Met someone with mental issues

[Miss Firecracker]

So I sent her an email saying I respect her decision to not see me anymore and wished her good luck with sorting her issues out. She then emails me back asking me to afternoon tea with her.....

 

She's playing a mean game. Do not play.

[SpottiOtti]

She doesn't want to see you because she's going to sort herself out, which puts her in the seat of power - she is the rejecter. Then you call her bluff and tell her "Okay, best of luck to you." She now feels that you have taken some power back. She wanted you to chase after her, but you didn't. She doesn't like that, so she wants to see if you will turn yourself around for her now. That way she can feel in control again.

 

Just my interpretation. Of the situation.

[Stabilus]

She doesn't want to see you because she's going to sort herself out, which puts her in the seat of power - she is the rejecter. Then you call her bluff and tell her "Okay, best of luck to you." She now feels that you have taken some power back. She wanted you to chase after her, but you didn't. She doesn't like that, so she wants to see if you will turn yourself around for her now. That way she can feel in control again.

 

Just my interpretation. Of the situation.

 

Yeah I dont think I gave her the reaction she expected.

 

She's gone back to being friendly and warm like she was before, might just keep her as a F buddy if she wants to play stupid games.

[SpottiOtti]

You're right to be angry that she's playing games, but being a "F" buddy would still mean you were involved with her . . .

[Unreasonable]

"F" buddy with unstable co-worker. Yeah, NOTHING could go wrong there...

[Patrick974]

Some people need medication for their whole life, others not. I don't think mental illness is such a big issue. I've read crazy stories from people without any disorder on here.

[Stay_home]

Hi,

 

I've met someone who I really like. However she has told me she suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, self worth issues and depression. She has also done self harm in the past (cutting). She sees a psychologist and is on medication. I do like her but am worried about her issues and what they could manifest into the future. Any advice or experience with similar people?

 

Been there, done that. Don't do it.

[Stabilus]

She told me her psychologist told her to break it off. Haven't seen her since yesterday and she's been on my mind the whole time. It's hurting bad. Not fair that she can be on meds and numb to it.

[nutbrownhare]

The hurt will be a temporary thing - though I appreciate that it probably feels really raw at the moment. You will look back on this on day, though, and realise you had a lucky escape.

 

I also very much doubt that her therapist told her to break it off; they're not usually directive in that way. The therapist mostly likely discussed various options with her, and she then came to that conclusion herself.

 

However, it might be useful for you to examine why you need a partner who's so clearly vulnerable and unstable; this could really help your own personal growth and enable you to make healthier choices in the future.

[Stabilus]

It gets more complicated though. She did get caught out by her bf cheating with me a few weeks ago and is still trying to tie up loose ends there, it's a complete mess. It's my own fault for getting involved and I guess now I'm just paying the price for stupid decisions.

 

I've booked an appt with a psychologist so hopefully she will help me work myself out.

[Stabilus]

I did some research on BPD. I get the feeling this could be her problem. I think I remember her saying something about having Cognitive Behaviour Therapy done. She does seem as they she could be splitting and I am being devalued but its hard to put my finger on it if you know what I mean. She never said she was diagnosed with BPD but told me she suffers from anxiety, depression, self worth issues and in the past cut which she doesnt do anymore.

 

This article hit home though link removed

 

Is she going to be dangerous in the workplace? I mean can I expect her to put me down to my colleagues etc?

[Stabilus]

So I sent her a text telling her that we cant be an option anymore because of how this all has happened. Tried calling to see if she is ok, didnt anser so i sent her a text asking if she is ok and she said no and to stop calling her unless I can fix what happended with her ex. Obviously I cant. She is now completely avoiding me in the office and I havent heard from her.

 

Can I expect this to be the end now or should I be wary of any crazy behaviour coming form her?

[pl3asehelp]

So I sent her a text telling her that we cant be an option anymore because of how this all has happened. Tried calling to see if she is ok, didnt anser so i sent her a text asking if she is ok and she said no and to stop calling her unless I can fix what happended with her ex. Obviously I cant. She is now completely avoiding me in the office and I havent heard from her.

 

Can I expect this to be the end now or should I be wary of any crazy behaviour coming form her?

 

Unpredictable is crazy's bff - expect to not know what to expect.

[Stabilus]

Went to my therapist. Asked her what she thought about the situation and she basically told me not to worry about her problems but kept the focus on me and wanted me to make my own decision about her. Well I know it's best not to pursue her so that's what I'm going to try.

 

Also recommended I read In Search of the Real Self.

[Stabilus]

Yesterday she told that she could not talk to me anymore. So today I come to work to find that she has left some cake on my desk * * * ?!?!?

[Stabilus]

Not going to eat it.

[Stabilus]

So I ended up sleeping with her again on the weekend. Then she turns around on Monday and tells me never to speak to her again.

[abitbroken]

Are you going to stay away now, even if she reapproaches you?? (please?)

[nutbrownhare]

So I ended up sleeping with her again on the weekend. Then she turns around on Monday and tells me never to speak to her again.

 

And you're surprised by this???

[Stabilus]

And you're surprised by this???

 

No I was expecting it this time. When she told me to leave her alone I just told her that I understand she is going through a very hard time, and I still care about her and that I'll always be here.

[abitbroken]

No I was expecting it this time. When she told me to leave her alone I just told her that I understand she is going through a very hard time, and I still care about her and that I'll always be here.

 

But that is something you cannot promise. You need to move on, not "always be there." Stay far away. Way far. Don't answer contact outside of work, don't initiate contact during work.If she were unattractive, you'd be talking about "running from a psycho".

 

And some folks' "very hard time" is just them doing their life and you are perceiving their situation in life to be a temporary phase when in fact it has been that way forever.

[Stabilus]

But that is something you cannot promise. You need to move on, not "always be there." Stay far away. Way far. Don't answer contact outside of work, don't initiate contact during work.If she were unattractive, you'd be talking about "running from a psycho".

 

And some folks' "very hard time" is just them doing their life and you are perceiving their situation in life to be a temporary phase when in fact it has been that way forever.

 

I said it to make her feel like im empathising with her and build trust. If she is BPD I dont want to trigger any of those abandonment issues or get into nasty fights with her.

[abitbroken]

I said it to make her feel like im empathising with her and build trust. If she is BPD I dont want to trigger any of those abandonment issues or get into nasty fights with her.

 

People don't feel abandoned if THEY leave YOU. She told you to leave her alone. It is worse when someone says they will always be there, and they are not. You have created a promise that you cannot keep, whether you transfer departments someday, meet someone , etc - you just won't be. It is not up to you to worry about how she is perceiving things or to save her - your responsibility is to do what is healthy for you. I think and this is just my personal opinion is that if you new she was unstable and you knew it wasn't working out, sleeping with her is almost taking advantage of the situation, being that you expected her to bolt.

 

Good luck, but I really hope that you stay away. And you wn't get into any of those "nasty fights' if you just leave her alone.

[Stabilus]

Well I dont understand. She tells me to keep away and then I see her looking at me all the time. I dont get it.

 

She seems to hate being ignored, maybe she's got narcissistic personality disorder, who knows.

 

I'm not that fussed about her now anyway since I slept with her again. I don't feel like i've been walked all over anymore.

[abitbroken]

Well I dont understand. She tells me to keep away and then I see her looking at me all the time. I dont get it.

 

She seems to hate being ignored, maybe she's got narcissistic personality disorder, who knows.

 

I'm not that fussed about her now anyway since I slept with her again. I don't feel like i've been walked all over anymore.

 

People are allowed to look at other people. If she tells you to keep away, then don't talk to her. It is not narcissitic to look at someone who you recently slept with from accross the room, etc. It is pretty natural. And it doesn't mean she wants to talk to you. She would be crossing the room and heading towards you if she did. So...being that you aren't fussed since you slept with her, you basically got what you wanted out of her? Is that what you mean? She can't walk over you because you got what you wanted and you showed her up?