IAmFCA Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 In other news, Ice generally gets a text off every day saying hello at some point in the morning, as he has just done. He has a fun sense of humor and gives me a sense of capturing his attention, which I like. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Good observation about Iceman. I would consider whether your motive is to help your brother or equally or moreso to give yourself a reason to keep Mr. Wow on your radar. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Good observation about Iceman. I would consider whether your motive is to help your brother or equally or moreso to give yourself a reason to keep Mr. Wow on your radar. You are right re Mr. Wow; I engaged with my brother in part because he wanted to understand at a deeper level and I want him to understand, and also to see if he would offer insight that would be helpful in some way. My brother has a decade in years on Mr Wow, and as I have written previously, my brothers' upbringing, strengths and weaknesses share much in common with Mr. Wow. I am glad my brother has a fuller picture of the situation, even if it brought Mr. Wow to the fore in my own mind. We haven't been alone, my brother and I, in some months, so all my brother had before was snippets. I am glad now that Mr. Wow is more accurately represented to my brother and that if my brother chooses to reach out to him, he has a fuller understanding of the man on the other end of the line. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Running after gelling for half a year is freaking hard. But then, that's why I took it up. It rewards consistency. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 tbh I thought I would hear from Mr Wow today, and I didn't, which to me means two things: He understood the change of tone in my last post, and knew I was signing off and/or needed a break himself, or more practical concerns related to his schedule, which was intense today. He is highly intuitive. I am betting he knows I am signing off. For all the times we have written each other off, never has so much as a week gone by, I don't think, without some communication between us. Normal pattern would be that he will text something, late at night, tomorrow. But there is nothing to say. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 frustrating except I am not that emotionally invested iceman texts just now that he is thinking to find a movie to watch outside and that i should join. (if anyone else is reading this... he lives 5 minutes from me. fun fact, he used to live within a couple of blocks of Mr Wow.) i decline kindly he says, i figure that wasn't a real invite, just a thought...but i think he is trying to get me over to his house for a hook up. annoying. he retracted, said it would be nice to do that another night, starting at an earlier hour. put himself back on a I'm a good guy trajectory. I trust my instincts enough to think that he retracted simply because I popped his trial balloon. Except that assumes motivation, so I am putting that conclusion aside. I am getting bored with him, and yet his capacity for life is exciting. It just doesn't include me as of yet. If he offered to make me dinner, I would come over to his house for that. If he planned an activity, I would be down. I once suggested he teach me how to rock climb. He is smart, observant, and a natural chess player. If he felt like entertaining me or gifting me, he would. It may be that he hasn't decided I am worth all that at this point, and that is fine with me. He will figure it out eventually, even if from afar. He will have me in his circle for the next... five years. There is no rush here. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 I'm falling asleep. .. not my skill set. .. Thinking two things- I remember falling asleep in Mr wows bed and I am surprised how long ago that feels I don't know what I think of this new fellow but I'm kinda over it. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 tbh I thought I would hear from Mr Wow today, and I didn't, which to me means two things: He understood the change of tone in my last post, and knew I was signing off and/or needed a break himself, or more practical concerns related to his schedule, which was intense today. He is highly intuitive. I am betting he knows I am signing off. For all the times we have written each other off, never has so much as a week gone by, I don't think, without some communication between us. Normal pattern would be that he will text something, late at night, tomorrow. But there is nothing to say. What will be healthful for you IMO is when you realize you have no idea why he is not in touch and even better it doesn't occur to you to think about why. Perhaps it is one of the two things you mentioned or perhaps since you are no longer aware of his comings and goings it might have nothing to do with either. And that's ok. How about letting him be a "we" with his girlfriend and accept that despite your opinion that he is "highly intuitive" he might be choosing to direct that intuition, that energy, towards his relationship. And that's not only ok, it's what he should be doing and what you expected of him when he was dating you. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 What will be healthful for you IMO is when you realize you have no idea why he is not in touch and even better it doesn't occur to you to think about why. Perhaps it is one of the two things you mentioned or perhaps since you are no longer aware of his comings and goings it might have nothing to do with either. And that's ok. How about letting him be a "we" with his girlfriend and accept that despite your opinion that he is "highly intuitive" he might be choosing to direct that intuition, that energy, towards his relationship. And that's not only ok, it's what he should be doing and what you expected of him when he was dating you. Agree completely. It's why I know it's time for me to do a proper NC, including ignoring his when I eventually hear from him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Agree completely. It's why I know it's time for me to do a proper NC, including ignoring his when I eventually hear from him. I wouldn't even think of it with a "status" or even an acronym -it doesn't even deserve one -it's like brushing off an annoying fly. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 I wouldn't even think of it with a "status" or even an acronym -it doesn't even deserve one -it's like brushing off an annoying fly. I hear you Batya. It is not an extraordinary experience for me. It is where I was before, with an incremental shift to even less contact and connection. Before, we would generally not correspond so that replies were limited to a topic. Conversations concluded. This past weekend, he was texting more conversationally. I didn't want that. I found I want less of a connection than I did before. No connection would be fine. So I sent him a final non sequiter text telling him a compliment; I am happy to go out with a compliment. Its why I think he gets it; if he doesn't, he will figure it out when I am non-responsive. At this point, in contrast to before, I would be pleased to not have any connection for an extended period. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Great - and I hope if your brother stays in touch that he keeps that to himself so as not to distract you. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Great - and I hope if your brother stays in touch that he keeps that to himself so as not to distract you. Agree, although Mr Wow won't respond anyway, so it won't be an issue. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Agree, although Mr Wow won't respond anyway, so it won't be an issue. Oh that's good - I'm sure your brother has other friends to talk to - he'll be fine I bet! Glad you've made these choices! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Oh that's good - I'm sure your brother has other friends to talk to - he'll be fine I bet! Glad you've made these choices! No way can I let the past interfere with my future. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 I like this Ice fellow, but it needs more courtship if it is to develop. Granted, he texted at 6:45 this morning. It is true, I haven't shown him as much interest either, perhaps. Next visit I need to ask more about his family of origin, that sort of thing. I got a bit of it early on. After trading dates back and forth yesterday, he never actually picked a day THIS WEEK. So... I am not sure what is up with that. Staying off line during this time, so as not to throw any externalities into the mix. Seeing what is happening on my OLD profile is not that compelling anyway; I will go in some other time. I'd rather be off line and miscommunicate in that way, if any. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Ice texted again this morning. I asked if we might play this weekend and he said yes... and that he was hoping to play this evening. I just need to relax. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Date tomorrow. Nice bits of text today helped build my trust a bit. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Date fun, we hung out and talked with a glass of wine. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 melatonin good trying to sleep last night, without it, bad Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 So far so good. I'm staying in tonight, and I think I'm staying in for the holiday tomorrow. I have friends all day Sunday, and I slept all day today. I might venture out last minute. Nice to have no schedule and no responsibility. Also, I thought about Mr Wow today. Not that I want him, but getting rid of some more of him so that I can move on. I asked ice to make me dinner, and got back a nice answer. Glad to use my own time to collect. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I am enjoying this iceman connection right now. Giving me a smile today. Link to comment
faraday Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 melatonin good trying to sleep last night, without it, bad I have to use melatonin pretty much every night or I'm just buzzing. Especially on these meds. But it gives me great sleep. Drugs are good. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I have to use melatonin pretty much every night or I'm just buzzing. Especially on these meds. But it gives me great sleep. Drugs are good. I've been wanting to try melatonin for a year. Kept forgetting (duh). Ice texted a couple nights ago wishing me a good night's sleep and it reminded me. Taking 0.5MG (about, cutting 1mg in half). It is a pleasure to have a positive energy force on the other end of my phone. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I've been wanting to try melatonin for a year. Kept forgetting (duh). Ice texted a couple nights ago wishing me a good night's sleep and it reminded me. Taking 0.5MG (about, cutting 1mg in half). It is a pleasure to have a positive energy force on the other end of my phone. LOL - I can see the 2 of you sitting over a romantic dinner he has made you "Iceman, you, you are such a positive energy force in my life!" Link to comment
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