A guy called me ugly today and expected me to think it was okay

[Reflective]

So, I haven't seen this guy at work in awhile (blessing) and he shows up today out of nowhere. When he sees me he gives me the biggest hug. Then i think "Wow maybe he got my message about being a jerk. maybe he took it seriously." So I decided to sit out with him and talk. We talked about what we were up to, said he had a new job as a chef etc. That's great and all and for once it felt like we were friends again. Until 8 minutes later, he begins his jerk like behavior. When his buddy comes by, that's when he starts ragging on me. he says "my friends a male model." his friend says "hey, you look like you could model." I said "actually I was offered to this summer. it was weird but I said no." than my "friend" says "pfft she can't model. no short people. they won't look good in the clothes. you're too tiny to model. and you're hideous." I sat there with my mouth open. his friend said "what?!? she's gorgeous what are you talking about?" I * walked away. I just couldn't believe he said that.

 

I ignore him for the entire night. but he followed me around. whenever I left the work area, he would "bump" into me. he kept asking "why are you mad at me?" I said "you called me ugly? gee. thanks." he said "I was kidding.. you're far from ugly." I walked away. Before our shift ended, I was with my friends and I guess we all decided to take the train home together. whenever I added something to the conversation, he would act like a jerk. for example I said "I love the winter." he said "you're crazy. you really are gods worst creation." I said "um well I was born in the winter so I might as well like it." he said "I'm born in the winter too. you're just crazy." I got annoyed and ignored him. his train finally came and than he randomly says " see that? thats my signal to get away from you and that face of yours!" my friend said "wow why are you such an ass to her?" I was pissed and I walked away. I still am pissed. I just don't freaking get it. no guy has ever treated me like this. never, ever. Is this guy like 10 years old or something ? why can't he just talk to me like a normal person?I'm tred of this split personality thng

[somethngwrng]

Well, he certainly has you thinking about him a lot.

[ferna3069]

sounds like hes not mature. just ignore him and dont keep any anger in its doing more damage then its doing any good

[Miss Firecracker]

He is a psycho. Stay far away from him. I am afraid he may be dangerous.

[Betweenthebars]

Just ignore him. Literally.

 

He says hi next time, whoops! Didn't hear him.

 

He calls you fat and stupid because he doesn't like being ignored, oh gee, didn't hear him again.

[In the Dark]

One of those people who think taking the piss out of other people is funny.

One of my friends...yes friends use to do that, but me and his other friends gave back just as bad.

We would gang up on him whenever he did it.

 

But then he was known for being quite full of himself.

[dashda]

Sounds like the dude thinks that's how you do playful banter with girls. Maybe he's taken the "jerks get the girls" too literally. Tbh that's beyond being a jerk.

 

What are you really asking here? I'm surprised you still seem to want to hang with him? I wouldn't stick around someone that called me hideous and degraded me 24/7. Besides you already left him a message about being a jerk, it didn't work. Give up, he's obviously not worth it.

[DN]

I think he is highly attracted to you - no, I am not joking.

[In the Dark]

I think he is highly attracted to you - no, I am not joking.

 

Lol if this is true which it maybe, he's doing the primary school thing of beating on the girl he likes which maybe true....

[DN]

Lol if this is true which it maybe, he's doing the primary school thing of beating on the girl he likes which maybe true....

Yes, it's very childish but he's basically masking how he really feels. He probably thinks he has no chance.

[Reflective]

I think he is highly attracted to you - no, I am not joking.

 

I don't think that's true. If he is attracted to me at all why does he find any way to make fun of me? it hurts my feelings. not in the moment, but somewhere it hurts and confuses me, makes me think something is wrong with me that why do I see him act cordial with other women but with me he acts like such a mean person? I can promise you any of what was said tonight, if any of my friends that I think are much prettier than me said it he wouldn't rag on them. he wouldn't say anything most likely. but anything I say he jumps at the chance to be mean... unless we are alone.

 

I think he's a funny nice guy but this random mean act is confusing and weird. maybe I was wrong I don't understand guys as I thought I did.

[Miss Firecracker]

I can't believe a man would tell a woman she is hideous.

 

Have respect for yourself and don't ever speak to him again.

[DN]

I don't think that's true. If he is attracted to me at all why does he find any way to make fun of me? it hurts my feelings. not in the moment, but somewhere it hurts and confuses me, makes me think something is wrong with me that why do I see him act cordial with other women but with me he acts like such a mean person? I can promise you any of what was said tonight, if any of my friends that I think are much prettier than me said it he wouldn't rag on them. he wouldn't say anything most likely. but anything I say he jumps at the chance to be mean... unless we are alone.

 

I think he's a funny nice guy but this random mean act is confusing and weird. maybe I was wrong I don't understand guys as I thought I did.

I am not defending him. I am explaining what I think his motives are.

[Reflective]

I am not defending him. I am explaining what I think his motives are.

 

Okay but is that normal? Seriously, guys in like gr.7 used to make fun of me relentlessly, I found out when were 17, that the guy that was the leader of it, had a huge crush on me. he still acts like this whenever I see him. Hasn't changed.

I don't think this is normal. I don't mean to be offensive but do all guys do this kind of thing? Why do they do that? like what on earth is the purpose of bullying someone you "like".

I don't act rude to people I like. Is it easier?

[DN]

It's not normal in the sense that all men or even the majority do it. Like I said it's childish but some people revert to childlike behaviours when they feel under pressure or under some sort of emotion. It's silly but it's a way of protecting himself.

[chitown9]

I think DN is correct in his assessment of this guy; however, it is really the behavior of a grade school boy....

[Miss Firecracker]

I don't mean to be offensive but do all guys do this kind of thing?

 

Absolutely not! I have never in my entire life been talked to that way by any man. That's very weird.

[Capricorn3]

This reminds me of the movie "Love Actually". I once started a thread asking why and if people act mean when they actually like/love someone. I still don't understand it, but it seems to be a fairly common thing and I had no idea, lol.

[ParisPaulette]

My thoughts on this are that either:

a) this guy feels very threatened by you for some reason and is trying desperately to cow you and make less of you to neutralize whatever threat it is that - he - thinks you are to him. And that has nothing to do with you, it's his issue and damage since normal guys and girls do.not.do.this.type.of.thing - and not to someone they then act like should be their friend.

Or it's b) he's decided that if he's a jerk to you when everyone else is nice and tells you how attractive you are that somehow you'll pay more attention to him and end up pursuing or making more of an effort to pursue him. and then he'll wind up with you. Again this is not a normal or healthy sane way to attract a girl and no, most guys do not do this unless there is something seriously wrong with them mentally.

 

Best advice, if he dishes it out sling it back in a laughing way. I.e. he says, "You're hideous." Laugh and say, "Well obviously you're blind, and oh yeah what's that funny looking thing growing out of the middle of your face." Laugh and smile and never show him you're upset since that's what he feeds on. He'll get the point soon enough and if you keep acting like everything he says is one big, amusing joke he'll likely quit soon enough. It worked like a charm on my ex-brother-in-law who was upset that I didn't go for him after my sister dumped him. At family get-togethers (he's my niece's father so I'm stuck seeing him sometimes) he used to bag on me so bad I'd cry or get angry, which didn't stop him at all. When I did the above at first he kept doing it back, then as I kept laughing and didn't get angry or stop he got mad and yelled at me to stop being a b***h. Everyone then jumped on him for being such a poor sport who couldn't take what he dished out. Ah, the blessed silence these days from his corner of the room at family get-togethers.

[diamond78]

I think this guy likes you and doesn't know how to deal with his attraction to you. It's like he is trying to hide the fact that he is interested. When he said "I was kidding...you're far from ugly". That was his way of acknowledging the fact that he noticed you are attractive.

 

Doesn't change the fact that he is an immature jerk though.

[In the Dark]

I think this guy likes you and doesn't know how to deal with his attraction to you. It's like he is trying to hide the fact that he is interested. When he said "I was kidding...you're far from ugly". That was his way of acknowledging the fact that he noticed you are attractive.

 

Doesn't change the fact that he is an immature jerk though.

 

I think this friend of hers has been given the friend zone treatment so he is acting out in this manner to cover up what he feels.....but actually over compensating.

 

As much as us males are forced to act like we are black and white, we are just a coloured as you females

[annie24]

I agree with DN - sounds like he is really interested in you, but seems to express it like a 10 year old boy would. he hasn't learned how to flirt with a woman by teasing her gently, not like stomping all over your face like he has been. ulk!!

[DN]

I strongly disagree with Annie.

 

I think it is more like a 6 year old.

[greywolf]

I've met a couple of guys like that. They think they're funny, but they aren't. I think he's looking for a reaction from you every time he's rude. Just ignore him.

[superfox]

I think he is highly attracted to you - no, I am not joking.

TOTALLY agree!

look at the facts here, you've been asked to model so you're very attractive and other people think so too, you don't need him to prove your worth, he's pulling your pig-tails!

 

Also, my bf is exactly the same as this with me, joking about everything that isn't wrong with me. it's his humour, it would drive some people mad