jpason Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Hello everybody. So I confessed to my GF that I have masturbated to pictures of other girls on Instagram. I feel so guilty and I never want to do it again, but I did it and confessed and now she broke up with me. She is heartbroken and so am I. I really love this girl and I do not want to be with any other girl and I would never ever cheat in real life. I really hate that I did not consider her feelings and that I have hurt her so badly. The thing is it didn't mean anything to me, it was just a fantasy. The girls are not any of our friends or someone I have contact with. But one of them works at a store we have been to. I really don't know how to get my GF back. I really loathe myself for hurting her and I just wish it never happened. Any advice? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Wow. That was possibly the most clueless thing I have heard. You did it to a picture of a local girl? You cannot get her back. In fact, the chances of you dating any one in her social cirlce has just found zero. Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Why did you tell her that? Link to comment
laninaperdida Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Why on earth did you tell her that? There's no coming back from this, sorry. Link to comment
jpason Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 I told her because she asked me. And I do not want to lie to her. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Why did you tell her if it was nothing but a fantasy? Some things are better left unsaid... le moins les dits, le meilleure... Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I told her because she asked me. And I do not want to lie to her. Why did she want to know? You were dambed if you did and dambed if you didn't. What an unenviable trap. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 It is one thing to masturbate. All guys do. It is something completely else to do it to pictures of local girls. Eww. I mean seriously, how do you look the girl in the shop in the face after that? Link to comment
Realitynut Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I mean seriously, how do you look the girl in the shop in the face after that? With that special 'light' in his eyes....and fond 'memories'....lol Link to comment
jpason Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Why did you tell her if it was nothing but a fantasy? Some things are better left unsaid... le moins les dits, le meilleure... Because I had lied previously in our relationship and the lie gave me the worst conscience ever. Now I simply can't live with a lie. She wanted to know because she had been upset with me masturbating to porn and thinking about the pornstars etc. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Or 'fondle' memories... ooooh... I know... bad Kendahke!!! Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Because I had lied previously in our relationship and the lie gave me the worst conscience ever. Now I simply can't live with a lie. She wanted to know because she had been upset with me masturbating to porn and thinking about the pornstars etc. How old is she and how old are you? How long have you two been together? What did you lie about last time that set her on this control tear? Do you masturbate to porn as a way of avoiding intimacy and sex with her? Lots of men masturbate to porn--that is nothing new. As long as it doesn't interfere with intimacy with your woman/man, then it should not be an issue with her. Looking at pictures of actresses who you will never in life ever know is a bit much. That speaks to insecurity issues that exist already in her that have nothing to do with anyone else. However, I can see her being upset at you looking at pictures of local girls because that is no longer fantasy and is hitting a little too close to home. Well, at least you didn't lie about it. But in the future, you need to pick girlfriends who have a way stronger sense of security than this girl if you're going to masturbate to porn. Link to comment
jpason Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 It is one thing to masturbate. All guys do. It is something completely else to do it to pictures of local girls. Eww. I mean seriously, how do you look the girl in the shop in the face after that? The girl was someone from my college which I had no contact with. It was only after the thing I did, that we met her in the store. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 It is just creepy. Porn stars, fine. Celebrities, fine. Someone you "know" from college, or the girl at DD.....ewwww. And Kendahke....that was actually very funny! Link to comment
quirky Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 You can tell her it was just a fantasy but at this age I don't think she'll understand. Many younger women see that as 'cheating' or like they are not pretty enough for you. I was like that when I was younger too. Sorry mate, I don't think she'll come back. Not because what you did is absolutely awful. But because you told her and now she got paranoid and insecure. Even if you did get her back you'd feel policed and she'll be insecure. Link to comment
jpason Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 How old is she and how old are you? How long have you two been together? What did you lie about last time that set her on this control tear? Do you masturbate to porn as a way of avoiding intimacy and sex with her? We are both 20. We have been together for over a year. I lied about a girl I had been with before her, and was still in contact with at the time we started dating. I did not like the other girl at all, and did not want my GF to think so. So I figured that if I told the my GF that I had been intimate with said girl multiple times, she would get the wrong idea. So I didn't. The worst decision of my life. No I do not. But previously in our relationship I had masturbated the same day I was gonna be with my GF which really upset her, and made her think that I like porn more than her. It really made her insecure. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I lied about a girl I had been with before her, and was still in contact with at the time we started dating. I did not like the other girl at all, and did not want my GF to think so. So I figured that if I told the my GF that I had been intimate with said girl multiple times, she would get the wrong idea. So I didn't. The worst decision of my life. But you weren't intimate with her while you were seeing your girlfriend, right? and by "in contact with", were you texting and carrying on as if you two were involved or was it sporadic communication? I need to understand what the situation was before I give you my answer. Link to comment
Hoagy Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Lesson learned. Just because a woman has asked you to tell the truth, you must never ever tell the truth under any circumstances. This is why lying was invented. Link to comment
HereForYou Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 That is disgusting.. If your having fantasies about other women especially if you somehow know them then you clearly aren't into your gf. She has the right to break up with you.. I would do the same if I were her Link to comment
jpason Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 But you weren't intimate with her while you were seeing your girlfriend, right? and by "in contact with", were you texting and carrying on as if you two were involved or was it sporadic communication? I need to understand what the situation was before I give you my answer. I had been doing intimate stuff with the girl on several occasions before meeting my GF. But it continued as a sort of friendship. The contact was texting. Kinda flirtingly, but I did not realize this atm because it had been going on for a long time, and she was more of a friend in my eyes. I was not intimate with her whilst being with my GF, but we were "friends" and I talked to her, sat next to her, etc. But nothing intimate. Link to comment
jpason Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Lesson learned. Just because a woman has asked you to tell the truth, you must never ever tell the truth under any circumstances. This is why lying was invented. Well the lesson I learned was that when you keep a lie inside, it grows and it grows and it grows and if you have a conscience it will kill you slowly. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 No I do not. But previously in our relationship I had masturbated the same day I was gonna be with my GF which really upset her, and made her think that I like porn more than her. It really made her insecure. then she's got massive insecurity and immaturity issues if she's going to launch off of that. Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I told her because she asked me. It's a trap! As much as we would like to believe that our partners only have eyes for us and we are the most beautiful/perfect person and they will never have any need -- ever -- to even so much as look at another person for anything other than to get change or ask the time... it doesn't work that way. Even your GF probably has the odd thought or thousand about rock/pop/movie stars. I'd bet she's also had dreams or fantasies of other guys (famous or not) because people are people and we find all kinds of things attractive no matter how disciplined we are or whether we want to or not. It sounds like she was insecure about something and she asked you that question because she was looking for reassurance that you find her attractive. But, it also wasn't fair play of her to put you in that position. It takes a really secure woman (or person) to be able to hear/participate in her partner's fantasies of other women and not be hurt or offended. But having said that, I have to say that there is a thing such as too much honesty. I really don't want to look at whatever someone has done in the toilet. I don't care how massive it is or the colour or whatever, ugh. I don't want to know about someone's nose picking habits (but I will fervently hope they use a Kleenex and not the underside of a dining room chair). I also have no desire to know what someone masturbates to. IMO, that's personal. So long as it's all consenting adults, do what you will. So long as it's not interfering with your ability to hold down a job, drive a car or connect with your partner in life, it's not a problem. I can see why your recent ex got upset. She's young enough to think that if you have a random fantasy or spank it to someone you may have met in real life, that means you want to cheat with said person. She can't see it for what it is, that you just tossed one off and it could have been to a photo of some random porn star or Sear catalog model or actress. So, you could have split the difference and admitted to masturbating, but then either said you didn't want to talk about it because you're embarassed or given her some random names of famous people. Either way, you're going to lose because she's then going to compare herself to those people in some way, shape or form. And maybe that's what you should have told her from the start, that you don't want to talk about it because you are afraid that it would hurt her feelings. You could have asked her if she wanted an answer or to hear a specific answer, with that answer being no honey, never (which is completely unrealistic). So unfortunately, this comes down to a live and learn. One day, you may be with some woman who has no problem with you looking at other women (so long as you're not ogling), I know a few couples like this, who make fun of and giggle about people they find attractive out there. But it may take quite a while to find such a woman so in the meantime, discretion is the better part of valour, use it. Link to comment
Liraele Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I don't find the action itself appalling, honestly. It's a fantasy, and the girl being in close proximity... well, can make it a more enticing fantasy. Plus, they put the pics out there for the world to see. So.... Anyway... the stupid part was admitting that to your girlfriend. I don't condone lying, but a lot of women have a hard time coping with their partner watching porn. That's someone vague and unattainable. Imagine how much more threatened they are by a "real" person who you could actually meet face to face? Yeah, stupid. In the future, I'd say keep your spank bank as it should be - personal. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Well the lesson I learned was that when you keep a lie inside, it grows and it grows and it grows and if you have a conscience it will kill you slowly. Not when it comes to dealing with an insecure person who believes that controlling everyone but herself is the answer to her problems. Making everyone else change and she not looking at her own dysfunction is the problem here. What has she done to get a grip on her insecurity? I'll bet not a dash darn thing... just look at you and make it your burden to carry. Link to comment
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