Can I have a male friend or should it not be allowed when dating somone?

[Cluedo]

Yeah I guess it isn't the right thing to do so I will leave it, I don't want to cause any fights or potentially lose my boyfriend over it of course. It's not that important, it just would have been nice and I'm a very loyal person...I in no way was thinking of having a fling. It's easy to feel isolated and a bit lonely when all you have is only one person to talk to being in a new city and everything.

[PhilliesFan001]

Cluedo I totally understand how you feel - I recently moved to a new country and right now my BF is the only person I know. It's very hard and I completely get the desire to make new friends and have other people to talk to. Nobody's saying you can't have new friends, even male ones Just be cautious about where you meet them and what their intentions might be. And remember, when talking to strangers it never hurts to mention you have a boyfriend. If the guy is truly just interested in being your friend, he'll be respectful of that.

[pippy longstocking]

Yeah I guess it isn't the right thing to do so I will leave it, I don't want to cause any fights or potentially lose my boyfriend over it of course. It's not that important, it just would have been nice and I'm a very loyal person...I in no way was thinking of having a fling. It's easy to feel isolated and a bit lonely when all you have is only one person to talk to being in a new city and everything.

 

I really hope you find some nice girls to be friends with ..best wishes x

[thirtysomethin]

i would have to say that to ever even ask this question of strangers that you already feel guilty... which in and of itself already answers the question... whatever makes you happy.. meeting someone 'else' who is of the male sex without inviting your bf is cheating.. sorry

[lalalollipops]

thirtysomethin

You CAN hang out with members of the opp sex and have it be innocent and it isn't cheating BUT it depends on your intentions. If you have no other agendas other than hanging out with a friend, then how is it cheating?

Everyone is free to hang out with whoever they want, but as long as they don't hide it from their partners, lie about it, or spend time with a romantic motive in mind, I think it's fine.

[poetryandlyrics]

I agree if one is with pure intention of interacting as friends, it should be fine. I have some male friends and I'm not ditching them. We're cool. My SO has few female friends but they behave cool with pure intention, I can see it. It's cool to me. I did at one point, welcomed a new friend who happened to be a man. I informed my SO I made a new friend. But other than that, not much. If you ever feel a little bit uneasy about befriending the opposite gender (or the same if someone goes that way), then that should be your cue.

[Moontiger]

Just thought I would add my 2 cents. I went to a college where there was 1 girl for every 4 guys. Given that I had a ton of male friends. When I started dating my college BF he know or eventually meet all my guy friends, I told him every time I was hanging out with them and what we did, and would invite my BF along all the time to things.

 

As long as its handled correctly there is nothing wrong with having opposite sex friends. The key I think is 1) Also keep your partner informed. I.e. tell them when your hanging out with your opposite sex friend. Never keep them in the dark. 2) There are clear boundaries with the friends. All my guy friends know they are chained, glued, and cemented in the friend zone.

 

As others have said, the manner in which you meet this guy is a little fishy. Best to just find friends in other ways.

[jumper11]

Depends on the guy you met. Usually, they have ulterior motives but actually even know I was single, my best friend is a guy I met on a bus, and were just great friends nothing more. Its a slim chance that it happened, but it is possible.

 

Most of the time, yea I see what people mean. I can't help that my friend has different body parts, and I cant help that I cant get along with women well long - term. BUT, I know well by now who to trust and I know who I am.

[In the Dark]

I believe for the most part men will befriend women with ulterior motives.

In saying that not all, as I have done it.

Only issue is, most of the time, the female was 'using' me as some male interaction stop over while they are looking for a guy who wants to date them, the cut all ties with me.

[Batya33]

I think it's pretty sad if youre in your 20s and it is WRONG and BAD to have a male friend to hang out with.

 

I don't think anyone wrote that. I think it's pretty sad if you're in an exclusive relationship and you are thinking about hanging out with a guy you met on a bus who doesn't know you have a serious boyfriend. I'm glad to see you posted that you would invite him to join you and your boyfriend to dinner or spend time together. It's not about age -I'm in my 40s and I have male friends and am married. Last year I had a nice chat, a few times, with a guy on the jogging path I go to daily, and after the chat I was wondering whether, as a newly married woman, there was a different protocol as far as getting to know other men. I actually asked my mother her advice and she laughed and said of course it was fine.

The difference was, this man and I discussed our spouses and kids (my child was with me in the stroller) within the first couple of minutes (because first we discussed our workout routines) and most of our chat was about parenting stuff. Had I continued to see him and chat with him or made any plans to meet at the jogging path regularly I might have mentioned it to my husband but I never saw him again. It makes the time go faster to have a walking buddy so that would have been my motive. But yes it did give me pause since it was the first potential male friend I'd met since I got married.

 

Often it's a gray area but to me the black/white part is that the new person of the opposite sex should know your relationship status ASAP if you meet the person other than through friends or acquaintances. Otherwise it can really get awkward. I got asked out by a man I met at an event even though I had told him I had a boyfriend when he told me he'd been to a place my then boyfriend used to live (that was the first opportunity in the conversation where it fit in naturally, about 10 minutes after we started chatting). He obviously didn't hear me. Not a huge deal but you definitely don't want to be in a situation where you agree to meet a stranger for a drink without him knowing you're in a relationship.

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah I guess it isn't the right thing to do so I will leave it, I don't want to cause any fights or potentially lose my boyfriend over it of course. It's not that important, it just would have been nice and I'm a very loyal person...I in no way was thinking of having a fling. It's easy to feel isolated and a bit lonely when all you have is only one person to talk to being in a new city and everything.

 

I don't think anyone wrote that. I think it's pretty sad if you're in an exclusive relationship and you are thinking about hanging out with a guy you met on a bus who doesn't know you have a serious boyfriend. I'm glad to see you posted that you would invite him to join you and your boyfriend to dinner or spend time together.

 

I completely agree with Batya here. It seems, since you didn't answer this repeated question, that you didn't tell the guy on the bus that you have a boyfried.

 

Lonliness happens but despite all the suggestions to meet women on the bus, join a club, etc you seem to go back to you and how you are feeling. When you are in a healthy relationship, you try to find a balance between your needs and the relationship's needs. The obvious and easy compromise is to find girlfriends.

[Snny]

The only time when it's appropriate to befriend someone of the opposite sex:

1. You knew them for a very long time.

2. You both are in relationships.

 

Nearly all men in their 20's... they don't want women as a friend. They want something more. Different ballpark in adulthood than making friends during your childhood.