Lonewing Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 So you're basically telling him to learn how to lie when asked a pointed question... I dare say his ex already knew the answer, so it wasn't going to matter what he said. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 There are such things as a 'white' lie so as not to hurt another person's feeling....like the proverbial "do i look fat in these pants"....="do you jack off thinking/looking at other women".... Why hurt the other person if you don't have to...and what you are doing is NOT harming her or the relationship. Now...I don't like the idea of masturbating earlier in the day...and then not wanting to have sex later in the day because you had already 'spilled the beans'...so to speak....so don't spill the beans....err....whatever.... Link to comment
Iggles Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Masturbating is something very personal, nobody needs to know whether you're doing it or not. She didn't even need to know you're doing it, it's really none of her business. Yeah, I completely agree with this! Solo time is private. There is no need to for anyone else, including your SO, to know the specifics of what you get off to when you're alone! TMI alert (haha): There's only one person in the world who knows what I'm into, a good friend of mine, and that's because we share the same taste in p0rn! If not, there be would no way the topic would have ever been broached. My SO knows in general terms, but nope -- I have no plans to ever share in detail and I don't want to know the details of what he watches or reads. In the same vein, I have zero interest in becoming the type of couple of uses the toilet with the bathroom door wide open! There are some forms of intimacy I don't feel the need to share even within a relationship! We are still two independent beings, which means autonomy on some levels is our right! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 INow whenever I don't feel like having sex she thinks it's because I have masturbated. And she asks me often if I have masturbated, when I haven't. I don't want to do it before seeing her anyways. I think yes. I mean, she wants to have more sex and she wants to be the only thing I need to be satisfied. I get the sense one major issue is that you two have different sex drives. If she wants it more, and you masturbated one day/didn't want to have sex that day, then I can see how she was frustrated. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Your ex is going to have a LOT of breakups if she can't handle a guy looking at porn. She has NO business in what you do with yourself in your own time. This is one of those deals where you're either gonna have to lie, or find a girl that's okay with porn, and I agree that younger women are more likely to be offended because they think they're ALL that and don't have experience with men. I admitted to it to my wife once and caught hell for it for 6 months. I mean, literally, this was the NUMBER ONE topic of discussion for SIX MONTHS. After a while I just said, look, I'm not making you any promises I can't keep. Deal with it or don't. Your call. And, guess what, I still do it from time to time, and she just assumes I do it, probably more frequently than what actually happens. Women are lucky, they can get off easily without looking at anything at all. Multiple times. If men had this ability they'd never leave the house. That said, geeze, can't you just find regular porn to look at? Does it have to come from instagram? I can see why this would make the situation worse. Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 So you're basically telling him to learn how to lie when asked a pointed question... I dare say his ex already knew the answer, so it wasn't going to matter what he said. Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling him! Come on, sometimes a white lie is needed, in order to spare someone's feelings. There is such a thing as too much honesty, and usually it backfires and people get hurt. His g/f shouldn't have asked such a question, but since she did, OP should have known better than to tell her what he did. Like Realitynut mentioned, this is similar to the "does this dress make me look fat?" situation. It's a stupid question women ask, but that doesn't mean the answer should be "yes"! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 White lies are BS. What is wrong was her question. He is doing nothing wrong. So he doesn't need to lie. And I am sorry -- -but if the dress makes you look fat, someone should tell you!!! Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 White lies are BS. What is wrong was her question. He is doing nothing wrong. So he doesn't need to lie. And I am sorry -- -but if the dress makes you look fat, someone should tell you!!! I have to politely disagree... Let's say a guy hits on me and we start talking...and I realize I don't like him because he's stupid. Should I tell him "sorry I'm not interested in you because you're stupid"?? That wouldn't be nice even though it would be the honest truth. As for the dress...it's really not the dress that makes one look fat...it's the fat :s Link to comment
Realitynut Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Yes...i agree with greta...i would never say anything mean to someone.... I don't think ANYONE should tell ANYONE that the dress makes them look fat...OR that they are fat....OR that they just 'knocked one off' before the gf walked in the door...especially if it wouldn't make her happy. I had asked my ex NOT to do the deed before i was coming up to see him...cuz i wanted him to be extra excited to see me..... Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 I have to politely disagree... Let's say a guy hits on me and we start talking...and I realize I don't like him because he's stupid. Should I tell him "sorry I'm not interested in you because you're stupid"?? That wouldn't be nice even though it would be the honest truth. As for the dress...it's really not the dress that makes one look fat...it's the fat :s No need to be mean. A simple..."excuse me...I am not interested" will do. If he is dumb enough to ask why.....not gonna lie. And yes...it clearly is not the dress's fault! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling him! Come on, sometimes a white lie is needed, in order to spare someone's feelings. There is such a thing as too much honesty, and usually it backfires and people get hurt. His g/f shouldn't have asked such a question, but since she did, OP should have known better than to tell her what he did. Like Realitynut mentioned, this is similar to the "does this dress make me look fat?" situation. It's a stupid question women ask, but that doesn't mean the answer should be "yes"! If you can't handle the truth, don't ask the questions. Seriously, though, People [not just women] need to learn to accept these answers with an open and understanding viewpoint, because it's the only way they're going to better understand their partners. Of course, we see lots of people on these boards who Can't Get Over their Partner's Sexual Past, and I think it's just a sign of immaturity. When I'm with a girl, I don't care what she's thinking about, because ultimately, it doesn't matter - I'm with her, and we're having sex. My whole objective is to get her off, not to be the sole thought in her head. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 If you are doing it right....there will be NO thoughts in her head! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Yes...i agree with greta...i would never say anything mean to someone.... I don't think ANYONE should tell ANYONE that the dress makes them look fat...OR that they are fat....OR that they just 'knocked one off' before the gf walked in the door...especially if it wouldn't make her happy. I had asked my ex NOT to do the deed before i was coming up to see him...cuz i wanted him to be extra excited to see me..... If it makes you look fat, don't ask or I will tell you Yes, it makes you look fat. If I don't tell you now, and then you gain more, and get more upset because you know what isn't being said, well, I can only blame myself for being a passive bystander. If anything I was colluding with you against yourself. Live with it or lose it...but to be ignorant of it, well, that's going to end badly. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 If you are doing it right....there will be NO thoughts in her head! No, if I'm doing it right she'll be feeling ecstasy with thoughts of pleasure running through her head. What those thoughts are, they are her fantasies to indulge. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling him! Come on, sometimes a white lie is needed, in order to spare someone's feelings. There is such a thing as too much honesty, and usually it backfires and people get hurt. His g/f shouldn't have asked such a question, but since she did, OP should have known better than to tell her what he did. Like Realitynut mentioned, this is similar to the "does this dress make me look fat?" situation. It's a stupid question women ask, but that doesn't mean the answer should be "yes"! I wouldn't want to be lied to. I always appreciated and respected, even if I didn't like it in the moment, being told the truth. There are many ways to tell it, besides. Blunt tends to be more painful for most people. But there is also the option of steering the conversation to the substance or the feelings behind it rather than the literal question being asked. For example, he could have told her how her asking that question made him feel, and tried to understand what she was actually saying by asking it. "It sounds like you are feeling threatened by my masterbating. Can you tell me why? I feel put on the spot and uncomfortable" as one example. An ex of mine used to ask me, when I would ask questions which were often based in insecurity, whether I needed a hug. That was rather effective with me! And then once I was comforted, we would talk about it and he would let me know how he felt about being asked the question etc. My point is; I think there are a lot of other and better ways to deal with it than lie. Lies; even little ones, can really eat at credibility and ultimately, being able to trust the person. And one self. Link to comment
toby4 Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 You don't have to lie... you can just be respectful and not tell them what's on your mind. Withholding the truth isn't a lie altering it is. Link to comment
oneheart Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Sounds like you're better off, if my gf did that I'd probably laugh. She's upset that you lied about sex before you were together? Who cares its the past get over it! I mean i get a little uneasy when me and my gf talk about past sex, but its only because i hate the idea of some one else having sex with her, to me i think "no! you're my special lady i don't wanna think about you like that". So i can sort of see where your gf is coming from, however, i realize my issue is my own problem and it's an insecurity because I've hooked up with women and only wanted sex, we're human and it doesn't matter what happened in the past. The difference, she is taking this to a really high level and instead of realizing it's her own insecurity and coping with it and talking it out with you, she acts like you've cheated on her. You don't want some one that insecure and controlling, trust me. People are calling you creepy and what not, that's just rude. Every guy has thought about a girl they know or knew and rubbed one out lol. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Masturbate to whatever you want, it's your life. Part of your very private life. When someone asks, tell him it's none of their damn business. Link to comment
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