Sense of humour?

[notalady]

Hello the good people of ENA, you've given me some very wise insight into the topic of common interests last time I made a thread, so I'm making another one to ask for some thoughts and insight on whether you think having a similar sense of humour is important.

 

I have found with some guys I met, even though we seem to get along, we also seem to have different sense of humor, that is, I would tell something, generally a story or situation that I experienced/heard, that I think is funny, amusing or entertaining, hoping we'd share a laugh, but they don't seem to see the humour in it and they don't laugh, or don't have any sort of reaction to it (like, omg did that really happen?), instead they are just like "oh that's interesting" or something similar. I just find it really disappointing. I don't know if it's just me or do other people experience the same thing?

 

My friends who have similar sense of humour, or I guess more accurately put, those who tend to see the funny side of things and just generally the humour in every day situations, always laugh with me or react in similar ways as me when I tell them a story and vice versa, and we always have such a great time, I just love to laugh. To me that is a "connection", or at least part of it, and it seems hard to find when it comes to dating.

 

So my question is, how important is it to have that similarity in sense of humour in a partner (or I guess a more philosophically way of putting it - ability to see life with humour)?

[kitkat620]

Different strokes for different folks, but personally, I couldn't be with someone who didn't have a sense of humor that wasn't at least a little similar to mine; which tends to be quite sarcastic and sometimes a bit off color.

[laninaperdida]

My boyfriend doesn't get my sense of humour.

I'm witty and zingy and half of what I say goes over his head, lol.

I've had guys who totally got this aspect about me and I confess I do wish my boyfriend was able to connect with me this way.

People,either find me neurotic and hilarious (like Sheldon) or they don't like me, ha.

I never have a middle ground in that area.

However, it's not a deal breaker because there's so many other things we have in common.

If I had to rank sense of humour it'd be in the top 10, sure, but definitely not the top 3.

[Batya33]

I think it's essential and it was a dealbreaker to me if we could not laugh together from early on and if we did not have compatible senses of humor. I also think inside jokes are great for couples - it's a quick and easy way to bond - my husband and I have an inside joke going for over 10 years now -when we got back together after 8 years apart we remembered it even though it was kind of obscure!

[mhowe]

I have laughed more in this past summer living with my bf than in the preceding decade. It is essential in my book.

[happpybear]

Ya I think its pretty important for you to share a similar sense of humor. I don't think it would be a fun relationship if you couldn't laugh at the same sort of stuff.

[notalady]

My boyfriend doesn't get my sense of humour.

I'm witty and zingy and half of what I say goes over his head, lol.

I've had guys who totally got this aspect about me and I confess I do wish my boyfriend was able to connect with me this way.

People,either find me neurotic and hilarious (like Sheldon) or they don't like me, ha.

I never have a middle ground in that area.

However, it's not a deal breaker because there's so many other things we have in common.

If I had to rank sense of humour it'd be in the top 10, sure, but definitely not the top 3.

 

That's interesting, do you mind sharing some of the good qualities that you find offsets that "weakness" I guess?

[Fudgie]

I don't think sense of humour has to be a 100% match but it has to be pretty similar at least.

 

In real life, I tend to be rather sarcastic and I also have a morbid, dark sense of humour. I also can be rather off-colour. So, there are a lot of things that I would find funny that some people wouldn't or may even be offended that I find funny. For me, it's important to be with someone who is a little sarcastic and enjoys dark humour because I don't want to feel like I'm being looked down/judged for finding certain things funny.

 

Now, if humour isn't really important to you OR him, it matters less.

[journeynow]

It's important to me to share a sense of humor, or to appreciate & enjoy each other's sense of humor. That's something I truly appreciate about my ex in our years together, and even after, he could get me to laugh, and he enjoyed my sense of humor (sometimes to my surprise). Laughter is such a gift. My sense of humor changed and grew during our marriage because of his sense of humor, which is so different from my family of origin (they didn't "get" me, nor I them). My kids can make me laugh, too. I'm so glad they have that trait, and I'm sure they got it from their dad.

 

Until I was with him, I didn't appreciate how important humor is.

[Realitynut]

In my online profile, I stated that they had to 'get' my sense of humor.....most important.

 

That....and they had to be able to at least walk a mile! lol

 

My online profile (before this one said)

 

My friends told me to keep it short.

I am a woman with long blonde hair.

I have a dog with short blonde hair.

 

My (ex) friend, who i became very emotionally attached too...became my BEST friend..NOT because of his looks, but one of the first things he said to me, made me whip my head around and look at him in a whole new light! He didn't talk a lot, but he made me laugh so hard.

 

Now that he doesn't 'like' me anymore, his WIT has gone down the tubes......

 

 

BTW....don't ya just HATE that!!!! When you tell them a very funny story, and they just look at you like....wha?????

[missmarple]

Not sharing the same sense of humour is a dealbreaker for me and the best relationships of my life were with guys I could laugh with. I've dated people who didn't 'get' my humour but it never lasted.

[notalady]

I do hate that! Or do a polite laugh or just react completely not as you expected (in a bad way)!

[laninaperdida]

That's interesting, do you mind sharing some of the good qualities that you find offsets that "weakness" I guess?

 

He's attractive... an 8.5 by everyone's standards

Hot body from all the construction

Big penis

He's generous emotionally and financially

But best of all he's not a wimp... I don't have you worry about him making stupid decisions as a result of fear, insecurity, etc.

[treesandbees]

It's right up there for me with being physically attracted to someone( partner) - I don't care if we have similar tastes in what we find funny but you just want someone who doesn't take life so seriously and can laugh with you and at themselves and when you feel down can say some silly joke you maybe heard 10 times already but he knows it makes you groan and you secretly love it when he tells it and even better if he tells it using a silly accent. Makes me smile and feel happier.

[SoulTaker]

It depends on the type of humor. If it's humor that makes fun of groups of people (ethnic, countries, gender,...), then that would be a red flag for me. Same thing for profanity-type jokes.

 

Also, when it comes to women, I've noticed that the appreciation of a man's humor can be directly related to how much the woman is into him.

[weathergirl]

Also, when it comes to women, I've noticed that the appreciation of a man's humor can be directly related to how much the woman is into him.

 

So true!! At least for me, although I will pretty much laugh at anything anyway... except what you described ST (race, gender jokes....). But when I'm really into a guy... I tend to find him funnier than I might have otherwise... had I not been that into him.

 

I think it works that way for men too (when they're really into a woman). Although I think if a man is really into a chick, he'll be enthralled with pretty much anything she says. That's been my experience anyway.

[notalady]

It depends on the type of humor. If it's humor that makes fun of groups of people (ethnic, countries, gender,...), then that would be a red flag for me. Same thing for profanity-type jokes.

 

Also, when it comes to women, I've noticed that the appreciation of a man's humor can be directly related to how much the woman is into him.

 

I agree too, if I like someone I'll appreciate their humour more. I appreciate most types of humour anyway, bar the ones you mentioned. But I guess I'm more wanting someone who'll appreciate my sense of humour, which is by no means left field or dark or hard to get. Some guys don't seem to get it, and it's really disappointing. They seem a bit more serious about everything. I don't mind being the only "entertainer" in the relationship, that's just what I do anyway with friends, I like to make people laugh, and all I ask is that my partner appreciate that and actually be entertained, it has always been easy to find in my friends (I guess that's why we were friends to begin with), some of them don't have the best sense of humour but they appreciate mine and I make them laugh a lot and it gives me satisfaction. And I'm just doubting if the lack of that appreciation is something I can live with if for example all other aspects are good.

[SoulTaker]

So true!! At least for me, although I will pretty much laugh at anything anyway... except what you described ST (race, gender jokes....). But when I'm really into a guy... I tend to find him funnier than I might have otherwise... had I not been that into him.

 

I think it works that way for men too (when they're really into a woman). Although I think if a man is really into a chick, he'll be enthralled with pretty much anything she says. That's been my experience anyway.

 

So true. For some of these men (e.g. men that fall hard for her after the 1st date), she can tell him to go jump in a lake, and they'll be searching google maps.

[SoulTaker]

To appreciate humour, it helps to be at ease, and comfortable on the date, which can be difficult to do if if the man is with a good-looking woman.

[Pinnacleofman]

Great Question. There have been multiple studies stating the importance of a similar sense of humor. Instead of quoting the article, it basically comes down to being with someone that makes you laugh. People are different and have a wide ranged sense of humor. Types of humor are correlated heavily with intellect. I personally think that a sense of humor is of vital importance. It promotes intimacy and you and your partner develop a closer friendship by creating inside jokes, etc. Hope this helped