Confused if girl is flirting or over-friendly, need advice

[JustWishing]

Now we are talking being more grounded. I am glad you are off those meds. I think it is funny how we are both waiting for something to happen. LOL Did you see my latest post in my thread? Same boat LOL. Keep us updated

[musicman777]

Hello everyone,

Well I didn't think I would be back this soon but I have a somewhat significant update regarding my coffee shop story to those interested. Basically after several flirtatious visits to the shop recently from her and what I believe was her spying on one of my FB business pages the situation has now changed. We talked tonight at her work when they weren't as busy. She was thinking about it and has given me an absolute "yes" that we will go on a date sometime this year with me. It's not right away, she is figuring some things out with her life including career/college (and from the sounds of it maybe ditching her current boyfriend). The stance has definitely changed from "if things don't work out" to a "we will definitely do a date" now.

 

I don't blame her for not immediately changing her situation and I think she is trying to approach this in the right way where she doesn't hurt the other guy nor screw things up with me whenever she wants to do this date. I also think she is a bit intimidated by dating me, not in a bad way, but I'm 5 years older, I do very prestigious work including something that involves Hollywood actors and I think she is intimidated by me and doesn't want to screw it up...

 

So to the naysayers... there is definitely more going on here now than her being a nice hostess, at least such after I asked her on this date. This isn't exactly my first experience with a girl, I know the look in their face and she has that look like she "wants it"! lol well, that is that. I"m not super super excited and I hope she doesn't flip her decision out of the blue one day (I know how women think sometimes). I still would like to go on an initial date and see if she is the right one but it is a step in the right direction. I also hope she will be worth all the trouble! I had a good feeling about her which is why I bothered with all this and we'll see how it turns out!

[JustWishing]

I am sure you are very excited about the change of the situation for you. She sounds like a very nice girl who screwed up the order for the cop behind you LOL

Just do what you have been doing all along. When you go to get your coffee have light conversations with her and try to get to know her a little better. Don't push for the date anymore now that you have a definite answer. Otherwise you might come off as too strong. Sorry for my short answer, but I feel like I haven't slept in weeks. The next one will be longer. Keep us updated.

[Sarah691607309662]

Musicman, it does seem she confirmed her interest and it is clear she would hate to lose the opportunity to date you.

 

At the same time she gives you a time frame six months (till the end of the year). I am really curious what she will decide because i have never met such a nice girl who would not go out with the guy if she has a bf. I am learning about people in your thread!!!

 

I see how much psychological pressure is on an idea of "date". To me, "date" is just some time todpend chatting in order to get a feel about do iwant to spend more time with the person or not. To me "date" is not a big deal. But to her obviuosly a date means relationship. That actually could freak me out if i were in your shoes because it means that she breaks up gor you in order to go on a date. To me it feels like too much responsibility to commit from the start. I would rather risk to look like a not saint person, but i would go on pizza date and interview potential candidate in bf without making any serious decision...

 

Do you feel some pressure that she is sacrificing her bf now because you made your offer?

[musicman777]

Hello Sarah,

Thanks for your response once again. Indeed woman are confusing creatures! I have already been asking myself all of those same things that you posted for the past several days now. At this point, there are still a lot of "unknowns" about this girl and her intentions. I am not 100% confident she will break up with her current boyfriend although it most certainly is starting to look that way very much. Regardless she has agreed to this date eventually. I do have some speculations about her thoughts/attitude so far.

 

Number one, to be completely honest, I do feel some pressure if she would cut it off with him to date me. I think she needs to learn the phrase "try before you buy", lol! I just wanted to go on a simple date to get to know her more and see where it goes from there, which I told her, before she makes any rational decisions. She started going into detail the other day, completely over-thinking this, says she made "bad life decisions" and is fixing some things in her life and then we can date. I wonder what those "bad decisions" were exactly. I think she wants to give it an honest shot and not date me with any baggage. But I would hate for her to break up with this guy and then we have a disastrous first date or there is just something that I will not accept as part of her. I am hopeful and don't think it would come to that but I cannot ignore that possibility. I would feel VERY bad if she went through all this trouble, breaks up with this guy, and then I hang her up after one date and she is alone. I would feel like a total a-hole for doing that but she is kind of setting it up this way unfortunately.

 

Sarah you maybe right, to her dating maybe a "relationship". She is very biased against dating two guys at once, she may or may not view that as something more. In some ways I think she is also considering me as a long-term commitment, someone she may spend her life with. I am a settled down, more established guy at this point than people her age. I wish she wouldn't do that though until we dated at least once. Besides that, there is something definitely between us. Not just on the "spiritual" level anymore but I am feeling a sexual chemistry lately as well...

 

I don't know. We'll see what happens. It's scary but exciting. In the meantime I am continuing to live my life as normal, working and focusing on career. She does cross my mind from time to time but I am trying not to put too much focus on her until I know she is the right one. I will keep you all updated if anything interesting happens.

[Sportster2005]

I don't see how someone can see this as positive. She has a boyfriend. She makes some vague promise about a date sometime in the next year. And that is cloaked in the cliche about "fixing things in her life". And your O.K with being on the back burner. Because that's where you are. Women aren't that hard to figure out. They're the same as every other human. Sometimes they like to have their cake and eat it too.

 

So yeah, guess I'm a naysayer. But to others I'm probably a realist. And still others a jack.

[Sarah691607309662]

Where you are is a matter of perception. Some people will see it as being on a back burner. Some people will see it as being a true but not vocalized yet interest. Or a dream. If you percieve yourself as a back burner, you will act as a back burner. If you percieve yourself as a dream, you will act as a dream. I would not worry much what others think. It is your life.

 

I am not a naysayer, but it is not because i necessarily think you will get married and live happily with her till the end of your days. I encourage you to try, to come out of your shell, out of fear of mistake. Because this is The Only way to learn, to gain experience and to have a chance to see what happens when you pursue. Do i know what will happen? No. It can end with sorrow and pain. Also it can transform your life. But it will definetly get more mature through it. Wiser. Stronger. If you sit and wait until something honky-dory happens to you...it might actually happen... but you will not change much, will stay frozen. Where is fun in that?

 

Yes, i hear your concerns. And they are very valid. But there is no way to figure this equation out without living through it. One of my favorite writers said something like that (i type from the phone and can not find exact quote) "love is a big deal.. to start loving someone one needs energy, curiosity. There is the moment in the very beginning when you feel as if you have to jump over precipice. If you think, you will never jump".

[Draven8]

I don't see how someone can see this as positive. She has a boyfriend. She makes some vague promise about a date sometime in the next year. And that is cloaked in the cliche about "fixing things in her life". And your O.K with being on the back burner. Because that's where you are. Women aren't that hard to figure out. They're the same as every other human. Sometimes they like to have their cake and eat it too.

 

So yeah, guess I'm a naysayer. But to others I'm probably a realist. And still others a jack.

 

I'm with the Sportster on this.

Still sounds to me like a horny dude keeps talking to a waitress at work and she's telling him anything incase he bursts in one day with a shotgun and naked from the waist down.

"Yeah I'll date you...... in a year, if you let me live"

 

 

You've got her considering you as a partner for the rest of her life and you wish she didn't, at least until you've had one date.

You've got her intimidated by you because you work prestigiously with Hollywood actors and now your worried about rejecting her.

 

I'm bailing from this one