DaisyHope Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 SO!! I've been doing 'well' with limited contact, however on a chat with a colleague this morning when she said she was giving up chocolate for lent, I was thinking 'what's bad for me' 'what's a real challenge for me to give up' and there it was - MY EX!! Therefore I give up social media, and checking his last online status on messaging service for 40 days!! I'm HOPING in doing this for 40 days, it will help me break the cycle and ultimately leave me able to stop obsessing and just move on. I still really want him back - just that I know he won't be. Who's with me!! 40 days from Wednesday I believe it is... that said - I'm starting today!! Link to comment
Loriana Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Lol gurl I don't have a man in my life to stalk on social media so I guess I'm lucky. Maybe you should block him on social media so you're not constantly checking his page/pages. I'm not giving up anything for lent, I'm not motivated enough haha! Link to comment
invisibleheart Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Hi daisy hope, like this challenge, and totally up to it. It is an obsession to me too... How all this social media are the channel that connects me with him of sort, but its like an unrequited love. Anyway, I'll be starting now. And yes, before this 40 days end I'll be proud of myself. One step at a time. We can do this. Link to comment
janut1 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I just unfriended my X friend. (Can't really call him a BF since we were only dating for a short time -3 months). That worked for me. I was getting too upset every time he posted something and was not happy that he would like photos of mine, but not tell me why he wasn't talking to me any more. Long story. But I say Unfriend him or just block him. If you ever do get back together, you can open the channels back up anyway. Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Yay! Pleased to have some fellow people get on board with me. Let's post to each other if we're struggling or just updates!! This is big for me as it'll even mean I can't contact him on his birthday (end of march!) I didn't think I would anyway but the whole thing came in not wanting him to think I was an unfeeling cow but now I figure Id let myself and this challenge down if I Did. That and if he ever asked (not that he'll be bothered) il simply tell him well I gave you up for lent!! Ha! I've always been good with social media as in no looking at his or his friends pages I didn't want to delete as I felt it looked catty (each to their own! ) and Ill do it in due course. Just not yet.anyway the will power had always been there to check on him but where I let myself down well by posting what I'm up to etc and I don't think that's fair. Why should he see my life and not commit to me. Also I'm embarrassed how much I use it. So there it is. Nothing from today and its been a whole day. I should delete all his texts too and from his sister and Bro really too. That'll be hArd as they go back to day dot One step at a time I guess. Thanks all and let's all keep in touch with this. Link to comment
miss_sunshine Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I am in for this. I have been NC for over 8 months, after an 11 year relationship and he does not have FB, but I often check his mum's page, his mum's boyfriends page, his best mate etc. I will not do that for 40 days. I am already thinking I can not make it, but I know I need to. I have only seen a couple of posts in that time that have anything to do with him but I seriously need to stop. I also check other online things to follow up on him and I need to stop. Starting tomorrow I will be on the 40 day countdown. Hopefully then my addiction will stop. I need to find a way to keep on moving forward and this is my last connection. He does not deserve me still thinking and caring about him, and I know it is delaying my healing. Good challenge, thank you! Link to comment
miss_sunshine Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Looks like this year lent finishes on April 4 (46 days). We can do it! Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Yay yay yay!! Go us!! Link to comment
sarah18 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm down! I was trying to think of something to give up for lent... This is perfect Link to comment
miss_sunshine Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Well ladies I am already struggling and it is not even the end of day 1. I will not cave and I will make it but I have such an urge to check his family/friends Facebook/other online things I sometimes check. I know I need to move on from this and fight this addiction. He does not deserve me thinking about him so much anymore, me crying over him or obsessing over why it ended as much as I do. I am going to light a candle and try to say my goodbyes in a way each night for the 46 nights. I hope you are all doing much better than I am. Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 If its any consolation me too....that said its sort of day three for me as I started on Monday. Last night I downloaded a countdown widget for my phone that counts down the 40 days. It's a great visual for me!! I'm now getting nervy about not sending him a happy birthday which is right at the end of the 40 days but still... argh!! every night rather than light a candle which I think is a great idea. Rather than think about him and saying my prayer for him to come back I'm going to change it to giving me strength to be able to deal with this and also do affirmation that I am a strong confident woman!! That makes me laugh thinking about joey from friends. Anyway I've GOT to try to blot out the thoughts of him getting on and focus on ME moving on....much as I hate it I've GOT to!! Soooooo hard. We can do this though!! Link to comment
invisibleheart Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Hi everyone, I am making much progress myself. Its my 3rd day today. Usually, I get home and go online and check on web stuff... which sometimes lead me to well checking his as well. But yesterday, after work I just did not, and it feels good. Though here at work now, its possible to go on google and such haha but the difference is that here at work I can keep myself busy. Anyway, the countdown widget sound helpful, I will download it later so. Stay strong! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I can't join in because I am not in any situation ...I just lurk on the boards because I have no life .... but I just wanted to big you all up and say , come on you can do this xxxxxx here is a link for the sea of candles ..babydoll gave me the idea to post this ,as she said she lights a candle ...I have used this myself for many things ...have a look ..it might be a nice calming visual to help you set them free ....with calm and with kindness ... link removed Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 How are we all doing today?? Staying strong I hope!! .......I'm wobbling, not to get in touch, NO NO... I'M STRONG LIKE OX.... buuuuuuuuuuuuut... I'm getting a horrible thought lurk in my mind.... "if it's this easy for me to 'switch him off' - perhaps, as HE dumped me, and therefore it being his choice and easier for him, he has already forgotten about me" - I know I SHOULDN'T care, but I can't help but feel sad about that!! There's nothing I can do on that thought other than continue no contact - and my countdown widget on my home screen makes me feel SO much better, even though it's showing 39 long days to go!! Still worried about not messaging on his birthday too but I'm assuming that it will be easier given that I'll be that much further down this 'giving up/NC/Lent' line that perhaps I won't even think about doing it or remember the day.......... Link to comment
miss_sunshine Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Hi DaisyHope, thanks for the great idea about the countdown timer. Mine is saying 1 month and 15 days to go. I am going off the official lent which is 46 days this year. I made it so that when I open it Katy Perry's Roar starts to play and it makes me feel strong haha. I have been too lazy to light a candle yet haha. I just miss him a lot and wish I was not still thinking about him 8.5 months later but 11 years with someone and they suddenly leave is very hard to let go. In all serious though, who cares what he is doing? He has made the decision not to be with me, so his loss! I am sure in time, even if he meets someone else he will fall back in to the same pattern of being a terrible communicator so good luck to her I say. Well I don't believe those things yet but I am trying to! Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 ooooo... interesting - 46 days? From when to when?? I'll have to change my countdown!! Link to comment
miss_sunshine Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 If you type lent dates 2015 in to google it says it ends on April 2. Lent does not include Sunday's(or holy days as they are called )so technically it's only 40 days. I'm just including all the days. Either way as long as you make it 40 days you are doing well! Link to comment
chamachama Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Sorry, but why are you still fb friends with someone who hurts you? In fact, why are any of you? And why on earth would anyone be fake"friends" with someone who they want to be more than friends with? I simply don't get that stuff at all. OP, you say you want him back at this point right? Do you know what "limited contact" does? It basically cements his decision with you. He has no actual time to wonder about you. To miss you. To make a stupid mistake with someone else, and then think about you instead. By being in any contact at all with him, he gets to keep you in the friend zone box and be justified in doing so, because you are exactly who he remembers you to be when he broke things off with you. Every time you contact...its like putting up a billboard saying "Hey look at me! I am the exact same person you thought I was when you broke up with me!" You want him back? He needs to come back on his own because he questions his decision with you. And that will only "possibly" occur via NC. A long period of NC where he can forget about the girl who he broke up with and wonder about the decisions that he made with you. As of now, he doesn't wonder. Because you are there in contact with him pining for him being the girl he broke up with. You won't get a real chance to move out of the friend zone being the same girl that he friend zoned to begin with. He needs to forget about that girl. You're not letting him. And of course, you're also not healing at all. Pouring over social media, pics, and constantly obsessing about him. You need to break that cycle for YOU and your well being. You need to live your life and move forward without him in it. Do it for YOU. Stop hurting yourself because YOU are more important to YOU than your ex who doesn't want to be with you at all. Sounds like a no brainer right? Well, it is... Defreind, Delete, move on with NC. That's the only answer whether you want him back or your don't. Do that, and it will be the best decision that you've made since the breakup. And you will thank yourself a billion times down the line... Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 have you not read WHY all of us are doing this!?!! It's in order for us to have the strength to do that. Everyone is different and unlike you I can't just delete them. This is my way. Each to their own but bringing down a group of people for something they are ATTEMPTING and so far SUCCESSFULLY doing is uncalled for. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 have you not read WHY all of us are doing this!?!! It's in order for us to have the strength to do that. Everyone is different and unlike you I can't just delete them. This is my way. Each to their own but bringing down a group of people for something they are ATTEMPTING and so far SUCCESSFULLY doing is uncalled for. I do no contact as well...but if i find someone i really like its not going to matter wheter he comes back or not.Thats just how is see it... Link to comment
invisibleheart Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Hi Chamachama I do appreciate your insight to this matter. I am not a friend with him in FB, but I have the tendency to look at his page which I believe is not healthy... But alas, my discipline towards this is very lacking that's why I took this challenge. Not everyone of us have that iron mental strength that can turn off things, some requires methods in order to achieve it. I personally want my ex to come back and your right, he needs to come back on his own. There's no words nor action that I can do to ever bring him back... Its sad, its life. Nevertheless, its my successful 4th day today haha I actually have to scroll up to check... Man, am I losing count already. Did not manage to download a countdown widget yet. A long way to go, but I can feel the positive effect of it. Link to comment
chamachama Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I'm not trying to bring anyone down. It's good that you all realize that contact of any sort is not healthy, nor does it do anything to either get the person back or move on. It does the opposite of both of those options. Hey look, I do consider myself a fairly tough minded person. But I don't go no contact out of being tough. Actually, I go no contact because you can punch me in the face a hundred times no problem but when it comes to breakup pain... it hurts too much for me to continue it at an extended clip. I try hard to stop it any way I can. I know pain and heartache is coming for me regardless of what I do anyway. So why grab at it? Why add more? I hate that sort of pain. So I choose not to hurt myself more than I already am... I don't think it's being iron or tough. I think it's choosing yourself and your own torn apart heart over someone who doesn't want to be with you anymore... it's an exercise in self worth. I'm worth more than someone who doesn't want to be with me any longer... I wish you all best of luck and I know you'll all be ok... Keep it up!! Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 Well done Invisibleheart!! You're doing great!! I'm on day 5 officially however if I mark it from Wednesday which is the official start of lent (I think) then I'm on day three!! WE CAN DO IT!! Still toying with getting in touch on his bday but like Chamachama said, why open myself up to the hurt.... just goes against who I am, NOT to be in touch on a birthday with ANYONE, much less the guy I adored!! Link to comment
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