g12739 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Ok so I'll start from the beginning. Towards the end of September, I was out with friends, using my sister's ID, where I met my guy. He seemed quite creepy because he was so drunk haha so I gave him a fake number and left soon after with my friend. However, the next day, he added me on Facebook and we got talking and I realised he was actually a nice guy, he apologized if he was a bit weird and I gave him my real number. That weekend, I met him and we spent the next two days together. However, apparently when we first met, I told him I was 17, this didn't alarm me because I'm 16 but I was only a few weeks of 17 and I tend to just round up my age to strangers, I honestly didn't think anything of it. The problem s, he asked me again and I panicked after realising how great he was I just said I was 17. He's 20, my parents are fine with out relationship and like him alot. I planned to tell him a few weeks after we started seeing eachother, but then I found out he'd been messaging other girls, he was really, really apologetic and promised never to do anything like it again, and to be perfectly honest, I think I forgave him for the easy life, and thought things would fizzle out soon. When they didn't, I realised I was falling for him and once again planned to tell him, but then he found out he has herpes and was devastated, I realised he needed me to be there for him, not overload him with problems so I supported him and kept quiet. He was terrified of losing me and I had to reassure him I'd be there. After that drama was over, I planned to tell him again until things kicked off with my ex, he was very abusive and begun texting me quite threateningly, to be perfectly honest, I was completely selfish and needed his support, I wasterrified of losing him when I needed him and so accepted his support without telling him. After I'd begun to feel stronger, I decided to tell him again, but then my drink was spiked on a night out and I was in such a state because this guy tried to hurt me that I was in no fit state to handle the emotional turmoil I know will come with telling the truth. Now though, I'm out of excuses. I'm 17 in 2 weeks and I suppose a part of me feels that I've been with some really terrible people, and I don't want to miss out on someone as amazing as the guy I'm seeing just because I'm 6 weeks younger than I said, I also want us to have time to be a normal couple, without the drama. I think he cares about me but then again, I don't know how he'll feel when I tell him the truth. I'm thinking of telling him when I've turned 17 and I'm ready, but I'm so scared of losing him, he means alot to me already but I suppose we've only been seeing eachother for 6 weeks, I just don't want to lose him. Am I a horrible person? do you think he'll leave me? or hate me? this is the first tie I've felt truly happy in a "relationship" even though at the moment were only seeing eachother. I'm not just some stupid teenager, I know we probably wont last forever and I don't think I' in love with him or anything, I just don't want to lose him. Help me please! Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Just remember, hon. Herpes is forever, whereas this relationship most definitely won't be. Unless you're already infected yourself (which would be very sad for a 16 year old ), I'd seriously reconsider moving forward in any regard. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Sorry but where did he get the herpes from??? Just let me get this straight. He got herpes and you forgave him and stuck with him, but your afraid that he will loose his rag after finding out your six weeks younger than you said you were???? Ariel85 - This is all yours darling! Give the OP your magic advice. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Sorry but where did he get the herpes from??? Just let me get this straight. He got herpes and you forgave him and stuck with him, but your afraid that he will loose his rag after finding out your six weeks younger than you said you were???? Ariel85 - This is all yours darling! Give the OP your magic advice. Ha ha! Well, I did. If she were my sister, I'd put her in a chastity belt to keep her clean, if I had to. lol Boy, I couldn't imagine how horrible it is to carry the burden of telling a partner you have herpes as an adult of 30+. To have this with you from the tender age of 16 would be ghastly. For me, the age issue would be the last thing on my mind, as I wouldn't stick around any longer. Particularly after knowing the guy how long, two weeks? Link to comment
DN Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I think it is wise to avoid herpes if you can but let's not make this guy out to be some sort of villain because he has it. Many people do and it isn't always because they are sleeping around with multiple partners. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I completely agree with DN. However, I think if she is worried about lying about only a few weeks of her age, yet will tolerate all this after only 6 weeks of knowing someone, is a red flag and I think perhaps she needs time on her own. It has nothing to do with what he has but with how its been handled..I dont know, just feel off about it. Link to comment
g12739 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Hi again I know about the herpes, and yes it's awful and I did think seriously about it before I decided to be with him, were always safe and he was totally honest about it from the beginning. My sister caught it from a guy that raped her and she's given me some pretty sound advice, I know the herpes must appear a massive issue to everyone but let me worry about that, I really just want advice regarding whether you all think he'll leave me when I tell him the truth, thanks. Link to comment
DN Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I really just want advice regarding whether you all think he'll leave me when I tell him the truth, thanks.Tell him the truth, explain why you did it, apologise and he will probably be OK. Obviously there are no guarantees but make sure you promise not to lie about anything again. Link to comment
g12739 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 thankyou. To be perfectly honest, the herpes thing is a little terrifying but to be perfectly honest, 1 in 5 males have it and it is possible that I wont catch it as long as he takes medication and were always safe e.g. using a condom and never having sex during an outbreak. Am I being ridiculously stupid? Link to comment
DN Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 thankyou. To be perfectly honest, the herpes thing is a little terrifying but to be perfectly honest, 1 in 5 males have it and it is possible that I wont catch it as long as he takes medication and were always safe e.g. using a condom and never having sex during an outbreak. Am I being ridiculously stupid?Well, are you prepared for the consequences if you do contact herpes? It is possible that you will always be with this guy but there is no way to forecast that and you could find yourself with the disease and facing the same fears and prejudices that people with herpes have to face. Are you ready for that? Make that decision with the rational part of you and not the emotions. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Am I being ridiculously stupid? Yes. You are so, so young with so, so much life ahead of you that I really can't fathom why you'd roll the dice with this guy. I'm going to tell you something. You won't be with this man in another 2 years. You'll both have moved on since then. Not because either of you are bad people or anything like that, it's just simple odds. So is it worth risking this? Link to comment
g12739 Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I think I might go see my doctor and get some sound advice on it. My sister gave it to her boyfriend after they'd been having unprotected sex for a year, but then again, I'd never be stupid enough to have unprotected sex with him. On the other hand, his doctor told him it was fine for him to have sex as long as he's not having an outbreak, but I've read that it's always contagious. Also, the dr that examined him said that his scabs seeed "herpic like" but then again, he hasn't actually been tested for it so I don't really know :s Link to comment
DN Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I think I might go see my doctor and get some sound advice on it. My sister gave it to her boyfriend after they'd been having unprotected sex for a year, but then again, I'd never be stupid enough to have unprotected sex with him. On the other hand, his doctor told him it was fine for him to have sex as long as he's not having an outbreak, but I've read that it's always contagious. Also, the dr that examined him said that his scabs seeed "herpic like" but then again, he hasn't actually been tested for it so I don't really know :sThen he needs to get properly diagnosed and you need to get proper medical advice. Don't have sex until you are both fully informed. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Also rounding up your age is quite common except I always say, pretend I was your age, "17, I turn 17 in just a few weeks so not 16 really anymore.." etc. But now that you're actually seeing this guy, just tell him. You're basically 17 anyways. Its not like anyone asked if you were halfway through 17, just started 17, or 10 months into being 17. But the longer you leave it , the bigger a lie it is. Make sure he gets actually tested, until he does he could have herpes or not depending how obvious it could be I guess and best you learn more about it especially because you're so young. Link to comment
Madison12 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I agree with camus. There are lots of other guys around your age that you will like who DON'T have it. I'm not demonizing him either, I realize it's a fact of life and they are worthy of love also. But me? I'd pass on the herp-a-lerp risk. I'm 32 and can't imagine how hard it would be to tell every potential boyfriend that I had it. At my age there is enough I have to divulge. ;-) Link to comment
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