Diary Of A Redhead

[mylolita]

5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Because I had my innocence stolen so young. I was first sexually assaulted at 6 and how that has affected my life I feel forcing sexual knowledge of any kind on children is disgusting. A beautiful innocent childhood filled with childhood things is best. I am so so glad my child had that. My child did go to a religious school but sexuality wasn’t  raised until health class in the context of health until 6th grade when they are like 11/12 . 

That is exactly how it should be Seraphim and I applaud you, I really do.

And, I am beyond sorry you had to go through with that. Let's just say, if I could be faced with the piece of sh*t you did that to you, I would happily put them down like an animal. And sleep - perfectly. 

You're very strong. Very.

x

[mylolita]

By the way @dias, I optimistically feel things a'changin' as well, and, I am LOVING it!!!

I predict a certain bodacious larger than life President will be back in charge and rocking the economy and things will boost upwards again, and, I'll hopefully be painting a house, just like last time, and DANCING in secondhand patriotic glee! HA! 

I was out in the sea again yesterday - addicted! Ever tried it? 

x

[Seraphim]

2 minutes ago, mylolita said:

That is exactly how it should be Seraphim and I applaud you, I really do.

And, I am beyond sorry you had to go through with that. Let's just say, if I could be faced with the piece of sh*t you did that to you, I would happily put them down like an animal. And sleep - perfectly. 

You're very strong. Very.

x

Awww thanks Lo. 
I just feel at those tender ages they don’t need to know anything about sexuality of any kind. There is a whole lifetime for that when they can comprehend it . 

[mylolita]

By the way! When I say "instilled questioning and curiosity and confident independence" I have, we have, never ever, statically lectured him, or overtly said this to any of our kids. 

I feel like hopefully my little aim has been, to give them freedom of expression, to always be heard, to speak to them as if they are not silly or babies, and to always be honest myself - in that, when I don't know something, I always say, "I'm not sure son, but let's look it up and try and find out!"

Even on the huge questions. I'm honest. I say, "No one really knows. But, if you keep thinking about it, and keep asking questions, maybe you'll work it out one day!" He really liked that. It's true! 

I've never pretended to be immaculate and larger than life and all knowing. Hopefully, this has set an example to him of searching and asking. He knows I do the same. 

I have really when talking about strangers and all that danger, maybe if we're reading and in the story, an opportune time came once when he was about 4, in the book a baby just innocently goes off with an elephant (the book is called 'The Elephant And The Bad Baby') and I said, "Son, you know, you should never go off and go with anyone without asking me first. Not even another kid. Not even another Mum. And no adult should ever ask you for help. You come get me if they ask you."

I went on to say, even if someone says they know me, or I said it was okay, to get away and come find me or Dad. I said even if a woman said that, or another child, he shouldn't go away with anyone, or keep any secrets for anyone. I told him if he ever gets lost to go find a shop, tell the assistant who works at the till, and to never move, because if he stays exactly in the same place, we can find him easier. 

I've also taught him our home address, 999, and his Dads mobile number. 

I also told him no one should ever ask him to keep a secret, especially not an adult. And no one should touch him on his body. I've gently told him about his private areas and anything that just feels wrong, he needs to tell me, or Dad - nothing bad would ever happen. I told him I'd always look after him. I gave his shoulder a squeeze. Don't go to look at cute puppies or if someone says do you want sweeties or I have something to show you - any of that. He needs to ask me first and I need to go with him. I also told him if anyone did try to take him away, grab him, to shout at the top of his voice, "KIDNAP! HELP! This is not my Daddy/Mummy" This wasn't all at once, but I affirm it now and then, when a moment presents itself. 

Only last week I told him not to run behind parked cars, and he innocently raises a brow and asked why, and I said well, people can be sat in their cars and you don't see, and they can start the car and move backwards, reverse, and they can't see you if you're behind. He got it. I also explained why he has to stick to the side of the path furthest away from the busy road. Things like that. 

x

[mylolita]

7 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Awww thanks Lo. 
I just feel at those tender ages they don’t need to know anything about sexuality of any kind. There is a whole lifetime for that when they can comprehend it . 

Exactly!

I think it's normal peoples common sense, they don't even have to be parents, I think the majority it's basic morality - childhood is childhood! Fun, games, learning - yes, but as you say, it's so short, they soon grow up, we know how it is. 

I remember being about 7 and thinking, "My parents think I'm a kid, but, I'm not anymore." My mentality had already shifted. It's short lived, and so precious!

x

[mylolita]

I'm just remembering now, with all this talk, of a news report I heard that wasn't in the mainstream media and, in England, someone had taken a child in a shopping centre, and the mother had been distraught when she couldn't find them, and she had been shouting the name of her toddler. There was an ex-army officer in the crowd, and he immediately went to her and asked her what they looked like, what they were wearing, how old, what gender. He got everyone in the shopping centre to then shout out - "BOY KIDNAPPED. BROWN HAIR. BLUE T-SHIRT. AGE 3 KIDNAP!" Everyone was shouting it! And they found the boy dumped in a corner. The guy trying to take him had too much exposure with everyone looking and shouting.

The thing was, the fast action, and everyone being involved in this emergency. And the knowledge of this ex-army guy to think on his feet. He said they used a similar technique for people missing in action during chaos, trying to locate someone.

It was a stirring story and I just thought, instead of knighting all these musicians or some model or whatever, why don't they knight people like him?!

Anyway, a happy ending. I thought it was amazing info.

The act fast and be clear and short in the description was essential as well. I read in some cases, people trying to abduct a child will lead them into bathrooms, change their clothes, shave their hair, or make them put on a wig to look like the opposite gender. People also don't often take note of a toddler or child kicking and screaming. They presume it's a tantrum and the parent is having a hard day.

Scary info but I guess, essential. And you hope you never ever have to use it!

x

[Seraphim]

12 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I'm just remembering now, with all this talk, of a news report I heard that wasn't in the mainstream media and, in England, someone had taken a child in a shopping centre, and the mother had been distraught when she couldn't find them, and she had been shouting the name of her toddler. There was an ex-army officer in the crowd, and he immediately went to her and asked her what they looked like, what they were wearing, how old, what gender. He got everyone in the shopping centre to then shout out - "BOY KIDNAPPED. BROWN HAIR. BLUE T-SHIRT. AGE 3 KIDNAP!" Everyone was shouting it! And they found the boy dumped in a corner. The guy trying to take him had too much exposure with everyone looking and shouting.

The thing was, the fast action, and everyone being involved in this emergency. And the knowledge of this ex-army guy to think on his feet. He said they used a similar technique for people missing in action during chaos, trying to locate someone.

It was a stirring story and I just thought, instead of knighting all these musicians or some model or whatever, why don't they knight people like him?!

Anyway, a happy ending. I thought it was amazing info.

The act fast and be clear and short in the description was essential as well. I read in some cases, people trying to abduct a child will lead them into bathrooms, change their clothes, shave their hair, or make them put on a wig to look like the opposite gender. People also don't often take note of a toddler or child kicking and screaming. They presume it's a tantrum and the parent is having a hard day.

Scary info but I guess, essential. And you hope you never ever have to use it!

x

So true, quick thinking is needed. Thank goodness for that man . 

[mylolita]

"You've been unplugged!!!"

LOL!!!!

x

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, mylolita said:

Can we get a little credit? Maybe not! Maybe actually not 😆

Why not? Diversity is great.

(Both clips end up highlighting the differences in accents)

[mylolita]

I have a few pet peeves in life, and some might be considered trivial and silly, it’s true. Why that? Y’know. 
 

But one thing that really grates on me and starts grinding my gears, is victim mentality. I just can’t stand it. 
 

The pattern normally goes something like, at first, I feel very sorry and sympathise, and then I try to offer condolences listen and maybe even help. But if nothing changes, and the oh so hard done to one just carries on a life of complaining and blaming… there comes a point it loses all emotion for me, and I throw it away. 
 

You have to take charge of your life. 
 

So many people have had to go through hell coming up. Innocence stripped and all kinds of nightmarish things. We accept and acknowledge it with the heaviest of hearts… but! And there is a but! You can, in my opinion, only go on rolling around in self pity before you can’t get out of the sty. 
 

You can only help yourself.

 

Sometimes, true love; true friendship, is having someone there who doesn‘t always hold your hand, doesn’t always affirm how great and amazing and tortured you are. Sometimes, true love is delivering cold, hard truth. Telling someone they are wrong. Telling someone to shut up, and get on with it.

 

It’s actually far more empowering than all this keep talking incessantly about everything that did go wrong bad who did you wrong. In practice, anyway.

 

And, as a sideline, it’s boring. Tiresome. It‘s tedious. Tedium! BOTHERATION! 

 

——-

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become."

― Carl Gustav Jung

——-

 

x

[Seraphim]

True. We have to get off our azz no one will save us but ourselves . 

[mylolita]

May it always be Sunday. May the air be hazed, may your musk rest on the bed. May the children bounce in with curls wild and high, to throw themselves onto us, making nests in-between sheets. May my sleeping heart near burst at the dream like heaven of it all. Cold, small feet. Warm, engulfing bed. An endless mattress. A rough hand on my thigh. Simple. Perfect. Taunting. Finite. 

May it always be Sunday.

x
 

 

[mylolita]

[mylolita]

I wish you love, I wish you well 
I wish you roses while you can still smell them 

With pretty flowers can come the bee sting 
I was a rose in the garden of weeds 
My petals are soft and silky as my sheets 
So do not be afraid to get ***ed by the thorn 
While I'm here, I'm someone to honor 
When I'm gone, I'm someone to mourn

But if you and my heart should someday drift apart 
I'll make sure to give you these blessings 
Because they're all I've got

My love's deep as the ocean 
Don't you drown on me 
Just know any love I gave you's forever yours to keep

 

x

 

 

 

 

[Seraphim]

Hey girl !! 

[mylolita]

12 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Hey girl !! 

Bonjour mon cher! 

 

How’s tricks?!

 

x

[Seraphim]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

Bonjour mon cher! 

 

How’s tricks?!

 

x

I am good . How are you ? 

[mylolita]

Tell me more Jordan, tell me more! 🤣

 

Or as Mark Twain once said, 

 

“I never let my schooling get in the way of my education.”

 

x

[itsallgrand]

I find it so weird that he has rose to fame. He's a dime a dozen around here! 

And I can't forgive him for using my beloved Russian literature the way he does lol. 

But hey, to each their own as they say. 

[mylolita]

11 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I find it so weird that he has rose to fame. He's a dime a dozen around here! 

And I can't forgive him for using my beloved Russian literature the way he does lol. 

But hey, to each their own as they say. 

Hey itsall!

 

Are you Canadian? 
 

I get the impression he may have been one of the few professors at the time standing up against and refusing to call students by their pronouns. He was filmed having that famous stand off, it was put on YouTube. He obviously rolled with being famous and has used the platform he has to publish books and tour and be interviewed and all the rest.

 

I don’t agree 100% with everything he says, and sometimes I find him a bit over emotional and a bit of a, cry baby?! But I think he has filled an important void people felt were missing, especially young men! He tells people to shake themselves off and get on with it, be honest with yourself, and start making a change today, and be disciplined with it.

 

I feel like men, and young men especially, and young women, have lost their way. We no longer know what is expected from us as a community and society as a whole. It’s confusing, leaving masses of lonely young people making decisions I don’t think are bringing them happiness.

 

I read an interesting fact… the new Barbie movie, had something like over 50 different female professions represented (eg. “Doctor Barbie”, “Dentist Barbie”, “Firefighter Barbie”) but they didn’t have a “Mother Barbie” or “Homemaking Barbie”. Staying at home, raising your young children full time, and not sending them off to child minders and nurseries, has become this toxic, anti-woman, anti-sisterhood thing. The media not only don’t celebrate it or affirm it, but they de-promote it. 
 

I had a conversation with my husband who is 42 now. I said, what’s it like to be a man? What’s your role? He’s never short for words, but he stumbled. He said he’s always done his own thing, so it’s looking after me and the kids and being a good husband and father - but generally speaking? It’s unclear. People are quite lost. We threw out the rule book and now there are no rules, people aren’t as secure and content and free as they presumed they would be.

 

I think this is why people like Jordan Peterson have rose to fame, and are popular. They are speaking to a silent, quiet, disgruntled majority who the media will tell you are this fringe minority, but as we realised here in the UK with things like Brexit, leaving the EU - it’s just over the majority who have these feelings, we have just been bullied into “not being allowed” to say anything.

 

Jordon Peterson and others like him give people, especially in my generation, a voice to what they were already thinking, and already feeling!

 

But as you say, each to their own! Everyone can agree to disagree! 
 

I have particular energy and concern in pop culture, flow of society and current events because I look at my two young daughters and son and care about the culture and society they’ll be growing up in, and entering in, as young adults, trying to make their own way. 
 

I would hate for my own son to be one of those lonely, suicidal young men who are 25 plus hating the world and hating all the women in it, and I would hate for my daughters to live a life that is told to them by the media and popular culture that they should lead, like career first, and babies after 38, and not the one they want to lead. 
 

It’s insane to say it, but it takes a lot of balls to be a full time mother bd housewife in 2023. No man has ever disrespected me over it, or insulted me about it, but the venom I receive from these supposedly mild mannered, pleasant, middle class women, is shocking, and I think would have brought some women to tears by now. 
 

But I live my life the way I want, not the way I’m “supposed to”, and I think freely and how I want to as well, and defer to myself and my own mind when deciding what is righteous and moral, not the general crowd or what others think, or what I think may be the “politically correct” or “palatable opinion”! 
 

Overall, Jordan Peterson is fine by me! 
 

I also adored Christopher Hitchens more than anything, but for different reasons and on different topics. So many people over the years who have given me joy and opened my mind or simply articulated what I was thinking ten times better than I could! 
 

Only two days ago, I was talking to another Mum at the school gates. This lady has drank my wine, been in my house, sat by my open fire, talked to me and I presumed in good faith, was okay with me, after keeping coming round and all. And she asked how my day had been (it was 3pm). She works full time with the homeless and the addicts. It’s a government job, paid for by my husbands taxes. I said I’d had it pretty easy today and the girls had napped and I’d watched way too many re-runs of ‘Housewives Of’. She let her work phone flop in her hand and said, “Well, if you’ve got nothing better to do with your life, that’s fine isn’t it.” 
 

I suppose next time she won’t want the hospitality and roast chicken dinner and wine of a useless doss bag like myself then! 
 

The anti-third wave feminist conversations appeal to me from people like Peterson because, itsall, I feel like it has poisoned what would be normally nice women, and it’s made them more unhappy, and turn them against each other. 
 

I’m just living out my dream and doing what I’ve always wanted to do! Have a loving, lasting marriage, raising healthy and happy, beautiful children. She hates her job and complains at every turn. You would think, woman to woman, she would maybe one time congratulate me - say, well done! You got there! I tell her all the time how hard she works and how difficult it must be, juggling everything. But no - in her eyes, I am, once again, “just” a mother. Just cleaning. Just being there.

 

And that’s okay, I don’t expect them to understand or approve.

 

But we are lost, on the whole. I rejoice when I speak to anyone in their 30s who has it together and is doing exactly what they dreamt of, content and secure in their decisions. It’s a rare, rare thing. Something my parents never seemed to wrestle with. 
 

People seemed classier back then. 
 

I get on and am good friends with a few of the much older female neighbours on my street (ages 78 to 91). I feel like there is a meeting of minds there. I am home so I can check on them, invite them over. Yesterday me and the girls picked apples from our tree and went delivering and dropping paper bags of them off to our neighbours, especially the elderly ones. I don’t know. Community has gone, because everyone is working and busy, there is no one to light a fire, hold a coffee morning, and drop off apples!

 

My ramble for the day! 
 

🍎 x

[mylolita]

And he hasn’t spoke on Vladimir Nabokov as far as I know! I wonder what his opinion is regarding the book Lolita!?
 

I think he refers to Greek mythology and The Bible a lot too for stories of morality and consequence. The old school philosophers and psychologists like Carl Jung, Freud, Nietzsche and the rest. I haven’t watched everything he’s ever spoken on, but I feel like the hours I’ve spent over the last few years give me a general gist I suppose! 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

I read an interesting fact… the new Barbie movie, had something like over 50 different female professions represented (eg. “Doctor Barbie”, “Dentist Barbie”, “Firefighter Barbie”) but they didn’t have a “Mother Barbie” or “Homemaking Barbie”. Staying at home, raising your young children full time, and not sending them off to child minders and nurseries, has become this toxic, anti-woman, anti-sisterhood thing. The media not only don’t celebrate it or affirm it, but they de-promote it. 

So - there was that infinitely pregnant Barbie -was it Midge??? I was underwhelmed by Barbie and I'm sorry I wasted my time seeing it on the big screen.  Here are some movies I love as far as women's roles:  Thelma and Louise, The Help, Little Women (the latest version is what I'm referring to -don't remember the other versions), maybe even the girlfriend in Bohemian Rhapsody? Also When Harry Met Sally and Terms of Endearment and of course Gone With The Wind.  

Barbie was too full on for me as far as I am Woman Hear Me Roar -I loved the moments with the creator of Barbie.  Didn't mind the Ryan Gosling Eye Candy.

Oppenheimer was a much better movie -only comparing as you know everyone seems to be seeing them in tandem.

My friend's two daughters are SAHM although one works now maybe part time in the children's preschool possible to defray tuition costs?  One is 26, mom of 3 boys under 8, other is 35, mom of 3 girls under 8 or 9?  One husband is an entrepreneur doing fabulously well and the other does manual labor/handyman kind of things and is struggling more.

That woman - is ridiculous.  She said what she said to you because she probably feels guilty and maybe she's been racing around so much so you saying you had time to put your feet up for that one particular afternoon irritated her but what a tacky thing to say!!

Returning to work part time in my field 7 years ago when our son was 7 even though it wasn't needed financially at all was the best for me personally -it gives me balance and perspective and my son soon was old enough to understand what I did for a living and why.  What I do matters -it contributes to our community and our state.  Same with my colleagues.  I've been criticized by close friends who are moms (but in one case we met in 1998 10 years before we both became moms -she worked with me) - for "only working part time".  I don't mind my friends asking if I'd be interested in applying for a particular full time job but I do mind any judgment if I decline. OUr son hopefully will be in college in 4 years.  I will be 61.  I have a plan for a particular job I am suited for that would be extremely regular hours and no overtime.  It's a job I've been interested in on and off for many years. I haven't had a full time job like that since 1991.  But my job now would be attractive to the type of employer I have my eye on -in 4 years and if it works as far as my son and husband's life.  Family first.  

It's such a personal decision -what I found when I started working outside the home - given my temperament/personality -is it made me even more efficient at home.  It gave me even more to talk about with my husband although I am well read and always kept up on current events.  It made me feel like I owned something outside of my motherhood/family and this was a good thing.  I love the brain work aspects which are significant.  I like my coworkers and supervisors so much -I lucked out on that so I don't want to give that up.  The $$ is 75% less than when I worked full time.  I wouldn't do this job totally for free but the $ is because it is not the private sector so we're all paid like that. It's ok. For now.  Also I like the security of knowing that if heaven forbid my husband couldn't work/something happened I could work full time right now at my job and make more $.

That woman who said that is just obnoxious. Nothing to do with her working or being a mom -she'd be like that anyway.  And I've never roasted a chicken but I buy rotisserie ones regularly!  I never have people over or drink wine anymore but yes I've treated many to coffee/lunch outside and yes I would expect that I'd be treated with respect and not simply because I treated -just because.

I'm glad you brought up Barbie.  Most of my friends LOVED it.  I ..... don't really get it.

[mylolita]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So - there was that infinitely pregnant Barbie -was it Midge??? I was underwhelmed by Barbie and I'm sorry I wasted my time seeing it on the big screen.  Here are some movies I love as far as women's roles:  Thelma and Louise, The Help, Little Women (the latest version is what I'm referring to -don't remember the other versions), maybe even the girlfriend in Bohemian Rhapsody? Also When Harry Met Sally and Terms of Endearment and of course Gone With The Wind.  

Barbie was too full on for me as far as I am Woman Hear Me Roar -I loved the moments with the creator of Barbie.  Didn't mind the Ryan Gosling Eye Candy.

Oppenheimer was a much better movie -only comparing as you know everyone seems to be seeing them in tandem.

My friend's two daughters are SAHM although one works now maybe part time in the children's preschool possible to defray tuition costs?  One is 26, mom of 3 boys under 8, other is 35, mom of 3 girls under 8 or 9?  One husband is an entrepreneur doing fabulously well and the other does manual labor/handyman kind of things and is struggling more.

That woman - is ridiculous.  She said what she said to you because she probably feels guilty and maybe she's been racing around so much so you saying you had time to put your feet up for that one particular afternoon irritated her but what a tacky thing to say!!

Returning to work part time in my field 7 years ago when our son was 7 even though it wasn't needed financially at all was the best for me personally -it gives me balance and perspective and my son soon was old enough to understand what I did for a living and why.  What I do matters -it contributes to our community and our state.  Same with my colleagues.  I've been criticized by close friends who are moms (but in one case we met in 1998 10 years before we both became moms -she worked with me) - for "only working part time".  I don't mind my friends asking if I'd be interested in applying for a particular full time job but I do mind any judgment if I decline. OUr son hopefully will be in college in 4 years.  I will be 61.  I have a plan for a particular job I am suited for that would be extremely regular hours and no overtime.  It's a job I've been interested in on and off for many years. I haven't had a full time job like that since 1991.  But my job now would be attractive to the type of employer I have my eye on -in 4 years and if it works as far as my son and husband's life.  Family first.  

It's such a personal decision -what I found when I started working outside the home - given my temperament/personality -is it made me even more efficient at home.  It gave me even more to talk about with my husband although I am well read and always kept up on current events.  It made me feel like I owned something outside of my motherhood/family and this was a good thing.  I love the brain work aspects which are significant.  I like my coworkers and supervisors so much -I lucked out on that so I don't want to give that up.  The $$ is 75% less than when I worked full time.  I wouldn't do this job totally for free but the $ is because it is not the private sector so we're all paid like that. It's ok. For now.  Also I like the security of knowing that if heaven forbid my husband couldn't work/something happened I could work full time right now at my job and make more $.

That woman who said that is just obnoxious. Nothing to do with her working or being a mom -she'd be like that anyway.  And I've never roasted a chicken but I buy rotisserie ones regularly!  I never have people over or drink wine anymore but yes I've treated many to coffee/lunch outside and yes I would expect that I'd be treated with respect and not simply because I treated -just because.

I'm glad you brought up Barbie.  Most of my friends LOVED it.  I ..... don't really get it.

Evening Batya! 
 

Shocker! I never even saw Barbie! I couldn’t think of anything worse!! 🤣

 

It’s been a good while since we’ve got out to see a film but that time is coming soon! 
 

Thanks for your thoughtful reply! And I think this Mum is just that - I don’t know whether she passive aggressively lashes out at me because she is going through a really rough time and generally is very unsatisfied with her life. Her mother died only 6 months ago, and she got engaged to her sons father recently, but then confided to me and other women on a night out that she doesn’t even want to be married, and is doubting everything, and they argue about having another baby (her son who is 5 is her only child) and she is desperately against it, so much that she threatened him to “get the snip or no more sex ever”. She tried to arrange to be sterilised herself but they refused her on the NHS. 
 

Every other sentence is a complaint and she can’t stand being a mother, had post natal depression. She drinks wine like a fish. She hates her house and wants to move, but that’s yet another argument between her and her fiancé. 
 

We were all out recently and all the women were complaining about their kids. I said, “I’ll look back on these years as the happiest times of my life.” They all scoffed at it and said they can’t wait till it’s over and their kids are in a king up for college. I said I’d spent every single day with mine and it’s still not been enough. More nasty looks. Back to their wine. I suppose they wanted me to say I hated being a mother and that it was boring and made me brain dead and crazy and that I hated my husband too. I think I was the only one happily married and content - no - over the moon! With my little lot in life!

 

Batya - I get it. I commend you for doing what was right for you and your family. And the thing is, I care not a jot what other women do! I never would dream of commenting! But I’m apparently fair game. They are all coming at me from failed relationships, unhappy marriages or divorces. 
 

I’m no saint. I get bored, frustrated. I snap! I have my days and don’t I just! But I just… don’t get the women I’m coming into contact with?! I don’t click or gel with them at all. They almost don’t believe that my dream could honestly be to be a mother and a wife. They think I’m insane. They’re like… and that’s it?

 

Yeah! That’s it! You try it and see how you do as well! Not so easy keeping a blissfully happy marriage, not so easy taking full care of 3 kids under 5 - crafting with them, home cooking all their meals! But I ADORE it Batya! I feel like I honestly have won the lottery of life!

 

I’ve already had it so good, that if anything bad happens, I’ll have to hit the ground running and see how the chips fall. I’m in a lucky position where we have assets and I would sell my husbands business and not have to worry about money for a good 5 years or so. I’d be able to stay in our current house as well. But it doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is, I spend all my time with them when they are very young.

 

I don’t even feel guilty for the free time anymore! I’ve arranged it so their routine is, the two at home nap at the same time for 2 hours, and that’s that! And I wouldn’t feel guilty if I never worked another day in my life once they’re older either! 
 

Never knew what else I would want to do, never went to university for that very reason. I was never a kid who grew up saying “I want to be a doctor” and so I do they step and x y z and then there you go! Always been about romance and love and concerned with matters of the heart, making a home… nesting. All of that. 
 

I commend you for your planning Batya and foresight in how you have arranged your life - you really have been mature enough to organise yourself, be self disciplined and follow your own path! 
 

I’m just bothered about being authentic to myself, and not doing something because I think I should, or people tell me I’m wrong. I want to be right with me, I’m getting less and less bothered about what other people expect of me! 
 

Maybe this is being in my early 30s but, I feel I’ve always been like this anyway. 
 

Money is nice n’all, so is security, and I have that luckily with or without my husband. But it’s not what drives me, strangely, for such a material seeming kinda gal! 
 

I don’t know. Maybe women just don’t like me? Maybe people don’t want to hear it when you’re happy and in love with your life and the people you have in it? People don’t want to hear gratitude and passion for your chosen path! Misery loves company, maybe? 
 

I can’t relate to the wants and needs and paths of people my age - men and women. My sister, I always worry about her Batya. She is 31 and bought a house with her long term fiancé of 11 years. The guy just won’t step across the finish line and marry her. I swear he only bought her a ring to string her along. He hasn’t worked for 9 years. He’s 32! She hasn’t the self respect to give this guy the boot. Instead, she’s kind of split with him; and moved down South to start her own business. She seems lonely, over worked, unhappy and attention seeking. She used to talk about children and marriage all the time, now she’s done a 180 and it’s “I’ll work for 10 years, make my millions and then be a cat lady, I don’t care” - completely given up on love.

 

She listens to “boss b*tch” podcasts and rap music that is supposed to empower the single and go getting woman, but when I look at her, and hear her talk, she seems close to tears, and not at all this empowered, go getting boss! I feel for her. I fear she is being told this lie by modern culture that she needs a high flying career or she’s making a huge mistake. She seems depressed.

 

I don’t know. Not everyone wants or should be a mother, and not everyone wants to be a wife, but these days I feel, it’s looked down on as lowest of the low, or for brainless bimbo’s who want a sugar Daddy! 
 

It’s fantastic that you worked out a balance for you - very admirable and respectable and I commend you Batya! I do! 
 

I sometimes think to myself… not everyone’s path in life has to be the same. Everyone can’t be a brain surgeon and a high flyer. Sometimes, there is intense peace and contented mess and, warmth, real warmth, in the simplest things in life! I feel all that is becoming forgotten, with the insta accounts and the constant stream of holidays no 25 year old can afford, and the designer shirts they insist on buying whilst still living with their parents. The bragging and the single and ready to mingle year after year. 
 

They think I played it safe - but try having kids! Biggest chance and change you’ll ever make! Biggest thing you’ll ever do. Biggest responsibility you’ll ever undertake. A lifetime deal. Most special thing. It’s wondrous. 
 

My husband can come home and talk about a deal he’s working on. The women I know can talk about the office, or their dog, or a spa day they had. But I know, after tucking all three blonde curled topped heads into bed, that I have the biggest and best of it all, once all is said and done! And nothing tops it for me Batya! 
 

I once said to someone religious - we were discussing heaven. I said I’d already been. She took this literally and asked about a near death experience? I said no. Heaven is here, on earth. When I hold my babies, feel their warmth, smell that fresh soap and curled locks scent, feel their chests moving up and down as they take in their dreamy, tiny breaths… it’s pure heaven. I defy it to get any better, and I don’t believe it can. In those moments, I want it to last forever, and I wish I would never have to die so I could stay by their pillows forever. 
 

So maybe that’s my problem? That no matter the day, I have a slice of pure heaven, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year - and for whatever reason, me being in awe of this rubs these women I’m around up the wrong way?! 
 

I don’t know Batya! 
 

But the always pregnant Barbie… LOL! I laughed at your comment about that! I wouldn’t know, but jeez, I don’t think anyone is missing out by not seeing that film! 
 

x
 

 

 

[Batya33]

I saw it myself !  We finally got to a movie just the two of us over Labor Day weekend because - bless them !!!- our son was invited to his friend’s parent’s cabin for the weekend. His first ever sleepover other than an overnight trip with school last winter. He had a BLAST. We saw Oppenheimer.  Not a kid movie at all. Even not for a 14 year old.  Excellent. 
I knew for sure by age 14 I wanted marriage and motherhood and knew which 2 careers I wanted. I knew for sure I likely would go to graduate school.  Total romantic. Totally driven too to find the right career for me. Both. Coexisted. Meant I had to redo my plans because I bowed out of early marriage to Mr Right Now. At age 23. Thank the lord. So I had to shift my timing around as far as the potential order of things. 
  I’m very very sorry about that woman’s struggles. 
I loved my full time 7 years at home. Overall. Like you I had my moments. I don’t craft. But he had a number of crafting experiences lol. I was ready to work outside the home when he was about 5.5. I remember the exact day I started my job search it took me over a year in part because of all the solo parenting and losing both our dads in that time within months of each other. 
Also my son got sick a lot at that time ! Kindergarten etc. 

and I needed the right fit. But yes part time.  Now my son and I have to walk 1.2 miles every morning to his bus stop for high school. And we have the best talks ! Imagine he’s 14 AND he still talks to me !! He refers to me in endearing terms and also as a Solid Mom and he knows being annoying is my job. He also claims he’s allowed to be annoying cause he’s a teenager ….. mmmmmm 😉

[itsallgrand]

Morning. Yes, I'm Canadian. 

I understand what you are saying, I really do. One thing I really like about you Lo is you can disagree on some things but still have a conversation. That seems to me to be increasingly rare, and people seem so quick to jump these days. 

Something we agree on - I do think people have been muffled from being able to fully express themselves freely, and I'm very much not about that. That's a whole topic on its own. I just think, here at least, it's not people like Jordan Peterson who are losing their voices. They are loud as ever. Plenty of conservatives with plenty of power. Other side of the same coin really. Imo it's moderates who are being squeezed quiet!

About the stay at home thing, well, we do disagree. And I've been called anti feminist for it. It's funny, you know we all get the poop coming from somewhere. Have kids, don't, stay home, don't, be rich, be poor, someone won't like it. I just think no one is owed being provided for by someone else, whether you are taking care of your kids or no. And I don't think being a mom makes someone anything other than what they were before as far as character traits - if you care about society, you care with kids or no, etc. Plenty of moms who don't give two figs to the future same as the rest, only one example. Same with community involvement, you either care and it's a priority or it's not. Being with your kids full time doesn't usually make a difference. It's funny because I do a lot of the things you do - love gabbing and bringing produce to neighbours, volunteer and am involved, I really believe you have to be part of that if you want that community there for you too. I see more working moms doing that honestly than stay at homes in my experience volunteering! But I also see more working moms sharing the load of childcare through friends, the community, the fathers. The kids aren't with mom all the time.

I personally was so so happy when my niece "made it" to 20 without getting pregnant even though her mom would have loved that. She is getting a trade. I'm happy she can support herself, she has her own place she supports, she will get to have babies if she wants but she's not dependent on anyone now. That to me was a win. It took effort for her - so many people on her telling her being a mom is the be all end all - even as a teen they were pounding this into her. This is the other side to " being a mother is oppressive hell and worthless" that is equally poop and I fall in the middle.