Out with the old, in with the now

[IAmFCA]

And yes, I know that this is going to result in a collision. It always does.

[IAmFCA]

LOL!!! Just for the laugh, I'd meet this one.

 

Haha thats a good point!

[IAmFCA]

Just home. Could there be funnier company? Leaving in three hours.

[IAmFCA]

Ok, first off. This is crazy good. Where I am, how I am.being hosted, the people around me. Gifts! Many wows.

 

Secondly, I am better. I can tell. The stupid scrip my doc gave me is.too much. Halvsies works.

 

Slushie has been.checking in. I've been unavailable.

 

Cutie and I will have an overnight date this weekend. I am looking forward to it. It isn't a sex date, but a way to share a stretch of time together. I enjoy his company, I feel cared for and I feel safe, and I appreciate his core self. He has the peace of someone who has been there done that and learned acceptance and appreciation as a result. That is a beautiful trait.

 

He hasn't ever met anyone like me; that happens a lot. I am unsure how it will be once the newness wears off; we'll see what happens when we get there. My observations are about me: I had my itic-centered mancation weekend last weekend. I had a date last night until 3 am that included kissing, I am texting with three men concurrently. I am not where Cutie is, ready to focus on one. I am playing around, doing what I want. My mancation and recent date do not compete with Cutie. It's that they don't conflict with him. I have boundaries; I have intimacies that remain intimate and not shared. I am not a libertine. I am a single adult woman, and I still feel single.

 

I wish Cutie had lived similar experiences in his life, big travels or corporate responsibilities... He absorbs quickly, it seems like he can go anywhere. I wish he brought more of that to the table. What he DOES bring to the table is character, values, and perspective. No small thing.

 

K. I've got a fire, and an early workout.

 

Wherever I am going, it feels like the right direction.

[IAmFCA]

Women who read my thread and have a career interest: embrace opportunities to create networks with other women, especially in environments outside of work. Incredibly powerful experience.

 

---

 

Off to my next destination.

 

Hiking with Slushie this weekend. Invited to stop by country house of powerful exec while out and about. Do I? With Slushie? Dunno.

 

While away I was chatting with someone from home who said, I may have a guy for you! Guess who -- "New Guy" from a few months back. Funny.

[Batya33]

Women who read my thread and have a career interest: embrace opportunities to create networks with other women, especially in environments outside of work. Incredibly powerful experience.

 

---

 

Off to my next destination.

 

Hiking with Slushie this weekend. Invited to stop by country house of powerful exec while out and about. Do I? With Slushie? Dunno.

 

While away I was chatting with someone from home who said, I may have a guy for you! Guess who -- "New Guy" from a few months back. Funny.

 

I've been doing that for many years and I cannot agree more.

[IAmFCA]

I've been doing that for many years and I cannot agree more.

 

 

Glad to hear it!

[IAmFCA]

Correction:

 

I am NOT going hiking with Slushie this weekend. I AM going hiking with Cutie.

 

Oh dear. Let's not mix up names again.

[IAmFCA]

Another little snippet...

 

So, yes. I have this weekend with Cutie, BUT you know, I still don't feel open to the idea of committing to him. New guy from months back just asked me to dinner. I'd be pleased to go. I want that flexibility.

 

Let's be real here: there is a part of me that misses something in Cutie. I sense a fear in him, something that keeps him from being inspirational. Hmm, as I think about it, I am getting to a question about leadership, about authenticity. He seems to me to be authentic. Yet, authenticity tends to result in leadership as we express ourselves through our actions. I feel his voice is muted.

 

I want to ask him, "tell me about a time when you were at the end of your path and had to find or create a new one."

 

I would like to see in my bf something that inspires me. Cutie's character is beautiful to see, but I am not sure it inspires me. Maybe as I learn more.

 

Sigh. I like being single. It is the land of endless opportunity. I have never said that and meant it quite the way I just did.

[Realitynut]

Maybe Cutie's beautiful character is meant to make you feel safe, cared for, loved...but not to inspire. Maybe your lot in life is to inspire him? So then he in turn will become and inspiration to you.

 

Remember, one person can't be ALL things to another. So even tho he may not inspire you......what other traits does he have? I would think emotional stability and consistency would rank right up there!!

 

Plus...what the hell...he's a 'cutie'...just for that fact alone!!!

[IAmFCA]

Maybe Cutie's beautiful character is meant to make you feel safe, cared for, loved...but not to inspire. Maybe your lot in life is to inspire him? So then he in turn will become and inspiration to you.

 

Remember, one person can't be ALL things to another. So even tho he may not inspire you......what other traits does he have? I would think emotional stability and consistency would rank right up there!!

 

Plus...what the hell...he's a 'cutie'...just for that fact alone!!!

 

Yes RN, I hear you. That's why he gets as much of me as he does. On these pages, I have been taught not to make excuses for, to explain around... so I am making myself speak both my enthusiasm and my reservations. I have been typing and deleting... I think I figured it out. When he compliments me, I am hearing it as a statement of how different we are from one another. It is as if I impress him. That is something that happens when we see something that is "other".

 

This, come to think of it, is something I like about Slushie. He doesn't treat me as "other". It helps me to become even better, because my growth into a top performer is his "normal", not exceptional. I am more comfortable with that.

 

Crap. Have I just talked myself out of a date altogether? No. I will use Saturday to learn about him. But yes, I did. I have talked myself right out of it.

 

--

 

I have a first meet tomorrow. Shortest first meet ever. Twenty minute coffee. Its the only time our schedules overlap.

[IAmFCA]

I declined Slushie's invitations for drinks tonight and a run in the morning. He explained his schedule... I suggested the vague "another time".

 

Date this morning in the city I was visiting was fun! He comes to my city on occasion, and I am confident he will look me up when he does.

 

Date with "new guy" from a few months ago, in the beginning of april.

 

It feels good to be doing this dating thing. I keep getting better at it, like working my way through a narrowing spiral tunnel.

[IAmFCA]

Unfreaking believable.

 

MWFN met me while dating someone else, whom I knew through my wing man friend (nobody knew they had a personal relationship).

 

It happened again. Same wing man friend. Different woman - not the same as with MWFN because Slushie isn't trying to bag the both of us. Still - someone I know has been out with slushie recently, is starting to like him, and so starting to talk about him, leading us to figure it out.

 

My instincts are to tell him: I want to be transparent with you. Samantha and I are acquainted through a friend in common. I am sure you assume we don't know each other, and now that I know, I don't want to keep it from you.

[Batya33]

Unfreaking believable.

 

MWFN met me while dating someone else, whom I knew through my wing man friend (nobody knew they had a personal relationship).

 

It happened again. Same wing man friend. Different woman - not the same as with MWFN because Slushie isn't trying to bag the both of us. Still - someone I know has been out with slushie recently, is starting to like him, and so starting to talk about him, leading us to figure it out.

 

My instincts are to tell him: I want to be transparent with you. Samantha and I are acquainted through a friend in common. I am sure you assume we don't know each other, and now that I know, I don't want to keep it from you.

 

I think if you tell him it will give the impression of you trying to create drama. You and Slushie are friendly and occasionally go on a date/hang out/text. There's no need to tell him in the name of "transparency" - you're good at having appropriate boundaries and filters with people so I wouldn't rationalize in that way. Not high school. Again -I know your intentions aren't drama but if you want to continue talking to/seeing Slushie I'd keep this part out of it -and certainly then he will know you care far more than you let on.

 

If he asks you if you know this woman I would say you do.

[IAmFCA]

Good advice.

 

Also, they may not last and it will become irrelevant.

 

I've treated him as if he is intimately involved with someone else, or not, but not me in any event. So I just keep going as I have been. And if I hear any dating stories from this other woman about him, I redirect the conversation.

 

They had their first sexual experience on date 4, while I was out of town; he reported to her it had been a month since his prior sexual encounter. I'm glad he and I have never had sex so that I am not part of a series.

 

She asked me what did I think, and I said I think he is a great guy, that she and I aren't interchangeable and we are not going to compare ourselves to each other, and that I don't think he is dating me anyway, so that there really isn't anything to do.

 

Any other ideas for me to think about?

[IAmFCA]

And date 4 is as far as its it's gotten...

[faraday]

You're thinking about this way too much for him to just be a buddy.

[IAmFCA]

You're thinking about this way too much for him to just be a buddy.

 

Well, its a little mind blowing in a big city to have this happen twice!

 

I don't call him a buddy. I think of him as a friend, and we treat each other as someone we might date some day. We never talk of our personal lives.I'm sure he would expect privacy in this regard, but I already know what she told me... I'll not have any further conversations now that we know.

 

Oh, and saying nothing to him, as batya suggested. She may say something; if so, big deal.

[faraday]

You're missing my point. Buddy or friend, the wording is irrelevant. He's in your head enough that when he came up in conversation, you were able to figure out it was him...and when they dated and where you were during those dates.

 

Too much headspace. You might be dating other guys but your head is still focused on slushie

[IAmFCA]

You're missing my point. Buddy or friend, the wording is irrelevant. He's in your head enough that when he came up in conversation, you were able to figure out it was him...and when they dated and where you were during those dates.

 

Too much headspace. You might be dating other guys but your head is still focused on slushie

 

Actually, my wing man figured it out - there a few details that are pretty specific about kids and schools and the like. She was giving him the full download on this new guy in her life. Not hard to figure out the calendar; I've seen him once before going away and been gone for a long stretch.

 

Still, yes. If he wanted to date me, I'd be interested. But not in a casual manner.

 

Nobody has an exclusive on me by a long shot.

[Batya33]

Good choice not to talk further with anyone about his dating life.

[IAmFCA]

Good choice not to talk further with anyone about his dating life.

 

Yes.

 

He is a very private person. Would not want to have been discussed. And there's nothing to discuss; she doesn't think they're exclusive, and I don't think we're even dating. Was nice to hear details that corroborate my own observations. The rest can remain as private as he'd like.

 

I still like him, yeah - why wouldn't I? If he wants to date me he will declare himself. Otherwise, its just not relevant.

[Batya33]

I don't think it has to do with whether you perceive him to be a private person - who he dates is irrelevant as are the details. If he wants to talk to you about his dating or sex life, he will.

[IAmFCA]

I don't think it has to do with whether you perceive him to be a private person - who he dates is irrelevant as are the details. If he wants to talk to you about his dating or sex life, he will.

 

Agree. That is precisely right.

 

Am just back from date with Cutie. He has such a good heart. I chose to come home because it just didn't feel right to.spend the night together. It was the right decision.

[IAmFCA]

Update:

 

Great date today with Cutie. He is 90%. I still feel like I further his thinking more than he furthers mine, and that is an important dynamic for me. Have resolved to talk less and listen more when we next are together.

 

Kissed Cutie good night, and once inside found Slushie had been trying to reach me for an hour. He had just gotten home, found himself kidless, and wanted to go eat.

 

Date from when I was away has been in touch.

 

No other updates...