her all day, in fact it's kind of interfering with my work, I can never casually let these kinds of things go. I've made up my minds on some of this.

 

I want to go on a date with her as soon as possible. I want to go on a simple, low-budget date, just for pizza or something where we can talk and have fun and see how it goes. Everybody loves pizza and it's a simple idea. I want to learn more about her and her life through a simple date. That is all. And I want to tell her that next time I see her because I don't think she is going to text me although events are recent I think it will take some extra convincing for this to happen.

If she turns away this simple date idea, then she is not going to be leaving this guy anytime soon and I will have to let her go unfortunately. She certainly doesn't behave that way but who knows if her strings are being pulled. I can't hang onto the idea of her forever, hoping one day she'll come around. She might not even be worth it. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time "admiring" her already. On and off feelings over this topic. Yesterday was a positive experience and a step in the right direction, but I want more, I want the girl. We'll see what happens.

[Sarah691607309662]

Musicman, I understand you completely! I would be also distracted as yourself at work because of intrusive thoughts. And my first inclination would be to think that my thoughts invading me due to uncertainty of the situation. It is true in a sense... However, do not forget that when you embark on this journey of communicated attraction, nothing is certain anymore. Pizza, or not.

 

What is very important now is your balance. You said you do martial arts, you have to be educated in this sense. Do not seek a relief from your agitated state in her (date). Date is okay but only as means to share a joy, but not as means to relieve unbearable anxiety. This is exactly the point when so many people make this dreadful mistake and become "needy" or "pushy". In reality those people just can not tolerate their own explosion of feelings and start seeking relief from another. And then another will say something or do something that is not aligned with your emotional needs and you are going crushing down emotionally... when in reality nothing bad happens....

 

I think what you need is to do this exercise - feel what you feel and let it flow. Inside of you. Experiencing all your emotions and doing nothing. Then you will see the anxiety and giddiness and fear of uncertainty will pass and again you will discover yourself in a well-grounded state, confident and self-possessed. THEN invite her for pizza!!!

 

Do not do any move now. Wait, calm down, visit coffee hop, chat with her if she approaches you. Do not initiate anything. Let her find herself next to a new you (the one who confessed his intentions). Meanwhile work on your own feelings. You have to be strong when starting r/s. People usually do not think about it especially when young.

[JustWishing]

Oh goodness. Don't you hate this??? First thought when you wake up, last thought before you fall asleep and every time in between. You phone always charged and either in your hand or less than 6 feet away so that you hear it. Besides that, wondering if you get that phone call or not. I can relate 100%.

 

Now, don't get too carried away. Give her some time to respond. I know we all want stuff like that to be figured out asap, but maybe she doesn't want to look desperate, maybe she has to make up her mind first or maybe she just simply has to figure out some stuff with her guy before she gives you that call. Meanwhile take it easy (easier said than done) and do some fun stuff for yourself.

 

And yes I would keep doing what you have been doing in regards to going there to get your coffee every morning whether she is there or not.