Possibly renting a 2 bedroom apartment with younger sister?

[Guitarguy_82]

Just like the title says, I'm considering renting a 2 bedroom apartment with my younger sister. I'm 31, she's about to turn 23.

 

Now, on the whole, I prefer to live alone. I mean I'm a grown ass man....but I recently moved back to town (after paying an arm and a leg for rent in the place I used to live out of state) and I'd really like this opportunity to split the rent in a cheaper area, thus saving some cash on the whole.

 

Of course, there are going to be some pros and cons to this. This is where I need your help!

 

Pros:

1) I save cash. I can actually save up money to go on a small trip for once or buy clothes more than once a year. Maybe even go see a concert and not worry that I wont be able to use utility XYZ the next month.

2) She's my sister. We know each other and get along. In general we trust each other. We have great discussions whenever we get into a topic and in general we have many of the same mannerisms (not surprising).

3) She's about to finish college, and this will allow her to save some money as well so she can get her own car (instead of our dad's truck which he wants back and is a piece of trash anyhow) and/or start saving up some cash/reduce work hours to focus on school.

4) I get to know her as an adult, since we really only knew each other as kids before I moved away the first time.

5) She's literally one of the best chefs I know. That girl can cook.

 

Cons:

1) She's my sister. I love her but she can be very stubborn and downright nasty sometimes. Fights can be resolved obviously, and any roommate situation is going to have its clashes, but I'd hate it if we got into something bad and it affected our relationship as siblings.

2) She's still in college-party mode. I'm all for going out and having fun....but she is full-throttle. I'm definitely not interested in having huge parties or her having her friends come over to smoke like chimneys. I don't care if she has fun, but her reckless behavior has been a growing trend as of late. There are rumors and stories of her drinking and driving that really concern me.

3) How to lay out ground rules of the apartment when it comes to people of the opposite sex staying over & any ensuing awkwardness. (I guess this is more of a question than a con, but eh whatever).

4) As her older brother, I tend to end up being a quasi-parent. I'm not interested in being her babysitter, but I'll naturally feel obligated to look out for her. I don't need the added stress of worrying about her ALL the time.

5) She has issues with eating disorders in the past, and while its been getting better as she gets older, its still a concern. What will happen when I come home from work and all of a sudden its a fight for me to ask her if she's eaten anything that day? (this has happened before, and although its never been my approach to get into a fight with her about her eating disorder, it does become very very frustrating)

 

Like with all things, this is a tough choice for me. If its a 6 month lease, I can hack it out and make it work I believe.

 

I'm hoping I can slowly pass on a few of my "good responsible adult" habits to her, but I think that's more of a function of age than anything. She's a smart girl and knows what she's doing, but still I worry.

 

The lack of eating and the binge drinking is a real concern. As her family member I've always supported her through her struggles. Its very hard, but I have unconditional love for her. When she was really doing bad with anorexia I was the one that would take her to counseling and pay for it. I was the one to encourage her to be kind to herself and not fall down the dark path she seemed to be heading. Hell, I even saved her life once when she was about a year old and she almost drowned in the bathtub. I suppose since then I've always watched out for her a little bit more than my other 3 siblings to whom I am also the big brother.

 

I guess at the end of the day I just want this to work out and I'd like her to become better for it. If she and I can save some cash together and she can finish school, then that's great. If I can keep an eye on her but still respect her boundaries as an adult and a young woman, then that would be great too.

 

I'm not saying I'm some saint, or that I know what's best for her, but I think I can sacrifice 6 months of living with her if it means helping her get through school and hopefully on the right path....or at least a safer path.

 

So to sum it up, here's my questions:

1.Do the pros out weigh the cons?

2.What's the best way to go about making up the house rules? How do I not come off like a parent? ( although I feel that as the primary lease holder & someone who will pay a majority of the bills & older brother that I should make up some rules first and then get her thoughts/input before we agree on anything)

3. What are some stories you guys have about living with older/younger siblings (outside of the place you grew up in)?

4. Am I making too big a deal about this?

5. Should I just let her do her own thing and figure it out and get myself a 1 bedroom?

 

Yes I want to save some money, and yes my younger sister just happens to be looking for apartments at the same time, but this needs to be the right situation for both of us.

 

Help me out here guys!..and thanks as always.

[RedDress]

I think this is a bad idea. Look! You are already thinking like a parent:

 

I guess at the end of the day I just want this to work out and I'd like her to become better for it.

 

You are talking about her drinking... and her eating... and her friends... and wanting her to 'grow up' a bit... and you know bringing people home & sex will be an issue.

 

And this is for what? To save money?

 

Get a one bedroom. If you want to 'get to know her as an adult', invite her to dinner or out with some friends. Or better yet... get her to invite you to dinner so you can taste her awesome cooking.

 

But don't live together. The cons WAY outweigh the bad and YOU will drive her crazy just as much she will drive you crazy.

[RPonting]

Hello!

Cash saving is a best idea.But she is your sister and live with you are always disscus about your problems and you need your persnol development its good for you.

[Fudgie]

I would not move in with her unless you like the idea of her bringing over her partying friends to smoke, drink, and screw. I assume she'll be on the lease. That means you can't throw her or her friends put when they cause issues.

 

Please don't move in with her or sign a lease with her. I think you'll regret it.

 

Have you looked into a studio? Those tend to be super cheap. If I were single, I'd totally live in one. It's perfect for one person who wants to save.

[Guitarguy_82]

I agree that the cons seem to outweigh the pros at this point. I think our mindsets and my more laid-back lifestyle would eventually clash.

 

Get a one bedroom. If you want to 'get to know her as an adult', invite her to dinner or out with some friends. Or better yet... get her to invite you to dinner so you can taste her awesome cooking.

 

Great idea, I hadn't considered that.

 

I would not move in with her unless you like the idea of her bringing over her partying friends to smoke, drink, and screw. I assume she'll be on the lease. That means you can't throw her or her friends put when they cause issues.

 

Exactly. Although I doubt it would get that insane....I can't exactly rule it out.

 

Hmm....this is giving me more to consider.

[elsenyor]

my brother and i in 6 months time or so will be living together, he's 30 and I'm 22 (so the same age difference), however... we're both the same gender, so when it comes to sex and what not it's obviously going to be perceived differently than in your situation (i'd likely get a high five, or the girl could stay, where as in your case it may just be awkward as you mentioned yourself).

 

furthermore even if you get along there will be problems, but the types of problems will depend on the family you've been raised in, mine are more likely to be about cleanliness (as i like to keep things "clean" where as my brother doesn't, and we'd argue about business and business decisions but that's about it), my brother would not be worrying about me as a "parent".

 

so all in all judging the types of problems you are explaining and being someone of 22 years old (about the age of your sister) I think that she herself would find the "novelty" of living on her own / with you great but as soon as your parenting habit kicks in it WILL bother her big time and it COULD very likely ruin the relationship you currently have, mostly because there will be constant nagging, and that "Freedom" she expects will be all but an illusion.

[luminousone]

I don't think you should live with your sister. You are each at different stages of your life and I really think you would be on a parenting situation.

 

Perhaps you could rent a two bedroom and look for a different roommate to save money. Advertise and interview- that's what I used to do and most if the time I found someone compatible. (One ended up being a binge drinker on the weekends but during the week he was a dental student. But no interview would have picked that up...)

 

Your sister can do the same. And most of the issues you mentioned to be discussed with prospective housemates would apply- rules on bringing home "overnights", how the house bills are settled, cleaning responsibilities, sharing food and cooking together or not, etc.

 

i think we paid a certain amount of extra money each month on top of rent ahead of time for the main person to pay the bills when they came. And we had a house leger that was available for us to see the charges.

 

At another house share situation we split up which bill would be under each name. But if you are the main person on the lease then you'll likely have the utilities under your name too. Whatever you decide, have it all spelled out and discussed when you interview prospective roommates, to help you and them to see if you are compatible.

 

Have your sister rent a place at the same complex if you want to be near each other but for sure don't be her roommate. I just think that would be a disaster for each of you.

[Silentlyfor]

Um ... Are you sure you want to live with family? I mean, I'm fighting to be above the poverty line just to be away from my family.

[hodgeheg]

Has your sister lived away from home before? I'm not really meaning a college dorm because I lived in one of those for university and it isn't the same as living in a house, where the bills come seperately, there isn't an onsite manager/housekeeping etc. I just think this would be an important thing to consider in your equation.

 

My sister, whom I don't live with, is 16 and I know that I was pretty mature at that age and able to go on overnight trips with my friends/boyfriend and be perfectly organised and sensible. I'm 5 years older than her and had thought that our relationship was developing into one of friendship rather than me being more of a parent figure to her. So, I recently took a trip with my younger sister for the weekend and I expected her to pull her weight. From the outset it was clear that, whilst I thought our relationship had developed and she had matured, she thought differently. I was left to make all of the arrangements and when we were there I was the one doing the map reading, deciding what to do, suggesting when we ate etc. Both of us reverted to our roles of older and younger sibling.

 

I know the ages and situation is slightly different but I think that you'd possibly revert to your roles of older and younger sibling. I know that I couldn't help it during our trip.