Do men really lose respect for women who have sex on a second date?

[Isabel1990]

Hello everyone!

 

I went on a first date with a guy I have been talking to for a few weeks now. I'm 21 and a senior in college. He is 27, works and studies. I feel really attracted to him, both emotionally and physically, and very comfortable in his presence. We kissed and hugged at the end of the date (single-lip kiss, no tongue). It was very romantic, very soft, and I was instantly turned-on at his touch. His scent, lips, hands, eyes. I know it sounds cheesy but really!! Luckily I regained some self-control and said good bye.

 

We are going on a second date this week. But now I really REALLY want to be with him, go beyond the kissing, you know. Can't stop thinking about it. I know that if I insinuate this to him he will be more than willing (boys will be boys), I know he's attracted to me too. But I'm afraid he will take me for granted and lose respect for me, like thinking I'm too easy and not relationship material, whatever that means. I definitely want to keep seeing him. Articles offering dating advice online all seem to converge on the importance of making men wait in order to maintain their respect and interest. I just wonder if this is really THAT important. So, guys, any insight on the veracity of such statement will be welcomed.

 

Also, I'm not a virgin but I'm not too experienced either. I've only had one boyfriend in my life, in my sophomore year. For some reason, I'm at a point where I have a really high sex drive (higher than ever before at least). But I definitely dont want to go sleeping around, or want anyone to regard me as a horny/easy/ * * * * ty girl.

 

Thank you all!

[lanaa]

do you want something serious with this guy? if yes then my advice is you should wait,guys are guys,,he will be glad at the moment but later on that might destroy your chances for a serious relationship

 

but it also depends on him,what kind of guy he is

[Hollyj]

If I really liked someone and was hoping there would be a future, I would wait. If there is any doubt in your mind, why would you compromise things? You said you have only had one boyfriend, don't you want to get to know him before hopping into bed?

 

You have plenty of time. What is the rush???

[Godless_Heathen]

Honestly, I think this works he other way around. A guy who is going to respect you is going to do so regardless of when you have sex. A guy who isn't going to respect you is going to pretend to do so until you sleep with him, and then move on, again no matter when you slept with him.

 

"Sleeping around" isn't about when you have sex. It's about whether you care about the person you are sleeping with. By that standard, a lot of guys are "easy" yet somehow don't get called on it.

[lady00]

Yep some guys sure do. I think it's a little strange that they don't lose respect for themselves as well since they are also sleeping with someone right away, but I guess some people just justify it in their heads.

[LaKings55]

I'm a dude and I prefer to wait for sex, probably longer than most women, letting the tension build. For me it accomplishes 2 things. First, do I actually want to sleep with this person after I've known them for a while, and second, it has likely saved me from std's, an unwanted pregnancy, etc. Even then, there are a couple I regret, the old once you see each other naked, there's no going back to friends thing. Hook-ups, one night stands, just not my thing. But, it depends on what you want. If you want readily available, regular sex with a guy, most guys will gladly give that to you. If you want sex with someone you care about, best to wait.

[Capricorn3]

I think if you want something more serious with this guy then it would be best to wait and not look like you are an easy lay, which he can probably get anywhere, any time (imo).

[rosephase]

Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who would judge me for doing something with me that we both want to do. That is just silly. But some guys do... they just aren't worth dating in my opinion.

[Blue Spiral]

Yep some guys sure do. I think it's a little strange that they don't lose respect for themselves as well since they are also sleeping with someone right away, but I guess some people just justify it in their heads.

 

What is there to justify?

[lanaa]

What is there to justify?

 

the fact that the woman is easy for sleeping with him early,and he is not easy for sleeping with her ?

[Moontiger]

The answer to this is the same as nearly everything else. Some men will, some men won't.

[TheVP]

Conquest is in men's genes. Coming accross easy can take away that conquest worthy impression. It's not fair, but that's genes for you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There are men with double standards who will not respect a woman who sleeps with him too soon but will think he himself is a wonderful person for being able to attract women to his bed. There are those men who won't consider dating a woman any further if she doesn't sleep with him by the second date. There are those men who prefer to wait for sex and won't want to have sex with someone too soon. The bottom line is that you can't base your actions on what a man will think or do because different men have different preferences. Your actions should be based on what YOU want to do and whether or not YOU are able to accept the outcome, whatever that may be. You could sleep with him on the second date and everything will be fine...or you could sleep with him and then never hear from him again. You could sleep with him on date 2, date 3....date 12 and eventually he will ask you to be in a relationship...or after 12 or so dates of sleeping with him you could find out that he has no interest in a relationship with you but is more than happy to continue having sex with you until he finds the woman of his dreams to have a relationship with. If you choose to sleep with him on date 2 then know that it is all about lust at this point which may or may not translate into a relationship down the road. Have no expectations from him beyond the night of passion.

[OptomisticGirl]

^ this. I had sex with my husband on the first date, first time meetin him (but we had been going out for 3 months). He didn't lose respect in me. Other men do. You can only base it on that guy.

[Flux]

I always think that I should wait, no matter how much I want to sleep with that person. I'm not a guy, but I think that letting the tension build is the whole point in dating, I've never lost respect for a girl who slept with me on the first/second date, but I know that it kind've took the *thrill* out of dating, even though I really liked the person. But, then I think everyone is different, and I can't really speak for men out there.

[22n32]

It takes 2 to tango.. he can't judge if he is doing it too..

 

But yes some guys do lose respect its even crossed my mind.. hmmm she slept with me so quickly she prob slept with others quick too.. which isn't always the case because sometimes chemistry is just stronger..

 

If u really like eachother its best to wait a little..

[Isabel1990]

If you choose to sleep with him on date 2 then know that it is all about lust at this point which may or may not translate into a relationship down the road. Have no expectations from him beyond the night of passion.

 

You're right. Deep down it is largely about lust right now, from my perspective and probably from his too if we do it. I dont know him enough or have spent enough time with him to say I love him. But I feel like I can trust him, of all the guys I've dated, I like this one a lot. Not just because of looks, I've dated far "hotter" guys. But with this one I felt like we just clicked, personality-wise. I can't stop smiling when I think about him (which is all the time) or talk to him. I know it's mere infatuation now, still I have the feeling that I will develop even stronger feelings when I know him intimately. My fear is that he will disappear after the event and I'll get hurt. But yeah, I guess ultimately it depends on the person, and the kind of man he is, not on how long we wait.

 

I might wait a little bit after all. Or I won't make the first move at least

[blueidealist24]

Unfortunately he may just think of you as a booty call after that, IMO. Maybe not, but there's enough risk to not do it, I think. You have some self control, you can at least wait for the fourth date! lol. If he really likes you he's not going to go away/lose respect if he DOESN'T get sex on the second date, so why rush it?

[Isabel1990]

You're right all of you...This is ridiculous, I should be stronger than my hormones, shame on me if I let them control my good judgment I really do like this guy so I'll wait to get to know him better.

 

I'm new to this forum/site and I love it!!! THANK YOU everyone for the kind answers!

[Blue Spiral]

the fact that the woman is easy for sleeping with him early,and he is not easy for sleeping with her ?

 

As far as I know, sex isn't like wine--it doesn't get better if you wait.

 

I personally don't rate women based on how "challenging" they are. That sort of thinking leads to men that love to chase and jump through hoops, but suck at relationships.

[OptomisticGirl]

As far as I know, sex isn't like wine--it doesn't get better if you wait.

 

I personally don't rate women based on how "challenging" they are. That sort of thinking leads to men that love to chase and jump through hoops, but suck at relationships.

 

True, but there is clearly a double standard when it comes to having sex too early. A guy goes out and bangs a bunch of women he's high fived and a king pretty much (in some groups of men, not all). If a woman did that those same men who high fived their buddy would call her names that begin with S and W, among others.

[Blue Spiral]

True, but there is clearly a double standard when it comes to having sex too early. A guy goes out and bangs a bunch of women he's high fived and a king pretty much (in some groups of men, not all). If a woman did that those same men who high fived their buddy would call her names that begin with S and W, among others.

 

As a libertine, I absolutely agree--it's ridiculously unfair and traditional.

 

Unfortunately, as this thread shows, it isn't just men that behave that way.

[OptomisticGirl]

As a libertine, I absolutely agree--it's ridiculously unfair and traditional.

 

Unfortunately, as this thread shows, it isn't just men that behave that way.

 

very true as well. I personally think everyone should stick with their 'sex' person - if your in to one night stands, date someone who is as well. If your lik eme and won't have sex unless there are emotions - find someone like that. Saves a WHOLE lot of problems...

[chr8st8na]

well to the OP...

I have been with 3 guys. The first two guys, i waited at least 3 months before I let them have me. After the chase, their interest faded. 3rd guy, I had sex with him the first date because we instantly had the sexual vibes and I needed rebound. He ended up actually treating me better than the first 2 guys and all the guys I have dated. So it really just depends on the guy. However I suggest that you shouldn't do anything you might regret later.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

As far as I know, sex isn't like wine--it doesn't get better if you wait.I personally don't rate women based on how "challenging" they are. That sort of thinking leads to men that love to chase and jump through hoops, but suck at relationships.

 

Yes, but if I remember correctly from you many posts, you are not a relationship type of person and are not interested in getting close to anyone in a relationship sort of way, so for you, sex is just physical gratification. For those who want to bond with someone, sex does get better the longer you wait because it becomes more than just the physical pleasure..it becomes about the emotional connection which enhances the experience. Sex on the second date is purely about lust and physical pleasure whereas sex between two people who have established a real bond and a strong emotional connection over time will go beyond simple physical feelings.