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Can I have a male friend or should it not be allowed when dating somone?

Cluedo

By Cluedo
in Relationship Advice

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Cluedo Apprentice

Cluedo

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I've been with my on again/off again boyfriend now for about 3 years, we've recently moved in together and although we have our arguments now and then, it seems to be going fine.

I'm in a new city and it can be quite lonely sometimes as I don't really know anyone except my boyfriend, he's like my only contact. This is my first serious relationship and hence why I'm asking this question...the answer could be completely obvious but I just don't know tbh.

 

So today I was travelling on the bus and I meet this awesome guy, he is so funny and down to earth. We got to talking about a range of things and we ended up exchanging emails. When I got home I saw that he had sent me a message asking if I would like to hang out and have some beers, or do something 'Canadian'. I would absolutely love to do this and have him as a friend, there's no way I'm the cheating type and I do love my boyfriend.

I would just like to have a friend and he just happens to be male.

 

Is this allowed? I think if I asked my boyfriend he'd definitely go ape about it though. I don't know what to do. Would you become friends with the bus guy or would ignore his email and pretend you never met?

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LDRohnos Enthusiast

LDRohnos

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You told this awesome bus dude that you have a boyfriend, right?

 

Pretty much this. I understand if you feel a little lonely but unless this dude knows you have a boyfriend, his intentions of going out with you most likely have nothing to do with being a buddy. Well, a different kind of buddy maybe.

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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There are lots of women on the bus too..instead of strking up a conversation with a strange guy and then suddenly developing a friendship...why not strike up a conversation with a woman on the bus and see if you two hit it off as friends. Also ask yourself this question: "How would I feel if my boyfriend started a conversation with a woman on the bus and then wanted to be her friend and hang out with her a lot". Bottom line is that most people don't become hang out buddies with someone they meet on the bus. Does this guy know you have a boyfriend?

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pippy longstocking Grand Master

pippy longstocking

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This is how it works with me

 

 

I told my ex who my male friends were ..he met them , he already knew one of them actually anyway , we

where friends before I got with ex..so the friendships had no reason to end ...but , bringing a new man

once I got with my ex into my life was unacceptable and same rules applied to ex.

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Cluedo Apprentice

Cluedo

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There are lots of women on the bus too..instead of strking up a conversation with a strange guy and then suddenly developing a friendship...why not strike up a conversation with a woman on the bus and see if you two hit it off as friends. Also ask yourself this question: "How would I feel if my boyfriend started a conversation with a woman on the bus and then wanted to be her friend and hang out with her a lot". Bottom line is that most people don't become hang out buddies with someone they meet on the bus. Does this guy know you have a boyfriend?

 

I honestly wouldn't care if my boyfriend was hanging out with another woman. I never said I planned on seeing the bus guy A LOT. I just would like to have another friend in this city besides my boyfriend who can at times be very controlling.

 

I feel like I'm in my mid 20s, in this new city having an adventure that it would be okay for me to have some fun and my idea of fun is not getting drunk, partying and having sex with random strangers.

 

I think it's fine for me personally to want to have a friend.

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camus154 Mentor

camus154

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I just would like to have another friend in this city besides my boyfriend who can at times be very controlling.

 

Curious how topics like these that involve opposite sex "just friends" always seem to shift into discussions about controlling partners.

 

I feel like I'm in my mid 20s, in this new city having an adventure that it would be okay for me to have some fun and my idea of fun is not getting drunk, partying and having sex with random strangers.

 

I think it's fine for me personally to want to have a friend.

 

Well, that's wonderful. Clearly you have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

So..you did mention your boyfriend, right? And he's obviously coming with you when you have drinks?

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Cluedo Apprentice

Cluedo

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I agree with you on that.

 

Since he's just a friend, I'm sure you're anxious to introduce him to your boyfriend. Maybe invite him over for dinner?

 

Yeah that's not a bad idea, I have no problems with inviting him over to have dinner with my boyfriend and I or even inviting him out with us.

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pippy longstocking Grand Master

pippy longstocking

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Yeah that's not a bad idea, I have no problems with inviting him over to have dinner with my boyfriend and I or even inviting him out with us.

 

It just seems like a recipe for disaster , I cannot see your b/friend ever been ok about it

 

if my fella said he met a woman on a bus , they want to be friends , I would be throwing one ...not happening

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Stay_home Explorer

Stay_home

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I think it's pretty sad if youre in your 20s and it is WRONG and BAD to have a male friend to hang out with.

 

Hold on a second..

 

Understand the context at which you're meeting this friend. A random male from off of a bus, not affliated with work or from any past life of yours. You don't know a thing about this guy. If you were single, this would be awesome, but you're not. You're boyfriend is not going to go for this and we're trying to save you from making that mistake and potentially losing your boyfriend.

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CRCfem Rookie

CRCfem

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Yeah that's not a bad idea, I have no problems with inviting him over to have dinner with my boyfriend and I or even inviting him out with us.

 

I think that's perfectly reasoable. You build up avenues with a potential friend whilse you also include your partner in it. Just from experience and completely anecdotal to your situation ( things may /will turn out differently to you) - any guy that I shared a moment with cos of circumstance, like you, and he's as excited to have met me randomly as a friend as I am ( it happens in life!!!) , well in the end they confessed sooner or later that they fancied me so... This is thinking like Granma.. but I've seen this before....

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BrianH46 Apprentice

BrianH46

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I think it's pretty sad if youre in your 20s and it is WRONG and BAD to have a male friend to hang out with.

 

Sure you can if a) you're single or b) your bf is cool with it but seeing how you seem to be avoiding the question as to whether you told him if you have a bf or not, this looks sketch.

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PhilliesFan001 Community Regular

PhilliesFan001

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I'm in a relationship and I've said from day one, I'm allowed to have male friends and my boyfriend is allowed to have female friends. I firmly believe in that. And I believe you have every right to have male friends too.

 

BUT understand the manner in which you met this guy is a little sketchy - random men on the bus aren't usually just looking for a friend. I agree with those who say to bring your boyfriend along, for two reasons: One..he's a random guy from a bus, you'd be insane to go meet him somewhere alone. Two, it would make your boyfriend feel more comfortable I'm sure, plus it would establish boundaries with this new friend.

 

I'd be a bit wary though - this guy might be awesome but typically people don't make friends on buses. Can you join clubs, get involved in community groups or meet new men/women through work?

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lalalollipops Community Regular

lalalollipops

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I think the fact you had to post a thread is telling--- you know your intentions aren't completely innocent and you're not just looking for a 'friend'

 

You should tell this 'friend' about your bf and have your bf come along. Otherwise put yourself in your bf's shoes. Would you be happy for him to go have drinks with some random chick he met on a bus without your knowledge?

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