Seraphim Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Tell your mom and save yourself this grief. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 The heart wants what the heart wants right? wait what am i saying he cheated on me. Aside from our age difference is cheating always a deal breaker? please be honest Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 tashi your trying to talk yourself into this .. yes of course cheating is a deal breaker ...when a person loves another person they are supposed to cherish and care for them , not cheat on them. your heart is fooling you into thinking you want this man because he is your first love ...however the reality is , is that you have fallen in love with a false image ..you have fallen in love with a bad person who has manipulated you. at some point you are going to have to listen to the advice given on your thread darling , because fooling yourself does not take away the fact that he is breaking the law and will go to prison over this ...which is why I suspect your won;t tell your mum ..because somewhere deep inside you know this is wrong. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 WHy would you want to be with someone who cheats? Looking back, you will wonder what the heck you were doing with this man. Believe me. It was painful to let go of the first guy I dated, but 3 boyfriends later i met the man of my dreams who loves and cherishes me. It feels worse when you are experiencing heartache for the first time. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 i know i know. but he's my first love, but i want to do whats best for me. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Love does not make anything right, it does not make the person right for you and it does not make them any less a child abuser. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 Love does not make anything right, it does not make the person right for you and it does not make them any less a child abuser. I feel like i'm letting you down because of all the things we spoke about. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 You are not letting me down honey. All your feelings are NORMAL. Completely NORMAL. The thing is HE is not normal. PLease honey tell your mom. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 You are not letting me down honey. All your feelings are NORMAL. Completely NORMAL. The thing is HE is not normal. PLease honey tell your mom. I think my mom would be mad at me too, she also will take away my laptop and i can't live without that, i'm on it all the time. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Honey your life is worth more than a laptop. I am sure she won't be that mad at you. She really has no reason. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 Honey your life is worth more than a laptop. I am sure she won't be that mad at you. She really has no reason. i beg to differ, i don't want to live in a world without my laptop. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Tashi, it has been suggested to you that you print out this thread and hand it to your mom. I think that is a good idea; why don't you do that? I think it would be the easiest way to do it and your mom would understand everything, including your feelings and fears. Believe me, she is your best friend. I know because I am a mom and I have a daughter and no one has her back like I do...Most of the women responding here are mothers, honey. We get how you feel and we can also imagine your mom's reaction, and believe me when I tell you that she will not be angry with you. You are a victim. She will get that..chi Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Tashi, it has been suggested to you that you print out this thread and hand it to your mom. I think that is a good idea; why don't you do that? I think it would be the easiest way to do it and your mom would understand everything, including your feelings and fears. Believe me, she is your best friend. I know because I am a mom and I have a daughter and no one has her back like I do...Most of the women responding here are mothers, honey. We get how you feel and we can also imagine your mom's reaction, and believe me when I tell you that she will not be angry with you. You are a victim. She will get that..chi I so agree with this. Tashi I can tell you my mother was not mad with me in the least when she found out what happened to me. All she wanted was to protect me and get me some help. My son is your age exactly. I would NEVER be angry at my son if this happened to him. Not ever. Tell your mom. Print this out and show her. This man is holding you back from a beautiful, loving and honest relationship with your mom and he is evil for that. That is how they cut you off from people and pervert a child's relationships with people who can help them by creating deep dark secrets. You should not have secrets like this from your parents, it is dangerous. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 just read this. You're son is my age? Would you say he's closer to an adult or child in maturity? I don't get people my age for some strange reason, i hang out with 16 year olds. I so agree with this. Tashi I can tell you my mother was not mad with me in the least when she found out what happened to me. All she wanted was to protect me and get me some help. My son is your age exactly. I would NEVER be angry at my son if this happened to him. Not ever. Tell your mom. Print this out and show her. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 A little off topic but do you guys have any book suggestions? i haven't read in weeks. last book was the kite runner, it made me cry. I'm more into books adult read because they interest me more, thanks in advance. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 what kind of genre interests you? Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Science fiction, comedy, horror, romance novels,mystery, young adult, etc. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 You are still trying to rationalize an illegal child abuse situation. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I've just always felt older then i was, even before i started seeing this guy. Maybe some people evolve quicker, i get mistaken for being a lot older then i am, maybe its my body trying to tell my brain something or vice versa. these are just thoughts. This has nothing to do with him though but at the same time it does. I really hate being called a child btw. You are still trying to rationalize an illegal child abuse situation. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I really hate being called a child btw. The thing is, Tashi, you are defined by law as a child as you are under 18 years of age. Anyone under 18 years of age is defined by law as a child. You probably are more mature than other kids your age, no doubt; but that does not take away from the fact that you are 14 years old in the eyes if the law. You were taken advantage of by this guy, but you seem to be somewhat in denial of that. He is going to continue his pattern of abuse with others in the future if someone does not put a stop to him. You can and should do it, Tashi. I think that you know this in your heart also for the very reason that you are mature for your age and can identify his behavior as wrong. I would like to add that I am so sorry for all the hurt and anguish this has put you through. It is really to much for anyone to bear, alone, as you are. You certainly did not deserve this nightmare! chi Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Tashi, Your mom might seem mad at first, but it is because she might just not know what to feel or is just surprised/shocked. She will be upset (sad, etc), and will feel that she needs to protect you. She may also feel she failed to protect you as a parent. After a few minutes, hours or days go by, her reaction won't be quite as raw. I was afraid to tell certain things to my mother, but was later glad I did. Your mom can help protect you and also be someone you can talk to. You CAN live without a laptop for a few days if that is her kneejerk reaction. You will get it back. BTW I also think you need counseling. I think if you spent less time on the computer and more time interacting with other young people, you would learn more about what is an appropriate relationship and how to spot someone who is trying to sweet talk you, to influence you and is wanting to hurt. Link to comment
sidehop Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I've just always felt older then i was, even before i started seeing this guy. Maybe some people evolve quicker, i get mistaken for being a lot older then i am, maybe its my body trying to tell my brain something or vice versa. these are just thoughts. This has nothing to do with him though but at the same time it does. I really hate being called a child btw. Is there a reason for the attraction with this guy or older guys in general? How is your relationship with your father? Does he exist in your life? If my daughter at your age was having any sort of relationship with a 26-year old I would do everything in my power to have him landed in jail and keep him off the street. It's very disturbing and no man even if he was 18 should be messing around with a 14-year old. In most states what he's done is considered statutory rape whether it was consented or not; if not first degree rape, it could be second/third/fourth degree assault that will still land him in jail. Naturally you'll want to defend him and the relationship you're having. But it's VERY clear you are not old enough to make that distinction and have clear boundaries someone much older who has been an adult for over nine years. These laws exist to protect minors who are still learning how the world works. I'm not doubting you're more mature than some of your friends. But at the age of 14, you cannot get a job legally, support yourself and be on your own. There's a reason why your parents exist to protect, nurture and as much as they may seem like in your way, ultimately they are the only protection you have in this world. You have to face the facts. Right now you need to really consider your actions and who you are defending. At any rate, if he has no conscience to stop dating you nor what he has done, he's about as good as any criminal. A sex offender. If those words aren't going to put you off I don't know what will. You need to talk to your parents and seek help immediately. Don't make these decisions for yourself, your parents can help you and protect you. They may get mad but what can they do? They'll only want to protect your from sexual predators like this man. I would never consider him to be your love or someone who will be with you. Talking to your parents will also not only get the protection you need but also if he's reported to the police you may be protecting other innocent children. Everyone here is trying to help you in order for you to be safe and want you to talk to your parents. Try to understand that. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I've just always felt older then i was, even before i started seeing this guy. Maybe some people evolve quicker, i get mistaken for being a lot older then i am, maybe its my body trying to tell my brain something or vice versa. these are just thoughts. This has nothing to do with him though but at the same time it does. I really hate being called a child btw. You may hate being called a child Tashi but the fact is you are. In the eyes of the law you are, in the eyes of society you are. You can not support your self and live self sufficiently so you are a child. This is why we have laws to protect you and it is why humans remain so long with their parents. It takes about 25 years for the human brain to mature. The human body matures much faster but the brain has to catch up. Tashi, like you I matured quickly. People thought I was 25 when I was 14. I had the body of an adult at 11 and I could read at a university level by grade 6. That did not make me an adult and it does not make you an adult either. Emotionally you have not caught up yet to being an adult and having a sexual relationship with an adult is going to stunt your emotional maturity even further and possibly for the rest of your life. Believe me, I know. I live it every day for the last 32 years. Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I did meet him online so i'm pretty sure she will take my laptop is she finds out. I do spend time with friends but when i'm not hanging out i'm on the computer, interacting with older people. Why do you think i need counseling? Link to comment
Tashi14 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I hate not being an adult, people don't take you seriously and you can't do what you want, maybe thats the reason i'm attracted to adults. I don't know if that makes much sense. As far as my relationship with my dad its not the best. He works A LOT so he doesn't have much time for me. I know he loves me though. I just wish he was there more but it's okay. My parents also argue, my mom thinks hes cheating. Link to comment
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