Breaking up with partner of 7 years, now full of hatred.

[emptysea]

In 2006 I met Becki, and within a year we were living together whilst at Uni and all was great. I loved her very much, so when she got pregnant in her final year whilst initially it was a shock we were both very happy and enjoyed the 9 month pregnancy together.

 

She went on to graduate, and when our son was born we had it relatively easy, with me only needing to work 3 days a week at the time. However, neither of us has much a friendship group so we struggled to live our previous lives. I have always been quite quiet, so throughout our relationship she kept close contact with a friend called Carl and they'd send philisophical e-mails to each other prodiving each other with emotional support have both suffered from depression.

 

Roll on 12 months, and the relationship is suffering a bit. No arguments at all, but just struggling to find time for each other. It is at this time that I find out she's been sleeping with her friends husband repeatedly, and they had been planning a life together behidn my back. I uncovered this and it abruptly came to an end. We then took off travelling together for 6 months with our little one, and had an amazing time as a family.

 

However, upon our return Becki spends a night out with a Gay friend. I find out they spent the night in a hotel room and have unprotected sex together. We were genuinely happy at that time, and she confirms this and adds that it was just a mistake. Somehow I got over this, but then she goes to stay with her parents last year and meets up with Carl. I find out she'd gave him a BJ, and at this point I am adamant the relationship is over. However, for my little boys sake I tried to make it work one last time. However, for the past 6 months I have been driving myself insane with Distrust and ultimately I juts couldn't love someone the same way after all of the cheating.

 

So, 2 weeks ago we split up amicably and it had been going ok. We continued living together, and I have been supporting her and helping her find a new place to live. However, I found out 4 days ago that she already seeing a guy she works with, and that they have been having sex together already, paying £70 for a hotel room on one occasion. I am incredibly upset and angry at this, why couldn't she have at least waiting till she had moved out.

 

I've already e-mailed this guy and told him how much of a sl@g she is, and I have an e-mail drafted to the wife of the first guy she cheated on me with. It is 3 years ago now, but ultimately it is that guy who destroyed our relationship and I feel she deserves to know. More than that though, I don't feel he deserves a relationship.

 

I am currently at my mums house with my little boy, and I am demanding that she gets out of my house so that I can return. I do not want to see her again, and I especially cannot live under the same roof as her when I know she is sleeping with another guy.

 

Not really sure why I am posting here, maybe just to have someone tell me the hatred is normal, and that I'm not overreacting given what she has done to me.

[Seraphim]

Yes, I would say you have a right to be angry very angry. I would apply to the court for custody of your son because if you are not married to her she could get full custody just by that fact. Even if you are married to her then I would get a divorce and apply for custody. Above anything else apply for custody of your son or he's going to be dragged through all these sleazy hookups that she has.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't think you should send the letter to the wife of the first guy. Right now you are understandably angry..but sending the letter 3 years after the fact is not going to do any good. I suspect that your wife was not the first woman this man has cheated with..and it is very possible that his wife already knows about the cheating and perhaps has chosen to stay with him. Your main focus should be getting your toxic, skanky ex out of your home and to hopefully get full custody of the child.

[lavenderdove]

Wow, that is a lot of cheating going on... she really obviously has a problem where she needs to have these illicit relationships to feel good about herself.

 

I agree you should see a lawyer. And talk to that lawyer about getting joint custody at a minimum, and full custody if you think you can get it. She will have a revolving door of men going thru your son's life if she gets primary custody of him, and it would be far better if he had a stable home with you and only had visitation with his mother. Her judgment is impaired if she feels the need to cheat this much and with so many men.

 

Please don't write the first man from 3 years ago... don't let your anger at your ex lap over into causing pain to another family. Perhaps that man already realizes it was a huge mistake and is working on his marriage, and you don't need to rise up years later and throw a bomb in that direction. remember, it is Becki who your beef is with, not him. She will sleep with anybody and everybody, so each particular man isn't the issue or reason you broke up, it is her own promiscuous nature causing the problem.

 

So yes, you have a right to be very angry, but use that anger to your benefit rather than lashing out at her multiple BFs. Contact a lawyer and lay out the extent of her cheating, and get the lawyer to file for custody of your son since she is promiscuous and you don't want strange and random men in the house and sleeping over who could be a risk to your child depending on how badly impaired her judgement is and the type of men she might bring into the home (addicts/criminals etc.).

 

Focus on your son and building a happy life with him. Your ex is on her own and you should not keep paying to support her while she runs around with other men. So move forward with getting custody and getting her out of the house and on her own supporting herself.

[Seraphim]

I agree don't bomb another family just deal with your feelings towards her.

[emptysea]

Wow, so that's an overwhelming don't tell the other wife. You're right in that it could bomb their family, but why should he be happy? Whilst Becki obviously jumped into bed with him quite quickly, it was his forward advances which started it.

 

I forgot to mention, we only got engaged, not married thankfully. At present we have verbally agreed a 50/50 custody. To be honest whilst she could try and get full custody, I know for a fact she does't want to be a mum. If anything she'd probably rather I have him.

 

I am in the process of kicking her out of the house even though her new rental property isn't ready for a week, I just can't stand to see her. However, I've promised I will go back to the house so we can tell our little boy together that she is moving out. I think that is best for him, and we'll keep it amicable for his sake. After that she's getting booted out onto the streets though.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

The reason that most people are going to say "don't tell the other wife" is that is will do no good. I suspect that his wife already knows he cheats and it won't change the fact that your girlfriend still betrayed you. His "forward advances", which he started, were soaked up like a sponge by your ex. She could have stopped that with a quickness...but chose not to.

 

If I read it right, she had a history of betraying you, correct?

 

Here is the deal. Yes, you have every right to be angry and hurt by her betrayal. And it is admirable that you took her back all those times for the sake of your son. It speaks volumes as to the love you have for him.

 

But she won't ever change and it doesn't seem like she was ever really willing to try.

 

Your focus now should be on your healing and your son's well being. Try to turn your anger into something positive by getting legal custody of him so that she can go live the life that she craves and your son can have a loving, stable home to grow up in.

 

And when you have let that bitterness go, then you can focus on finding the woman that is truly your soul mate. A woman that would never betray you and give you unconditional love. I can guarantee you....she is out there, somewhere, waiting. Waiting on you to get past this hatred of your ex, waiting on you to work on yourself and your healing process, waiting on you to come and find her.

 

Emailing the cheaters? Living in the past? Trying to heal that way.......by focusing on what has already transpired? That, my friend, is spinning your wheels.

 

Life is too short to give your ex the satisfaction of knowing that you are pining over her. Can you imagine the satisfaction of holding your head high and finding a relationship that works for you? Finding that woman that is right for you and loving her as she loves you back?

 

I am sorry she betrayed you. Nobody deserves that. But that is a chapter of your life that needs to close so that you can move on to the better chapters.......the best chapters of your life.

 

You just have to flip the pages, so to speak.

 

The best of luck to you and your son.

[emptysea]

Thanks, they're kind words.

[Seraphim]

Just focus on you and your son. Have a LEGAL agreement when it comes to your son. Your son deserves that. When it comes to kids I would not do a verbal agreement anything.

 

Just remember if you bomb another family you're not just bombing that man you're bombing his wife and his kids as well. Maybe they have resolve their problems you don't know that.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

Thanks, they're kind words.

 

You are most certainly welcome.

 

How you carry yourself through this time in your life will help define the man you become. You are in a low point.....but peaks are on the horizon.

 

And off topic.....isn't being a father just the best thing since sliced bread? When I get down, I always focus on the love I have for my son and that helps me in rough seas.

 

He is going to need you to be strong.....and he is going to learn from your strength.

[lavenderdove]

>>but why should he be happy?

 

It isn't about him being happy, it is about not wrecking the life of his children and family. You have no real reason to contact at this point other than to try to spite him, and that is really a petty gesture when it could seriously change the whole course of his children's lives if you tell her and she boots him out. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that if there are children involved. Spite and bitterness are NEVER a good place to be and you should discourage those impulses since it does no one any good and lowers you to the level of potential ruining the lives of children which you don't want to be responsible for.

 

Next, since she never married you, you need to first and foremost establish LEGAL paternity. And if she doesn't really want your son, then you should offer to take him on as primary custody and offer her visitation with him, but get it IN WRITING. Since she is the mother, and you didn't marry, she can take that child anywhere she wants and claim you're not the father and you'd have to fight for custody of him. Part of the problem may be that she never really wanted to be a mother and never really wanted to be in a permanent relationship with you at her age, and now she wants to run around and party. You need to protect your son if that is the case and get custody of him. He's either going to be neglected or left with a series of babysitters while she runs around, so you need to think first and foremost here about your son rather than scratching your mad spot and indulging your ego in thoughts of punishing that other man. Your wife has CLEARLY shown if it hadn't have been him, it would be someone else (and was, several times and probably more times than you are aware of) so you need to let that go and focus on building a life with your son and finding a woman who is the faithful family type rather than a runaround young girl who has promiscuity problems.

[wolflovesmoon]

Dude no disrespect but you were with a S*****

You made a very big mistake since the first time she cheated on you, you stayed with her, she toke it wrong, she assumed you were weak, and she walked all over you again and again.

Now i don`t think its a smart Idea to send any letter to anyone, no one forced her to do anything, she did it because she wanted to, period

don`t support her anymore, don`t give her money she probably going to pay for the hotel to get F***ed

tell her to leave your place, and keep your son if you could, if not then the court is your chance to have custody of him if you can prove she is not suitable to rise a kid.

Dude you put up with so much crap its time to stop it and live your life.

[emptysea]

Good answer. We're going to sit down with our little boy tomorrow and tell him that mummy is leaving. After that she will stay for a few hours in case it helps give him some stability, then she has agreed to get the hell out of my house as I told her I refused to live with a ****. She's currently spending her last night in the house whilst we are both at my mums.

 

All extremely sad, and I feel both hurt and Jealous. Thankfully I have quite a lot of family around to spend time with, but at times I just need to be alone. Its difficult to find the balance between the two, I like having people around but keep needing to disappear to hide away where its quiet.