Lorem Ipsum Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 there was a thread like this on here years ago where a guy sometimes masturbated to pictures of his girlfriends friends. it was a very interesting thread. basically all the females were disgusted and all the men defended it. I think that would be an interesting read. In part of my job, I work in a largely male environment. I have been "fortunate" (depending on how you view things like this) to have had a few male friends over the years that essentially have no filter... so I've heard a lot about what a relatively normal male finds attractive or uses to spank to. IMO, men are going to do what they're going to do. You have friends, he meets your friends. Odds are, he's going to find at least one of your friends attractive in some way -- whether he wants to or not. Would you rather he spanked it all by himself thinking about your friend or decided to hit on your friend? In the first case, no one knows but him, not you, not your friend, no one in your social circle. In the second, life = blown up. Asking questions like "do you think my friend is attractive?" = something you probably aren't going to enjoy the answer to. Unless he is an expert of the little white lie (or you really are prettier than your friend). I mean, if you're out with a man and he's obviously staring at someone slack jawed and drooling, it's disrespectful. He wouldn't like it if you were behaving that way. But how are you ever going to know if it's not obvious? If he's not telling you, pointing and saying "check her out!" Is it still disrespectful or just nature? I think it's the same way with whatever you use to masturbate with. You wouldn't tell your partner that you were thinking about Kevin in Accounting the last time you let your fingers do the walking, nor would you tell Kevin. Who gets hurt by your own private fantasy? Or what about dreams? Is the crazy sex dream you had about some celebrity disrespectful to your partner? No one's ever going to know what went on in your head unless you tell them. Link to comment
charity Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 You have friends, he meets your friends. Odds are, he's going to find at least one of your friends attractive in some way -- whether he wants to or not. Would you rather he spanked it all by himself thinking about your friend or decided to hit on your friend? In the first case, no one knows but him, not you, not your friend, no one in your social circle. In the second, life = blown up. i'd rather... and expect.. that he'd do neither LOL i wouldn't expect him to not feel attraction to them... but i'd expect him to not act on it and that includes masturbating to fantasies of them. maybe thats unrealistic... i don't know. and also i would not be masturbating to images of other guys i know... i just wouldn't. but that's me and not everyone else. Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 What I'd rather or expect... and what's actually going to happen are two completely different things, I've found. I'm not saying it's a pleasant thought, I'm not saying I'd encourage it... I'm just saying that I have no control over what someone else thinks and I can't demand that they not think about certain things. And if that certain thing that pops into his mind at a crucial moment he's polishing his knob is how awesome my friend looked in whatever, I really do not want to know about it. Link to comment
LesPaulGuy Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 OP is not as gross as some are making it out to be. It's a common thing to fantasize about people you know sexually. And the reality of the situation is now with social media there are pictures of them in bikinis and skimpy outfits readily available. It's just doing something guys have been doing forever more 'efficiently'. Is it polite/gentlemanly? No it is not. But I don't think it's some disgusting thing for him to have his character judged over. OP it was completely foolish for telling your girlfriend you did that. Your significant other does not need to know every facet of your life. Next time someone asks you a question like that you need to lie. Link to comment
Catherine_3 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Your girlfriend has issues. You didn't do anything wrong. You're better off without her because these kinds of insecurities will just grow and grow, until YOU feel like YOU'RE going crazy because you think you're a terrible person but at the same time, you know you're a good person. Next time, if someone asks you an inappropriate question, say "I don't think that's an appropriate topic to discuss". End of story. Link to comment
Blue92 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 No offense, but masturbating to pictures of local girls ( whether you know them personally or not) is kind of strange. I understand porn because that is fantasy, but a picture of a real life girl in your area who doesn't know that her picture is being... well yea... I can understand why your gf would be upset over this. I would be too. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Because I had lied previously in our relationship and the lie gave me the worst conscience ever. Now I simply can't live with a lie. She wanted to know because she had been upset with me masturbating to porn and thinking about the pornstars etc. You're better off without her - she needs to get over herself and realize she's not the only woman on the planet and you are free to think about anyone and everyone you want when you're masturbating. She wasn't willing to respect your mental freedom, and that is a person you don't want in your life as your life partner. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 No offense, but masturbating to pictures of local girls ( whether you know them personally or not) is kind of strange. I understand porn because that is fantasy, but a picture of a real life girl in your area who doesn't know that her picture is being... well yea... I can understand why your gf would be upset over this. I would be too. Did you know every girl in porn is a real girl somewhere? And many of the models are just normal everyday regular people who do a couple naked shoots in their life - or it's pictures posted by exs after relationships end... In otherwords, there's no difference between one or the other. It's all the same masturbation in the end. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Your girlfriend has issues. You didn't do anything wrong. You're better off without her because these kinds of insecurities will just grow and grow, until YOU feel like YOU'RE going crazy because you think you're a terrible person but at the same time, you know you're a good person. Next time, if someone asks you an inappropriate question, say "I don't think that's an appropriate topic to discuss". End of story. Better yet, have a partner who is mature enough to know that when she asks an "inappropriate" question, she can deal with an "inappropriate" answer. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Your lie going in was the real mistake. Lying about having been with someone is not a great way to start off a relationship. I think she just couldn't let herself really trust you after that. All this other stuff; her putting you through the grinder for that. Next time, just don't start off with a lie. And you'll be okay. Not everyone you care about is going to be a match. And that was probably the case here. I was pretty insecure in my first relationship, but I was able to survive hearing some answers to questions I probably shouldn't haven't asked. I suppose it was because I trusted him. Even when he didn't always tell me what I wanted to hear (and true, it's pretty common at that age to want to hear what you want to hear and have some silly ideas about things). Generally, I think if someone asks you a question where you can't win no matter what you do (or it requires lying for them to be happy); you are better off telling the truth. Because they are looking for a way to blast you; and they'll do it regardless of what you say. At least this way you stay honest. And can be respected. Link to comment
maccerz Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I answered "no". I guess it started when I masturbated earlier in the day, and then said no to sex with her later and she asked if I had masturbated and I said yes. Now whenever I don't feel like having sex she thinks it's because I have masturbated. And she asks me often if I have masturbated, when I haven't. I don't want to do it before seeing her anyways. That's ridiculous... it's actually none of her business whether you masturbate or not. She sounds very possessive and controlling. There's absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating, and if porn helps you with it then that's fine! I don't really think the girls on instagram thing is that bad either but it's definitely a bit weird that you know one of the girls you wanked to.. however its nothing terrible, not something a stable person would feel was worthy of breaking up over. She obviously has massive insecurities, and sounds A LOT younger than 20. You've probably dodged a bullet in this scenario! You actually sound like a very nice guy and are blaming yourself for stuff that you absolutely shouldnt be! Link to comment
quirky Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 People are forgetting that he was chatting at the beginning of the relationship to a girl he was intimate with. And that he masturbates INSTEAD of having sex with the gf not on top of it. People also forget how someone feels at 20 where they hardly know themselves and are still heavily influenced by movie romances. Most girls at 20 don't have dildos and don't watch porn and think inlove=you only have eyes for me. In my eyes they are both immature but it's totally normal for their age. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 That's ridiculous... it's actually none of her business whether you masturbate or not. She sounds very possessive and controlling. There's absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating, and if porn helps you with it then that's fine! I don't really think the girls on instagram thing is that bad either but it's definitely a bit weird that you know one of the girls you wanked to.. however its nothing terrible, not something a stable person would feel was worthy of breaking up over. She obviously has massive insecurities, and sounds A LOT younger than 20. You've probably dodged a bullet in this scenario! You actually sound like a very nice guy and are blaming yourself for stuff that you absolutely shouldnt be! You may not like hearing this, but when it comes to wanking it and fantasies, we generally think about ALL the females we find attractive...ALL of them. Celebrities, porn stars, neighbors, people at work, cartoons, people we know, you name it, we think about it - if it is an attractive female and we are in the mood for that particular fantasy, that's what we're thinking about. It's nothing rare or unusual, we simply don't talk about it because most people can't handle it. And in a lot of cases, it's just not polite or appropriate to talk about it, particularly for those of us with attractive mothers/sisters/daughters/cousins etc. "OMG you think about her Like THAT? Oh, you must not like ME so much!!!" [tears tears tears tears] "OMG you think about HER like THAT? You Monster!!" If you could see what we all think without any censorship whatsoever [like, on a tv screen, all our subconscious/unconscious thoughts], I don't think you would like humanity much. Link to comment
maccerz Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 You may not like hearing this, but when it comes to wanking it and fantasies, we generally think about ALL the females we find attractive...ALL of them. It's nothing rare or unusual, we simply don't talk about it because most people can't handle it. "OMG you think about her Like THAT? Oh, you must not like ME so much!!!" [tears tears tears tears] I'm well aware of that, girls do it too just to let you know I just think admitting to her that he was doing it over a girl he knew was a BAD idea Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I'm well aware of that, girls do it too just to let you know I just think admitting to her that he was doing it over a girl he knew was a BAD idea Oh, I am more than sure they do. And yes, of course it was a bad idea, but she asked a question that an honest person will be burned by every time it's asked. AKA, setup for failure from the start... Such a girl is Not a good girl on the long term... Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 No offense, but masturbating to pictures of local girls ( whether you know them personally or not) is kind of strange. I understand porn because that is fantasy, but a picture of a real life girl in your area who doesn't know that her picture is being... well yea... I can understand why your gf would be upset over this. I would be too. OK, so maybe I'm weird but in a way, I find it *refreshing* that he is more interested in a girl who looks normal than seeking out some surgically enhanced "fantasy". Yes, if it was my BF who admitted something like that, I probably wouldn't be thrilled to bits but I hope he would have the good sense Gawd gave geese to fudge the truth and just say "Scarlett Johansson" or something. In some cases, the truth isn't what you want to hear and that's one of them. The thing is, Blue92, some guy that you know (and probably more than one of them) has probably wanked to thoughts of you at some point and I don't mean whoever was your boyfriend. Maybe even to some photo you had on Facebook or in your yearbook -- you will never know who or when or how many and you're far better off not knowing than knowing. Link to comment
Blue92 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Did you know every girl in porn is a real girl somewhere? And many of the models are just normal everyday regular people who do a couple naked shoots in their life - or it's pictures posted by exs after relationships end... In otherwords, there's no difference between one or the other. It's all the same masturbation in the end. Yes, I'm aware of that. But, a porn girl is intentionally playing a character who is not real. She knows what kind of attention she is grabbing. Whereas, a girl posting a picture on a social media site may not want that kind of attention (unless the picture itself is inviting). But, a normal pic of an everyday person is not something to get excited about in my opinion and it is kind of creepy. At least ask the girl for her number if you are going to be that intimate to her picture.... Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 That is the entire point....it is not intimate. It is fantasy! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 People are forgetting that he was chatting at the beginning of the relationship to a girl he was intimate with. And that he masturbates INSTEAD of having sex with the gf not on top of it. People also forget how someone feels at 20 where they hardly know themselves and are still heavily influenced by movie romances. Most girls at 20 don't have dildos and don't watch porn and think inlove=you only have eyes for me. In my eyes they are both immature but it's totally normal for their age. Yeah I think they are pretty normal too for their age. And it brought up some pretty cringe worthy memories that would never ever happen now that I'm at this age!! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Yes, I'm aware of that. But, a porn girl is intentionally playing a character who is not real. She knows what kind of attention she is grabbing. Whereas, a girl posting a picture on a social media site may not want that kind of attention (unless the picture itself is inviting). But, a normal pic of an everyday person is not something to get excited about in my opinion and it is kind of creepy. At least ask the girl for her number if you are going to be that intimate to her picture.... And you know this how? She may be playing a role, but people role play in sex all the time. The part that she isn't role playing is the penis in and out of her vagina, that part is real. If she enjoysit, then she's one of those people who has lucked out and gets to do what she loves doing and gets paid to do it... Throw in the volume of porn that is nothing more than two people filming themselves having sex - homemade sex tapes, if you will - and it's just that much closer to reality. There's a lot of amateur porn out there, a lot of "pick up" porn as well, where some of the girls are genuinely real girls who on the drop of a bill have sex. Maybe some of them are setups or acts, but in all honesty, there's that part that says no, they're just random people paid to have sex on tape... You may not want that kind of attention, but you don't get to decide what kind of attention you gain from your audience. If they decide they want to masturbate to you, be it pictures or memories, it's entirely out of your hands, out of your control, and it will go on for as long as someone somewhere finds you attractive. There's no "Ask permission before you wank to me or my pictures" ethical code, and there never will be. Yes, this means someone may be wanking to your pictures right now - you'll just have to get over it, because there's nothing else you can do, save post fewer pictures and completely remove yourself from the public eye. It's not very practical, but I suppose you could do that. The most common masturbation fantasies are normal every day people. Yes, normal every day people. If you are even slightly remotely attractive, then I can guarantee you the boys/men/males/ and even perhaps women in your life have masturbated to the thought/pictures of you. No, they aren't exchanging numbers, they aren't sending numbers, they aren't asking permission first, but it's really probably best this way - even if you did, you probably wouldn't even like half of them and the other half would so gross you out you'd probably never leave home again. We don't talk about them, because quite obviously it makes the people in our lives rather uncomfortable. I'll be honest, I perhaps wish I could send some of them my number, or talk to them, or...sigh. Alas, they're all just fantasies, which, to be honest, is sometimes how it's best left. Then again, sometimes we get lucky. My first girlfriend was like that, I was having wet dreams about her before we ever hooked up. She was a lot of fun...stars aligned on that one, for a moment...in that case, fantasy crossed the intimate threshold, and it was something delicious! But only because she wanted me too,and her desire for me was stronger than my desire to run...even though I had the hots for her! Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Yes, I'm aware of that. But, a porn girl is intentionally playing a character who is not real. She knows what kind of attention she is grabbing. Whereas, a girl posting a picture on a social media site may not want that kind of attention (unless the picture itself is inviting). But, a normal pic of an everyday person is not something to get excited about in my opinion and it is kind of creepy. At least ask the girl for her number if you are going to be that intimate to her picture.... You are missing the point. The point, which someone made much better earlier in this thread is that it doesn't matter whose photo it is or where it comes from, if some dude finds something in the photo stimulating, he will use it. It doesn't matter to him if it's a porn star or the girl who took his order at McDonald's that morning. It doesn't matter if his girlfriend or wife would get upset about it (if she knew and he was stupid enough to tell her). He. Will. Do. It. Have you ever gone to the grocery store in old sweats, looking like a total mess (in your opinion) and had some guy hit on you? Have you ever gone out, dressed to the nines and had no one hit on you? The point isn't whether you're doing it for the attention or not, if some dude somewhere finds it appealing, you (or your photo) are going to get that attention, whether you like it or not. Whether you asked for it or not. Whether you know about it or not (and hopefully not). No matter how you were dressed. No matter how innocent your photo was. It has nothing to do with *your* intention... it's what the guy who has the photo thinks of it. The only thing is, you are never going to know if/when it's been or being done. Because of course, generally speaking, most women would not like it, but unless you're never going to post another photo of yourself online ever again, you have no control over it. Even then, there's nothing stopping the guy at the gas station from having some thoughts while you pump your gas... or the box boy at the supermarket... or the guy who makes your lattes at Starbucks... We don't live in a Minority Report world yet where people's thoughts can be monitored. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Well, we do, but the servers keep crashing within milliseconds of coming online... Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Well, we do, but the servers keep crashing within milliseconds of coming online... You can't see my thoughts 'cuz I'm wearing my tinfoil hat! Link to comment
Longview01 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 This is like that whole "don't ask your wife what she is thinking of while she has eyes closed during sex" thing Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Why on earth would you think confessing such a thing to your girlfriend was a good idea??? I understand you wanted to be honest, but heck, some things have to be kept private! Masturbating is something very personal, nobody needs to know whether you're doing it or not. She didn't even need to know you're doing it, it's really none of her business. It's your body and you can do whatever you want with it (as long as you don't cheat of course). But to tell her you're doing it while looking at some other girls' pictures? No no no... If you knew she wasn't comfortable with you watching and masturbating to porn, what made you think she'd be happier knowing you're doing it to some girl's picture that you actually see in real life? I wouldn't even try to fix this, and in your next relationship try to learn what things you can say out loud and what things are better left unsaid :s Link to comment
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