K's Dating Journal

[John John]

I second what Mrs. Darcy and Fudgie said about therapy. It's awesome. It takes a long time to actually get results, but it's super rewarding, and I'm very often finding that certain things that my therapist says don't click until later (when I finally have my own "ah hah" moments). He cancelled on me last week and I was pissed! lol

[WithLove]

I'm not sure how it'll work with my job. I work 8-5. I'll have to see if this therapist does weekends or late nights.

[Ms Darcy]

Our charts aren't like that. You just put in a patient's info and it pops up. You're recorded going into the chart, but there's no lock or anything. I'd have no idea who went into mine or when. I don't think I'll change. I just don't want anyone knowing my medical history here. I don't trust anyone.

 

Those are disturbingly poor internal controls and weak risk management at your place of business.

[reinventmyself]

I'm not sure how it'll work with my job. I work 8-5. I'll have to see if this therapist does weekends or late nights.

 

Most therapists have evening hours to accommodate to the typical 9 to 5 working class.

I see mine at 6:30

[Ms Darcy]

I second what Mrs. Darcy and Fudgie said about therapy. It's awesome. It takes a long time to actually get results, but it's super rewarding, and I'm very often finding that certain things that my therapist says don't click until later (when I finally have my own "ah hah" moments). He cancelled on me last week and I was pissed! lol

 

Yaass! Therapy is fantastic. It's free through my work, so I take advantage. My counselor is great because he offers hours on Saturdays.

[John John]

Yaass! Therapy is fantastic. It's free through my work, so I take advantage. My counselor is great because he offers hours on Saturdays.

 

It really is. I only pay $10 a session thanks to my firm's great insurance, but he's really good, and has hours that actually work with my schedule. And I've been seeing him now for about two years, but regularly for about a year - so we've got a good rapport now. He knows all my issues lol

[WithLove]

I left the paperwork in my mom's car last night, so I'll have to get the info tomorrow.

 

Ugh. I'm so done with today.

[Seraphim]

Therapy virtually saved my life without a doubt. Absolutely I would be dead without it. I am on my 4th round in my life. Luckily the military pays for mine. And if not the county would pay for it because I have been a victim of serious gender violence.

[Ms Darcy]

It really is. I only pay $10 a session thanks to my firm's great insurance, but he's really good, and has hours that actually work with my schedule. And I've been seeing him now for about two years, but regularly for about a year - so we've got a good rapport now. He knows all my issues lol

 

That's key. As much as he is helping you, you are helping him. It's a reciprocal relationship.

[Ms Darcy]

Therapy virtually saved my life without a doubt. Absolutely I would be dead without it. I am on my 4th round in my life. Luckily the military pays for mine. And if not the county would pay for it because I have been a victim of serious gender violence.

 

I find it soo strange when people get offended when you recommend therapy. I'm in therapy. Many of us are or have been. For the most part we have positive things to say about it.

 

But sometimes people take it as an insult. As you mentioned, it can be lifesaving. And it's so wonderful if it's affordable. I can't understand if folks can't afford. But for those who can, I don't see why it might be considered offensive to suggest it.

[LightWave93]

Therapy is amazing. It's done me a world of good, and I've made positive changes in my life because of it. It's not going to automatically solve all your problems, but it sets you on the right track to becoming a better person...your true self. I had a whole load of stuff to get off my chest, and here I am a year later feeling (mostly) better than ever. Like Victoria66, I would be dead without it.

 

Sadly, as you say, some people see it as an insult and will never consider the long-term benefits. I can think of a handful of people who could do with professional help but refuse to because of their ego or whatever. Hell it was a massive hit when I forced myself to say "Okay, I need help", but it's a worthwhile journey. Fortunately living in the UK it's often freely available, so there's no excuse.

[Seraphim]

I find it soo strange when people get offended when you recommend therapy. I'm in therapy. Many of us are or have been. For the most part we have positive things to say about it.

 

But sometimes people take it as an insult. As you mentioned, it can be lifesaving. And it's so wonderful if it's affordable. I can't understand if folks can't afford. But for those who can, I don't see why it might be considered offensive to suggest it.

I think because they are not ready to release the pain. The pain becomes a friend. And also of course ego. And sometimes people are afraid of what will get dredged up. That's why I refused to go to therapy for years after I was 13. I was afraid of what would come out of Pandora's box. But it turns out therapy was far better than I had imagined. Now I can control anything that comes out of Pandora's box.

[Seraphim]

Therapy is amazing. It's done me a world of good, and I've made positive changes in my life because of it. It's not going to automatically solve all your problems, but it sets you on the right track to becoming a better person...your true self. I had a whole load of stuff to get off my chest, and here I am a year later feeling (mostly) better than ever. Like Victoria66, I would be dead without it.

 

Sadly, as you say, some people see it as an insult and will never consider the long-term benefits. I can think of a handful of people who could do with professional help but refuse to because of their ego or whatever. Hell it was a massive hit when I forced myself to say "Okay, I need help", but it's a worthwhile journey. Fortunately living in the UK it's often freely available, so there's no excuse.

 

I am glad you are alive and well.

[Fudgie]

Good therapy can be really painful too, keep in mind. Painful because it forces you to look at things you don't want to look at but need to. So it's good for you, yet it hurts. I've cried in a number of my therapist sessions, not all, but some. A couple of them I got very, very upset and outright bawled and then went home and was so upset that I ended up having loose stools for the rest of the day. That's pain! But I got through it and am better for it. She helped me to, gently, look at things and pain was part of that process.

 

But I think some people get a taste of that and say "NO THIS HURTS, DO NOT WANT".

[Cheetarah]

I think another reason people get offended(some) is because of old school idea that therapy is for the 'crazy'...And if someone is suggesting it, said person feels they must come off as a complete nut job.

[Seraphim]

Good therapy can be really painful too, keep in mind. Painful because it forces you to look at things you don't want to look at but need to. So it's good for you, yet it hurts. I've cried in a number of my therapist sessions, not all, but some. A couple of them I got very, very upset and outright bawled and then went home and was so upset that I ended up having loose stools for the rest of the day. That's pain! But I got through it and am better for it. She helped me to, gently, look at things and pain was part of that process.

 

But I think some people get a taste of that and say "NO THIS HURTS, DO NOT WANT".

My therapy hurt like hell too. But people don't understand you have to go through hell to get to the light. A lot of people at the first indication of pain run away and say therapy doesn't work . And I tell them on the second time you're not going to have unicorns flying out your ass. It is serious hard work. The therapist is not going to do all the work for you that's your job.

[Seraphim]

I think another reason people get offended(some) is because of old school idea that therapy is for the 'crazy'...And if someone is suggesting it, said person feels they must come off as a complete nut job.

 

Yes ,stigma is another point as well.

[Fudgie]

My therapy still hurts. I have so many issues and a lot of things bring me pain when I think about them. It's easier not to think about them but then I'd be suffering for longer so really, either way you look at it, you're going to be in pain - so why not be in pain in a way that helps you in the future to eventually move on?

[LightWave93]

I am glad you are alive and well.

 

Thank you, and I am glad you are too, and also appreciative you spend your time helping others.

 

Good therapy can be really painful too, keep in mind. Painful because it forces you to look at things you don't want to look at but need to.

 

For me it was a case of a lot of childhood trauma and dysfunctional relationships with people. I never really understood just how much my self-esteem/worth had been damaged because of the experiences I went through. I've burst into tears each time a therapist has, in one way or another, asserted I'm not the person that others have made me out to be. It's been a massive learning curve, but a much needed one. I imagine a lot of people are the same like me and don't realize how strongly these past events can effect the present.

 

My therapy still hurts. I have so many issues and a lot of things bring me pain when I think about them. It's easier not to think about them but then I'd be suffering for longer so really, either way you look at it, you're going to be in pain - so why not be in pain in a way that helps you in the future to eventually move on?

 

My counselor has only just suggested thinking about past events and feeling the emotions to try and get past them. I'm wondering if you've developed other means to deal with your issues?

[Cheetarah]

There are some genuinely bad therapists out there. As well as client/therapist simply not being a match. I can see why someone might conclude that therapy doesn't work in some cases.

 

I would call a therapist 'bad' if they, for example, want to delve into a traumatic event that happened in the person's life, yet did not precede it with providing them tools to cope with anxiety, flashbacks, etc. Just went in feet first. That's almost criminal to me.

[Seraphim]

There are some genuinely bad therapists out there. As well as client/therapist simply not being a match. I can see why someone might conclude that therapy doesn't work in some cases.

 

I would call a therapist 'bad' if they, for example, want to delve into a traumatic event that happened in the person's life, yet did not precede it with providing them tools to cope with anxiety, flashbacks, etc. Just went in feet first. That's almost criminal to me.

Yes, exactly . You need tools to support you first. The therapist I had before this one spent about nine months creating tools with me before we got to the nitty-gritty stuff.

[Fudgie]

My counselor has only just suggested thinking about past events and feeling the emotions to try and get past them. I'm wondering if you've developed other means to deal with your issues?

 

For me, acknowledging and feeling the emotions is part of healing but I need more. It does help to talk to her about them and she helps by presenting things in a new light or new perspective which is very helpful to me. Most of us get into "negative thought" patterns that are very hard to break on their own. I know for me, simply feeling the emotion and saying "okay, I feel x" was not enough because I would just go into that cycle again of thinking that would drag me down. She is helping me to break these cycles by getting me to talk about certain things, validating my feelings, and also presenting things in a different light so that I may reframe in my mind.

[Seraphim]

Thank you, and I am glad you are too, and also appreciative you spend your time helping others.

 

 

 

For me it was a case of a lot of childhood trauma and dysfunctional relationships with people. I never really understood just how much my self-esteem/worth had been damaged because of the experiences I went through. I've burst into tears each time a therapist has, in one way or another, asserted I'm not the person that others have made me out to be. It's been a massive learning curve, but a much needed one. I imagine a lot of people are the same like me and don't realize how strongly these past events can effect the present.

 

 

 

My counselor has only just suggested thinking about past events and feeling the emotions to try and get past them. I'm wondering if you've developed other means to deal with your issues?

 

Thank you. Because I have been so hurt I have a pathological need to reach out and care for others.

[LightWave93]

For me, acknowledging and feeling the emotions is part of healing but I need more. It does help to talk to her about them and she helps by presenting things in a new light or new perspective which is very helpful to me. Most of us get into "negative thought" patterns that are very hard to break on their own. I know for me, simply feeling the emotion and saying "okay, I feel x" was not enough because I would just go into that cycle again of thinking that would drag me down. She is helping me to break these cycles by getting me to talk about certain things, validating my feelings, and also presenting things in a different light so that I may reframe in my mind.

 

I think I'm a few steps behind you in that regard then. I understand the new perspectives that are brought to light but I find it very difficult to fixate on the new frame of mind, understanding what's been said but instead going back to my old way of thinking.

 

Thank you. Because I have been so hurt I have a pathological need to reach out and care for others.

 

I've pretty much been the same for a good number of years now, for better or worse.

[Fudgie]

It takes a really long time. I've been in therapy for a while and I'm still working on it, sometimes it's easier for certain things than others. I bet you'll get there!