Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 N and I got a very fancy wedding invite in the mail. We're BOTH invited (my name is on it too, go figure) to his uncle's wedding this summer. His uncle is a millionaire business man and this is his second marriage to a much younger woman. I won't go into my thoughts about her from meeting her...neither N or I like her much, to be honest. But yeah, huge wedding. Black tie affair. At this country I initially was thinking of declining and just having N go because a) I don't like his uncle b) I don't like the woman (but nor does he) c) I don't have a dress and d) I'm 280 pounds and probably wouldn't look good in anything and e) I don't dance (neither does N) My reason D is probably my BIGGEST reason. I'm a freaking elephant! But N really wants to go to support his uncle and doesn't want to go to a wedding without me so...I actually conceded. I guess we are going. Dress code says "guests are encouraged to keep the wedding theme in their dress". What does this mean? N is going to rent a tux. I don't know what to wear. HELP. HELP. HELP. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 I have to add, I haven't attended a wedding since I was 13...and I just watched the ceremony and skipped the reception. I am clueless. I don't know how this works. I've been to more funerals than weddings. The idea of wearing a dress out in public these days just terrifies me. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Not that it's helpful, but I know exactly how you feel. I have to attend my friend's wedding the end of the month, and I gained about 25 lbs. Quite frankly, I'm not looking forward to going either, cause I don't know what to wear. Is there a way for you to find out the theme of the wedding? Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 A black tie wedding usually means women wear floor-length gowns (although I'm sure that is getting more loose as time goes on). In this case, if you're worried about your size, you might feel more comfortable in a floor-length gown anyway. You might consider something like this as a silhouette: link removed Or this: link removed Pair the dress with some fancier jewelry. Link to comment
Valina Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Could you wear pants? I have seen very wide legs black, chiffon pants that almost look like a skirt that I think could be quite pretty. I think if you found a nice sequin top you would look great, and be more comfortable. A bit like these: link removed Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Not that it's helpful, but I know exactly how you feel. I have to attend my friend's wedding the end of the month, and I gained about 25 lbs. Quite frankly, I'm not looking forward to going either, cause I don't know what to wear. Is there a way for you to find out the theme of the wedding? Well I barely have a relationship with the uncle/his fiance, so I can't ask myself. I think I may have N text his uncle and be like "I don't know what we should wear, help." I think his uncle will help. Could you wear pants? I have seen very wide legs black, chiffon pants that almost look like a skirt that I think could be quite pretty. I think if you found a nice sequin top you would look great, and be more comfortable. A bit like these: link removed If it's a black tie affair, I don't think I can wear pants. Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Etiquette sites do also say you could choose fancy, flowing pants like Valina mentioned. The outfit on the far left in this picture would be totally appropriate, I think. link removed Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 einsteingirl, That first dress seemed like it could look good on me. Not happy about my big arms showing but there is no way to prevent that, I suppose. I didn't know I could wear pants to a black tie affair! I am not sure if the ones I have are appropriate though. Hmm. I'll have to pull them out. Now the question is, what colour? N wants to wear a rented tux, so I was thinking wearing a black/white dress to match. Something that won't draw attention to myself. Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Black tie requires you to wear a formal evening gown. Check into renting one like your BF will be doing with his tux. Good formal wear places will have both available. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Do you think they would have one in my size? I am okay with buying or renting, as long as it's cheaper. Or I'll ask my mom to help me out. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 einsteingirl, That first dress seemed like it could look good on me. Not happy about my big arms showing but there is no way to prevent that, I suppose. I didn't know I could wear pants to a black tie affair! I am not sure if the ones I have are appropriate though. Hmm. I'll have to pull them out. Now the question is, what colour? N wants to wear a rented tux, so I was thinking wearing a black/white dress to match. Something that won't draw attention to myself. You can wear a little jacket over the dress too so that your arms don't show. Or you can wear shawl as well. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 I have a nice blue cashmere shawl that I wear in the cold months. It's blue though. I love it but would probably not wear it because of the colour. Do you think I could find an acceptable one in black/white? Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Yes, a good formal wear place will have things in your size. People are people after all Keep in mind, the location of the wedding and reception. Indoors or outdoors, daytime or night time and time of year will all affect the gown you should wear. I've done enough of these things in my past life and it is much better to be a bit overdressed than underdressed. Simple, but elegant is what you want to go for. No bold patterns or prints and stay away from gold or red. Your blue cashmere shawl could go very well with what you choose and would be appropriate for a fall wedding. Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 A few more options that you could buy: link removed link removed link removed link removed Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Well I'll give some more details. Uncle is Catholic so it's at some church, the ceremony. Then we'll have to drive to the reception. The reception is actually at his house. It's a sprawling mansion with a huge area for a wedding. I am not sure if it will be indoors or out but I do know it's black tie. I'm thinking it will be indoors. His house can accommodate it. I'm thinking black/white dress so N and I can match. I may buy a different shawl. I feel like an absolute manatee in a dress so when I wear dresses, I have zero colour at all (black/white) because I feel that colour draws attention to me and I just want to fade into the wall until I can leave. Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Another thing you might try that worked out very well for me once: Stop by a department store (Macy's, Nordstroms, etc.) and ask for assistance. Explain that you need an outfit for a black tie wedding. They will find options for you, and then you can see what you're comfortable in and find flattering. The one time I did this, the attendant found a GREAT dress that I never would've looked at twice. They have an eye for this kind of thing. It can be awkward at first to have someone helping, but I found it got less awkward as I realized they knew what they were talking about. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Yeah, I'm gonna need some help. I think I'll actually feel more comfortable with a worker I don't know at a store than my own mom, who may make comments or impose her sense of style on me. I just want something that won't make me look bigger than I am. I do have a Macy's near me. Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 The attendants are great at knowing what will flatter your shape. And, at least in my experience, they wanted me to feel good. I ended up with a dress that was very on sale, so I know they weren't just trying to make a commission. Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Einstein's Girl has some excellent suggestions for gowns. The first and third are my favorites. The first is less formal than the third but something along the lines of either one would be a good choice. Either one you could dress up with jewelry and they're both exactly what I meant by simple yet elegant. Getting help from Macy's is an excellent idea. Don't be afraid of color either Fudgie. These types of things are ssupposed to show off color on the ladies. Choose an appropriate color for the time of year and day and what looks good on you. Guys all go in black and white and the only thing that sets them apart is the cut and fit of the tux. The ladies though, color is the thing and what really sets gowns apart. Other than movement (or not). For you, don't go backless, strapless or with skinny straps. A one shoulder job will be more formal and elegant than a fuller top. It might be TOO formal though and not fit you will. I would stick with a sleeveless gown and shawl or go with a sleeved gown (full or partial depending on time of year). Link to comment
petite Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 You can wear something like this if you're worried about arms link removed or this link removed it depends how much you're willing to spend also, but from what I have noticed by checking online a lot of plus size clothing tends to be more expensive. this one is on sale link removed but not sure what size you are 40% off Also depending on the dress you have, you can get a bolero jacket full arm length or 1/4 if you're worried about arms, but a shawl will do also. Link to comment
petite Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Here is one that's super cheao (if you don't plan on wearing it again probably worth going with something cheaper) link removed and you can wear a shawl with it Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 You are overdue for a dress! This is like a debut for you, in a way. I think you should go shopping and let this be something fun. Get your mind around the fact that you are a beautiful woman and find something you feel great in. Put away the self deprecation for an evening. This could turn out to be a really positive experience for you. I'm actually excited for you. You'll hardly be interacting with the bride and groom at all. Just a little. It's more an opportunity for you and your N to go out and show off a bit. Have a good time. Get dressed up. I'm pretty sure you could and can peacock with the best of them. I mean that in the best way. You are an awesome person and there is no reason for you to feel self conscious in a nice dress. That's just old news. Here is an opportunity to shed some of that old feeling like you somehow aren't 'good enough'. The key is finding a piece of clothing that you really connect with and that flatters what you have. It's all about looking to the positive: not trying to hide negatives. Make that switch and you are golden. What are some the favorite parts of your body that you wouldn't mind accentuating? Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 They will have your size Fudgie, they had a wedding dress that fit my big butt! Black is a good choice because it gives the slimming effect. I know, I live in that color right now. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Dress code says "guests are encouraged to keep the wedding theme in their dress". What does this mean? N is going to rent a tux. I don't know what to wear. I would assume that that means the wedding color theme? Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 N wants to wear a rented tux, so I was thinking wearing a black/white dress to match. Something that won't draw attention to myself. Some brides get really upset about other women wearing white to their wedding. So I would avoid white. Link to comment
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