savignon Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I've been saying I need a "break" from dating and at the same time enjoy being a little flirty and not taking myself entirely out of the game. I have a profile on match that is getting zeeero responses (its pretty serious and perhaps centers too much around my daughter.....maybe some ENA guys can give me some feedback? Willing to trade profiles for mutually beneficial feedback as I think I'm a great critique). Anyways....decided to join OKC which is more playful and people seem more willing to strike up a convo as its more like IM than putting yourself waaaay out there by expressing interest. Its kind of ....entertaining. My question is...is it kind of shady site? I'm a very respectable teacher and God forbid a student's parent saw me on there --I'd be mortified. My little bio is in no way inappropriate and I "skip" any sexual kinds of questions and don't respond to nonsense like "I love your lips" (rolling my eyes). I only put up one picture and am ready to take it down at a moment's notice pending any super bad reviews. Help me out!! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I think having a profile on a dating site when you're not interested in dating is just asking for trouble. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 I think having a profile on a dating site when you're not interested in dating is just asking for trouble. Not that I'm not interested in dating. I just have my doubts about such a casual site. Looking for feedback (about this specific site). I've typically done really well on match but not sure if I need to change up my profile there or what....nothing good is coming of it this time around. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I think having a profile on a dating site when you're not interested in dating is just asking for trouble. I tend to agree. Maybe not "trouble" per se but it's not quite a "break" because you are fundamentally looking to attract and interact with men who are interested in some way. Just don't think it's a break if you have a profile up AND you are chatting with men. I personally have had good luck with OK cupid - it's not been shady at all for me. But I didn't have chat buddies - I was looking for dates. Link to comment
amipushy Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Men are very visual, they look at pics so add more pics esp. ones of you smiling and having a good time and you should get more luck. Also keep mention of your daughter to a minimum, say by all means that you have a child, but thats all they need to know. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 OkCupid isn't that bad. Every free dating site has creeps, but I'd say OKC is one of the better free sites. I've been on a few and this is how I see it (from least creepers to most creepers) Match/eHarmony OkCupid POF Tinder/Grindr Craigslist But honestly I'd say most people on ALL of these sites are looking for something different than you. Sounds like you're just looking to flirt/chat, and I don't think many guys are looking for the same. They either want a relationship, a girl to go on dates with, or a girl to have sex with. Most people don't use online dating sites for penpals/chatting. I agree with Kendahke (below). Don't talk about your daughter on your profile. Mention that you have a kid so guys know that you're a parent, but don't talk about your hobbies with her, things you do with her, stuff she likes, etc. Your profile is about YOU. Most guys will skip over a profile that says "Me and my daughter like to do this", "I often enjoy spending time with my daughter at this place" etc. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I know that when I read posts that talk about children, I skip them. My attitude is "then go raise them and stop looking to date". I'm here to get to know you, not your kids right now. So, your profile may be saying "you wont' be that important to me..." to guys who would have otherwise wanted to get to know you. OKC is way better than POF. Way better. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 You say you want a break from dating and also that it isn't that you aren't interested in dating... so at best, you are ambivalent about dating? So then, expect your ambivalence to show through in some way and impact the kind of responses you receive. OKC is a good site. The whole range of people are there, as would be true in an actual public setting. I am interested in a relationship, and have found plenty of men who are similarly inclined. I include mention of my kids in my profile, because they are an important part of my life. I still get plenty of interest and actually deactivated my profile because of the amount of interest. More than kids/no kids, I notice that the sort of profile pic impacts responses. When I took down a full body pic (because my date snapped it), my responses remained strong, but less so. If you just want to flirt for now, say so. Men write me interested in correspondence; I decline them but they are out there. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 I don't think I explained my interest/position on dating very well and don't know how to better explain it. I definitely appreciate the feedback re: my daughter and pictures. Thank you! Link to comment
Catherine_3 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I get your position. Just because you're not out there actively focused on finding "him", that doesn't mean you can't put yourself out there. It's not as if you're emotionally unavailable, which I agree would be disingenuous. After all, it's probably like getting pregnant - it happens when you stop trying. It's like a job search. The best time to look for a new job is when you're happy in your current job/situation. Then you can hold out for what you deserve and not give off that desperation vibe. Honestly, if anyone sees you on a dating site, you have nothing to be ashamed of. What are they doing there?!? Link to comment
savignon Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 I think I have a better response: I opened with "I *say* I'm on a break from dating" but go on to explain that I'm on not one but now 2 dating sites, hence an obvious contradiction. I have not been emailed, asked for my number, asked on a date or anything of the sort which feels like a break (to me, anyways). My life is really centered around my daughter which very much comes through and I can see how that would have people "skip" me. As for "then go raise your kid and stop trying to date"....I don't really have a choice between raising my child *or* dating, as no mom does, and also love her to pieces. The right guy for me will get that and I might not meet him online. I definitely am interested in meeting someone who I would click with which is why I want to keep my feet wet, so to speak, in the dating pools. Given the feedback and the lack of response on match, I'm thinking maybe she's too young for me to date or be looking since most guys would/are skimming past me. I wanted to ask specifically about OKC because I've only ever tried EH and match. I know there are great single dads out there who would appreciate a quality woman and great mother...just not sure how or where to find them so I'm trying to expand my search a little. Thanks, again! Sav Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 i think it's worth it to try another site if you aren't finding what you want with the current sites. sure, try okc. a friend met her boyfriend on "how about we....?" Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I have often wandered onto OKC out of a sort of boredom/curiosity. I am very clear, though, about how I want to go about meeting someone. I have noticed a marked difference in responses- quality and quantity- as I have tweaked my profile as I have evolved and my dating approach has evolved with me. There is definitely a significant "secret sauce" in the writing of the profile. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 okcupid is good for looking for friendship, casual dating, or long-term. I find that you get the more normal and modern bunch (and the younger crowd as well) on that site. As a free site, it is one of the better (if not best) dating site out there... As far as your profile, I would mention you have a daughter and a great relationship with her...but I wouldn't spend more than sentence or two talking about it. It will be understood that if you are any kind of a good mother that your daughter is someone significant in your life and her needs will be tended to first. But to go on and on about it on a dating profile is just too much. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 My question is...is it kind of shady site? I used it. That should answer your question. Seriously, it's more of a meat-market site. But most of the free dating ones are... Link to comment
superfan Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I met my last boyfriend before my husband on OKC. I thought it was a really good site (as far as the free ones go). Yeah you got some creepers, but it wasn't so focused on that like POF seems to be. Go for it - I am a teacher too if that helps (though my profile has long been deactivated cause I am married now lol) Link to comment
John John Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 OkCupid isn't that bad. Every free dating site has creeps, but I'd say OKC is one of the better free sites. I've been on a few and this is how I see it (from least creepers to most creepers) Match/eHarmony OkCupid POF Tinder/Grindr Craigslist Yes, I would agree with this. OKC is, in my experience, the best free site. I only ever really used it (and POF, of course) for hookups...but to each his/her own. Sav - if you want, you can send me your profile and I'll have a look. I'll need to reactive my OKC profile though. It's quite outrageous (which was on purpose, since it was for FWB/hookups only). You will have a good chuckle. I used it. That should answer your question. Seriously, it's more of a meat-market site. But most of the free dating ones are... This made me lol. Nice. Yeah, the free sites are usually free for a reason. Some people get really lucky on them, and OKC > POF by a nice margin. I found POF horrible in terms of the quality of women on it, but again, I know some married couples who met off of POF...so maybe I'm doing it wrong. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 I used it. That should answer your question. Seriously, it's more of a meat-market site. But most of the free dating ones are... Haha. Thanks Blue! Would love to have seen yours!! MCJD- how's it going with you vis a vis the dating scene? Miss your stories!! Link to comment
John John Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 MCJD- how's it going with you vis a vis the dating scene? Miss your stories!! What's up Sav! Meh, haven't been on too many dates lately. I'm supposed to have one tonight, but not sure I'm going. I mean, I'll probably go since I don't want to be a jerk and cancel the day of...but I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm just not really into it anymore. But then I force myself to go in hopes I'll surprise myself lol. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Haha. Thanks Blue! Would love to have seen yours!! You didn't miss much. No pic (well, there was a pic, but of something other than me), bare-bones profile, etc. I don't think I ever spent more than two or three minutes building a profile, and I mean two or three minutes for the whole time I had it. For me, those sites were a necessary evil; I'd use them to find/contact women, and try to get them to talk to me on IM. Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 My question is...is it kind of shady site? I'm a very respectable teacher and God forbid a student's parent saw me on there --I'd be mortified. , I'm a teacher and I use PoF and I'd never thought of this Sav! A couple of others at school use it though, and I teach at a school with very religious students, so their parents probably wouldn't be using online dating in the first place. I wonder if PoF has a different reputation in different countries, the people slating it seem to mostly be American but here in the UK it isn't really taboo to be using it. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 , I'm a teacher and I use PoF and I'd never thought of this Sav! A couple of others at school use it though, and I teach at a school with very religious students, so their parents probably wouldn't be using online dating in the first place. I wonder if PoF has a different reputation in different countries, the people slating it seem to mostly be American but here in the UK it isn't really taboo to be using it. Thanks for chiming in! I've been on it a week now and its been no worse/better than match so....we'll see. I don't answer any of the sex-based questions---just incase. ;-) Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 Thanks for chiming in! I've been on it a week now and its been no worse/better than match so....we'll see. I don't answer any of the sex-based questions---just incase. ;-) What proportion of your message contain sexual stuff? Is it high? Link to comment
savignon Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 What proportion of your message contain sexual stuff? Is it high? None of my message/profile is sexual. I meant in the questions section, you can answer these questions and see if they match up with what other people put. The ones that are sexual in nature I skip so there is nothing sexual about my profile content or answers to the multiple choice questions. Link to comment
TwixSense Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 My question is...is it kind of shady site? I'm a very respectable teacher and God forbid a student's parent saw me on there --I'd be mortified. My little bio is in no way inappropriate and I "skip" any sexual kinds of questions and don't respond to nonsense like "I love your lips" (rolling my eyes). I only put up one picture and am ready to take it down at a moment's notice pending any super bad reviews. Help me out!! OKC isn't shady... The site itself has a very clean layout, easy to use, large dating pool.....pretty good for free online dating... You can also tweak your matches to only show men who would be suitable for dating a mother with a young daughter..... OKC is pretty good in that aspect; you have a lot of control to narrow or broaden dating criteria - especially if you answer more questions, add a new pic occasionally, or add key words in your bio. I notice more visitors and also a change in the type of visitors while answering match questions or just by editing my profile. OKC's cool, pretty legit. It works. Hope that answers your questions. Link to comment
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