Why does he always wear his ex-girlfriends shirt?

[Cluedo]

I've noticed that every time my boyfriend and I have a fight, he will wear his ex-girlfriend's ugly shirt to work...like he's trying to make me jealous or something (it works). The part that makes me mad is that he still keeps in contact with her, apparently they're still good friends but she lives in another country.

 

I don't want to go into the back history of how they met or why they're not together now but its just really disrespectful I think that he parades around wearing this shirt after we've had an argument the night before.

 

Our argument last night was over the fact he always plays his video games and goes on his computer, he usually gives me an hour at a park or something, we sit there and have some food or whatever...it's really nice. As soon as we come home (we live together) he wants to go on his playstation or his computer....also we rarely have sex, maybe like once a month which again leads to conflict.

 

I don't want to make it sound like we fight all the time because we don't, we usually get along really well and we're awesome together! He has said that he really enjoys my company and wants me to stay for as long as I want with him.

 

Maybe I am being too needy? last night I went upstairs, closed the door and watched a movie...I was being a bit of a pouty and spoilt d**** I must say, waiting upstairs for him to come up and say sorry...it never happened lol. I said sorry this morning... I realize the way I was acting was stupid but I do stand by the fact we don't have much intimacy in our relationship and we could be doing more together than just going to hang out and the park for a couple of hours, coming home and then going our separate ways...

 

I don't know, what do you think?

[ladylovex]

every couple has these sort of arguments - and I learned just because he doesnt come off his playstation when asked and come to check on you when your mad doesnt mean he dont love you. I used to react badly to these situations and 6 weeks ago we broke up - leaving my daughter with a broken family, Dont take these things for granted because you'll loose the best thing that ever happened to you! x

[becomingkate]

His wearing the shirt after you guys fight seems passive aggressive to me. If you're willing to talk all of this out, I think you should have some kind of agreement about time spent together (my hubby and I have had this talk) and how to handle disagreements so that you don't spend hours building up resentment against each other.

[luminousone]

He will keep on wearing it to make you mad if that's his goal.

 

My suggestion is to work hard to be nonchalant about the shirt- show absolutely no reaction whatsoever. If he gets no reaction then he'll eventually stop doing it.

 

It does sound like your relationship needs some attention. Why are you staying with someone that you are not happy with? It doesn't sound like you have much connection, and I would be seriously concerned if my SO was keeping in touch with an ex. Even if she is in another country it can be an emotional affair (trust me I know, since my ex did that to me).

 

If you think your relationship can be saved then go to couples counseling. Otherwise accept him the way he is - because he is not likely to change for you, and you'll just be more unhappy and frustrated.

[Generation]

He wears his ex girlfriend's shirt???? I hope you mean it's a gift she gave him that is a shirt for men.

[dasilver]

He wears his ex girlfriend's shirt???? I hope you mean it's a gift she gave him that is a shirt for men.

 

hahahahahahaha...Sorry that was just too funny.......

[HeartGoesOn]

Based on your previous threads, all signs point to this relationship going nowhere.

 

I don't want to make it sound like we fight all the time because we don't, we usually get along really well and we're awesome together! He has said that he really enjoys my company and wants me to stay for as long as I want with him.

 

Unless I'm missing something, the above statement sounds like he's viewing you as a house guest. I would give some serious thought as to where this relationship is headed.

[EQIQ]

also we rarely have sex, maybe like once a month which again leads to conflict.

 

He has said that he really enjoys my company and wants me to stay for as long as I want with him.

 

So pretty much no sex. And stay as long as you want with him... I get the same feeling of "house guest" HeartGoesOn mentioned.

[RedDress]

Two thoughts:

 

1) That shirt thing? This, to me, is emotional abuse. He's basically telling you after a fight that he can just go and find someone else. I mean... unless it's a complete coincidence (but if it's EVERY time you have a fight - it's no coincidence). I say... when things are well between you, go and buy him a nice shirt and come to an agreement to throw out the one his ex gave him. He's using it as an emotional weapon which is not cool.

 

2) Something I've learned recently... some people are of the opinion that if you are in the same house together, doing separate things, that you are spending time together. This blows my mind, because I don't think this way at all. Like you, OP, I think spending time together is actually interacting together. I think what you should do (and I wish I knew this in my last relationship) - is simply leave if it's not quality time together and to you it kind of "doesn't count". This will bring you back on the same page in terms of how much time you are actually spending together.

 

Finally... as for the sex? In my experience, this one doesn't get much better. Perhaps by spending more quality time together this will come naturally... or not. You can also try initiating a lot more. His libido is simply not as big as yours, so you will have to do all of the initiating...