Online Dating - A Woman's Journal

[missmarple]

Well, Roy just called. His mum is ok and he's coming back this evening and he wanted to meet but he gave me a way out when he said he's worried about the weather (which is an excuse as he lives just 15 mins away and has a car - I think he just didn't want to put pressure on me). I told him I was worried about the weather, too, (yeah, right..lol) and that we could meet Tuesday (I'm busy tomorrow) and he said ok, he's free all week and we can meet whenever I want. He seems consistent and interested enough and, also, he was very polite once again. I think our second date will be interesting..I'm curious to see if it had just been the whiskey talking the other night.

[Batya33]

I do understand. I understand that we have different values and standards which I wrote above - and I also wrote a few times that I think that's totally cool, I just find it interesting. I'm sorry if I at first suggested that yours are wrong or inconsistent - you're entitled of course even if they are (which they are not).

And no I don't agree that someone you've only met once or never needs to reach out and wish you Happy New Year (I wrote why above). Happy Birthday-if he knows- sure maybe. We define levels of interest very differently at that near-stranger stage or "met once".

 

On the other hand I would be turned off if someone showed interest in me by sending me that flowery comment or showing me his cars and making that comment. I would not like that type of approach (and would not think it showed interest in me - I would think it showed interest in someone who was not like me at all as far as interests/ambitions). It's fine that you're ok with that or even find that a positive. Like I wrote - we're all different and it's all good.

 

As far as Andy not calling - I guess you'll see. If he disappears I would find that entirely consistent with the flowery comment he sent you - and yes I wrote consistent, not inconsistent. I have a feeling I don't have to explain why.

[missmarple]

Ok...let's agree to disagree.

 

I deleted Andy so, I'll never know what he meant, anyway.

[Batya33]

Ok...let's agree to disagree.

 

I deleted Andy so, I'll never know what he meant, anyway.

 

But we do agree - can't we agree that we have different standards and values and interests when it comes to meeting men (or when I used to). As far as disagreeing on the details well that goes with the territory in my first sentence.

[missmarple]

Grrrrrrrrrrr...Eric just called and cancelled the date because....it's cold!!!! On one hand, I was having second thoughts, too, because of the distance. On the other hand, he sounded like a good prospect. But he didn't even give a good reason why...what's with all the 'something came up' excuses? One hour before the date, I expect something better than that!

[calichick007]

Yikes @ that Will test... been there, done that. LOL.

[missmarple]

Don't remind me...I'm trying to forget last night

[Batya33]

Grrrrrrrrrrr...Eric just called and cancelled the date because....it's cold!!!! On one hand, I was having second thoughts, too, because of the distance. On the other hand, he sounded like a good prospect. But he didn't even give a good reason why...what's with all the 'something came up' excuses? One hour before the date, I expect something better than that!

 

Did he offer to reschedule? If not I don't think you should meet him. Ugh, sorry.

[missmarple]

No, Batya. He just said 'we'll do it some other time'. I'm thinking about emailing him later and telling him that I don't see this going anywhere..and taking him off my list. He sounded so..casual on the phone that it got on my nerves.

[Batya33]

No, Batya. He just said 'we'll do it some other time'. I'm thinking about emailing him later and telling him that I don't see this going anywhere..and taking him off my list. He sounded so..casual on the phone that it got on my nerves.

 

Why contact him at all? If he asks to reschedule tell him you're no longer interested. If he doesn't contact you again then that's it.

[missmarple]

Well, he's on my list and he'll talk to me when I get on the site. Isn't it better to just delete him?

[Batya33]

Well, he's on my list and he'll talk to me when I get on the site. Isn't it better to just delete him?

 

If he talks to you when you get on the site simply tell him that you don't have time to chat right now. If he then asks to reschedule, tell him that on reflection you've decided that you 2 are not a match. You're not going to change his rude/flaky behavior since you are a stranger so don't bother(and why antagonize him). I guess deleting is an option too.

[missmarple]

Ok, I'll decide when I get on the site and when he talks to me (if he's even there tonight because I have a feeling he just decided to go on some other date)..

[missmarple]

Roy sent me a good morning, have a good start to the week text this morning. I answered back you, too and hopefully with less cold...lol

[missmarple]

New guy.

 

Alan is 42, an accountant, divorced with 2 sons (13 and 14). He comes from a town a couple hours away but has been working in my town for the last 4 years. He's 5'11, with brown hair and green eyes, not very good-looking but not ugly either. At first, when he told me he got his divorce 20 days ago, I was very sceptical about him but he told me they had had problems even before he came to my town and had been separated for the last 2 years. Also, he had a relationship with another woman for 6 months that ended last November. He says he wants a serious relationship etc etc.

Anyway, then he called me on the phone and we talked for about an hour. He sounds easygoing and rather sweet. I told him that I don't plan on talking to him for months before we meet (because he told me he had been talking to the last girl he met for a month before their first date!) and that, if he wants to meet me, he'd better come up with a suggestion soon enough...and he did.

He suggested we meet on February 14..lol. I told him that I can't make any promises for 10 days from now but I'll let him know next Monday.

[missmarple]

I got a text message by an unknown number...it read 'this is my second phone..are you the sleeping beauty?'. It turned out to be Alan who proceeded to tell me that he could call me again if I want...I said no and that I'm not a phone person. This one may win the prize of annoying me on the same day we started chatting

[Larkin]

I got a text message by an unknown number...it read 'this is my second phone..are you the sleeping beauty?'. It turned out to be Alan who proceeded to tell me that he could call me again if I want...I said no and that I'm not a phone person. This one may win the prize of annoying me on the same day we started chatting

 

Funny AND creepy at the same time! lol

[Liraele]

I think that would be a bit of a turn-off. If he's already annoying you, I'd be wary!

[missmarple]

Roy called me while I was out with a friend and asked me when I'm free to meet...we agreed on tomorrow and I said I'll call him in the morning to arrange details. He was very polite and apologised for interrupting. I'm very curious to see how he'll behave tomorrow.

 

Alan sent me a text message asking when I'm free to talk on the phone again. I think I must have a talk with him

[missmarple]

And I just deleted Alan. He messaged me on the site and in the first 5 minutes he said he's sure I'm going to be his 'baby' That was the last straw. I wished him good luck and told him that I don't think anything can happen between us, we are very different people.

[Liraele]

That sounds like a smart move. Too much too soon!

[missmarple]

I just deleted Eric, too. I see no point in having him on my list since, not only did he cancel yesterday at the last minute, without giving any reason, but also didn't get in touch at all today.

[missmarple]

Okkkkkkkk...Tony emailed me asking how I've been and sent me a friend request.

It was the guy I had gone on one date with..on December 29 (I remember because the next day was the date with Keith and then the whole 'happy new year text' saga..lol)..who hadn't contacted me after the date and hadn't even replied to my text. I accepted the request because I was curious and, also, because, well, I had liked the date. He said he had never gotten my text...b/s, of course. He still hasn't gotten his (second) divorce (it was supposed to be final in January). He tried to find out if I'm dating anyone exclusively but I changed the subject...if he was interested to know, he'd have contacted me sooner. Basically, the only excuse he gave as to why he disappeared was that he's had big problems with work. He had mentioned something about it during our date, too, from what I remember. I asked him about it some more but he just said things are bad and he's not in a great mood lately.

Despite what had happened, it was nice to hear from him. I certainly don't expect anything romantic but I felt like I was talking to an old friend.

[Larkin]

I just deleted Eric, too.

 

I get a kick out of reading your journal, missmarple. And posts like this one remind me of the song, 'Another One Bites the Dust'. lol

[missmarple]

UPDATE

 

The second date with Roy. Well, this time he didn't try to kiss me or anything, he was a perfect gentleman....BUT (and this is a pretty big but) almost everything else was off.

First of all, we had just been talking for about half an hour when he said to me that if I agree to go on a third date with him. he expects me to stop dating others and focus on him. The way he worded it, it didn't bother me, it was more along the lines of 'I think the reasonable thing to do is...' and, although it seemed a bit rushed to me, I could see his point. I said I'll think about it and told him that I'm not dating anyone else at the moment, anyway. However, after that conversation, it all went downhill.

It's hard to describe the whole conversation (it lasted for over an hour, with many interruptions by both of us) but I'll mention some 'key points':

- He said that if we keep meeting 'like this' (meaning going out for coffee or drinks or whatever) he'll get bored because he thinks that after 2-3 dates, it's more 'comfortable' to visit each other at home. I asked if that meant having sex, he said no....just to 'light some candles and listen to music'.

- He told me that with most women he's dated (either online or offline), he had sex on the third date....'fifth date at most', he said.

- Every time I tried to tell him about my view on things (that I want to take things slow, that I think it's too soon to talk about sex and visiting each other's homes, that I've only known him for, like, 3 hours etc), he just didn't want to hear. Not that he was rude but for everything I said his standard reply was 'this is because of the internet and because you get too many dates'. I tried to explain that it has nothing to do with the 'offers' I get, it's just how I am - but he wouldn't listen.

- He asked very few things about me and I didn't feel he 'wanted to get to know me' at any point. I asked about his job, his daughter, his friends..he answered but it was very one-sided or that's how it felt to me.

- He wanted to make a date for both Friday and Saturday and when I said I think that's too much, too soon he suggested to go out with friends on Friday (mine or his, it's up to me) and on our own on Saturday...which still felt like too much to me. I said I'd rather we go out alone on Friday and, if we feel we want to see each other again next day, ok. He said ok at first but then he said 'I can see you're tense so, it's better to go out with company on Friday'..by that point I was exhausted and I said ok...but I was thinking 'I don't think I want to see you again'. I WAS tense but because of him...I felt a huge amount of pressure that shouldn't be there on a second date.

- The last straw was when I tried to change the subject and I started talking about clothes and he said he likes feminine women (he had said that on the first date, too) in dresses or skirts and I said, laughing, 'well, see, I am wearing a skirt today' (I had worn jeans on our first date) and he said 'is that a skirt?' Well, it was a long, tight, burgundy skirt..apparently, to him 'skirt' means mini

 

In general, this was a very bad date and I feel like I just ran a marathon. It goes without saying that I don't want to 'explore things' with him any further. I'll just send him a text in the morning that I've thought about it and decided that we are very different people.