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Upset about height, height jokes and being made fun of in general


SB1

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I'm quite a sensitive person who's had insecurities relating to my height for over 10 years. I'm a 22 year old woman and am 5'1 (I know you're dying to know!) Honestly, I didn't write this thread fishing for "5'1 is the perfect height!" compliments, because I know the world has a huge bias against short people. I've made peace with being small and honestly don't really think about it much except for when "friends" (who aren't even that much taller than me) make height jokes and poke fun at me for being short. I feel like people make fun of me so much in general, for being short (not that often but at least a few times a year), being forgetful and saying stupid things (which I do, but no one's perfect!) I've just moved to a new city and am so making friends with new people and so people are perceiving me now in a way I'm not used to and when they make jokes against me I find myself getting agitated and later upset.

 

Does anyone know what I mean? The height teasing only gets to me because it was such a debilitating flaw for me for so long and was honestly the bane of my existence. I used to cry and spend so much time lamenting my height; its really hard being told everyday that no matter what you do, you're just not good enough. To make things worse, I only weight 100lb (7 stone) and look around 17 years old and I wonder if this is why people take the piss out of me more.

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I wonder what shaped this perception and experience for you.

 

I am a woman, 5'2. I never once in my life have felt "inferior" or badly about my height. I'm older than you (34); and with hindsight, realize a lot of that was due to upbringing. My parents instilled a sense of pride about who I am and they never tolerated anyone taking pot shots around them (even if it wasn't directed at them) based on someone's height, size, weight, skin colour, etc. It simply wasn't even a thought in my mind that people could think of my height as a "disadvantage" until I encountered my first real racist. She tied in my ethnic heritage with my height - and supposedly this was a bad thing.

 

So you say this has been going on 10 years. So you were twelve. Who made you feel so badly about yourself? Whose voice is this telling you aren't good enough?

 

They were and are wrong.

 

I doubt you are being "over sensitive"....it sounds like someone hurt you a long time ago and that is influencing how you take in things now. If you could heal the hurt that you initially had about this, maybe that would help you?

 

People often don't always understand how much things can hurt a twelve year old child, even when they aren't intending to be critical.

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What kind of jokes are you getting? Can you give an example? I'm 5'2", so not much taller, but have not been teased, really.

 

Well just a few hours ago for example, I was talking about how everyone had seen a certain celebrity and I was annoyed that I hadn't and said "OMG everyone but me has seen X" and the hurtful thing was that my housemate/friend said to someone else in another language (that I also speak a little of) "because she's so small!" (i.e. in a crowd) and laughing about it. That was hurtful because she wasn't even laughing with me, just AT me and then I showed that I understood and kind of gave her the look of death and saying "no...." trailing off and then my other friend said "ah but that is not nice", another friend said "yes but none of us are that tall" (as if being tall is the best thing in the entire world) and then the offending girl said that she has another short friend and they have some kind of understanding where she makes fun of her height. I asked someone elses opinion and they thought it was rude too.

 

Another 5'4 friend (who was clearly taking out her height insecurities on me) would say things to me like "OMG YOU'RE SO SHORT!" "You're so tiny! You're so little and cute!" and then I had one tall friend who when I was standing on a step and walking side by side basically said "ah now you're the perfect height to talk to!" Its not so much people making fun of me, but they're definitely negative references to my height and I'm sick of them. I envy you for never having felt this!

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Wow your post is spot on! You're right, it even got to the point where I was getting suicidal about the way I looked (including my height). I don't remember one specific incident but I remember basically 100% of the kids at school being desperate to be taller, I was always put at the bottom of school photos (which I hated) and when I was 14 two of the really really short girls in my class outgrew me which was upsetting because they kept measuring themselves against me and saying I'M TALLER THAN YOU.

 

Recently, I realised that actually, this was an insecurity gone too far and I thought I'd healed most of the hurt, as while I still think about it, it doesn't consume me like it used to and I don't blame it for any of my problems anymore. But things like this still trigger me off, and I have to wonder if I'll ever stop hating my height and who I am. Funnily enough, I'm actually relatively happy with the way I look and don't have any major insecurities except this one.

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I would keep focusing on your strengths. I'm a little on the tall side and have often wished I were shorter/more petite. My sister is very short and we tease her playfully but she has a great sense of humor about it and her husband adores her so he's only being very playful.

I would recommend a combination of taking some ownership of the insecurity (ie- its yours..they're not "making you" feel a certain way...you already feel that way and have for some time) and also just asking them to stop. Tell them its actually a sensitive issue for you and you'd like if they'd stop joking about it. That really makes them responsible for their future comments and you can evaluate if they're as insensitive as they seem. And finally..you've known your friends for some time now--are they really insensitive and unkind or is it possible they're being playful and DO think you're cute/tiny/sweet/etc? Only you can answer that and if its the latter, then its definitely time to find new friends.

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Some people tend to assume petite females are generally not very sensitive about their height unlike men due to the female preference for tall men while men have a preference for shorter women.

So some people may think jokes at the expense of your height will also be take lightly by you as well or at least not take a hit to your self esteem.

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Honey, I'm 5'1 and I have always looked young. At 26 I was playing extra roles in TV shows for 13-14 year-olds! So I know what you mean. However, you just have to realize they aren't trying to be mean when they point out your height. They aren't making it a bad thing....you are.

 

What do I do? I just cut them off at the pass...if everyone else saw a celebrity in a crowd I immediately say."Oh of course the short one misses out AGAIN!" if there's a group picture to be taken I loudly make my way to the front and say "Shorties in front!" everyone laughs....but the catch is they are laughing with me, not at me b/c I'm laughing too!

 

The only thing that ever gets to me is if someone much taller than me pats me on the head like a child or a pet....that I can't take...short jokes are just that....JOKES

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... because I know the world has a huge bias against short people.

 

I am 5'2" and not sure I agree that the world has this bias. Perhaps it's this belief that is leading you to feel the way you do.

 

I also don't think that friend saying "you're so little and cute" is necessarily being cruel.

 

I also looked very young for most of my life. You will be thrilled when you get older that you have a youthful look, believe me.

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I think it is less to do with their jokes and more to do with your insecurity. They continue because it really bothers you. If you took on the atittude - or at least faked the attitude that your height is awesome - that good thing come in small packages etc, and you just brush it off they will stop. Believe me, if you were tall, there are tall jokes. Heavy, there are heavy jokes. Jokes for hair color, etc.

 

I would also look for other friends with common interests. They don't seem very intelligent if their jokes aren't particularly witty

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I'd have to agree. At 5'2" myself - my whole family teases me because the shortest (mother in law) is 5'6", and the others are all close to 6' or better. Heck, my hubby is anout 6'2", and my Jolly Green Giant son is around 6'4" and built like a farmboy.

 

The teasing is all good natured and doesn't bother me a bit.

 

I've actually discovered it's kind of nice most of the time. My SIL is 5 years younger than I am... and yet when her, MIL and I are out, people will comment "oh how nice you're out with your daughter and granddaughter" to my MIL.

 

Trust me, that more than makes up for the jokes about needing to jump up for the lightswitch Or being called "polly pocket."

 

And it doesn't take a huge guy to make me feel small and feminine - something I've heard some of my taller friends lament about.

 

Play to your strengths. Short is cute. Short and cute gets underestimated a LOT. By salesmen, by repairmen, etc. Being bright and little has some really nice perks!

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Thank you all for the mature and insightful responses, I will take these on board and they've made me feel better. I realise now that it tends to be short girls themselves who are nearly always the culprits of the teasing, so perhaps it is just their insecurities manifesting...

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Girls will be mean, it's just part of the territory fighting for boys. They found your weakness, now they extort it...

 

I'm the short one in my family...and I'm 6'-0"/1" depending on the day...ok, mom is 5'-6", sister is 5'-11.75"...

This being said, I come from the land of terriers and Chihuahuas - aka, Lots of spirit in small packages. Firecrackers, never underestimate the little ones...

 

I've heard a ton of taller girls lamenting about how all the tall guys go for the short girls...All those crazy dance moves you see, you can do them.

 

You can stand on my shoulders any time you like, I can't lift much more than 120 lbs...not without hurting myself...

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I'm 5.4, but my best friend and my older sister are both 5.1. I personally adore small women! Never wished in my life to be taller!

I was teased for being small and too thin for the whole middle school, called anorexic and stuff like that, now I am in great shape naturally, and all the girls that teased me need to work their asses off to get that figure))) So just feel good about yourself, haters gonna hate, you know)

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My Ex was 4'11 and I would tease her all the time in a playful matter.

 

Our obvious size difference (I'm 6'1) was noticeable but she embraced it.

 

I have a lot of shorter friends and they all embrace it, you're just a different size than someone else it's not a big deal.

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