Guys and cooking?

[Lonewing]

I eat out as often as I can.

 

On base it's a basic requirement, they give us meal card and we eat at the chow hall.

 

Less time spent on prep and cleanup, more time spent on whatever else I want to do - there's gives and takes to everything.

 

I can cook, but I really prefer not to - and only do it if I want something specific or if I really have to budget my money tighter.

[Fudgie]

When I was single and working long and unpredictable hours I likely would have wasted a lot of food or money by cooking any more than I did (simple things) - cooking for one either means lots of leftovers which you may or may not want and time is money if you're working at an intense career. I was impressed with people who cooked for themselves in large quantities and froze the portions but I worked on weekends and I likely would have gotten bored with all those leftovers.

 

Yeah that's what I've done for a while: make stuff ahead of time and then refrigerate or freeze. I work 12 hour shifts and I'll bring some food with me plus yogurt cups. Recently, I made breakfast burritos for myself. Scrambled egg and peppers and onions in a small tortilla shell. The ingredients cost me $9 and I made over 20 and they are delicious and quick.

 

I don't think it's wrong if you have the money and want to buy prepared instead of make your own. I'm just saying, it costs more. Buying prepared versus making your own, money speaking, making your own wins out every time in a money sense.

 

Spending $200+ extra a month on eating out or what have you is not a trait I'd find desirable in a partner at all since I like frugal partners. I think part of it is how I was raised too. My parents have demanding careers and we ate at home a lot. Going out for me is a treat, not a way of life. My ex went out a lot to eat and I preferred to stay at home.

 

As a result, if he ran short on money at times, I rarely had sympathy. "Well you ate a lot, no wonder you're short!"

 

 

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[90_hour_sleep]

I think it depends on your priorities. If you enjoy it, great, but if not then you shouldn't feel obligated to learn how to cook in order to "be a real man" or nonsense like that. In today's global economy, prepared food is much more readily available and cooking is simply not necessary. Besides, the clean-up afterwards is very time consuming, and some people have other things they'd rather use their time for. I'd hold no prejudice against anyone who can't or doesn't cook.

 

Depends on where you live I guess. Where I live, in my current situation, I wouldn't eat if I didn't cook. It's a complete necessity.

 

I think I hold a bit of a prejudice...or maybe it's sadness...for those who can't or don't cook. Could be I just don't understand their perspective. Personally, it's just such a valuable life skill that I can't imagine anyone living without it. Lots of enjoyment to be had around good food.

[Batya33]

We don't eat out a lot (about twice a week, for lunch at a place like Panera Bread)- my husband has business dinners/ lunches but that doesn't count as far as $$. I would have cooked more when I was single if I had a predictable schedule like yours - I did not so I never knew if I would have to work on Sunday, go on a last minute business trip, work late at night. That translates to lots of wasted food and that's not a money savings. What I "cook" is typically eggs, pasta (with store bought sauce) and I steam vegetables/bake or roast potatoes and buy a roast chicken at the store. Once in awhile I make grilled chicken. I also buy deli meat and cheeses for sandwiches. I do very few frozen meals anymore(for health reasons).

 

I don't agree that cooking is always more economical because of the waste and also the time - if you work for yourself or are expected to be on call 24/7 for your career doing more than simple cooking or needing to be home to cook might cost a whole lot more when time=money. You had specific work shifts, so that's different. For that same reason for most of the years I worked I sent my laundry out -it was well worth the extra $.

[Lonewing]

Or when "free time" is invaluable, to the point of having no stateable value due to it being so rare.

 

I always figure there is fifteen minutes of cleaning time for every fifteen minutes of cooking, and that meal at the end is traditionally gone in about five-ten minutes no longer how long you spend making it. Even if I use paper plates, the pans still have to be cleaned. So I spend my time cooking and then cleaning, or I pay someone else to do it and move on...

[Fudgie]

I think in the end, it boils down to what you want to do with your time. My parents were on call for years and again, we ate at home a lot. My mom and dad cooked through professional school too. Granted, I am not on call and I don't keep the same schedule week after week, my schedule is more predictable. I work some weekends and sometimes several 12 hour shifts in a row but I plan my meals ahead and have cooking days planned out too. If you do not like to eat leftovers, I don't suggest doing what I do because if you are used to having more variety in your meals, yes, you will get bored and waste the food, which doesn't really save money in the long run. It only saves money if you eat it. For me though, I don't mind. I also have a dishwasher (I also have a portable one, although I don't use it now as I have a "real" one) and I throw dishes in when I'm done and move on.

 

Ultimately, people who are more busy (social events, etc) may not want to cook at home. Their choice. For me, it is not worth $200+ a month. I don't have a big social life or a child to tend to so I have more time outside of work to cook.

 

However, I would be wary of a man who spends way more money each month on eating out when he does have the means and time to make food at home, provided he just planned ahead. To me, that does not say frugal. It would make me wonder about his other lifestyle habits and if they would conflict with mine.

[Batya33]

Yes I agree with you Fudgie -it depends on the lifestyle and job. Right now I do have more time to cook during the day but I haven't gotten good at planning what I need to buy to cook (I don't drive so large grocery shopping is only once a week). I also think there's a difference between eating out (often involves tips, etc) and supplementing at home with prepared jar sauce or store bought bread or a roast chicken (here it costs about $7 and lasts us for several meals).

[Fudgie]

I buy prepared jarred sauce (99 cents here) Too. Homemade tastes better but I don't always have the time or tomatoes available and the price is right. I cook all of my meat except on occasion I'll pick up a rotisserie chicken when I'm at the grocery store for $5. That's about 6+ meals just for me.

I'm really glad I like leftovers because I'd in trouble if I didn't,haha.

[happpybear]

I have issues with food and so cooking and meal prep are really important to me. I make everything from scratch and rarely eat out or get take out or fast food because I am unable to eat most of it (though I just discovered that I can have sushi).

 

Meal prep takes up a lot of my free time, I love cooking and food in general so I don't mind. I don't mind being the "cook" in the relationship, however I would expect that a man know how to make simple nutritous meals, like know how to properly cook meat, make rice, make a simple pasta sauce...this stuff is easy-peasy, everyone should know how to as basic survival. I would also expect that he would be willing to help me make our meals and help with the clean-up. I am not compatible with a man that only eat out and doesn't use his kitchen, or who is looking for a women that will handle all of the cooking and clean-up while he relaxes on the couch.

[quirky]

I cook when I can but if I had the money I'd eat out often too. Living in a flatshare, it's often busy in the kitchen and I have to do the dishes straight away and coming back from a long day's work I just wanna chill. I think I'd cook more if I was living alone or with a partner. Because another minus for me is space in the fridge, the freezer and I only have one cupboard. And one shelf in the fridge. Not much space to store.

 

I find same as Lonewing, it takes longer to cook and clean than to eat. UNLESS I have put a real effort and made a roast or something. That is worth it. It is nice when the home smells of cooked, homely food.

 

I don't think bad of guys that can't cook. It's a priority thing. And interest. Someone enjoys cooking and spending time on it, someone enjoys watching a film instead. I know someone who just takes a block of minced beef, fries it either side, microwaves some brocoli and has that. And is happy. This sounds so tasteless to me. But he doesn't care. I know other people that are with a cookbook every night and I find that strange too because I prefer to spend my time on other things.

 

What I do find strange is a guy that can't cook, fix, clean, repair anything and has no idea how to get some help either.

 

Good luck to your dad, I hope he learns some receipes!

[Fudgie]

Same here happpybear I don't mind cooking more in a relationship or doing most of the meal planning but if a guy can't or won't cook and expects me to do it while he sits on the couch, he has another thing coming. He could help by helping me peel vegetables, go grocery shopping, or do the clean up. I've always been more of the cooker in my relationships (with the sole exception of my ex B, who was vegan and an excellent cook) and that's fine as long as I have some help!

[happpybear]

^^ ya the way I see it is that I appreciate the effort if he helps me cook, that it is a shared experience, cooking makes me happy so it would be a positive thing we would be sharing together. I'm a bit of a sensualist too, I find pleasure in food and the experiences around it, cooking is a sensual thing--it's all about appearance, touching, smelling and tasting, I would want to share that with a partner who would appreciate it.

[sophie274]

Cooking does take a lot of time! The last year I worked in the US I did buy a lot of pre-prepared meals (not frozen) because I was super busy and often just not up to cooking, and it was easy and relatively cheap. If I had a family and children though, I wouldn't want to subside on mostly takeout if I could help it at all.

 

Where I live now there are no healthy and affordable (for me) takeout options so I cook everything from scratch. Mostly I like it because I like good food and so does my boyfriend, but getting home at 8-9 and starting to cook is pretty tough sometimes. I'm trying to go simpler to speed up my weekday cooking.

 

My father does most of the cooking for the family now. My uncle has always cooked for his family (he's very talented in the kitchen) and the other uncle too (not as talented lol). Neighbor accross the street cooks up a storm. Seems like maybe something men get into as they get older? I've met few guys my age who really love to cook but tons of men my parents' age who do.

 

Where I am now, men basically just don't cook. It's "the woman's job". Definitely don't plan to pass that mentality on to potential future children. My boyfriend has a young nephew who's always (completely innocently) spouting some crazy sexist statements. I never just let it go. And I make my boyfriend cook and clean and do laundry when he comes over so at least he sees a man doing domestic work!

[itsallgrand]

I see it as handicapping a child, or oneself, to not learn the basics of cooking. To put a meal together, know something of food and nutrition.

It's one thing to choose for various reasons not to cook (or much), but it's another to not be able to do it in a basic way.

 

Particularly as a man gets older, and if he loses his wife and his family moves away, if he does not know how to cook it becomes more limiting for him. I've brought the pots of soup and we have had over for dinner, or fed at the community center, a lot of older men in this position. From a generation and culture where they simply never learned. Can they put something in the microwave? Sure. But that is about as far as it goes, really! Not the best as far as nutrition, and getting to enjoy the foods and meals they love so much. And particularly poignant when these men get ill, and have more trouble leaving their homes.

 

So yes, for all those reasons and more, I think everyone should be able to cook. At least in a basic way.

 

But there are so many more reasons for why in a partner, I really appreciate a man who not only can cook but enjoys it. It's not only about sharing the work, it's sharing a common interest and as happybear touched on too - it can certainly be part of seduction!